Ellen Page Isn’t Helping

If you’re a fan of comedy you probably don’t know this, but SNL is still on the air. Now that’s been cleared up, here’s a skit with this weekend’s host, Ellen Page, that supposedly makes fun of all the lesbian rumors surrounding her as of late. Not that I really care. She’s 21 and looks 12. Imagining her licking on some chick doesn’t really rank that high on my list of things to do. In fact, I asked my penis what he thought about all this and he blue screened.

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Diablo Cody Wore Flats, Got Naked

Juno screenwriter, Diablo Cody, refused to wear a pair of $1 million Stuart Weitzman diamond-encrusted heels to the Oscars on Sunday night, because she felt like she was being used for free publicity. Cody writes on her MySpace blog:

They’re using me to publicize their stupid shoes and NOBODY ASKED ME. I would never consent to a lame publicity stunt at a time when I already want to hide. I’m sorry if I sound like a party-pooper, but Jeebus.”

That sounded like artistic integrity for about five minutes. Then I read what the designer, Stuart Weitzman, had to say:

This year – more so than in any previous year – the lady who was given the opportunity to wear it was quite involved in the design process. Diablo Cody sent me examples of the type of shoes she liked and actually did the final selection herself…She chose to adorn the shoes with medium-sized diamond roses from three different sizes offered to her. Why she seems to be so surprised as to the attention being paid to her and these shoes, I cannot answer.”

Man, I just don’t know who to believe. Diablo Cody used to take her clothes off for money, so you can see how that might cause some mixed signals. Paying you $20 to grind on my lap doesn’t seem to be a problem, but wearing a pair of $1 million shoes for three hours could irreparably damage your self-respect? Oh I see. Now that you put it that way.

Here’s some NSFW Diablo Cody. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing:

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More Oscar Stuff

Here’s the teeth-clenchingly annoying 29 year old, Katherine Heigl, looking like the 45 year old chain smoker she is. She smokes American Spirit, the only 100% organic tobacco cigarette, because I guess she thinks that inhaling natural smoke is better than other smoke. Here’s a hint: It’s smoke. I’m sure when the fireman tells you to crawl on your stomach it isn’t because of the additives.

Diablo Cody was hours away from winning the award for “Best Achievement in Pretentious Crap”, but it looks like she had the foresight to dress the part. My neighborhood could be under nuclear attack and I could still manage to pick out an outfit better than this.

Can’t we just all agree that Daniel Day-Lewis should win an Oscar every time he makes a movie? Instead of showing pictures of the other nominees for Best Actor in those little squares, they should have shown sock puppets. It would have basically been the same thing (no offense Johnny).

Perhaps the greatest mystery of the night was why Jessica Alba was invited to the Oscars. That’s like inviting a turtle to a dog show. Look, we’re glad you could make it and all, but please know that you will never go home with anything other than unrealistic expectations or a script that calls for your t-shirt to get wet on page 4.

Marion Cotillard is cute and likes to get naked on camera, so that automatically qualifies her for any acting award. This a little known fact about acting, but perky boobs can really bring out the emotional depth of a female character. *cough* Jessica Biel *cough*

Update: By request, some nude screencaps of Marion’s work. (Click thumbnails for larger NSFW images.)

I know looking like a dude is Tilda Swinton‘s thing, but would it kill her to pretend she has a vagina once in a while? Way to glam it up for the big night. I’m surprised her acceptance speech didn’t start with, “Attention people of Earth!”

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