Californication Is A Good Show
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If you don't watch the insanely awesome Californication, number one you're an idiot, and number two, you missed actress Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter) and her fantastic rack last night. There's so much sex in this show that after season two David Duchovny had to go to rehab for sex addiction. Unlike the time I went to rehab for my addiction to Fashion Plates. Create fashionable outfits in minutes!

Note: Hi, person in Dallas. She has bug eyes and no talent. Thanks for leaving 5 of the 7 comments so far saying the same thing. Instead of commenting again, you can just assume that your point has been duly noted. You know, five times.

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David Duchovny is Cured



I believe you can overcome a lot of things in a relationship if both parties truly want to make it work and truly love each other unquestionably. Things like jacking off to online porn when your wife and two kids are in the other room. Congrats, David! People reports:

The couple has shown a united front – and no discord – since they announced their separation last fall after Duchovny voluntarily entered rehab for sex addiction. Sources tell PEOPLE the couple remains close for the sake of their children Madeline, 10, and Kyd, 7. “Their relationship has really improved,” says a pal of Duchnovny, who stars in the Showtime series Californication. “They’re still in love. They very much care for each other and whatever happens they are working it out for the kids.”

There’s no telling what kind of magic and wonder can happen when two people are honest with each other. It takes a strong person to do that. Believe me I know. Just like that time that one chick showed up at my work with the police and the paternity test. So I ran to the bathroom and jumped out the window. Then moved away. Then changed my name. Yeah, so I’m not sure where I was going with that, so I guess I’ll just keep typing until you stop reading and click on the pictures of the chick on rollerskates with the great rack oh, I bought the most gorgeous lamps the other day are you a fan of brushed nickel? I sure am. I think they really pull the room together and say to the world that I enjoy finer things but I don’t like to show off because I want my house to be welcoming and inviting for all those that may come visit to bring me well wishes and gifts of joy and seriously dude I’ll keep this up all day so don’t make me do it because I will and then….

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David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are Done



Less than a month after David Duchovny left a treatment facility for sex addiction, representatives for the couple have announced that Duchovny and Tea Leoni have separated. Star Magazine reports:

“They have in fact been separated for several months,” a statement from the couple explains, saying they had hoped to keep the separation private for the sake of their two children – daughter Madelaine, 9, and son Kyd, 6.”

They split because Duchovny bangs everything that moves, right? Uh, that would be a “no.” The Daily Mail reports:

“It was not his ‘sexual compulsion proclivity’ that caused the break-down of their marriage, but rather his discovery of explicit text messages on her mobile phone sent by actor Billy Bob Thornton. Through the texts Duchovny found out she had begun a relationship with Oscar-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton, 53, who was formerly married to Angelina Jolie.”

Billy Bob Thorton? Really? He’s 53, what is he texting? The Denny’s dinner special, I bet.

Tea Leoni in Malibu on October 8th:

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David Duchovny is Probably Still Addicted To Sex



After staying in rehab for sexual addiction for not even two months, David Duchovny is a free man. People reports:

David Duchovny has checked out of a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, according to his lawyer, Stanton “Larry” Stein. “David is out of rehab and about to start a new movie,” Stein tells PEOPLE. “He successfully completed his treatment.”

Yeah, he should be fine. There’s nothing better to help you overcome your addictions than an enabling movie set. What could go wrong? There’s no way David Duchovny is gonna wake up in his trailer with a pair of 17 year old twins. Maybe just one. The other one is starting to get cold.

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David Duchovny Addicted to Sex, Loves Porn, Etc.



Hey, remember when they told you that David Duchovny went to rehab for sex addiction because he loved porn? Yeah, not so much. The Daily Mail reports:

David Duchovny cheated on his wife for years before finally entering a rehab clinic for sex addiction…The X Files star allegedly agreed to seek treatment after heartbroken Tea Leoni discovered his indiscretions and threatened to divorce him. ‘He said Tea gave him an ultimatum: Get treatment or our marriage is over,’ a source is quoted as telling the National Enquirer. ‘She felt it was ruining their marriage and affecting their kids.’ The actor has been married to the Deep Impact actress for 11 years, and the couple have a daughter, Madelaine West, nine, and a six-year-old son, Kyd. According to the source, Duchovny has admitted that he is compulsively driven to be unfaithful and finds it impossible to turn down the legions of women who offer themselves to him. Leoni is said to have grown suspicious of her husband’s behaviour in recent months and after questioning him on a number of occasions, the 48-year-old finally admitted that he had been cheating on her. Duchovny checked into The Meadows facility in Arizona last week and is currently completing a 35 day course.”

Whew, that sounds a lot better than jacking off to porn. At least cheating, by definition, involves another person. And that person may have included your best friend. Hey baby, why live in the past?

Duchovny’s wife:

Photos: Splash

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David Duchovny Loves Porn



Last week David Duchovny announced he had checked himself into rehab for sex addiction. Many assumed he was cheating on his wife, Tea Leoni, and some online reports claimed he was having an affair with his female tennis instructor. He wasn’t. Turns out it’s way more embarrassing. FOX News reports:

Alas, it isn’t so, says a close friend. Duchovny did not check in because of an extramarital fling. That much the friend is certain of. Even more so: Duchovny’s problem has been longstanding. His wife, Tea Leoni, was aware of it for some time. It had just reached a point where it had to be treated. I have inferred from my conversation with Duchovny’s friend that this has something to do with an addiction to pornography, probably on the Internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction, where the person is just hopelessly trapped in chat rooms.”

Seriously? You have to go to rehab for jacking off to porn? Isn’t that kinda the point of porn? Unless he was masturbating after he broke into a morgue, I’m not seeing why Tea Leoni has to be so uptight.

David and Tea with their kids at a park in July:

Photos: Splash

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David Duchovny is Addicted To Sex



David Duchovny, 48, has entered rehab for sex addiction his lawyer has confirmed. Wait, is this supposed to be a bad thing? People reports:

I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor says in an exclusive statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

David Duchovny plays a washed up writer who bangs a lot of L.A. ass on the awesome, Californication, so of course he’s a sex addict now. That’s because most actors are empty voids with no personality of their own so they think they are who they play. So if you’re listening, Hollywood, it might not be a good idea to cast David Duchovny as Jack The Ripper or a suicide bomber.

Duchovny on the set of Californication last month:

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Tea Leoni and David Duchovny are at the Beach



I’ve tried sprinkling some interesting gossip fairy dust I got from this Haitian lady on my computer, but today still sucks, so here’s Tea Leoni and David Duchovny at the beach with their kids (not included) this past weekend. They look happy and Californication is a great show, so I guess I’ll leave them alone. You know who I won’t leave alone? Kobe Bryant. One of these days he’s gonna have to face me.

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