David Beckham Is For The Ladies

I've been getting a lot of emails telling me I don't post enough "man candy", so here's my annual post for all of my readers with vaginas. So enjoy David Beckham in a suit. Suits are the female equivalent of lingerie, so I hope this helps. I can't lie, he looks pretty good. DOMA was ruled unconstitutional, so you never know what might happen. I just wrote David a letter telling him I'm a big fan, and I sprayed some of my Tom Ford cologne on it. What? Hahaha, no not like that! I just thought it would be a nice touch. I mean, if he likes the way I smell I can't help that. The heart wants what it wants. Who are you to judge? Sorry you had to read all this ignorance and intolerance, David.

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David Beckham Is A Winner

Apparently LA Galaxy beat DC United last night at home, so to celebrate, here’s David Beckham after the game. Suddenly, my opinions of soccer have changed! I went to the Dodger game yesterday but no one took their shirt off afterward. I’m beginning to feel like I got ripped off, and not just because beers were $13. Sure, Becks’ chest could be a little bigger, but hell so could mine. I’m not really here to judge.

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David Beckham’s Bulge

Wiener alert! Here are some pics of David Beckham’s Emporio Armani underwear ads (+ bonus beach pics). His hair looks oddly Hitleresque, but other than that, not too shabs! Plus, I’m pretty sure Mr. Beckham hasn’t murdered any Jews, so he’s practically a humanitarian. Suck it, Angelina!

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Victoria Beckham is Insecure




David Beckham is hotter than most of the chicks I’ve dated, so you can see how Victoria Beckham must feel knowing she looks like a leather cricket. In case you don’t know, David Beckham was scheduled to do an interview with Italian television host, Ilaria D’amico (this chick). Then Victoria typed her named into Google. The Sun says:

“The Italian media is claiming ILARIA D’AMICO was set to interview Becks tomorrow when he is officially unveiled as AC Milan’s new signing. But “at the request of the Beckham camp”, the interview has been scrapped after Posh apparently “researched Ilaria on the Internet”. Instead, Becks will be presented to the media in a standard press conference. Italian newspaper La Repubblica claims Victoria’s “jealousy” was the reason why the interview with Sky Sports presenter Ilaria was dropped.”

Since I’m committed to hard-hitting investigative journalism, I also researched Ilaria on the Internet. Who knows why Posh freaked out and cancelled the interview? Could it have been because of this? Or this? Or maybe this? I don’t really know her reasons. Although I think it has something to do with tits.

Ilaria D’Amico:

Beckhams and Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes on a dinner date together last month:

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Victoria Beckham Has Been Warned



Victoria Beckham is reportedly ready to have another child, but doctors have told her that she can’t have another C-section (it would be her 4th) or she will cause damage to her body. Herald Sun reports:

The former Spice Girl – who has three sons, 9-year-old Brooklyn, 5-year-old Romeo, and 3-year-old Cruz with husband David Beckham – is determined to have a little girl, but has been told she could damage her body if she has a fourth caesarean. “She wanted to try for a baby after the Spice Girls finished touring,” a source said. “But she’s put her plans on hold while she sees what can be done to help her. She knows she is putting her health at risk if she dismisses the advice of her doctors and has another C-section.” Doctors are concerned the 34-year-old could need an emergency hysterectomy if the op goes wrong.”

I guess “damage” is relative, because her tits look like she owed money to the mob one time and her nose, for all intents and purposes, looks like something from Charlotte’s Web. It’s safe to say that she could have this baby by squatting near an oak tree with a stick in her mouth and not look any worse.

Photos: Splash

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Victoria Beckham Wants to Be Safe



Victoria Beckham has reportedly hired extra bodyguards after a “gorgeous teenage girl” breached Toronto’s King Edward Hotel security and went into David Beckham’s bedroom. Beckham, in town with the L.A. Galaxy, told his wife who allegedly “hit the roof.”

This creepy girl was clearly determined to come face-to-face with David. “She kept saying his name over and over and acted like she knew him – even though she clearly didn’t. “It was like something out of a stalker flick. She was using her feminine wiles but everyone was worried about the intense look in her eyes.”…”It’s still not clear whether this was an attempt by the stalker girl to have a romantic liaison with David or whether she actually wanted to do him some harm. That’s why Victoria took it so seriously and that’s why it freaked her out so much.”

Yeah, whatever. David Beckham hit that. Why wouldn’t he? He could sit in the audience at the Miss Universe pageant and he still might the prettiest thing within three miles. Posh Spice looks like she was raised from the dead. I know that sort of thing is in the Bible, but it’s really not as cool as it sounds

Posh Spice working hard at the Bacara Resort a few days ago:

Source

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Victoria Beckham is Not Wanted



Victoria Beckham has reportedly pissed off the management of the famed West Hollywood hotel, Chateau Marmont, mostly because she’s an attention whore. A source says:

She always lets the paparazzi know when she’ll be arriving. The Chateau Marmont tries to give celebs their privacy, and they hate her there. They like David [Beckham, her husband], though.”

She must have leprosy too, because this also happened last Tuesday:

Britney Spears turned up at the Chateau and the only table available was the one next to Posh. But Britney didn’t want to sit next to her, so she and her friend stormed off to Il Sole instead.”

Wait, for real? The only friends Britney Spears has are cigarettes and the voices in her head, so you’d think she try to make a friend any way she could. And unless Il Sole just came out with a barbecue and marshmallow sandwich, good luck trying to convince me that Britney showed up at a restaurant and didn’t eat. Ooh look, Britney! Bacon Bits!

Posh and David out shopping a few days ago:

Source

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Tom Cruise Uses Serena Williams



Serena Williams showed up at Tom Cruise’s thinly veiled Scientology recruitment gathering which was disguised as a more absurd event to welcome Posh Spice and her husband to the United States …

This “woman” is so butt ugly, I’m confused as to why I’m supposed to be politically correct and say nice things about her because I’m white and she’s not, or whatever other stupid reasons I’m given to not point out her ugliness any time we post about her. Okay, yeah, the several pounds of makeup she’s wearing, and that zit on her chest, and the piece of double sided tape stuck on her tit, which was intended to keep her manly, saggy breasted torso from busting that shirt open are really pretty. Oh, and I love the crop dusting of gold glitter all over her which is seeping from the corners of her eyes and every hair and pore on her body. She looks like Jagermeister flavored Goldschlager.

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David Beckham is Helpful



I’ve stared at these pictures for like an hour now and I still have no idea what’s going on here. He could be finishing her off or maybe he’s pushing back in the sawdust and herbs. Or whatever it is that leather mummies are stuffed with.

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