Darren Aronofsky Might Be Natalie Portman’s Baby’s Father

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I normally don’t deal in wild speculation and conjecture, and although that’s not true, someone sent me this today. So, if you’re having a hard time believing how a dude ballerina who skips down the street got Natalie Portman pregnant, maybe this will make it a little more harder. You know, like Darren Aronofsky’s penis.

When this famous director dropped out of a high-profile project, there was some speculation that it was due to personal rather than professional reasons. He had broken up with an actress last year, and it was believed that each was taking time off from work to battle over the custody of their child/ren. What isn’t public knowledge is that their breakup was due in large part to his affair with another actress… who became pregnant with his baby. The jury is still out on whether or not any of the three will ever acknowledge the affair and/or the baby’s paternity.


First Actress:

Second Actress:

August 25, 2010 – September 15, 2010 – Natalie Portman gets inseminated at some point. Putting her due date between June 1 and June 22, 2011.

September 1, 2010: Black Swan has its world premiere as the opening film of the 67th Venice Film Festival.

November 8, 2010: Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz announced they split after 9 years, claim they had been “separated for some months“.

December 27, 2010: Natalie Portman announces that she’s pregnant and engaged. In the same press release.

March 17, 2011: Darren Aronofsky suddenly and inexplicably pulls out of The Wolverine citing production in Japan “would keep me out of the country for almost a year. I was not comfortable being away from my family for that length of time.”

June 14, 2011: Natalie Portman gives birth.

Sooo….yeah. I’m not saying any of this is true, but if you were a woman with a working vagina, would it Niagra over a brilliant, auteur filmmaker, or the guy in the corner wearing leg warmers and a leotard? I just polled several working vaginas and I didn’t even get the chance to get out the “and a leotard” part.

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Rachel Weisz Is Single

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Director Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz have split after nine years. Nine years. In Hollywood. Can somebody get these two silver plates, please? TMZ reports:

Aronofsky — who directed “The Wrestler,” “Requiem for a Dream” and “Pi” — and Weisz — who starred in “The Mummy,” “The Constant Gardner” and “The Fountain” — were together for nine years. They never married. Reps for the former couple tell TMZ, “Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky have been separated for some months. They remain close friends and are committed to raising their son together in NYC.” Sources tell us the couple will seek joint custody of their 4-year-old Henry Chance.

I’ve always thought Rachel Weisz was hot, but she’s never been on the site because she was all boring and content in her committed happiness. So hopefully that will change now since she’s 40 and a single mom who just got out of a failed relationship. I assume her self-esteem is at the point where I might have a chance. That is, of course, unless I can’t scoop her up before Amon Goeth makes her his maid. Oh, that Amon! Always up to no good!

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Darren Aronofsky is Rude

I guess when you’re the genius behind Pi, Requiem For a Dream, The Fountain, and The Wrestler, people let you get away with stuff. Stuff like flipping off somebody who is accepting an award on live television. In related news, I just threw a bottle cap away even though it said I won a free Mountain Dew! Darren Aronofsky and I are just rebels like that I guess!

P.S. Sorry about the recent site issues. Apparently our server is haunted.

Photo credit: Splash

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