Dane Cook, 45, Is Still Dating A 19-Year Old
Dane Cook, 45, Is Still Dating A 19-Year Old


Remember when Dane Cook was a thing? I apologize if you were trying to block that out, but just read what E! News wrote yesterday.

The 45-year-old funnyman and his 19-year-old girlfriend Kelsi Taylor put their love on full display when they hit up the beach during a romantic vacation to the island of Maui in Hawaii on Saturday. The lovebirds were spotted enjoying some fun in the sun and getting in some serious PDA on while on the beach.  The pair kissed, held hands and snuggled up to each other for all to see. Kelsi, who is a singer, opted for a bright orange two-piece bathing suit. Her boyfriend, who is 26 years her senior, donned gray trunks.

Whoever wrote that probably cuts themselves at night to make the voices stop. But good for Dane Cook, I guess. According to these pictures, Kelsi Taylor is super into helping charities, so maybe that’s it. Also, if you’re 45 and your girlfriend can only sit at the bar if she orders a Shirley Temple, you might want to ask her if she has an older sister.


banner pic = Instagram

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Dane Cook Got Cut

Since teenagers are mindless lemmings who believe anything they’re told is cool, “comedian” Dane Cook hosted the 2009 Teen Choice Awards. He then made a “joke” about Vanessa Hudgens’ leaked nude pics. The joke got cut from the telecast. Us reports:

Dane Cook’s on-stage joke about Vanessa Hudgens’s nude photos was cut from the televised broadcast. On Sunday, when stars gathered to tape the pre-recorded awards ceremony that aired one day later, the comedian called out the former High School Musical star’s name. “Girl, you gots to keep your clothes! Phones are for phone calls, girl,” he said, referencing her most recent topless pictures to be leaked online. The camera — which panned on her smiling face when her first mentioned the 20-year-old star — zoomed in on her less-than-pleased reaction. Fox, the network that aired the Teen Choice Awards, cut the clip from Monday’s show. After the show on Sunday, Cook told Access Hollywood that the joke was a late addition to his bit. “That’s the best part about being a comic when you go, ‘Maybe I can say the thing that everybody is kind of feeling and nobody [is saying].’ The elephant in the room moment. So, I’ll take it, I’ll take the hit. It’s okay.”

Actually, the best part about being a comic is when you go “Maybe I can say something funny”. So Dane Cook might want to try to look into that. Because, in reality, he’s probably the worst stand up comic of all time. He sucks. I sat through ten minutes of his HBO special one time and I swear I would have laughed harder if my mom was on stage getting gang raped by bears.

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Jesslinka Simpson

Pregnant Jessica Alba REALLY loves ham and cheese [Dlisted]
Alyssa Milano’s fur has been Photoshopped [Hollywood Tuna]
Nicole Kidman is still pregnant [Popsugar]
Jennifer Lopez still has too much money [Hollywood Rag]
Mary Kate Olsen’s awful plastic surgery [City Rag]
Lindsay Lohan’s clothes are stupid [Just Jared]
Nicky Hilton’s legs are disgusting (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Scarlett Johansson is auctioning herself off [Popoholic]
Coco always rocks the cameltoe (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Katherine Heigl is still annoying [Egotastic]
Lisa Marie Presley looks like shit [ASL]

Three men who’ve fucked Jessica Simpson at Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Fun Fearless Male of the Year Awards:

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Kate Hudson is on Set

Owen Wilson allegedly tried to kill himself over Kate Hudson, and if you’re Kate Hudson, that has to be a little flattering. But not as flattering as the shorts she’s wearing on the set of Bachelor No. 2. This chick is the perfect mix of cute and sexy, tight and blonde. Too bad I have to look at Dane Cook, too. Maybe I’m behind, but why is he in movies again? Is there an actor shortage in Hollywood that I don’t know about? I’d rather see a video of my blindfolded parents kneeling in front of a flag than watch this spastic idiot do his impression of acting.

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Good Link Chuck

Alba’s Ass: Now in Theaters (Good Luck Chuck) [Pajiba]
Terrence Howard might be having sex with a different slut [Dlisted]
Johnny Rotten is talking shit about Sting [Hollywood Rag]
O.J. Simpson’s Robbery Video (parody) [You Think You Can Steal My Shit?]
Jessica Simpson is still a boring tranny [Hollywood Tuna]
Christina Ricci is ready for battle [City Rag]
Charlotte Church has a baby girl [Just Jared]
Salma Hayek has a baby girl [Popsugar]
Petra Nemcova is still alive [Egotastic]
Scorsese Does Bert and Ernie [College Humor]
Monica Bellucci is topless (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Nicole Richie is still pregnant [ASL]
Ivanka Trump is still rich [Popoholic]
Kate Hudson in a robe [Drunken Stepfather]

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Jessica Alba and Dane Cook Have a Sex Tape

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Well, not really. It’s just Dane Cook raping a penguin and Jessica Alba begging for oral sex. This looks like a lot more fun that what I did this weekend. I just can’t seem to make a decent batch of lemon cookies to save my life.

The video might be NSFW:


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Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook are Dating

Supposed comedian Dane Cook and unintentional comedian Jessica Simpson are rumored to be dating again, and here’s what seems to be undeniable proof. Although it’s hard to be sure. Jessica Simpson is so retarded that she might think she’s on a date with George Washington or Han Solo. “Is it fun being president? I like bunnies and candy. Can I ride in your spaceship?” And then Dane Cook would say “A:F6” and the drunk frat boy and the nine year old who thought it was funny would laugh.

Photos via SweetKisses.net

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