Criss Angel Vs. Perez Hilton

It was douchebag vs. douchebag on Friday in Las Vegas. At the end of his Luxor magic show, Criss Angel had a special shout out:

“I have to recognize someone special here in the house,” said Angel, according to a showgoer. “Perez Hilton, please stand up.

“We have the world’s biggest douchebag asshole in the house!” Angel said.

Perez Hilton smiled broadly and said, “Thanks for the free tickets.”

There’s buzz that Angel berated the blogger after his camp saw Perez Hilton’s Twitter site, which carried real-time comments lambasting the show, including “unbelievably BAD!” and “I would rather be getting a root canal.”

Perez has, like, 600,000 Twitter followers, though for the brief period of time we were following him, he was in some sort of Jesus/Paparazzi argument with Miley Cyrus.

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Tommy Lee Talks About His Fight With Kid Rock

In an entry on his website, Tommy Lee explains in bad grammar and run-on sentences his fight with Kid Rock at the VMAs. Tommy says:

Yeah!! … I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….(“I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect”)……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….security guards… grab me and haul my ass outta the award show! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!”

Yeah. You see, besides making up insults that sound like cereal, this is exactly the reason Tommy Lee got bitch slapped. This was supposed to be some type of explanation of what happened, but most of it was just him name dropping and kissing ass. Truth is, Tommy, Kid Rock walked up to you in a room full of people and slapped you in the mouth. Nice job. Who are you dressing up as for Halloween? The Michigan Wolverines?

Everything in these pictures is gay:

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Criss Angel is Using Britney Spears

Although many have reported that Criss Angel and Britney Spears are dating, sources close to the illusionist say that he is just a “press whore” and is only hanging out with Britney to get more famous. Page Six reports:

Angel – who just signed a 10-year deal with the Luxor in Las Vegas that will net him almost $10 million a year – was “ecstatic” when his manager, Jeff Kwatinetz, asked him to meet with Spears, who was interested in using illusion in her VMA performance this Sunday. The two “hooked up the night they met” and Angel has been “using her to get press ever since,” we’re told. A Vegas spy said, “He doesn’t even really talk to her when they go out. This weekend at [club] LAX, they weren’t seated at the same table, but when the paparazzi were around he jumped in all the pictures. . . . The paparazzi all have his number.”

I totally understand, man. You have to get your face out there. And what better way to do that than to be in pictures with Britney Spears. They’ve been seen together about seven times now, so it looks like it’s working. At last count, that puts him right behind her kids but with a slight lead over the guy at the drive-thru window at Taco Bell.

LAX images via

Update: MTV confirmed today that Britney Spears (and Criss Angel) will perform at the VMAs on Sunday, and Britney will be lip-syncing that shitty Gimme More song.

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Britney Spears is Coming Back

Britney Spears has been making a comeback for like three years now, and finally, our prayers have been answered. She’s going to be the opening act for this year’s MTV Video Music Awards. US Magazine says:

Of primary importance: her collaboration with Criss Angel on an opening act for MTV’s Video Music Awards, which she reportedly presented to network reps on August 27. “She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” says a Spears insider, who adds that the goal is to make it “shocking.” One early idea that was canned? Performing “My Prerogative” amid a medley of hits, as images of exes Justin Timberlake, 26, and Kevin Federline, 29, and other gossip fodder flashed on a screen behind her.”

Oh yeah, baby! I can’t wait, because no matter how long they plan this, it’s still going to end up being the dumbest thing you have ever seen on television. Criss Angel is basically Harry Potter with eyeliner and Britney Spears is a retard, so she should consider it a success if she’s able keep her wig on and doesn’t have to use her inhaler.

Larger versions of Britney forgetting her pants and her other blue contact lens:

Images via

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Criss Angel is Smooth

After having sex with her the first night he met her, sources say that Criss Angel is just using Britney Spears to promote their upcoming performance at the VMAs. The pair met on August 15 and spent the night together twice in the span of two days. US reports:

He’s got a different chick in his bed every night, but he knows the power of hooking up with famous, beautiful girls like Cameron and Britney,” says an Angel pal. Is it magic? Possibly. “Criss is a magician – he knows how to do low-level hypnotism. If he ran into Britney Spears, I’m sure it was like shooting fish in a barrel,” says the friend, who doubts that the magician is in it for the long haul. “He’ll charm her for a couple weeks, get bored and drop her, probably after the VMAs.”

Oh, so that’s what it takes to have sex with Britney Spears? Magic and hypnosis? I thought it only took a low gag reflex and a round of shots.

The “beautiful” Cameron Diaz:

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Nicole Richie is jealous [Popsugar]
Angelina Jolie‘s baby picture [City Rag]
Mandy Moore is Photoshopped [Popoholic]
Where’s Jenna Jameson‘s Baby Huey? [Dlisted]
Jordan (Katie Price) likes a shaved butt [Hollywood Rag]
Mena Suvari is bald at the beach [Hollywood Tuna]
More of Anne Hathaway on vacation [Egotastic]
Uncle Kracker forces sex [ASL]
Elisha Cuthbert grows gorilla shoulders [Just Jared]
Hayden Panettiere gets a ticket (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
In case you missed it: Britney Spears flashes her ass (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]

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Britney Spears Probably Had Sex With Criss Angel

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Britney Spears and Criss Angel met at Cravings restaurant in Los Angeles last night, then they went out and partied and ended up at the Tower-Beverly Hills hotel at 4 a.m. this morning. Everything about this is gross. Criss Angel has the worst taste in everything, especially women, and Britney Spears has the lowest standards ever. If Britney’s standards get any lower, she’ll be married to a bucket of mud by the end of the year. No, mud is too classy for her. Just the bucket. Unless, of course, this is some brilliant plan of Criss Angel’s to make Britney Spears disappear forever, then I’m sorry for insulting him.

But not really… I saw Criss Angel at McCarran airport in Vegas a few months ago and he was really short, greasy, and painfully ugly. He was also wearing more necklaces than June Bug in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.

Source/Photo via

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Lindsay Lohan and Criss Angel are Dating

Fresh out of rehab, Lindsay Lohan is continuing her quest to screw every living male on earth.

Lindsay Lohan has been spotted enjoying a romantic evening with Cameron Diaz’s alleged ex-lover Criss Angel. The ‘Mean Girls’ star was seen holding hands with the 39-year-old magician at Las Vegas nightclub Pure on Saturday before the pair left together at 5am. Onlookers claim the pair then went back to Lohan’s hotel suite.”

Criss Angel is basically Harry Potter with eyeliner and too much jewelry, so it’s easy to imagine why he’d jump at the chance to hit this. He was married to this. Then he dated Cameron Diaz. Now he’s banging Lindsay Lohan. Jesus, this guy can levitate across buildings, you’d think he could at least turn a phone book or a puppy into Adriana Lima.

Lindsay Lohan and Criss Angel at Pure in Las Vegas on Saturday:


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Cameron Diaz is a Homewrecker

Cameron Diaz is scheduled to be subpoenaed and made to testify about her romance with illusionist Criss Angel after his wife of five years, Joanne Sarantakos, accused Diaz of having an affair with her husband. Criss Angel (Chris Sarantakos) and Cameron Diaz have made no real effort to keep their relationship private. Angel and Joanne Sarantakos were together for 15 years. New York Post reports:

We’re naming Cameron Diaz as his lover,” [Celebrity lawyer Dominic] Barbara told the court. “We will subpoena her as soon as she comes back to New York.” Later, he said he’d had Angel tailed by a private investigator for six months. Angel’s lawyer, Elliot Weiner, did not deny the adultery allegation. Cameron Diaz’s flack did not return phone calls and e-mails. Barbara also said that Angel continued to have an “abusive” relationship with his wife, 37, and refused to give her a cent – despite the fact he made $7 million last year and has just signed a $200 million contract with a Vegas casino. “He’s not paying her support, which is tragic – considering his worth,” said Barbara. He said that Angel, 39, promised his wife he would send her a $7,000 check for household expenses but it never arrived.”

I’ve seen Criss Angel’s wife and she doesn’t look like she has fur or breathes fire, so I’m a little confused as to why he thought this was an upgrade. This guy can make an elephant disappear, he couldn’t pull something other than Cameron Diaz? Send her back in time 500 years and the angry townsfolk would have dogs tracking her scent back to her cave.

Cameron in Hawaii earlier this month:

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