I’m Combining Farrah Abraham And Courtney Stodden Today
I’m Combining Farrah Abraham And Courtney Stodden Today

 

Courtney Stodden seems to have fully recovered from that baby she miscarried or completely made up, because she made a creepy ass Christmas song called Mistletoe Bikini. Here’s the video. Or you can look at her sex tape instead. Both look like they were made for $20. Which is a good segue to those Farrah Abraham pics at a Christmas party below this video. I was going to do these as two separate posts, but I don’t want to reward this kind of ratchet behavior.

 

 

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Courtney Stodden Seems Totally Fine

In May, Courtney Stodden announced she was pregnant. Then wanted us to know that she suffered from pregnant depression with five hashtags on Instagram. Then she said if she had a boy she would turn it gay because that’s how being gay works if you’re Courtney Stodden. I guess the baby read all this and decided this was narrative it didn’t ask to be part of, so last month Courtney Stodden announced she had a “miscarriage”. Flash forward to this weekend. Hey, people handle grief differently. Maybe she’ll announce she’s pregnant with Harambe’s frozen sperm next, since the last pregnancy did’t do much for her brand. 

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Courtney Stodden Has This Pregnancy Thing All Figured Out, Guys

Much like when a drug addict wins the lottery or when a racist gets a badge, not much really changes except access to do what you love the most. And Courtney Stodden being pregnant won’t really stop Courtney Stodden from Courtney Stodden-ing. WENN says these pics are, “Pregnant Courtney Stodden shops with a friend in Beverly Hills”, but it might as well say, “Pregnant Courtney Stodden walks to her featured dancer job”. Just imagine all the money she’ll by not having to pay college when the kid realizes suicide by cop is probably for the best.


Like, what’s all this about?

 

Happy 4th of July weekend from me and Baby #4thofjuly #pregnant

A photo posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on

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Courtney Stodden Says Her Baby Will Be Gay If It’s A Boy
Courtney Stodden Says Her Baby Will Be Gay If It’s A Boy


Unlike guns, I don’t think Courtney Stodden (NSFW) being dumb has ever really been up for debate. She’s reportedly 8 weeks pregnant, and since that time, we’ve learned that her baby makes her depressed. But all that will change if she has a boy, because he will be fabulouuuussssss.

Courtney Stodden doesn’t know the sex of her baby yet. But that won’t stop her from shopping for newborn girl outfits. “If it’s a boy I am going to dress him up in tutus,” she told Us Weekly on Tuesday, June 7, at a PETA event in L.A. “I know I am going to spoil my baby rotten. I’m going to be a fun mom. I always say I am going to have a girl regardless, and if it’s a boy he’ll be gay!

I could talk for a while about how Courtney Stodden’s seemingly pro-gay statement furthers the narrative that homosexuality is a choice and that gay kids run around in tutus, but I won’t. Let’s just hope the kid does turn out gay, so when the FBI finally traces the tutu that the latest skinned prostitute was dressed in postmortem back to the manufacturer, they won’t come looking for him. 



Courtney Stodden at the Future Serial Killer Pride Parade:



[  banner pic via Instagram  ] 

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Courtney Stodden Has Pregnant Depression
 

When does this end? #firsttrimester #baby #pregnant #morningsickness #notjustinthemornings

A photo posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on



When I read that Courtney Stodden said she was pregnant, I didn’t cover it because I thought that’s just what people like Courtney Stodden say. Is that bad? Turns out she is pregnant, and is suffering from actual depression or prenatal depression or she Googled both and wanted to see if she could combine them. Let’s just say “depression”. 

“I suffer from depression,” the expectant reality star tells Us Weekly. And her symptoms have worsened since her pregnancy began. “My depression affects my appetite, sleeping patterns and overall perspective on life,” Stodden tell Us. “At times, I have severe insomnia and other times I find myself sleeping too much. I have feelings of hopelessness but experience many moments of absolute euphoria.”

I feel like if I was pregnant and suffered from depression, I wouldn’t pose for a bathroom pic then fight off my hopelessness to add five hashtags. But I guess we all handle things differently. I wouldn’t do it because those pictures would probably be worth some money since I’d be a pregnant dude. I’m trying to get paid. 


What does depression look like? Not Courtney Stodden two months ago. 


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Courtney Stodden Actually Looks Like This



Ok. Courtney Stodden put this special effects free pic up on Instagram and said something about being brave. I totally get how hard it is being a woman in this world and dealing with the same ridiculous bullshit everyday that your grandma’s grandma did, so maybe makeup exists so it’s not entirely bad for you. You can keep it on all the time if you want. Nobody will fault you for it. It’s cool because with makeup Courtney Stodden can say she’s 21 some people might believe it. It’s weird how there aren’t more women spy movies due what you’d assume would be low production costs. 

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Courtney Stodden Says She Was ‘Half A Virgin’ When She Married Doug Hutchinson
Courtney Stodden Says She Was ‘Half A Virgin’ When She Married Doug Hutchinson


Back in 2011, Courtney Stodden said she was a virgin when she married Doug Hutchinson. I guess she wasn’t technically lying. 

In the latest TMI celebrity news, Courtney Stodden has revealed she was “half a virgin” when she married Doug Hutchinson. The 21-year-old overshared the titbit of information when former reality star Heidi Montag quizzed her on her sex life with her husband Doug Hutchinson. Courtney was just 16 when she married the 50-year-old actor, and claimed she was “half a virgin” when she met Doug.

Courtney Stodden seems to have a thing for old dudes (sup, Bernie Sanders) and sex tapes, but she doesn’t really seem to have a thing for telling the truth. “Half a virgin”? There’s only three ways you can go with that and a brief look at Courtney Stodden doesn’t make any of those options sound pleasant. 


[  pics source  ] [  h/t ONTD  ]

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Maybe Courtney Stodden Can Count As One Of Bernie Sanders’ Superdelegates
Maybe Courtney Stodden Can Count As One Of Bernie Sanders’ Superdelegates


I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but it looks like Courtney Stodden is a Bernie Sanders supporter. Or she’s “feeling the bern”. Whatever that means. That’s kind of a dumb slogan, no? Sounds like you have to take medication and apply an ointment of some sort. Wait, this makes sense now. Carry on, Courtney. 


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It’s Courtney Stodden Without Makeup
 

Feeling like a little kid tonight. Bored & pouty! #nomakeup #selfie

A photo posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on


You know when Muslim dudes throw acid in chicks’ faces because they thought about driving or whatever? Courtney Stodden probably should have went went that.


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Courtney Stodden Is Pretending To Be Pregnant
Courtney Stodden Is Pretending To Be Pregnant


She tried the sex tape, that didn’t work. So there’s isn’t much Courtney Stodden can do now to make people remember who she is besides sucking off a horse on stage at the next Presidential debate, so she has to call the paparazzi to take pictures of her buying a pregnancy test. Of course she’s not really pregnant, because if she was, her husband’s dick would have had a GoPro on it and we would have seen it on Vimeo by now.


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