Coco Is Pregnant

I thought Khloe Kardashian would have the fattest ass on the site today. I was mistaken. We were all mistaken. Coco is pregnant.

That’s going to be one pretty cool baby! Rapper and Law & Order: SVU star Ice T and his wife of 14 years, Nicole “Coco” Austin, confirmed her pregnancy on Monday, July 27, and the couple is over the moon to have their big secret out in the open. “I’ve been pregnant for a while, but we’ve been holding it between us for some time,” mom-to-be Coco, 36, told New York City’s Fox 5 news in a phone interview after they shared their happy news on Twitter.

I guess it a few months we can add “Coco’s ass” to the list of things aliens will be able to see out the window before they land. Hopefully they’ll be into that kind of thing and be pretty chill when park and get out.

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Yeah, So This Is Coco
Yeah, So This Is Coco

 

So, Ice T's wife Coco posted this on Instagram for women everywhere to get in touch with their inner whore by doing something called "Power Moves". Rubbing your ass on a pole apparently promotes empowerment, toning, self-confidence, and sensuality. In the caption, she says "pole fitness is an art form!" Oh, I agree. But not in the way she means. That aside, send your prayers to the guy who had to wipe down this pole after this picture was taken. This is one of the reasons why agree we should raise the minimum wage in this country. Write your congressman.

 

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All Hail Coco- Queen Of Sluts

Thankfully Twitter was created so people like Coco can achieve their daily attention-whoregasm without having to call the paparazzi.

I’ve excepted that I’m the “Twitter Pic” and “Thong Thursday” Queen! Whats the world come too!U like? http://plixi.com/p/47978964

Seeing as Halloween is right around the corner and Coco’s ass looks like it just set the record for largest pumpkin at the county fair, it’s only fitting if someone guts her, carves a toothy grin, and sticks a tea light in her. And this year instead of candy, I’ll be buying her a dictionary. “I’ve excepted“? and “what’s this world come too“? Really??

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Coco Is Subtle

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You can see Coco’s ass from Google Earth, so it’s unclear why she would stick her…wait for it…comically oversized ass directly in front of a camera and take a picture. Oh, I know. It’s Coco. She honestly believes she has the greatest ass in the world, although there’s a good chance Eskimos could use it for fuel. Sorry if it makes me gay for not wanting to hit this, but I shouldn’t have to be Inspector Gadget to get my dick past the ten inches of ass cheek. Plus, I’m convinced her ass is like some ghetto Stargate, where if I had sex with it, I’d be transported to some Detroit version of Pandora where I’d have to compete in a step show to save a tree that gives out payday loans.

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Hey, Guess What?

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Yesterday was a day that ended in “Y”, so that means Coco tweeted a picture of her ass again. This time in a thong. A thong that I assume was once used to lower supplies to trapped coal miners or for midget bungee jumping. I hate to tell Coco how to use her celebrity, but if ESPN ever has an elephant hogtying competition, maybe Coco could donate some stuff she doesn’t wear anymore.

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Coco Will Not Stop. Ever.

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Fifteen minutes ago, in her race to put as many pics of her enormous ass online, Coco posted this pic on her Twitter.

Booty short candid shot! In hotel room getting ready for Prince Albert’s Party at the Monaco Palace.

I bet Prince Albert is singing around a table into a hairbrush because he’s so giddy that this level of class is coming to his party. Is her job to pass out the Black & Milds? I don’t get it. Or maybe they’re having some kind of reenactment and reanimated WWII soldiers have to fight their way over her ass to take a bunker. Whatever it is, it can’t be good.

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Coco Is Relentless

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Coco will not stop until you see every plastic piece of her from every possible angle, so as you might have imagined, she posted more pics of herself on Twitter. The pic below is supposed to be her sister, but I’m not really sure. I mean, are they twins or is she just the discontinued model?

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