Cindy Crawford may be 47 here at the 66th Cannes Film Festival, but trust me when I say this: I'd hit like a drone over a hospital in Aghanistan. I don't even know how many of you knew you were conscious in the 90's, so if you getting your diaper changed then, I apologize. Because Cindy Crawford used to look like THIS. I just talked to my penis and that's how he chooses to remember her.
I have no idea what Cindy Crawford is doing in the April issue of Allure, but it’s pretty obvious the photographer was wearing a lavender silk scarf, a monocle, and smoking his Benson & Hedges through a gold cigarette holder while he tickled the teenage Latin boy in the cutoff jeans shorts and mesh tube top. I don’t want to tell anyone how to do their job, but if you want me to jerk off, you’d gonna have to think of something better than a piece of bread and a robot who brushes teeth. Like tan lines, for example.
Oh, so that’s where hipsters come from. I would have thought a horse’s ass, but this is pretty close.
Carmen Electra might be addicted to sex toys. Also reported: She’s not even trying to hide that hideous bra. [Hollywood Tuna]
Lily Allen: “I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work…But we never hear that side of the story.” [I’m Not Obsessed]
Real World: Brooklyn vs. real world Brooklyn [Complex]
Cameron Diaz nipple-slips? Why not? [City Rag]
Busted-looking star of the day: Debra Messing. [Celebslam]
Cindy Crawford doesn’t let her daughter watch Hanna Montana because it makes her a little bitch. [Celebitchy]
The race to see which celebrity has the best Halloween costume officially began last night when Cindy Crawford showed up to a party dressed as Amy Winehouse. Heidi Klum usually owns Halloween, but Cindy Crawford is far and away the early winner. Especially since she gets extra points for making me say “Amy Winehouse” and “oral sex” in the same sentence.
And here’s Amy Winehouse on her way to the hospital on Saturday where she’s reportedly being treated for a chest infection:
Pictured: Cindy Crawford topless in Italy with her husband and George Clooney.
Not pictured: The threesome you had with your hand and a Fleshlight last night.
Cindy Crawford was in St. Tropez this weekend, and yes, she’s still hot. And yes, she’s 42. So, why don’t all 42 year old chicks look like this? I bet it would really help with global warming and feeding the children. I’m not really sure how exactly, but people usually go along with stuff if you say it’s for the environment and the children. I don’t know, they just do. What I’m, a doctor? I’m sorry if you believed that last night, baby.
Pedophile, R. Kelly, is finally going to court [Dlisted]
Kanye West is still whiter than most “wiggers” [Hollywood Rag]
Kevin Smith is still not funny [College Humor]
Heidi Klum is “normal,” and hot [Popsugar]
Heidi Klum is hotter than Marisa Miller [Hollywood Tuna]
Scarlett Johansson does Luis Vuitton [Egotastic]
Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes are assholes [City Rag]
Rihanna is lame [Just Jared]
Bobby Brown is is helping make Americans look dumb [ASL]
Heidi Klum is still hotter than Marisa Miller [Popoholic]
T.A.T.U. pseudo-lesbian’s upskirt (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Ashley Tisdale poses for a photo-op (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Superbad trailer: R-rated version [Horny Oyster]
I distinctly remember a time when I would’ve shot my parents in the face for a chance to go down on Cindy Crawford, so it’s kinda depressing seeing her now that she’s 41. She looks nothing like the picture I had in my wallet. In fact, nothing in these pictures is how I imagined it back in 1993. That yacht doesn’t look like my dorm room. Cindy doesn’t look like she’s wearing stilettos and a cop hat. And I bet that yacht doesn’t even have H-Town’s “Knocking Da Boots” on repeat. Frankly, I don’t even know why I even bothered to look at these.
These are NSFW: