The 65th Emmy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my headline clearly points out, the 65th Emmys were last night. Here are some winners you may care about. And if you're don't punch your nearest coworker over the fact that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul were robbed, I say unto you: Get away from me you workers of lawlessness. I never knew you.

 

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Breaking Bad, AMC

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Modern Family, ABC

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Claire Danes, Homeland, Showtime

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom, HBO

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad, AMC

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Tony Hale, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie, Showtime

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Christina Hendricks Is Playing A Stripper

So this is happening. Empire Online reports:

Trading Mad Men for bereaved women, Christina Hendricks is the latest addition to the cast of Gilles Paquet-Brenner's Dark Places. She joins Charlize Theron, Chloe Moretz, Corey Stoll, Andrea Roth and Nicholas Hoult, in the thriller based on Gillian Flynn's bestselling thriller.

Book and film are about Libby Day (Theron) whose family was murdered when she was a young girl. At the time she accused her brother (Stoll), even testifying against him in court, but 25 years later the facts suddenly don't seem so clear. Approached by Hoult's vigilante sleuths the Kill Club, she's forced to reevaluate her original version of events.

Hendricks is playing Krissi Cates, a down-on-her-luck stripper who also has a history of accusing Stoll's character of misdeeds, and is harbouring a secret about what really happened to the Day clan.

Has there ever been an up-on-her-luck on stripper? I want to see that movie. Anyway before you inseminate your keyboard, please understand that Christina Hendricks will be playing a stripper much in the same way Jennifer Aniston would play a stripper. All the trailers will show you Hendricks grinding on a pole in a bra then when you see the movie, you'll find out that the scene is only 20 seconds longer and that's the techical "stripper"part. The rest is here in walking around in runny mascara trying to reconnect with her dad or get her kid out of protective services because all screenplay strippers spend all their money on blow and don't have enough left over for Lunchables and Hot Pockets for the kids.

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See If You Can Find Christina Hendricks

If you squint really hard, you can tell that floating red dress is Christina Hendricks walking to some private house party this weekend. Huge boobs aside, she's just a fat, pale mess who dyes her hair red. Probably some dude got an erection while seeing this, but I'm pretty sure at least one person called SyFy to report a ghost sighting.

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Christina Hendricks Gets Mad When You Call Her “Full-Figured”



While Christina Hendricks was in Australia, she sat down for an interview with Sydney’s Sun-Herald fashion editor Kate Waterhouse/ Then got stuck in the chair. Probably. I’m just speculating. E! News reports:

Waterhouse asked, “You have been an inspiration as a full-figured woman. What is the most inspiring story that you can remember where you’ve inspired someone?” A flustered Hendricks giggles and then responds with, “Um, I don’t know…I’m sorry,” and looks to what we’re guessing is her publicist who asked the interviewer to rephrase the question—but she failed. “You’ve been known as an inspiration for women as being a full-figure…” Waterhouse started, before the actress quickly pointed out, “I mean, you just said it again.” The duo scrapped that question (thankfully) and resumed to talk about Hendrick’s event that was going on in Australia, but the star reportedly later said backstage when cameras weren’t rolling, “I think calling me full-figured is just rude.”

Jesus. If Christina Hendricks isn’t fat or full-figured, then what is she exactly? She looks like she’s baking bread under her arm, but can’t even play along with the fat agenda when an interviewer calls her an “inspiration”. So what exactly does she what to be called? Curvy? Voluptuous? If so, maybe she should just be interviewed by skinny black guys.

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Christina Hendricks Turned 37 Yesterday



Mad Men star and “real woman” idol, Christina Hendricks and her BMI turned 37 today and I’d like to take this time to wish her a words words boobs boobs boobs more words boobs stop reading and look at her boobs words more words wordy word words boobs what are you gay boobs click the boob pics words words this is getting old here words words boobs boobs massive boobs boobs okay I’m done.

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Christina Hendricks Is Leaked




At this point, all actresses should get an app on their phones that modifies behavior through the use of shock stimulus training whenever they have a few glasses of wine. Or just take the pics and post them online themselves. That being said CHRISTINA HENDRICKS ALLEGEDLY TOPLESS!! Happy Monday, everyone! TMZ reports:

Christina’s rep tells TMZ, the “Mad Men” star’s phone WAS indeed hacked recently … and multiple self-shots were stolen — including several showing a busty Hendricks barely dressed, without make-up, presumably at home. But the rep insists, the one topless picture — purportedly showing the actress’ bare ample bosom — is NOT Christina. It’s an impostor. Christina’s rep tells TMZ, she doesn’t know who hacked her phone — but the proper authorities have been notified and an investigation is underway.

THIS (NSFW) is the pic that Hendricks and her reps say isn’t her, but you can draw your own conclusions. Every other pic is her, but that one isn’t. Okay. I’m just more concerned why she’s taking topless pics of herself yet she’s been married for two years. Who is she sending these to? Her husband? If so, why isn’t she wearing sweatpants and a Biore nose strip? What more evidence do you need that Hendricks is a huge slut, people? Free birth control?

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Christina Hendricks Does Cosmo



Christina Hendricks and her massive and secured with bungee cords tits are on the cover of the March issue of Cosmopolitan where inside we learn how she “chased her man and caught him”. I assume they mean that figuratively.

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Christina Hendricks Is Whoring For Scotch



I realize homosexuals (“Straight guys think she’s fat, so I think she’s fab!”) and women (“I’m just as big as she is, that means I’m sexy too!”) love Christina Hendricks, but she’s just a soulless ginger with a busted face, jagged teeth, and well-placed fat deposits who lives in a time where technological advancements such as Spanx and corsets infused with Adamantium have helped her become a sex symbol. I guess what I’m saying is that she’s not attractive. “But Todd, Todd, she has huge tits!” Aretha Franklin has huge tits, too. Why don’t you go fuck her? No? Racist.

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Christina Hendricks Is Doing It Wrong



I assume she lost a bet or got dared, because Christina Hendricks showed up to the Club Tacori 2011 event in West Hollywood in all black without her massive rack hanging out forcing people to look at her face. C’mon, man. Nobody wants to see that.

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“Can You See My Boobs? I Want To Make Sure Everybody Sees My Boobs.”



I know you’re gonna find this hard to believe, but Chrsitina Hendricks showed up to the Emmys last night in a dress to show off her gigantic rack to get you disoriented and make you forget what the rest looks like. And who had the idea to make a deathly pale ginger pose in front of white and gold background? Is she supposed to be stunning or camouflaged?

Note: Being a woman automatically means you have self-esteem and body issues, but please keep in mind this is her husband. He must have tied a Twinkie to a string and made her chase it. Then he saved her life when she swallowed the ring he stuffed inside. Then he proposed. Then she finished the Twinkie. It’s a pretty touching story when you really think about it.

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