Unlike the war on Christmas or the war on Christians, the war on Chrissy Teigen’s nipple is a real thing. So to fight back, she posted another topless photo but covered up the nipple. Because that’s okay. Whole boob without nipple? Cool. Whole boob with nipple? I pray that God doesn’t bring his wrath down upon our nation.
W Magazine had Chrissy Teigen in for a topless photoshoot, and when she posted the pic on Instagram, Instagram immediately lost their shit. It’s been deleted four times since, because if anything is a danger to America, it’s a nipple. Look, if we weren’t so sacred of nipples, maybe Bristol Palin would have a better understanding of how people get pregnant and maybe Josh Duggar could inappropriately touch himself to this, instead of a 5-year old (Sorry, Chrissy). Also, actual songs have been written about Chrissy Teigen’s nipples. I think that should pretty much void any Instagram policy.
Hey, look! Here’s some people who also attended the Grammys last night. You might know some of these people, or you might now. My only real criteria for choosing these pictures was “titties”. I know 2014 was about the ass and all that, but I’m in Atlanta so I see enough of that.
Vivica A. Fox has some dinner plates (NSFW) Taxi Driver Movie
Ashton Kutcher made Mila Kunis join Tinder Dlisted
I linked this for the title Egotastic!
JWoww has more gigantic boobs now Celebslam
Bobbi Kristina isn’t even dead and they’re fighting over her money The Superficial
Adriana Lima is still hot Hollywood Tuna
WTF is this Drunken Stepfather
Taylor Swift’s legs. Yes, please Popoholic
Hey, did you see the Saved By The Bell reunion (minus Screech) on Jimmy Fallon last night? Good times, good times.
Yesterday in Canada, a gunman shot and killed a corporal at the National War Memorial in Ottawa then walked into some parliament building where he fired off more shots before getting shot and killed himself. When I first saw “active shooter” in my feed, I pretty much assumed it was in America, then I was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was in Canada because 100 people probably just got shot in America while I was typing this sentence. Long story short, Chrissy Teigen tweeted this then people went apeshit.
People are calling this “controversial” and in “bad taste”, but if you want to call the truth those things, then you’re probably planning to take your 9-year old to an Uzi range this week. I won’t even get into the irony of a person receiving death threats over a tweet that fucking nails the gun problem we have in America, but again, this is America. Despite having every known advantage in the known world, and some of the greatest minds and technological advances in the history of mankind, we all live in a place where the majority of the people think that a tool as crude as a gun still has a place in society. For most part Americans are paranoid, are unable to see that the powers who control our government and media have us fighting over who paid more for the water hose as we watch our neighborhood burn to the ground then shock us with the docility stick with the McDonald’s Dollar Menu and the season premiere of The Walking Dead. At what point do things you see happen every single day stop becoming “tragedies”? At what point do I start posting more boobs on the site? This are both great questions to ponder.
Amanda Bynes’s check brain light has been on for a while now, and instead of going in to get it checked out, her parents and the legal system have ignored it and just hoped it would go away. In fact, not many people have offered to help, because seeing people disintegrate and implode into insanity is one of America’s favorite pastimes. However, Chrissy Teigen wishes she could help out, but Amanda Bynes thinks she’s fat and Amanda doesn’t like fat people I think. And I don’t think Chrissy has her number. We should look into that.
“Amanda and I are the same age so I grew up watching her and really looking up to her and for me, to see this path that’s happening and to watch it, is kind of really affecting me in ways that I didn’t think it would,” she told E! News at Variety’s Power of Women event. “It’s weird to be in a situation where you can’t help.” Teigen said that she really just wants to see Bynes living a healthier and better life. “I obviously don’t know her at all but I want to bring her back and I want to make her happy and healthy for some reason and she’s not there and we can’t do anything to help so it kind of sucks,” she explained. “All we’re doing is hurting it.”
Not sure why this isn’t obvious to everyone, but Chrissy is an awesome human being, and awesome human beings try to help out when they can even when the people they want to help call them fat. E! was really on board with this plan, and have decided to use their immense power and influence in the entertainment industry to help Chrissy achieve this goal. No, I meant they brushed over the subject briefly because it’s topical then asked Chrissy what she eats before an event while Ryan Seacrest offered Kendall’s unborn baby a developmental deal.
My daily Gchat with Fish was interrupted with “holy hell that Chrissy Teigen Esquire shoot”, then I immediately Googled “Chrissy Teigen Esquire” and holy hell. Not sure why we would want to see Chrissy Teigen doing yard work, but she looks fantastic. Even though I haven’t seen every shoot she’s done, this is the best shoot she’s ever done. I realize people like to hate on her for some reason, but it’s obvious she’s the perfect woman. Hot, smart, hilariously funny, 50% chance she’s drunk at all times, loves to cook, loves to eat, and sporadically responds to texts. What more could you possibly want? A burrito? Yes, actually, that sounds good. Just not Chipotle.
Getty Images calls her “Christine Teigen” which seems way too formal but respectful, so I’m glad they didn’t objectify her, but sports, sports, teams, Drake, sports, cancer tribute, sports, Chrissy Teigen in this Hilary Clinton if she was a hot model pant suit thing. As usual, she looks amazing, but please keep in mind, this is the woman Forever 21 called too fat. Read that last sentence again. Dumb, right? Anyway, feel free to click through this gallery, so you’ll understand why John Legend only writes loves songs. Pretty straightforward.
The 2014 Sports Ilustrated Swimsuit Issue cover was released yesterday, and the most important thing we need to realize here is that it doesn't include Kate Upton. Thanks, guys. However, it does include Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge, and Chrissy Teigen. Instead of "blonde and kinda fat with a huge rack" being the criteria this year, apparently it was "who has a nice ass and has dated or is married to a musician"? Either way, we all win. Lookin good, ladies.