Welcome to Chris Brown. It's Been  Days Without Incident
One thing about violent sociopaths who can't control the voices in their head is that you never know what they're gonna do at any given moment. So when Chris Brown avoided jail for attacking a dude who tried to invite himself into a selfie, because his lawyer forced him to voluntarily enter anger management, you knew it was only a matter of time before Chris Brown was Chris Brown. Long story short, he was kicked out of rehab for attacking an inanimate object. He threw a rock through his mom's windshield. Just to reiterate, Chris Brown threw a rock at the woman who gave birth to him.
Chris Brown was booted from his rehab program earlier this month for throwing a rock through his mom's car window … TMZ has learned. We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling. According to the report, Chris' mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment. Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it. The report goes on to say without continued therapy and a strong recovery support network, Probation says his prognosis is "very guarded." And here's an interesting detail from the report: before Chris entered rehab on October 29th, he says he had issues with Attention Deficit Disorder and also underwent a period of depression.
TMZ broke the story … Chris got booted from the Malibu facility earlier this month following the outburst … after just two weeks of treatment. As we reported, the judge has just ordered Brown to 90 days in a facility and also ordered him to submit to drug testing.
I mean, at this point, maybe prison would be the best place for Chris Brown. He should like it. Especially since there's no women there.
If you're wondering why Chris Brown would voluntarily enter rehab for anger management when he repeatedly says he's all about love and peace, it's because Chris Brown has a really good lawyer who understands his client is a ticking time bomb, and if he can stand up in court and say, "Hey, look! He went to rehab, he obviously wants to change even though he's already done 1,000 hours of community service and that didn't work!" then maybe he can keep Brown out of jail. Good times. TMZ reports:
Sources tell TMZ … Brown's attorney, Mark Geragos, just dropped him off at a facility in Malibu. The move doesn't come a day too soon. We've learned the L.A. County probation department is going full bore in its investigation to determine if Brown violated his probation in the Rihanna case by getting arrested in D.C. over the weekend … after allegedly punching a guy in the nose. Sources tell TMZ, Brown flew to L.A. after getting released from the D.C. jail and met with L.A. County Probation Department officials today. We're told it's likely the Probation Department will determine that Brown violated his probation, and a judge could sentence him to as much as 4 years in prison.
If Brad Pitt hadn't shot John Doe in Se7en, maybe he could help Chris out. But I guess we'll never know, will we? Thanks, Obama.
Stop me if you've heard this one. Chris Brown punched someone. TMZ reports:
Chris Brown was arrested in Washington D.C. this morning for FELONY assault after allegedly attacking a man outside a hotel … TMZ has learned.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … at around 4:30 AM Brown got into an argument with a man outside the W Hotel on K Street and allegedly punched him once in the face. We're told the alleged victim never threw a punch. The alleged victim tells TMZ … he and a friend were hanging out at the W when they saw 2 women about to take a picture with Brown. The victim — who says he's not a Chris Brown fan — says he and his buddy photo bombed the 2 women and Chris went nuts, punching him in the face and BREAKING HIS NOSE. He went to the hospital and says he may need surgery as early as tomorrow. Law enforcement sources and the alleged victim tell TMZ … before striking the man, Chris said, "I'm not into this gay s**t, I'm into boxing." After Chris punched the man, the fight was taken to the ground.
But, wait, there's another version of events.
Sources connected with Chris tell TMZ … the alleged victim is full of BS. He was NOT trying to take a pic with Chris … he was trying to get on Chris' tour bus, and Brown was simply trying to stop a trespass. The sources say before the incident the 2 girls tried to get on the bus but they were stopped, and that's when the victim and his friend made their move. The alleged victim tells TMZ he doesn't understand why Brown was "so homophobic" to hurl such a slur. And get this … the victim says he would have accepted an apology at the scene, but now he will absolutely press charges — and he's already hired a lawyer.
So, either this dude tried to push up on a picture that Chris Brown was taking with two actual fans, or he tried to get on his tour bus without being asked. I'm more surprised that he's surprised that he got cracked in the nose. But I guess you can pretty much do anything as long as the other person breaks your nose and calls you gay. I mean, all he wanted was to screw up somebody's picture or break into to a tour bus. Now he has has to get a lawyer because he was stopped from doing both of those things. I hope Chris Brown breaks into this guy's car or photobomb his next Instagram to give him his settlement check.
Proving once and for all he's a changed man who no longer gets consumed with anger at the slightest insult, Chris Brown just started a Twitter war with Perez Hilton, who incidentally, is still a vile human being who looks like a cartoon reporter. But the real loser here has to be Jenny Johnson. It only took a few minutes for Chris Brown to respond to Perez Hilton, not three years of constant trolling. I hope she writes another GQ article so she can tell us how much she doesn't want to talk about it.
Since he's a basically a petulant child who has never been told no, Chris Brown went on an insane Twitter rant last night after the LA County District Attorney convinced a judge to sentence him to 1,000 more hours of community service after he falsified his reports the last time he did community service for beating Rihanna. Apparently it doesn't matter that the LA D.A. is actually a black woman, because obviously she's a seething racist who just wants to keep the greatest artist of our time in chains on the side of the road carrying a trash bag. The only way this tantrum could have been worse is if he was at Target getting caught trying to put a G.I. Joe in the cart.
Apparently being filled with seething hate and rage makes you flop around like you got electrocuted, because Chris Brown did a new dance move on the floor of a recordgin studio this morning. TMZ reports:
The L.A. City Fire Dept. rushed to a Hollywood recording studio early Friday morning, after getting a 911 call that Chris Brown had a seizure … TMZ has learned. The call came from Record Plant recording studios in Hollywood at 1:09 AM. When EMTs arrived ... we're told Chris refused treatment and also refused to be transported to the hospital. We do not know if it was indeed a seizure, but we've learned Chris did suffer from seizures as a child.
What a badass. He refused treatment. Probably because it wasn't a condition of his probation.
It's getting really difficult to keep up with the things Chris Brown hits at this point, but remeber he got put on probation for curb stomping Rihanna? You do? Good. Well apparently you can't hit a car then flee the scene when you're on probation. TMZ reports:
That was quick — the judge just REVOKED Chris Brown's probation in the Rihanna beating case, but the singer will remain a free man … for now. Brown showed up at court today to fight the L.A. County D.A.'s motion to revoke his probation in the wake of hit-and-run charges stemming from a car accident in May … but the judge granted the motion anyway, paving the way for a probation violation hearing in August. If the judge determines Chris violated his probation, the singer could be sentenced to 4 years in prison. In the meantime, Brown has been released on his own recognizance.
This is the LA justice system, so Chris Brown has less than a month to find a genie to turn him into blonde white girl and change his to Chrissy Lohan or Christine Hilton if he wants to stay out of prison.
In what might be the world's first subtwerk on record, here's Rihanna twerking to Drake's verse on A$AP Rocky's "F*ckin Problems". Not sure how Chris Brown is gonna feel about this, but if he could take the first swing at the annoying chick who keeps saying "Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah." like some damn racthet parrot, that would be fantastic. Mostly because it distracts from Rihanna' ass bouncing. But not for Miley. She'll be practicing this with her choreographer later.
As you've already might have heard, Chris Brown has been been charged with a hit-and-run. This time with a car instead of a woman's face or a glass window. However, it could have been worse since Brown's psychosis involves lashing out at inanimate objects and women you dare question his masculinity. But that all changed when his girlfriend, the aptly named "Karrueche Tran", helped Brown choke down his rage after Brown rear-ended a Mercedes. The only problem? The Mercedes was driven by a woman who didn't realize she was in the presence of Chris Brown. Psychiatrists will soon diagnose that as one of Brown's triggers. TMZ reports:
Chris Brown went insane on the woman whose car he hit last month, screaming at her, "Who do you think you are, Bitch?" … and it got so bad, Karrueche Tran yelled to Chris, "Don't touch her, don't touch her!"
In a written statement to cops — obtained by TMZ — the victim, Olga Gure-Kovalenko says after Chris rear-ended her Mercedes, they pulled to the side of the road, got out and they both took pictures of the vehicles. Things went South quickly when Olga asked for Chris' driver's license, registration and insurance info. Karrueche handed over HER DL, and Olga wisely said she needed to see Chris' DL. Karrueche said she was the owner of the vehicle so Chris didn't need to supply any info. Olga says she persisted and asked for Chris' info. When Chris and Karrueche refused to cooperate, Olga felt she needed to get a picture of the 2 of them in case they split. As soon as she snapped the pic (above), she says Chris and Karrueche went nuts. Olga says, "The guy [Chris] tried to grab camera or me. I jumped back, the girl [Karrueche] screamed, 'Don't touch her, don't touch her!'" Olga says Chris then started to rant, "You are a bitch! Who do you think you are, bitch? Do you think if you driving Mercedes so got money, bitch?" And then Olga says Chris dropped this, "Do you think I am just a black n***er." Olga says Chris continued screaming and then "slammed a door and drove away fast and noisy." Olga says Chris also "bragged about how much money he has and offered up false registration."
Basically every male pop star right now needs their ass kicked to give them a certain perspective and if we can get Justin Bieber and Chris Brown in the same room with some soldiers and some soap and pillow cases, then I think that would be a positive first step.
Yesterday a report came out that Chris Brown assaulted a woman in a club at Anaheim, but as Jodi Arias and Margaret Thatcher have proven, women are pure evil who will stop at nothing to get what they want. Even if it means murder. Or tearing their own knee ligaments. Hollywoodscoop reports
“The girl spent all night trying to get on stage with Chris but security kept her away. Then she spent all night trying to get near the VIP area,” the source tells us. Chris was escorted to his car at the end of the night by security who reported no incidents with Chris whatsoever. Then, after security had his eye on Chris the whole night and walked him out to his car, is when the drama with the falling fan unfolded. “Three witnesses sitting at a table in the VIP area saw this girl trip and fall on a table, hitting her back on a chair. Chris had already left the building,” the club source recalls. “[Security] came back upstairs and the girl was sitting on some stairs saying she couldn’t believe Chris pushed her down the stairs and that she broke her hip. [Security] said Chris was nowhere near those stairs at any point. She then threw her shoe at security and started picking things off the ground and throwing them. ”The source also tells us that the accuser is just “an obsessed, drunk girl.”
How long will this level of ratchedness be tolerated? As a male living in a America, I no longer feel same going to clubs. Should the government start profiling women who twerk? Should we ban women who wear shirts as dresses from congregating in cubs? I don't know. But we need to start having the dialogue, my friends.