Chris Brown’s Neighbor Wants To Shoot Him
Chris Brown’s Neighbor Wants To Shoot Him

 

Chris Brown is renting a 8,000 square foot, 6 bedroom house in San Fernando Valley, and one of his neighbors who jacks off to the 2A already wants to shoot him.

“It can be the devil. I can care less. I don’t care if they’re having orgies. It can even be Saddam Hussein for all I care, as long as he doesn’t trespass onto my property. If he does, I shoot him.”

Usually the only white people who fire shots at Chris Brown are named Jenny and she does it on Twitter, but if I was Chris Brown, this would be the only one I’d worry about. The one thing about gun nuts are they can’t fucking wait to display the star spangled awesome power of their Jesus-given right to defend themselves by looking for any excuse to defend themselves against the perceived threats in their delusional and paranoid minds. Of course it’s legal to shoot a trespasser if that person intends to cause you bodily harm or murder you, but to a person who spends a lot of money on guns and spends a lot of time talking about guns, a random drunk guy stumbling onto your property by accident is reason for DEFCON 1. No point in having a gun if you can’t shoot it at the slightest sight of someone loosely violating a law. I know, I know. You have guns in your house because the government might one day come in and try to take all your rights away, so you have to….oops, sorry your house and everything in it just got blown up by a drone. Tell me more about the stopping power of your .45 again. Really? Is that so? Cool, cool.

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Chris Brown Is (Was) A Great Boyfriend
Chris Brown Is (Was) A Great Boyfriend

 

I always have to look up Karrueche Tran because I don’t remember if that’s her actual name or more of a description, but here is a pic if her ass that Chris Brown posted on Instagram then immediately deleted, because she’s not Rihanna and doesn’t seem to want her ass all over social media. She also dumped him and isn’t even talking to him anymore.  If she’s bored, maybe she can start some shit on Twitter with a stranger. People really seem to enjoy that.

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Ugh
Ugh

 

In case you were under the impression that life makes any sense, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber  "did 1 for the fans". I assume they collabed on a track, but the fact they both have fans and fans want them to do this raises a lot of questions about humanity. I question Chris Brown's dumbass hat. I woukd type more, but Ronald pretty much said what I was going to type at his parole hearing.

 

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Chris Brown Is In Solitary, Can Only Shower 3 Times A Week
Chris Brown Is In Solitary, Can Only Shower 3 Times A Week

 

It's always a great plan to give a sociopath time for silent reflection.

Chris Brown will stink to holy hell … because he's only allowed one shower every two days. According to our sources, Brown — who will sit in jail until April 23 — is in solitary confinement 23 hours a day … which means he won't have a cellmate to disgust with his vile odor. We're told Brown is allowed to work out in his cell and can read library books.

Man, this should be great rehabilitation for Chris Brown. Forced isolation, limited human contact, denial of regular hygiene, and side eyes from the librarian. He should come out of this a completely changed person. Or, in an even more realistic scenario, he'll come out free but trapped in the prison of his own mind ready to unleash his anger on the system on the first person he sees. Solid plan. Solitary is more for his protection in this case, but they really should put him in general population. A regimented schedule, trips to the cafeteria, an hour each day to go outside to socialize and exercise with his fellow inmates, a chance to enroll in a class, and to be taught to obey authority without question. Wait, I think I just described public school. Either or.

 

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Chris Brown Will Be In Jail For A Month
Chris Brown Will Be In Jail For A Month

 

Chris Brown was kicked out of rehab on Friday because he couldn't keep his hands off the women even though he was instructed to stay at least two feet away every woman in the facility (no, seriously), and since staying in rehab was a condition set by the judge pending his trial next month, he will now stay in jail until then. Dude, there's only two episodes of The Walking Dead left. Sucks for you!

Chris Brown will stay in jail until April 23 … he was SHUT DOWN in court Monday afternoon in his bid to win release. Chris was arrested after getting booted from rehab Friday. The judge had ordered him to stay in rehab while he decided whether Brown violated his probation in the Rihanna case. The judge had Chris arrested almost immediately after the rehab facility kicked him out. The judge said Chris had an "inability to stay out of trouble." Hizzoner was especially concerned at a statement Chris made at the rehab joint, "I am good at using guns and knives." So Chris will sit in jail until April 23. The judge wants Chris in the slammer until a D.C. jury decides if Chris committed criminal assault in an unrelated case. That trial is set for April 17 and should only last a few days. It's unclear if the judge will let Chris back to attend the trial. The L.A. judge will hold a probation violation hearing on April 23, and if Chris is convicted in D.C. he's in big trouble. Worst case scenario … he could be sentenced to 4 years in prison for violating probation in the Rihanna case. One of the conditions — obey all laws.

At this point, Chris Brown should sell heroin in a school zone or buy a Hyundai Genesis. That way he can fully drive the point home that he might not be the best at making life decisions.

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Chris Brown Got Kicked Out Of Rehab For Assaulting His Mom’s Car

Welcome to Chris Brown. It's Been [0] Days Without Incident

 

One thing about violent sociopaths who can't control the voices in their head is that you never know what they're gonna do at any given moment. So when Chris Brown avoided jail for attacking a dude who tried to invite himself into a selfie, because his lawyer forced him to voluntarily enter anger management, you knew it was only a matter of time before Chris Brown was Chris Brown. Long story short, he was kicked out of rehab for attacking an inanimate object. He threw a rock through his mom's windshield. Just to reiterate, Chris Brown threw a rock at the woman who gave birth to him.

Chris Brown was booted from his rehab program earlier this month for throwing a rock through his mom's car window … TMZ has learned. We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling. According to the report, Chris' mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment.  Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it. The report goes on to say without continued therapy and a strong recovery support network, Probation says his prognosis is "very guarded." And here's an interesting detail from the report: before Chris entered rehab on October 29th, he says he had issues with Attention Deficit Disorder and also underwent a period of depression.
TMZ broke the story … Chris got booted from the Malibu facility earlier this month following the outburst … after just two weeks of treatment. As we reported, the judge has just ordered Brown to 90 days in a facility and also ordered him to submit to drug testing.

I mean, at this point, maybe prison would be the best place for Chris Brown. He should like it. Especially since there's no women there.

 

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Chris Brown Is Going To Rehab For Anger Management
Chris Brown Is Going To Rehab For Anger Management

 

If you're wondering why Chris Brown would voluntarily enter rehab for anger management when he repeatedly says he's all about love and peace, it's because Chris Brown has a really good lawyer who understands his client is a ticking time bomb, and if he can stand up in court and say, "Hey, look! He went to rehab, he obviously wants to change even though he's already done 1,000 hours of community service and that didn't work!" then maybe he can keep Brown out of jail. Good times. TMZ reports:

Sources tell TMZ … Brown's attorney, Mark Geragos, just dropped him off at a facility in Malibu. The move doesn't come a day too soon. We've learned the L.A. County probation department is going full bore in its investigation to determine if Brown violated his probation in the Rihanna case by getting arrested in D.C. over the weekend … after allegedly punching a guy in the nose. Sources tell TMZ, Brown flew to L.A. after getting released from the D.C. jail and met with L.A. County Probation Department officials today. We're told it's likely the Probation Department will determine that Brown violated his probation, and a judge could sentence him to as much as 4 years in prison.

If Brad Pitt hadn't shot John Doe in Se7en, maybe he could help Chris out. But I guess we'll never know, will we? Thanks, Obama.

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Chris Brown Got Arrested For Assault
Chris Brown Got Arrested For Assault

 

Stop me if you've heard this one. Chris Brown punched someone. TMZ reports:

Chris Brown was arrested in Washington D.C. this morning for FELONY assault after allegedly attacking a man outside a hotel … TMZ has learned.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … at around 4:30 AM Brown got into an argument with a man outside the W Hotel on K Street and allegedly punched him once in the face.  We're told the alleged victim never threw a punch. The alleged victim tells TMZ … he and a friend were hanging out at the W when they saw 2 women about to take a picture with Brown.  The victim — who says he's not a Chris Brown fan — says he and his buddy photo bombed the 2 women and Chris went nuts, punching him in the face and BREAKING HIS NOSE.  He went to the hospital and says he may need surgery as early as tomorrow.  Law enforcement sources and the alleged victim tell TMZ … before striking the man, Chris said, "I'm not into this gay s**t, I'm into boxing."  After Chris punched the man, the fight was taken to the ground.

But, wait, there's another version of events.

Sources connected with Chris tell TMZ … the alleged victim is full of BS.  He was NOT trying to take a pic with Chris … he was trying to get on Chris' tour bus, and Brown was simply trying to stop a trespass.  The sources say before the incident the 2 girls tried to get on the bus but they were stopped, and that's when the victim and his friend made their move. The alleged victim tells TMZ he doesn't understand why Brown was "so homophobic" to hurl such a slur.  And get this … the victim says he would have accepted an apology at the scene, but now he will absolutely press charges — and he's already hired a lawyer.

So, either this dude tried to push up on a picture that Chris Brown was taking with two actual fans, or he tried to get on his tour bus without being asked. I'm more surprised that he's surprised that he got cracked in the nose. But I guess you can pretty much do anything as long as the other person breaks your nose and calls you gay. I mean, all he wanted was to screw up somebody's picture or break into to a tour bus. Now he has has to get a lawyer because he was stopped from doing both of those things. I hope Chris Brown breaks into this guy's car or photobomb his next Instagram to give him his settlement check.

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This Just Happened

 

Proving once and for all he's a changed man who no longer gets consumed with anger at the slightest insult, Chris Brown just started a Twitter war with Perez Hilton, who incidentally, is still a vile human being who looks like a cartoon reporter. But the real loser here has to be Jenny Johnson. It only took a few minutes for Chris Brown to respond to Perez Hilton, not three years of constant trolling. I hope she writes another GQ article so she can tell us how much she doesn't want to talk about it.

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Chris Brown Continues To Be A Wonderful Human Being

 

Since he's a basically a petulant child who has never been told no, Chris Brown went on an insane Twitter rant last night after the LA County District Attorney convinced a judge to sentence him to 1,000 more hours of community service after he falsified his reports the last time he did community service for beating Rihanna. Apparently it doesn't matter that the LA D.A. is actually a black woman, because obviously she's a seething racist who just wants to keep the greatest artist of our time in chains on the side of the road carrying a trash bag. The only way this tantrum could have been worse is if he was at Target getting caught trying to put a G.I. Joe in the cart.

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