Apparently Cheryl Cole is/was a member of Girls Aloud, which I assume is some sort of thing British people have agreed to let exist because they needed something to replace the Spice Girls. The Internet tells me that Cole is the most famous one of the group, but that probably changed this weekend because she got the most dumb ink anybody has got since an NBA player. The only difference here is that you can actually see this tattoo. If her ass doesn't actually smell like flowers then she probably sits through a lot of awkward pauses.
Ex-WAG Cheryl Cole was filming the video for her new single “Call My Name” in LA yesterday and…well, thank God YouTube has a mute button. The video will get 30 million views but there will be no telling how many people actually manage to listen to the whole song. My guess is about half. The girl can dance and she’s hot as hell, with a stomach I would seriously consider killing a puppy for, but let’s face it- she’s vocally challenged. Which is kind of a problem when your official job title is “singer.”
Cheryl Cole is in a British girl group, a judge on X-Factor, and probably an Argonaut. Because there was no reason for her to be at Cannes other than to have her picture taken and subsequently save you from turning into stone from staring at the McCords for too long.
All images via WENN.
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America has Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lady Gaga. England has Kelly Brook, Rosie Jones, Keeley Hazell, and Cheryl Cole. If those two sentences don’t make you want to shoot yourself in the stomach then jump into a lion cage enough already, then please realize that Cheryl Cole might die of malaria soon. Daily Star reports:
The star is being treated for falciparum, which expert David Mabey called “the kind that can kill you”. Mr Mabey, from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, added: “Other forms are milder.” Cheryl contracted the disease on a trip to Tanzania with dance hunk Derek Hough, 25. She has pulled out of filming this weekend’s X Factor audition in Manchester. Worried show boss Simon Cowell, 50, said: “We’re all thinking of Cheryl but she shouldn’t come back until she’s well enough. The important thing is to take care of her health and strength.”
My penis isn’t really capable of flying at half mast, but if it could, today might be the day. Look at the banner pic. Now look two posts down. One has an infectious viral disease, and the other more than likely fell asleep last night without taking her butt plug out. I don’t know how angry this makes you, but the only thing keeping me from ripping my shirt off like The Hulk is the manicure I got yesterday. I find that paraffin wax allows for deeper absorption of emollients and essential oils.
Despite being one of the hottest women in the world, she separated from her husband of six years, soccer player Ashley Cole, because he cheated on her with five women. Now she’s ready for any penis within a fifty mile radius.
X FACTOR judge CHERYL COLE has told pals she’s gagging for it now she is over love rat hubby ASHLEY. The singer – on tour with the BLACK EYED PEAS – has spoken of her desires as a “hot-blooded woman” three months after dumping Chelsea star Ashley. A source said: “Cheryl has had the dancers on tour in hysterics telling them in her broad Geordie accent that she’s ‘gagging for it’. “Sex was the last thing on her mind when she was coming to terms with her relationship ending. “But now she’s over it, she wants a smile back on her face.” Gorgeous Cheryl isn’t short of admirers. Black Eyed Peas star WILL.I.AM has made no secret of his crush on the star – but she says he’s “like a brother” to her.
Man, this really works out for me, because Cheryl Cole and I have a lot in common. WILL.I.AM is a brother to me too! Wait, I don’t think that’s what she meant.