Here’s Cassie Scerbo Because I Watched ‘Sharknado 3’

Ok, let’s get this out of the way early. I watched Sharknado 3 last night. Don’t say a damn word. Anyway, two things: Tara Reid gave birth inside a shark. Anne Coulter was in it and nobody “accidentally” killed her when the sharknado happened. Other two things: Cassie Scerbo’s boobs. They were out the whole movie. It was frustrating. I couldn’t even follow the plausible science of two shark tornadoes merging to form one giant shark tornado because sharks have the ability to live in clouds. The movie was longer than it should have been, because the brave men and women who could have stopped it were sitting in lawn chairs outside military recruitment centers (not black churches) where I’m sure they’ll have better success in surviving a drive by than trained Marines. If not, I have full confidence that their children will not let their parents’ vinyl siding/lawn mower repair business fail. Also, Cassie Scerbo’s boobs. Look at them. It’s why we’ve all gathered here this morning.