The CMAs Made A Trump Joke Last Night
The CMAs Made A Trump Joke Last Night

 

Ahead of the 2017 CMAs, the Country Music Association banned journalists from asking artists about the “mass shooting in Las Vegas, gun rights or political affiliations at the awards show” or lose their credentials. Country music artists told them to suck a dick. The ban was then listed. Then last night, co-hosts Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood opened the show with this. Per USA Today:

“We can’t be doing any of our silly little songs because this year’s show is a ‘politics-free zone,’ ” Underwood joked. “Are you kidding me? That’s not fair,” Paisley rebuffed, offering sample lyrics of political spoofs such as, “Way down wander on the Scaramucci” and “Hold me closer, Bernie Sanders.” “Right now, he’s probably in his PJs, reaching for his cellphone,” Paisley sang. “Right now, he’s probably asking Siri, ‘How in the hell do you spell Pocahontas?’ “In the middle of the night from the private seat of a gold-plated White House toilet seat, he writes, ‘Liddle Bob Corker,’ ‘NFL’ and ‘covfefe,’ ” Paisley continued, before his co-host joined in to finish the chorus. “It’s fun to watch it, that’s for sure, until little Rocket Man starts a war. Then maybe next time he’ll think before he tweets.”

You might say the Country Music Awards would be the last place you’d expect Trump to get roasted. I guess because it’s a room full of white people in cowboy hats? I don’t know. But again, it’s Trump. Dragging him at every opportunity is the one thing that crosses racial divides. Also, Carrie Underwood is hot as hell and I needed  reason to download these pics.

 

 

 

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Carrie Underwood Did The Damn Thing
Carrie Underwood Did The Damn Thing


FULL DISCLOSURE: This gallery of Carrie Underwood at the 2016 American Country Countdown Awards was supposed to have 42 pics, but Comcast is giving me an upload speed of 1.06mbps right now and I had to load them one at a time. 19 took long enough. So the next time you call them about an issue you’re probably having right now, be sure to tell them how disappointed you are and to fuck their mothers. Carrie Underwood got all dressed up. She deserves better than this. 


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Carrie Underwood Has Abs & Links



Kate Hudson doesn’t need a bra  (NSFW)   [  Taxi Driver Movie   ]

The Backstreet Boys will now make your tween dreams come true  [  Dlisted   ]

Britney Spears in a bikini   [  DrunkenStepfather   ]

Kendra Wilkinson supports Trump, is a conspiracy theorist  [  The Superficial   ]

Hey now, Lisa Dillon  [  Hollywood Tuna  ]

Lindsay Arnold rocking the DWTS toe  (NSFW)  [  The Nip Slip  ]

Bella Hadid prancing in a swimsuit  [  Popoholic  ]

Model At Midnight: Britt Koth   [  Celebslam  ]

Kylie Jenner is super great to fans  [  The Blemish   ]

Emma Roberts hits the gym  [  Moe Jackson  ]

Cumberbatch filming Doctor Strange in NYC   [  Cele|bitchy  ]

Alexa Curtain claims she was raped by a Orange County Sheriff’s Deputy   [  Reality Tea   ]


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Carrie Underwood Is Pregnant
Carrie Underwood Is Pregnant

 

I know what all of you are expecting to me to write about, but before I do that, Carrie Underwood got naked and sex with her husband, and the pictures are not on iCloud. Congrats to to the happy couple!

Carrie Underwood is going to be a mom! The American Idol alum announced the news herself on Monday, Sept. 1, with an adorable Instagram. Her rep also confirmed the news to Us Weekly. “In honor of ‘Labor’ Day, Ace & Penny would like to make an announcement. Their parents couldn’t be happier…” the country crooner captioned a photo of herself holding her two dogs, who wear “I’m going to be a big sister” and “big brother” outfits.

Carrie Underwood sings what can be best described as “country music”, but that’s okay, because she’s talented, super hot, and has the hottest pair of legs to ever win American Idol.  So, I’m not really sure why her husband hasn’t tried to get her pregnant before now. The only time you should stop trying to get Carrie Underwood pregnant is when she’s not pregnant. Which appears to be now. Now you can just practice everyday. I don’t know why I have to explain this.

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Carrie Underwood Will Be Your Superbowl Halftime Show
Carrie Underwood Will Be Your Superbowl Halftime Show

 

My jaw has to unhinge like a snake to fully express this yawn.

Every year the Superbowl is America’s most watched show. Some people tune in for the football action, while others enjoy watching the million dollar advertisements. Aside from the football action, the biggest part of Superbowl Sunday is most certainly the Halftime Show. We’re being told this year’s performer already has serious ties to the National Football League. A few inside sources revealed to us that Carrie Underwood most likely will be doing the super bowl halftime show this year. Football fans already know her from Sunday Night Football, and country music is more mainstream than ever. Can’t go wrong with this pick.-TO

Carrie Underwood is hot and all and I guess she can sing, but Superbowl halftime shows are always boring (yes, even Beyonce’s), so not sure why this one should be any different. I just hope she sings her hits “Jesus Take This Bat” and “When I Destroy Property Because I’m Crazy.” Wait, it’s “Jesus Take The Wheel” and “When He Cheats”. I always confuse those two songs where she prays to Jesus to drive a car and the one where she doesn’t pray to control her emotions. Like, Jesus doesn’t even have a valid driver’s license or even liability insurance. Most Jesus’ you know don’t.

 

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Hilary Duff Went To Carrie Underwood’s House

So, yeah. Here's Hilary Duff's hot ass going to Carrie Underwood's house. What did they do in there? Have a naked pillow fight? Please say it was a naked pillow fight. Even if they didn't, just let me have this moment.

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The 47th Annual CMA Awards Were Last Night

Country music is dumb, but enough people listen to it so they have their own awards show, so the hillbilly Source Awards were last night. Specifically, the 47th Annual CMA Awards. I only know three people who were there, so here's Carrie Underwood (legs), Kellie Pickler (rack), and Taylor Swift (cold, dead vagina). Based on these pictures, the entire should have been a live feed of Carrie's legs doing various things. Great show, everybody.

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The 65th Emmy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my headline clearly points out, the 65th Emmys were last night. Here are some winners you may care about. And if you're don't punch your nearest coworker over the fact that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul were robbed, I say unto you: Get away from me you workers of lawlessness. I never knew you.

 

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Breaking Bad, AMC

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Modern Family, ABC

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Claire Danes, Homeland, Showtime

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom, HBO

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad, AMC

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Tony Hale, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie, Showtime

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Carrie Underwood Will Sing Away The Nazis
Carrie Underwood Will Sing Away The Nazis

 

NBC has released the first teaser poster for The Sound Of Music Live! starring Carrie Underwood as Maria von Trapp and Vampire Bill as Captain Georg von Trapp. And this is the picture they chose. This one. Why? I'm supposed to want to have sex with Carrie Underwood would I look at her not have hot cocoa.

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Carrie Underwood’s Legs Won The CMT Awards

Let's go ahead and get this out of the way, country music is dumb. Even black people can make it sound cool (I'm looking at you L.L. Cool J, Darius Rucker, and Miranda Lambert). With that said, Carrie Underwood sings country music and I'm a big fan of Carrie Underwood's legs, so here we are.I'm glad you could go on this journey with me.

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