Caitlyn Jenner Is Garbage
Caitlyn Jenner Is Garbage

 

After Steve Scalise got shot by a Bernie bro, you probably read a lot of horrible takes dripping with hypocrisy and forced narratives, but Caitlyn Jenner was asked to speak at the College Republican National Committee’s convention in Virginia for some reason and probably should have shut the hell up.

“Nobody deserves what happened out there,” Jenner began. “There’s no justification.” “There are crazy people. We have to minimize that type of stuff,” the Olympic champion added, reacting to the shooting that targeted a Republican practice for the annual congressional baseball game on Wednesday, hospitalizing five people, including House Majority Whip Steve Scalise who remains in critical condition. “As far as the people that were injured, it’s an absolute shame. You just want them to recover,” Jenner continued. “Fortunately the guy was a really bad shot… liberals can’t even shoot straight.”

I guess we can just ignore the fact that Caitlyn Jenner can’t even drive without killing someone. Cool. Maybe that’s really good driving to her. Yes, it’s still “her” and not “him”. Y’all can’t act like you don’t want her now. If you can handle her at her Vanity Fair cover, you can handle her at her whatever psychosis this is. Sorry. *moonwalks away*

 

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Caitlyn Jenner Will Be Naked On The Cover Of Sports Illustrated With An American Flag
Caitlyn Jenner Will Be Naked On The Cover Of Sports Illustrated With An American Flag


It’ll be about two weeks before your Aunt Linda goes megaton in a Facebook post about this that might include a meme with a picture of wounded veteran whose name she just learned that day. The veteran might have blades for legs or an overly complicated wheelchair, so prepare for the worst. 

Caitlyn Jenner will appear on a summer cover of Sports Illustrated wearing “nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal,” a source reveals in the latest issue of Us Weekly. The 66-year-old I Am Cait star (formerly known as Bruce) set a world decathlon record at the 1976 Montreal Summer Games. To celebrate the 40th anniversary of her win, she’ll pose with her gold medal for the first time post-transition, adds the source: “She’s excited about that.”

Dude. Holy shit. Christians found out that North Carolina’s HB2 violates the Civil Rights Act and that Sports Illustrated asked a trans woman to wear an American flag on the same day. Now I don’t want to tell anybody what they should do, but if I was a pastor, I’d definitely tell the wife that she could start measuring for a pool. And to pick up more rubber bands the next time she swings by Office Max. Because daddy’s gonna need ’em, sweetie, ok? You don’t worry your pretty head about that. Maybe God will see fit to bless you with the new boobs I talked you into last week. 


#tbt


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No My Name Ain’t Bruce, It’s Caitlyn. Miss Jenner If Ya Nasty
No My Name Ain’t Bruce, It’s Caitlyn. Miss Jenner If Ya Nasty

 

Besides giving 45-65 year old women everywhere self-esteem issues that they already have, Bruce Jenner is on the June issue cover of Vanity Fair (and a 22-page story) as her new identity, Caitlyn Jenner. I assume it’s Caitlyn and not Kaitlyn out of spite. I also assume Caitlyn went to John Hopkins and asked for the Jessica Lange. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve had worse.

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