When your father (Charlie Sheen) spends all his time infecting busted porn stars with tiger blood, and your mom (Brooke Mueller) is a crackhead who is rich enough to go to rehab instead of rotting in jail, sometimes you have to stay live with your dad's ex-wife (Denise Richards), because some people don't understand that you actually have take of kids once you have them. And since those are your parents, you repay your dad's ex-wife's kindness by making her life a constant, living nightmare because your DNA really left you no other choice. Luckily, Denise Richards has a choice. Bye, kids. TMZ reports:
Denise Richards has informed the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services she will NO LONGER care for the twins of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller … TMZ has learned. Sources connected with DCFS tell TMZ … Denise wrote a letter to the agency, saying the kids are violent and out of control, and she says it's ALL Brooke's fault. DCFS sources say the letter details horrifying conduct. Denise says Bob and Max often go into a "zombie-like state" — they repeatedly kick her dogs in the head and squeeze their heads with both hands while watching the dogs whimper in pain. She also says the kids will flip from sweetly petting the dog to strangling the animals and lifting them off the ground by the neck. According to the letter, Denise would tell the kids they were hurting the dogs, and Bob and Max would reply that they wanted to hurt and kill the dogs. According to the letter, the violence is not limited to animals. Denise says her daughters — Sam, Lola and Eloise — have been targets of the boys. She says her daughters have been strangled, kicked in the head and stomach, scratched, bit, slapped, punched in the face and head, and spit on by Bob and Max. Denise describes one incident which she seems to blame on Brooke — after visiting Mueller, Bob threw a toy at Sam's face and she had to go to the doctor. Denise says Bob and Max went to school in September and they have been problematic from the get-go. She says Bob in particular has harmed other kids and punched and slapped teachers in the face. Denise says the kids have also thrown their own feces into the bathroom of one of her daughters.
Match made in Hades. TMZ says:
Charlie Sheen has returned from Colombia — and TMZ has learned, he’s now on a mission to save his kids … after mommy Brooke Mueller was arrested for cocaine possession last week. Sources close to the couple tell TMZ, Brooke had custody of the 2-year-old twins the night of her arrest — leaving them in the care of a nanny while she went out clubbing. Brooke and the kids are currently on their way back from Aspen now — but we’re told, Charlie plans to take care of them as soon as they’re home … and Brooke’s parents will help. According to sources, Brooke’s going to take some time for herself while she tries to “get better.” Brooke has struggled with substance abuse issues for years — and most recently sought addiction help at an alternative treatment facility in Mexico.
I’m not sure what Brooke Mueller has to take time off from, but whatever. The point is, after his ex wife got arrested for cocaine possession, Charlie Sheen flew in from Colombia to be with his kids. Again: Charlie Sheen left Colombia for his kids. Colombia. This implies that something means more to him than coke. This, in turn, implies that Satan’s opening a ski resort in his hometown pretty soon. Wait’ll you see the disappointment on Brooke’s face when she realizes snorting those mountains was a waste.
Best known as Charlie Sheen‘s ex wife, Brooke Mueller was arrested this weekend. You’ll never guess why! TMZ says:
TMZ broke the story … Brooke was arrested Friday night outside Aspen’s Escobar nightclub on suspicion of felony cocaine possession. She was also booked for third degree assault after allegedly attacking someone at a different nightclub nearby.
More importantly, before that all happened, the video above of Brooke Mueller dancing did. The only things that make me more ashamed to be white are Snuggie commercials and Toby Keith.
Charlie Sheen took Brooke Mueller to Mexico. Us Weekly says:
The divorced duo was spotted in L.A. Friday hopping aboard a private jet, and a source tells Us Weekly Sheen, 45, and Mueller, 34, are “thinking of getting back together.” The fired Two and a Half Men star — whose character is reportedly killed off in the season premiere — is currently paying Mueller $55,000 per month in child support. (The two are parents to 2-year-old twins Bob and Max.) On Christmas day in 2009, Sheen allegedly held a knife to Mueller’s throat and threatened to kill her. He later pled guilty on lesser charges and spent time in rehab, not jail. Since the incident, the two had lived apart, although their divorce wasn’t officially granted until this past May. A source tells Us the parents have been “getting counseling and therapy [with] the boys” and Mueller, who has struggled with substance addiction, is “actually responding to treatment.” “She’s totally gung-ho,” the source adds. “He just wants his kids to be happy, and if that means they need to be a family, then he is up for it… The kids have suffered a lot, and he feels so guilty lately.”
Charlie Sheen’s ex wife and mother to his twins must be really happy today. TMZ reports:
Charlie Sheen tells TMZ … he’s teaching his 2-year-old twin boys new words this weekend — like “rehab” — because he wants them to know where their mother spends so much time.
Charlie tells TMZ … it’s the first time he’s been able to spend a weekend with Bob and Max since the judge took custody away from him back in March.
Charlie says he’s spending the weekend expanding the boys’ vocabulary: “I am teaching them words, because they’re speaking now. I’m teaching them the word ‘rehab’ so they always know where their mom is.”
Charlie has settled his custody dispute with Brooke Mueller, but it sound like it’s still game on.
Brooke Mueller married (more…)
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Well, she was (and technically still is) married to Charlie Sheen. Radar Online reports:
Brooke Mueller, actor Charlie Sheen’s soon-to-be ex-wife, was ordered to undergo a drug test at her Hollywood home at 5:30 p.m. Friday but refused to provide a urine sample, a source close to Mueller told RadarOnline.com.
The test was scheduled after RadarOnline reports about Mueller calling friends to ask them to provide drug-free urine. And Friday, a cocaine street dealer in crime-ridden Inglewood, Calif., told us he’d sold an “8-ball” of drugs to Mueller.
Both Sheen and Mueller, whose divorce is to become final within weeks, are bound by a pre-divorce agreement to random drug testing three times a month. Both have battled booze and coke addictions, and each is mandated to remain clean or lose the custody of their twins.
Said a source close to the situation who asked to remain anonymous: “Charlie will be going to court on Tuesday to address Brooke’s refusal to take the test.
“He may ask the court for the temporary custody of the boys if Mueller agrees to enter rehab. Charlie is concerned for Brooke, but his first priority is the boys and their safety.”
Mueller’s cell phone is temporarily out-of-service and she couldn’t be contacted. Calls to Sheen and Mueller’s attorney weren’t immediately returned.
When their guardianship is between a delusional warlock and someone trying to launch a reality show with Paris Hilton, you know these children are fucked, with or without crack involved. These kids would have a better chance at making it to 18 if they were raised by wolves. At worst they’d have a more legitimate reason to scratch the floors.
Charlie Sheen’s other ex wife:
All images via WENN.