Lookin’ Good, Britney

 

Here's Britney Spears going to Planet Blue in Malibu, and obviously she's going to buy some clothes, because she's only wearing what she could grab after her trailer caught on fire.

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Britney Spears Probably Needs A Bigger Size

 

Hey, remember when every Britney Spears' post on here was either her vagina falling out of a car or her nipples staring at the ground? Good times, good times. Well, she's old and irrelevant now, so that only means one thing: a show in Las Vegas. And boy, fans were in for a treat on Saturday when a medicated, divorced, single mother of two was lip-synching "Circus" and the zipper on the dress she was shoe horned into broke. "I think she looks good," Aaron Rodgers said after the show.

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Britney Spears Seems To Be Really Enjoying Her Kid’s Soccer Game

No matter how much Photoshop and sequins the gays use to extend the sex appeal of one of their idols, we shouldn't really forget that Britney Spears is just a 31-year old, divorced mother of two, who a judge says is still too mentally defective to have the same rights as a normal adult human. So they probably put a Cheeto on a string to get her in the car then told her they were going to a special field where childen kick a ball to make it turn into a giant ice cream cone. Look, I don't know. Maybe they said bacon or something, but you get the general idea.

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Britney Spears’ Music Scares Somali Pirates

In addition to helping gay men get turned up at parades, Britney Spears' music is also an effective tool in making Somali pirates paddle their inflatable rafts away as fast as they can. Metro UK reports:

Spears’s chart-toppers Oops! I Did It Again and Baby One More Time have proved to be the most effective at keeping the bandits at bay. Second Officer Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, said: ‘Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. ‘These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.’ Ships in the region are in constant danger from gun-toting pirates boarding and kidnapping crews for multi-million-pound ransoms. In 2011, there were 176 attacks on ships by gangs of bandits off the Horn of Africa. They are such a threat the Royal Navy has 1,500 sailors on 14 warships operating round-the-clock patrols in the area.Ms Owens, who regularly guides huge tankers through the waters, said the ship’s speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew. ‘It’s so effective the ship’s security rarely needs to resort to firing guns,’ said the 34-year-old, from Gartmore, near Aberfoyle, Stirling. ‘As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can.’ Steven Jones, of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry, said: ‘Pirates will go to any lengths to avoid or try to overcome the music.’ He added: I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.’

If they wanted to make Somali pirates shoot themselves in the face, they should have played some Katy Perry, but instead, they want to Somali pirates to bedazzle their AK-47s. They should just crop dust the Horn of Africa with weed smoke and printouts of these. "Bro, that ship is, like, way far away, man," a Somali pirate would later go on to say.

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This Is Supposed To Be Britney Spears
This Is Supposed To Be Britney Spears

 

I don't know who is responsible for making Britney Spears look like this for the cover of "Work Bitch", but they should have given her a unicorn horn and lasers for eyes just to fully drive the point home that this was Photoshopped.

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Britney Spears Posted This On Twitter
Britney Spears Posted This On Twitter

 

Hey, remember when this site used to have four Britney Spears' posts a day? Good times, my friends. Anyway, she's promoting her video for "Work Bitch" so she posted this pic of her in a bikini. Not gonna lie, she looks good. But are we sure she's a 31-year old white chick? I only ask because she didn't use a filter.

 

Pic source = Twitter

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Britney Spears Wears Bras Now

Hey. remember when if Britney Spears would have worn this in 2008, one nipple would be looking at you and the other would be looking at the ground for her keys? Well, that's all changed now, because somebody finally told Britney that long ago an invention called the bra was made and women wear them when they go out in public. I assume they told her with flash cards and hand puppets, but whatever they did, it worked. These are the real heroes, my friends.

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Lookin’ Good, Britney!

Hey, remember in 2003 when you would have tortured and slaughtered a member of your immediate family to have Britney Spears' ass in your lap? You do? Good. Well, it's 2013 now and she looks like something you'd try to kill with fire in The Conjuring II. There's no way her boyfriend's penis isn't getting treated for PTSD.

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