No matter how much Photoshop and sequins the gays use to extend the sex appeal of one of their idols, we shouldn't really forget that Britney Spears is just a 31-year old, divorced mother of two, who a judge says is still too mentally defective to have the same rights as a normal adult human. So they probably put a Cheeto on a string to get her in the car then told her they were going to a special field where childen kick a ball to make it turn into a giant ice cream cone. Look, I don't know. Maybe they said bacon or something, but you get the general idea.
In addition to helping gay men get turned up at parades, Britney Spears' music is also an effective tool in making Somali pirates paddle their inflatable rafts away as fast as they can. Metro UK reports:
Spears’s chart-toppers Oops! I Did It Again and Baby One More Time have proved to be the most effective at keeping the bandits at bay. Second Officer Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, said: ‘Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. ‘These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect.’ Ships in the region are in constant danger from gun-toting pirates boarding and kidnapping crews for multi-million-pound ransoms. In 2011, there were 176 attacks on ships by gangs of bandits off the Horn of Africa. They are such a threat the Royal Navy has 1,500 sailors on 14 warships operating round-the-clock patrols in the area.Ms Owens, who regularly guides huge tankers through the waters, said the ship’s speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew. ‘It’s so effective the ship’s security rarely needs to resort to firing guns,’ said the 34-year-old, from Gartmore, near Aberfoyle, Stirling. ‘As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can.’ Steven Jones, of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry, said: ‘Pirates will go to any lengths to avoid or try to overcome the music.’ He added: I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention.’
If they wanted to make Somali pirates shoot themselves in the face, they should have played some Katy Perry, but instead, they want to Somali pirates to bedazzle their AK-47s. They should just crop dust the Horn of Africa with weed smoke and printouts of these. "Bro, that ship is, like, way far away, man," a Somali pirate would later go on to say.
I've been at this site for almost 7 years now, so Britney Spears and I go way back. It got to a point where I felt sorry for making fun of her, but her video for "Work Bitch" is now online. I'm not sure of the concept here, but it features Britney's dead, lifeless eyes and her sorta, kinda dancing because she's on psychotropic drugs designed to keep her empty inside. It also features vocals from Britney's HAL-9000 voice that replaced her actual vocal cords sometime around 2003. But I can't even hate the song. Not even gonna pretend that I do. Am I gay now? I'm not sure what this all means.
Britney Spears' new song "Work Bitch" was leaked or wasn't leaked this weekend, but either way, here it is. Britney Spears hasn't used her own voice on an album since I think 1998, so you shoudn't be surprised that she sounds like a robot who was created to make gay people dance. All that being said, it's surprisingly not annoying. You can't really heat what she's saying, but you can hear all the lyrics in "Roar", so sometimes that's not always a bad thing.
I don't know who is responsible for making Britney Spears look like this for the cover of "Work Bitch", but they should have given her a unicorn horn and lasers for eyes just to fully drive the point home that this was Photoshopped.
Hey, remember when this site used to have four Britney Spears' posts a day? Good times, my friends. Anyway, she's promoting her video for "Work Bitch" so she posted this pic of her in a bikini. Not gonna lie, she looks good. But are we sure she's a 31-year old white chick? I only ask because she didn't use a filter.
Pic source = Twitter
Hey. remember when if Britney Spears would have worn this in 2008, one nipple would be looking at you and the other would be looking at the ground for her keys? Well, that's all changed now, because somebody finally told Britney that long ago an invention called the bra was made and women wear them when they go out in public. I assume they told her with flash cards and hand puppets, but whatever they did, it worked. These are the real heroes, my friends.
Hey, remember in 2003 when you would have tortured and slaughtered a member of your immediate family to have Britney Spears' ass in your lap? You do? Good. Well, it's 2013 now and she looks like something you'd try to kill with fire in The Conjuring II. There's no way her boyfriend's penis isn't getting treated for PTSD.
Back in 1993, everybody you know were cast members on The Mickey Mouse Club: Ryan Gosling, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Keri Russell, a black kid. We the exception of the black kid and possibly Keri Russell, each one of them has gone on to international superstardom, while Ryan Gosling being the only one who will have legitimate staying power. (Nobody wants to see Justin Timberlake perform "Rock Your Body" when he's 60. C'mom now ). Anyway, Gosling and Spears used to hook up. This is the point here. Us Weekly reports:
"Britney was a sweetheart," the hunky Place Beyond the Pines actor said in a recent interview with the UK's The Sunday Times magazine. "She lived right above me, the girl next door. The little girl I used to play basketball and spin the bottle with." Gosling, 32, added that he hasn't really kept in touch with his fellow Mickey Mouse Club costars, however. "I mean, sometimes you are at the same event, but it's a lot like I imagine what it's like to run into someone from elementary school," he said of keeping tabs on his former gang of childhood stars-to-be.
So Britney Spears banged Ryan Gosling and Justin Timberlake but married Kevin Federline. I don't even have a vagina and that doesn't make any sense to me.