Brad Pitt Ain’t Got Time For That
Brad Pitt Ain’t Got Time For That

 

Last week, Brad Pitt attended the Maleficent premiere with Angelina Jolie (because she's in the movie, not sure if you heard) when Ukranian ex-journalist and "prankster", Vitalii Sediuk, jumped the barricade and attacked him. Yesterday, Brad Pitt broke the first rule of Fight Club when he released this statement to People.

"I was at the end of the line signing autographs, when out the corner of my eye I saw someone stage-diving over the barrier at me. I took a step back; this guy had latched onto my lapels. I looked down and the nutter was trying to bury his face in my crotch, so I cracked him twice in the back of the head – not too hard – but enough to get his attention, because he did let go. I think he was then just grabbing for a hand hold because the guys were on him, and he reached up and caught my glasses."…"I don't mind an exhibitionist," Pitt continues, "but if this guy keeps it up he's going to spoil it for the fans who have waited up all night for an autograph or a selfie, because it will make people more wary to approach a crowd. And he should know, if he tries to look up a woman's dress again, he's going to get stomped."

Look, Brad Pitt smokes a shitload of weed and gets to have sex with Angelina Jolie pretty much everyday, so I can understand why his reaction time was a little slow last week. But when he finished his bowl and rolled off Angelina, he understands that sometimes you just gotta crack a dude in jaw to make them stop whatever dumb shit they're doing. And, maybe I'm not that cool, but trying to get under a woman's dress or jumping a barricade to atatck a man who is there to support his chick, is pretty fucking dumb. People do a lot of dumb shit. I punched a guy in the throat once for stepping on my new Jordan's. 9th grade was fun.

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Brad Pitt Got Punched In The Face At The ‘Maleficent’ Premiere

PRANKS!

Not the face! Brad Pitt was punched by a notorious celebrity prankster on the red carpet at the premiere of Angelina Jolie’s film Maleficent on Wednesday, May 28, a source tells Us Weekly. Pitt was at the El Capitan theatre in Hollywood for the premiere of the Disney film when a man, later identified as Vitalii Sediuk suddenly jumped the barrier and ran up to the 12 Years a Slave actor while he was walking down the carpet. Pitt, who was singing fan autographs, was surprised by the Ukrainian, who then made contact with Pitt’s face before security intervened and held the so-called prankster until police arrived on the scene. Los Angeles Police Department's Sergeant Leonard Calderon told Variety that Seduik was taken to the Hollywood police station where he was arrested and booked on suspicion of misdemeanour battery. He is being held on $20,000 bail.

Apparently the Ukaine has at least one douche, because Vitalii Sediuk is the same dude who tried to crawl under America Ferrara's skirt at Cannes. I really don't understand the whole prank thing, because they usually do stuff that would get you killed if it weren't for the societal laws that make that a bad idea or they end up being some like borderline gay shit (I'm looking at you, Rush Week). Oohh, you "pantsed" somebody?! Man, we need to hang out because I bet you're pretty popular and people love you at parties.

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We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level
We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level

 

In the most epic #selfiesunday ever taken, here's Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, Ellen Degeneres, and three other people I don't know. Two of them are black. Sorry about that. Regardless, good luck on your next group selfie during your bar crawl this month. If it breaks Twitter, it's probably because Twitter was down for maintenance. It wasn't because we could see half your boob. But keep going with the half boob showing thing though. No reason to stop on their account.

 

Bradley Cooper Instagram

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One Of These Dudes Might Be The New Batman

If Warner Brothers wants any continuity to their DC universe that they've created, and if they want to be true to the source material that Zack Synder claims the Man of Steel sequel will be based (The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel), then it would make sense that Batman would be the older, even more crazy vigilante who fights crime now with an AK-47 and a heating pad for his back. With that said, then of course they should cast an older actor. BatmanOnFilm says that's the case and these are the rumored names to take over the role.

BatmanOnFilm has been working around the clock to get more details on this movie. And according to that site’s sources (stating it’s more than one and less than ten unnamed people), an older actor will be targeted to play the Dark Knight. So it means that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is definitely out if this rumor is true. And the site stated a few names, including Josh Duhamel, Jude Law, Gerard Butler, Josh Brolin, Jon Hamm, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Jim Caviezel.

Whoa, Jon Hamm as Batman? A millions vaginas just screamed out then fell silent because the women they were attached to just slid off their chairs.

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Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs Attended The ‘World War Z’ Premiere

 A week after Angelina Jolie voluntarily had a double mastecomy to decrease her chances of getting breast cancer that seems to love her family, her aunt died of the same disease. But Angelina has new boobs now and her husband had a premiere, so she didn't go to her aunt's funeral. In her defense, her aunt is dead and wouldn't even know if Angelina was there or not, so you can see how this was an easy choice. And as you can see, Brad Pitt seems pretty pleased about the whole thing, because even if she had pictures of boobs as her new boobs, Brad Pitt would just point to her lips and say "I'm good." Then he'd touch them and ejaculate in his pants. Then they'd both laugh and Angelina would do that thing where you make your hand into the shape of a gun then wink.

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Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Are Getting Married Soon. Or Later.



The “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could get married at any moment” rumors have been going on for the last few months, so much so that Jennifer Aniston has finally given up and decided to marry Justin Theroux. But Pitt was in London for a screening last night and was asked about it. You can tell they smoke a lot of weed. Radar Online reports:

The rumor mill has been in overdrive that Pitt, 48, and Jolie, 37, are readying their South of France estate for an intimate ceremony, but Brad was quick to shoot down those claims. At the Mayfair Hotel screening for Killing Them Softy, he said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it,” when quizzed if a date was decided for the big day.

Later, when Jennifer Aniston was asked about her wedding, she said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it. Why? Did Brad mention me? What did he say? Not that I care or anything. Did he say I was pretty? I’m wearing a new dress. Did he say he liked it? He’s probably just too shy to tell me. But seriously, did he say anything? Do you know what hotel he’s in? Is he on the ground floor? Do you have a crowbar? What? Hahaha, oh no. I’m just asking for a friend.”

Click here to see arial shots of Brad and Angelina’s estate in the South of France. Then look around your shitty apartment. If you squint hard enough you can pretend.

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Brad Pitt Is Finally Pretty Sure Angelina Jolie Is The One

And it only took one broken marriage, seven years, and six kids.

TMZ reports:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged — this according to Brad’s rep.

Brad’s manager Cynthia Pett-Dante released a statement confirming the engagement, but says there’s no wedding date yet — as of now, the engagement is simply a “promise for the future.”

Angelina was photographed on Wednesday wearing what appears to be her engagement ring. Click here for the photo.

So why this show of commitment now? Brad and Angelina always said they wouldn’t get married until gay marriage was legal, but then their kids are too young to understand the complex realities surrounding basic civil rights. So the official word is they are doing this because the (more…)

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This Was Brad Pitt At 14



If there are any 14-year old dudes reading this site and you’re at school today thinking you’re an uncoordinated dork who’ll never get laid, have faith. Because here’s Brad Pitt at 14 in 1977 posing for a team picture for the Cherokee Rejects in Springfield, Missouri. Apparently his go to play was to clap his hands and dance whenever he saw someone eating a Berries and Cream Starburst. Flash forward 20 years later, and Moses couldn’t part the sea of pussy waiting to jump on his dick. Then Angelina Jolie agreed to let him not pull out. So, relax. It gets better.

Source = Us Magazine

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