Ryan Reynolds Is A Star
Ryan Reynolds Is A Star

 

It was only five months ago that Ryan Reynolds was praying for the sweet release of death at Taylor Swift’s 4th of July party, but now he has a Golden Globe nomination and a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. He also still has a hot ass wife. I think Blake Lively just had a baby, but go look in the mirror. Her mom bod looks better than your regular bod. I’m not making this up. Seriously, go look.

 

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Blake Lively Is Crushing The Whole Pregnancy/Premiere Thing
Blake Lively Is Crushing The Whole Pregnancy/Premiere Thing


Blake Lively, seen here at the premiere of Cafe Society – the movie she was so grateful to book that she got mad at people for molester shaming its director Woody Allenstill looks hotter than 99% of women who aren’t pregnant. Like, if you were also pregnant and decided to show up to this premiere, a percentage of the proceeds would go to hire Pennywise to haunt your unborn child because that’s what you’d deserve. Don’t come up in here like anybody wants to look at you. Go away. 


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Blake Lively Could Pop At Any Time
Blake Lively Could Pop At Any Time


Blake Lively walked around NYC super pregnant and super happy, and doesn’t really seem to give a shit that that media says she’s pregnant. And she didn’t break a keyboard when the media speculated that she was pregnant. Also, she looks hot as hell as always. I would like to get her pregnant again even if she’s pregnant right now. Technology should be able to make that happen. Keep all this in mind, because a Jennifer Aniston post is coming next. It should be an exciting fun time that you and your friends can enjoy. 


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Blake Lively Is Being Problematic Again
Blake Lively Is Being Problematic Again


Last month at Cannes, Blake Lively came to Woody Allen’s defense, because she was cast in his Cafe Society and that’s what you do when somebody gives you job and you have to try to reconcile that with the fact that the person who gave you a job rapes little girls. Is that ideal? No. Is it just some shit you kinda half to do? I guess. Then while still at Cannes, Blake Lively posted this picture and the Internet did what it generally does best when some expresses an idea or thought: they had an unhinged meltdown. Now it’s June. And Blake Lively sat down with Hamptons Magazine:

“[Woody] creates a very pleasant set where everybody’s just happy to be there and happy to be making a movie, and happy to be a part of film history,” says Lively. “For him to have that confidence in you almost gives you the confidence in yourself to just go with the flow. And those are the moments that he really likes, the found moments, the moments that aren’t written but just happen.”

Uh huh. Mmm hmm. Okay. I see. Maybe get up from your seat now and walk out. You should just walk oh god Blake no.

It’s really cool to work with a director who’s done so much, because he knows exactly what he wants. But he’s very empowering.

Shit. Granted, people who read something called “Hamptons magazine”  are the same people who watch Woody Allen movies, but what they don’t understand is that Twitter can only read a few sentences at a time. This didn’t play well. It might if you did something like “replace a word in a movie title with ’empowering'” or something like that.


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You Need A Moment With Blake Lively
You Need A Moment With Blake Lively


Last time we talked about Blake Lively she had recently robbed a black woman at gun point of her ass then got away with it because of white privilege. People didn’t like that! It was a whole ordeal. But Blake had a black friend who said everything was cool then people just forgot about it because they found other things to project their narrative onto so they were mad about that instead. It was crazy! No word on when she will be held accountable for her crimes, but until she faces justice, she has a new movie out where she’s in a bikini and stalked by a shark. Probably because of her ass. Here are some pictures of the premiere of that movie. 


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Sir Mix-A-Lot Thinks Your Blake Lively Oakland Booty Article Is Dumb
Sir Mix-A-Lot Thinks Your Blake Lively Oakland Booty Article Is Dumb


Blake Lively’s booty is no longer a safe space after she spit in the face of racial progress by quoting “Baby Got Back” even though she lives in Burbank. Tensions were high. Luckily, Sir Mix-A-Lot just freed your weekend up from that protest you had planned, because Pret-A-Reporter asked him why you were so mad and fuck if he knows. I’m putting this (more..) thing in here, because we’re gonna break this down all nice like.

(more…)

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Blake Lively Is “Problematic” Now, Guys
 

L.A. face with an Oakland booty

A photo posted by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on



Obviously, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s classic “Baby Got Back” is a sacred piece of text tied to the black experience on par with “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings” and “Invisible Man”, so naturally, some people are offended that Blake Lively referenced the song that only white people sing to describe herself on Instagram. Take it away, Jezebel article written by a white girl!

Actress Blake Lively added yet another entry to her long list of being passively racist in a recent Instagram post, in which she stated that she has an “L.A. face with an Oakland booty.” The post, which was uploaded on May 17, features a split-screen photo of the actress, with one half showcasing her front, and the other her, well, back. The caption references the Bay Area city of Oakland, which has a traditionally sizable POC population. While Lively’s caption is most likely a nod to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s bar-mitzvah staple “Baby Got Back,” which includes lyrics that match Lively’s caption, it’s still problematic. In the end, it touts a diametrical opposition: that Los Angeles can be equated to elegance and/or beauty (read: whiteness), and that Oakland is its foil (read: blackness).

Jesus. Shut the fuck up. Just shut up. Like, we understand that a black guy wrote this song correct? I assume he wasn’t degrading black women by equating “elegance and/or beauty” to girls in Oakland with big asses. Or was he being racist against LA faces? I guess we’ll never know. In the meantime, and I know this might have a difficult time penetrating your narrative, but not everything a white person says is meant to oppress you. Blake Lively has a hot ass face and a big ass, then used a cultural reference that everybody knows. She’s not holding up an #AllAssesMatter sign. We can also skip the gentrification shit, because if you want to take a trip to Athens or Raleigh, you can see white girls with pretty faces and big asses in their natural habitat. But I understand that wouldn’t make for a good hashtag. 


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Safe To Say Blake Lively’s Pregnant

Last month US Weekly reported that Blake Lively was pregnant with her second Ryan Reynold’s baby. That apparently still seems to be true. Don’t wanna pass up that Deadpool money. It’s not like the baby can live off that Woody Allen money. I mean, unless the baby and Woody Allen come to some sort of arrangement that Susan Sarandon should read over first. You never really know with that guy. 

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Blake Lively Really Doesn’t Appreciate You Making Woody Allen Rape Jokes
Blake Lively Really Doesn’t Appreciate You Making Woody Allen Rape Jokes


Blake Lively has fifth billing in Woody Allen‘s new film, Café Society, and it was selected to open the The 69th Cannes Film Festival. And as soon as that shit kicked off, host Laurent Lafitte yanked Allen’s soul out of his chest with a rape joke. Again, Blake Lively is in this movie. And when you do a Woody Allen movie, you’re gonna have microphones in your face and people tweeting at you a lot. So she talked to Variety

“I think any jokes about rape, homophobia or Hitler is not a joke,” Lively said on Thursday when asked about the incident by a Variety reporter. “I think that was a hard thing swallow in 30 seconds. Film festivals are such a beautiful, respectful festivals of film and artists and to have that, it felt like it wouldn’t have happened if it was in the 1940s. I can’t imagine Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby going out and doing that. It was more disappointing for the artists in the room that someone was going up there making jokes about something that wasn’t funny.”…“But it wasn’t just Woody,” Lively said of the material. “He made three homophobic comments in a row. A Hitler joke. And a rape joke. It was all within 30 seconds … What on Earth was happening? It was really confusing.”

Honestly, who is out here hiring Blake Lively? Before this she made a shark movie and had some sort of blog apparently only her friends read. Now she’s at Cannes. Like, what do you want her to say? We can all agree with Ronan Farrow all day, but we’d all also probably agree with  Kristen Stewart. Because when was the last time you sacrificed your work promotion over something bad that happened to somebody you didn’t know? And that’s why the world sucks most of the time. Nobody gives a shit about something except the people the something happened to. And if this doesn’t apply to you, your Facebook posts aren’t changing any minds. Sorry. Sad to say. Jesus, the woman was writing a blog. Can she live?


Also, dude.

“I never read anything about me,” Allen said. “These interviews I do, anything. I said everything I had to say about that whole issue in the New York Times. I have moved so far past it. I never think about it. I work. It’s worked for me. I’ve been very productive over the years by not thinking about myself. “I’ve said I was never going to comment on it again,” he added. “I could go on endlessly – then we’d just be going on endlessly. I’ve said everything I’ve had to say about it.”

Kinda hard to tell if Woody Allen truly believes he didn’t do anything wrong or isn’t convinced of your ability to prove it, huh? If I was making a movie, I’d cast him as a villain. You can’t buy that an acting class. 


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Blake Lively Is Super Pregnant

I feel it hasn’t been that long since Blake Lively announced she was pregnant, so I feel like she should be smaller than this. She should be smaller than this, right? There’s no way the baby can be this big now. Either way, everything below the waist is gonna be Nightmare on Vagina Street in a few months and the hot Blake Lively we all know and love will be lost to us forever, because biology doesn’t care about the media’s standard of beauty. Biology should really get on board with that. Women can do anything, so if they truly want equal rights, I don’t think it would kill them not be gross after they have a baby. Every time I get somebody pregnant, I look the same. Not sure what the big deal is.

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