Half Pound Of The Blackened Ham, Please



It took me a while to figure out what was going in this picture of Beyonce leaving a nightclub in London because I was unsure if those were her thighs or the airbags deployed. I hate say anything about her gigantic legs, but if I was stranded on a desert island with her, the good news is that I wouldn’t have to look around that long to find something to build a raft.

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Beyonce Is Safe



Beyonce performed at the Honda Center last night, and boy I bet it was packed. That’s why I don’t like to go to concerts in arenas like this, because you never what might happen. What if there’s a fire? What if there’s a zombie attack? I don’t know, but somebody needs to find out. The good news for these people is they’re at a Beyonce concert. If God decided to flood the Earth after her encore, cutting off her legs and tying them together to make a raft wouldn’t be the worst idea.

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And This Is Different Than Fatal Attraction…How?


It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Fatal Attraction, but unless Ali Larter plans on uncrossing her legs and giving us a peek at her lower hemisphere, we can’t get behind Obsession. Unless, of course, there’s some huge catfight where Ali and Beyonce tear at each other’s clothing until their punching each other in the abs and Jay-Z and Hays MacArthur have to come in and break it up.

After they watch for a little and have a few brews, that is. Because there’s no point in getting in the middle of a catfight. Just let them tire themselves out.

Enjoy these pictures of Ali Larter’s butt. We’re guessing you’ll like them at least 50% more than you liked the above trailer.

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Single Linkies

Gwyneth Paltrow has her eye on on Madonna’s property [Dlisted]
Elisha Cuthbert’s old lady dress [Hollywood Tuna]
Madonna thinks she was a Japanese Warrioress in a previous life [Hollywood Rag]
Sarah Harding panty upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Patrick Dempsey from scrubs to spandex [Popsugar]
Jennifer Aniston nose job reminder [City Rag]
Alyson Hannigan is knocked up (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Wanda Sykes is proud to be gay [Just Jared]
Keanu Reeves might be a genius [Lainey Gossip]
Jessica Alba and her new hairdo [Popoholic]
Jennifer Aniston gets Photoshopped for Vogue [Egotastic]
Amy Winehouse talks about sex [Socialite Life]
Gary Busey Directs His Own Interview [College Humor]

Video up top: Justin Timberlake (more…)

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Beyonce is Stiff



I had sex with a blonde mannequin like this one, I’ve broken a redheaded heart, I was a devoted friend to someone who overdosed and died on my shoulder in my convertible, and I played opposite another dead guy in more movies. Who am I?

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Beyonce is Stupid



Everybody knows Beyonce is classless and completely full of herself right? OK, good. So this really shouldn’t be surprising. At all. MSNBC reports:

“Just like the Seinfeld episode where George wanted everyone to call him “T-Bone,” Beyoncé Knowles would like to be known by a bold new name. The R&B singer has christened herself “Sasha Fierce” for her new double album, “I Am…Sasha Fierce”, due in stores on Nov. 18, and has released a lengthy justification for the comical moniker. “I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am,” the former Destiny’s Child frontwoman said in a statement. “Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.” Additionally, she has set up a cryptic MySpace page (http://www.myspace.com/sashafierce) that gives a “lucky person” the opportunity to receive a personal message and a gift bag valued at $500.”

Oh God, please somebody shut this bitch up. Just because you have a made up name doesn’t mean it’s gonna magically protect you. My lawyers actually made that very clear to me.

Beyonce and Jay-Z leaving Cipriani in New York last night:

Cipriani pics credit: Splash

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Beyonce Finally Admits She’s Married



In an in an interview in the November issue of Essence magazine, Beyonce unwillingly talks about her marriage to Jay-Z. Unlike her perceived sense of class or her velcro hair, she says it’s “real.” People reports:

“Six months after marrying Jay-Z, Beyonce is at last revealing details about their top-secret wedding. “What Jay and I have is real. It’s not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It’s real,” the singer, 27, tells Essence magazine in its November issue. Notoriously tight-lipped about her relationship with the hip-hop mogul, Beyonce does share a little about her wedding day, but only after groaning, “You’re gonna get me in trouble.” Beyonce tells the magazine she didn’t want an engagement ring because, “People put too much emphasis on that,” she says. “It’s just material and it’s just silly to me.”

Yeah, I guess it’s “real” in a legal sense, but this interview didn’t do anything to dispel the long-standing rumors that Jay-Z is a controlling, violent thug who occasionally beats the hell out of Beyonce. Drug dealers who used to hire children to sell crack for them aren’t generally known for being gentle romantics or loving communicators. They are known, however, for making you fear for your life when being questioned. Like Beyonce is here. I just wish Beyonce and Jay-Z would get their own reality show so I could turn every time she flinches into a drinking game.

Beyonce and Jay-Z having lunch at some restaurant on October 5th:

Photos: Splash

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Beyonce Wants Attention



Some people think Beyonce is hot, so here she is in a bikini with about five bodyguards. Not really sure what the bodyguards are for, because her legs look like they could kick through a car door. Or not, I’m just guessing. Somebody lock her 3-piece dinner in a car and let’s find out.

Photos: Splash

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Solange Knowles is a Dumb Diva



You probably don’t know who Solange is, but if I say “Beyonce” will that ring a bell? It’s not the appointment list at an Atlanta hair and nail salon. Solange is the less famous sibling of Beyonce – of Destiny’s Child – the one who’s married to Jay-Z. Solange is Beyonce’s lesser known sister – the one who got pregnant when she was a teenager and then had a shotgun wedding or something like that … yeah, you were probably thinking, “Who gives a shit?!?!?” and so was I.

She’s trying to sell something and shitting on the people who gave her the time of day:


Good job, Solange! You got corrected by Jason Feinberg. I’m from Vegas and I watch this show while I’m half awake every morning. The guy you’re hearing off-camera usually talks about his cats more than he talks about anything else on that show. Solange should just put a picture of her face in the center of bicycle spokes, then call her brand, “Asshole” because that’s the only way she’ll sell anything without namedropping.

Credit to FOX 5 Vegas and MORE!; Photo credit: Splash

Bonus – Solange and her dumb shoes on TRL yesterday:

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Beyonce Knowles is a Hair Model



Beyonce Knowles is wearing some dead white girl’s hair in these new L’Oreal ads. The Native American who scalped the girl said, “White woman no smoke my peace pipe, bang my drum, or sit on my teepee, so I trade her hair for new Lil Wayne CD.”

Source: Sexy-Sugah.com – Thanks, Melanie!

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