Somebody Married This

Hey, remember that time Cameron Diaz was hot in 1994? Well, big news, she got married in 2014 to some guy.

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden sure are off to a sweet start in 2015. The two “were married [Monday] evening in an intimate ceremony at their home in Los Angeles,” their rep confirms exclusively to PEOPLE.  “We couldn’t be happier to begin our new journey together surrounded by our closest family and friends,” the couple tell PEOPLE.

Cameron Diaz looks like that thing on Jeepers Creepers and Benji Madden is/was in a band that I remember making shitty music, so I hope this blessed union brings them some kind of happiness.

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Christina Aguilera And Benji Madden Might Be Doing It

Coincidentally, the same week Good Charlotte dropped a new album and about three weeks before Burlesque‘s opening night, Christina Aguilera and Benji Madden were spotted on a double date with Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. X17 reports:

Christina Aguilera and rumored boyfriend Benji Madden made it a double date last night with Benji’s bro Joel and fiancee Nicole Richie at the Soho House.

Sources said that Xtina, who’s gotten really close to Nicole Richie, is rebounding from her divorce with Benji Madden, and now we’ve got the proof! Course, it seemed like Benji wanted to keep it on the down low, he hid in the backseat next to Christina (while Nicole was the one hiding in the front.)

Also convenient is the timing of this outing in relation to rampant rumors that Christina’s been getting dirrty with Samantha Ronson, but I actually see this working. They can trade tips on eyeliner and how to really work the crowd when they perform together at the county fair. And, you know, cunnilingus.

A semi-convincing tranny Christina Aguilera impersonator:

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Paris Hilton Might Be Pregnant



Oh, please no. Nooo!!! The Awful Truth says:

She’s not drinking. It’s the first time I’ve never seen her do that.”
Above source is a firsthand, regular and up close observer of Paris Hilton and her horniness, hotness and sometimes tankedlicious goings on. Said insider’s been posing and preening right alongside Ms. H at a few recent T-town soirees. Gosh, is this the new, freshly domesticated Mrs.-Madden-to-be Paris or Paris the teetotalist, perhaps (for whatever reason)? Or, to get very National Enquirer about it (as if there were any diff here at A.T., I mean, really), could this possibly be the new preggers Paris? Just a pregnant pause, or hunch, that’s all, babes. See, when the regularly guzzling heiress suddenly cleans up her vodka-happy act, hon-pies, somethin’s up. Fer sure.”

Sorry if you don’t have a gay decoder ring to decipher what Ted Casablanca just said, but basically Paris Hilton has stopped drinking and it’s weird that Paris Hilton would stop drinking because she’s famous for being a drunk skank. So, the speculation now is that she might be pregnant. Which would make sense, because Paris Hilton craves attention and having a baby would finally give her that again. A baby who would have to be born with the whole world knowing Paris Hilton was its mother. I’m not a nurse, but I think we can all agree that the best thing to do for this baby would be to put it in a shoebox and float it down the river.

Paris and Benji yesterday in Malibu:

Photos: Splash

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Benji Madden Ran Over a Dude



Paris Hilton and Benji Madden left a nightclub last night and ran over a paparazzo’s foot. The world cries out in apathy. TMZ says:

As the snappers swarmed PBandJ’s ride, a loud yelping sound can be heard as Benj drove right over one photog’s checkered shoe covered foot outside Foxtail. After the rollover, Madden checked out the situation and took off. But just minutes ago, TMZ learned the treadmarked photog is currently dealing with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department over the incident. No word on whether Benji and Paris are even aware of that yet. UPDATE: The photographer just left the L.A. Sheriff’s Department in West Hollywood, where he filed a hit and run report.”

Madden’s car looked like it was out of gas and being pushed, so I’m pretty sure this paparazzo jackass has a solid case. Or probably not. This happened in California. Benji Madden could’ve ran this dude over then sold his organs on eBay and he would at worst, get sentenced an Indian burn.

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Paris Hilton Wants a Cheetah



While in Cape Town attending the “My Coke Fest” concert with Benji Madden, Paris Hilton stayed at the luxurious Mount Nelson Hotel and wowed hotel guests and staff with her level of retard. Gatecrasher says:

A hotel spy tells us: “Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?'”

Paris Hilton locks her dogs in closets and leaves them there for weeks until they die or until she bothers to remember they’re alive, so I think I’m gonna take a wild stab and say the cheetah would probably run away. And a cheetah on the loose in Beverly Hills would seem pretty scary, until you realize it’s gonna be the one wearing glitter and the pink doggy tennis skirt. Oohhh, check you out, Mr. Cheetah.

Paris Hilton hawking her ugly shit in Montreal this weekend:

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Paris Hilton Busted Her Face



No longer wanted in America, Paris Hilton and her lame ass boyfriend, Benji Madden, were in Prague this weekend, and long story short, Paris did a chin plant while running away from the paparazzi. She must have thought they were trying to steal her drugs, because Paris Hilton never runs away from cameras. I don’t know whose idea was it for her to run because that’s probably not the best plan when your feet look like scuba flippers. You could race Paris Hilton with a cannon tied to your leg and you’d have to give her, at minimum, a thirty second head start.

Story and photos via Paris Hilton fansites

Update: Here’s the graceful swan falling on her beak. Sent via email from some kickass Czech IDLYITW fans who probably smoke weed.

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Sophie Monk is Single



Australian actress/model Sophie Monk has reportedly split from her fiance of one year, Good Charlotte wanksta, Benji Madden. The Daily Telegraph reports:

Speculation the couple were having problems first surfaced when Monk canceled a scheduled appearance at Carols by Candlelight, citing “family reasons”. Yesterday, Monk’s father was reluctant to comment on his daughter’s single status, when contacted at the family’s Gold Coast home by our Brisbane colleagues. “There’s nothing to say and I’m best to say nothing. You’re best to talk to her manager,” her dad Andrew said.”

There’s no telling what her manager might say. Probably that Sophie Monk woke up one day and realized she was engaged to Benji Madden. That couldn’t have been good. The last thing to have the name “Benji” was a homeless dog. In his defense, the homeless dog did rescue kidnapped kids. I’m not really sure what Madden does. That is of course if “has queerest rock song on the radio” isn’t on his tax form. If it is, hey dude, my bad.

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Sophie Monk Gets Naked




Sophie Monk has a nude scene in Sex and Death 101, the same movie in which Winona Ryder has a nude “sex” scene. Sophie Monk is best known for looking like a chipmunk and being Benji Madden’s girlfriend. She is also now known as “the chick who should only do topless scenes.” Nice flat ass. In 1546 it would’ve been used as a map of the earth.

These are NSFW:

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