There’s this other movie coming out that I guess some people might be excited for and the three main people in that movie dropped their character posters on social media today. Those people are Henry Cavill as Gel Superman, Gil Gadot as Fine As Hell Wonder Woman, and Ben Affleck as Tie-In Promotional Toy. They can take whatever this movie makes and use it to feed the crew on Star Wars VIII.
The second official trailer for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice dropped, and as you can see, this shit is gonna be an epic and glorious mess. The dialogue, Jesse Eisenberg’s acting, the dialogue, Jesse Eisenberg’s dialogue, a CGI rock monster, the two last lines of dialogue, giving away the entire plot, Jesse Eisenberg’s wig, Henry Cavill’s hairline, everyone involved realizing they made a horrible mistake.
This thing dropped last night and already has 2M views, so I’m gonna just accept that everybody reading this has already seen it and I’m probably just wasting your time. I should have done that, but then I couldn’t type Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer and have it Charlie Sheen up in the Internet. Not sure what’s happening in this sneak peek, but it looks like the Batman v Superman part. It doesn’t really look like Batman is really doing any v’ing here, because Superman snatches his wig off and has dudes like bowing down to him and stuff. Batman is also wearing a trench coat for some reason that has yet to be explained. He took the time to put his gloves over it, so it appears he doesn’t plan on taking it off. Maybe somebody body shamed him online.
Zack Snyder tweeted the first full image of Ben Affleck’s Batsuit in the already lame looking Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, so I’m posting for you guys since I assume you have enough taste not to follow Zack Snyder on Twitter. Nice painted on abs. Not sure of the crime rate in Metropolis now, but I assume most criminals have already fled their respective scenes by the time Batman gets this suit halfway on. And if you think this is cool, go check this out. Then be ashamed of yourself for getting excited over this post.
The Batman v Superman teaser trailer dropped on the same day as the Stars Wars: The Force Awakens second teaser trailer, so whoever was responsible for that will probably carry their severed head whenever he haunts the place he was murdered, but I guess that’s what he gets for being involved with this bullshit. Anyway, here’s the IMAX posters. How can they fight crime if they can’t even see? I guess Daredevil does but nobody likes him because he’s a lawyer. Criminals do whatever they want for Lent.
See Superman’s mask face after the jump
I honestly don’t understand why Zack Snyder is allowed to make movies. Is he holding a daughter of somebody at Warner Bros hostage? Superman might not be able to be killed or whatever, but Disney and JJ Abrams just smacked him in face with their teaser trailer dick yesterday, and to make it worse, somebody leaked the fucking dumb full trailer for Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. Batman looks like he’s in an 80s music video about weird kids in a church asking Superman if he’s ever had his period. At least Joel Schumacher doesn;t have to die knowing he made the worst Batman movie.
Zack Snyder dropped a teaser to the teaser trailer for Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice
This Is An Unnecessarily Long Title today. So here it is. It’s already better than the Ant Man trailer, because Ant Man in itself is pretty dumb, no? Do we really need two hours of that? Wow, you can shrink. Cool. What else can you do? Oh, talk to ants? The villain in this movie is a can of Raid I guess. Anyway, here’s the teaser to the teaser. Thanks, SuperHeroHype. You guys are doing great and important work.
— ZackSnyder (@ZackSnyder) April 16, 2015
Why don’t we have real-life crime fighting superheroes? Well, reality is probably the first thing that stands out for me. Sure, there’s probably a billionaire somewhere who could be Batman, but if you’re 30 and already a billionaire, that 25 minutes would probably be better spent on the phone with your lawyer to discuss non-extradition countries after your wife is found with her head and body in two separate places.
As revealed in a Fashionista article about the costumes of TV and movie superheroes, it takes roughly 25 minutes for Ben Affleck to get into his Batsuit for next year’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice — and that’s with assistance. “It does involve multiple costumers,” admitted costume designer Michael Wilkinson, adding that turning the actor into the DC Entertainment superhero is “not the sort of thing that I could just sit in Ben’s trailer and he gets into it himself. It’s a six-handed operation.” Creating the new Batsuit, revealed Wilkinson, included input from Batman v Superman director Zack Snyder, who apparently wanted to address one of the problems with Batmen from previous movies: namely, the Dark Knight’s inability to turn his head. “It’s a very important thing to Zack that the Batsuit would be comfortable and very flexible but then would be able to perform in a very natural and forceful way,” said Wilkinson, adding that the rigidity of the cowl and neck-pieces was “one of the first things that Snyder mentioned to me in one of our initial meetings.” This time around, promised Wilkinson, “a lot of incredible engineering went into the development of the new black cowl.”
So basically if Batman was real, the police and ambulance would be at the crime scene first, then Batman would be tasered and shot in the face when he showed up because he wears a hoodie and is usually unarmed.
Zack Snyder tweeted the first picture of Jason Momoa’s Aquaman last night. I mean, it looks cool and all, but what can he do about bears? Do laps in the lake until Superman kills it? Sweet.
Zack Snyder ruins everything, so not only did he cast a spastic AV nerd as one of the greatest villains of all time in Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, he’s also adding Robin.
“Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” will reportedly feature a female Robin, with actress Jena Malone rumored to be playing Carrie Kelly, according to a local news station in Detroit. WILX-10 News station reporter Kirk Montgomery spoke with one of the extras at Michigan State University, where a scene involving Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) and Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) was being filmed this week. “I’ve also learned that the character of Robin is now female,” he said alluding to the film’s top secret script. Warner Bros. declined to comment. Malone, who appeared in “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire,” has been seen on the WB set and recent movie premieres sporting a new red hairdo.
This movie is supposedly heavily influenced by Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, and in that, Robin is apparently a ginger named “Carrie”. Unsure if her getting her first period or going to the prom will be a plot point or not, but do we really need a Robin? I don’t even care that Robin is a girl, because Robin is a chick’s name anyway and Robin wears booty shorts and a tiny cape, but why am I even getting upset over this? I feel like I typed too much about this.