Other People Showed Up To The American Music Awards Too

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Alanis Morrisette was there for some reason. She’s Canadian and not that relevant anymore, but she used to bang Ryan Reynolds for a long time, so she gets a pass.

It almost makes sense that Audrina Patridge showed up, because her story line in The Hills involved her pretending to work for a record label and staring at the ceiling a lot.

Heidi Klum is still taking one for the team and banging Seal. She can do what she wants.

Jenny McCarthy has no discernible talent when she wears dresses like this. Al Qaeda: 2

Katherine Heigl took a break from making shitty movies and complaining about how hard it is to stand on an ‘X’ and recite lines that someone else wrote for her to remind us that she exists. Al Qaeda: 3

I guess craft services had churros.

Katy Perry won a special achievement award for being the first female artist to have five number 1 singles from a single album despite sounding like a cat being skinned every time she opens her mouth. Al Qaeda: 4

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Audrina Patridge Is Deformed

Her words. Radar Online says:

Audrina Patridge has a chest deformity which makes her breasts look like they are different sizes, RadarOnline.com can report. The former Hills star – who has appeared in numerous bikini photo shoots – has a problem with her chest bone which affects the appearance of her breasts. When quizzed on whether she’d had breast enhancement surgery, she told iPad news provider The Daily: “I don’t like to talk about that. Well, see I have this chest problem. My bone right here, it’s higher on this side? It’s pectoralis something. So I’ve always struggled with that. You could see they look different sizes all the time.”Audrina admits she gets exasperated with rumours she has had cosmetic surgery and blames her Hills co-star Heidi Montag – who has famously gone under the knife for over 10 procedures, including breast augmentation and a nose job – for the speculation surrounding her appearance. She added: “I always get asked about that because of Heidi and there’s all these rumours and they all say I’ve had, like, six procedures, and I’m, like: ‘Where do you get that?’ Look at the pictures. I fluctuate in weight a lot. And as far as my face, I’ve never had anything done.”

If Audrina’s never had work done on her face, I guess her surgeon took her eyes out of it in order to fix them. Her tits and the canyon between them both stay big whether she loses or gains weight. The only things separating her from Frankenstein’s monster are literacy and a dick.

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Audrina Patridge Should Really Only Do This Forever



If you went back in time and aborted Audrina Patridge, then came back to right now, you’d look around and notice that not a damn thing had changed. But the world needs skinny brunettes with huge tits, so that’s why she’s on the site. And will always been on the site until she decides to stop calling the paparazzi to tell them that she’ll be at the beach in a bikini. And if I can point something out, her mom was also there in a bikini but I didn’t post those. Why? Jesus. Can you stop being a fucking weirdo for five minutes?

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Audrina Patridge Is A Great Friend



Audrina Patridge put her absolutely sick body in a bikini in Santa Monica yesterday, and if having huge tits wasn’t enough, she even stopped to encourage and cheer for her friend. Who apparently is celebrating being able to grab the back of her knees for the first time.

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Audrina Patridge Does Bongo



I have no idea what Bongo is, but I do know what big tits are, so here’s Audrina Patridge doing the only thing she has any right to be doing. Wearing a bikini. Mostly because her body is insane. I would have sex with her, but my penis is really small and my grandma said women don’t like that. But can my penis ever be as big as my heart? Huh, grandma?! Huh?! Don’t look at me!

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Audrina Patridge Does FHM

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Audrina Patridge became a reality star because of that one show about rich white people with problems, so I guess the only reason she’s on here is that she has huge tits. You might not know this about me, but I like huge tits. Haha, I know right?! You learn something new everyday! It’s almost like we’re friends now LOL!!!

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Audrina Patridge Is Very Good At This



Audrina Patridge’s tits always look like they’re fighting the magnetic reversal of the poles, and if you took her apart, nothing would look even remotely attractive. But when you put it all together it forms like fucking Voltron, defending the universe against the use of Cialis.

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Audrina Patridge Is On Vacation



Audrina Patridge took time out from her busy schedule of being in bikinis to go to the beach and be in a bikini. She looks like she was made from parts that were dug up from graves, but I’m not gonna lie, I’d hit that. Mostly likely after I tasered her to repossess her organs. According to my scan, she’s 96 days past due. Her tits also appear to be black market.

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Something Is Wrong Here Links

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Katy Perry in a rubber bikini [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff‘s boobs love Texas [Popoholic]
Julianne Moore cameltoe [TaxiDriver Movie]
Audrina Patridge‘s surgeon has lobster claws for hands [Celebslam]
Greek girl gone wild [COED Magazine]
Tom Hardy’s pubes. This one’s for Jessica [Dlisted]
Surprise! Brittany Murphy‘s husband spent all her money [Popeater]
I need to get Zoe Saldana pregnant [Just Jared]
I need to get Victoria Justice pregnant. In six months. [Egotastic]
Nicole Kidman nude [Cityrag]
John Hamm doesn’t have the “marriage chip” [Cele|bitchy]
Ladies, take these pictures to your surgeon. Thank you. [The Chive]
Amanda Mrowiec. I really need to get her pregnant. Now. [Heyman Hustle]


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Really?

I have no idea how many people at Bongo went to actual marketing school, but they have decided to make Audrina Patridge their face. Audrina Patridge. Was a jack-o-lantern not available? Because I wouldn’t make this chick the face of a pirate ship. Don’t get me wrong, the body is sick, but the face looks like a backup singer for the band booked to play the Hogwarts commencement.

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