Mila Kunis Is Having A Girl

Why did you add 2014 + 18 in your head just then? Weirdo.

Ashton Kutcher will soon be outnumbered 2-to-1 in his household — because his pregnant fiancee, Mila Kunis, is expecting a baby girl, multiple sources confirm exclusively in the new issue of Us Weekly. Although the daughter-to-be will be the first child for both Kunis, 30, and Kutcher, 36, the Two and Half Men hunk "got plenty of practice with Demi's girls," one pal notes.

They maybe should have found a way to reword that last sentence. Kinda takes you out of this feel good story.

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Mila Kunis Is Pregnant
Mila Kunis Is Pregnant

 

Not sure why, but Kelso knocking up Jackie makes me happy. E! News reports:

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are engaged and going to be parents! Kunis is pregnant with the couple's first child, a source confirms exclusively to E! News just weeks after being first to report that the former That '70s Show co-stars were planning to tie the knot.

I really don't know what else to say here. I mean, I'd get Mila Kunis pregnant and want as many people as possible to know about too. Ashton Kutcher should delete his entire Wikipedia and just write, "I got Mila Kunis pregnant. I also do some acting stuff. Hit me up on Netflix."

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Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged
Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Engaged

 

Mila Kunis was spotted with a big ass diamond on her ring finger, so I guess this means she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher. We'll play along.

You are not about to be punk'd. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged, E! News exclusively confirms. Kunis was spotted shopping earlier today wearing a diamond ring on that finger, and a source tells us that she and her former That '70s Show costar are indeed planning to make it official.

They've been dating for two years, so I guess this might be true or she just likes big ass diamonds. But two years is plenty of time for Kutcher to have seen her without makeup, and if you haven't seen Kunis without makeup, I suggest you get a night light and check under your bed before you go to sleep because its the stuff of goddamn nightmares. Seriously. You'd bring your pets inside if you saw a Mila Kunis without makeup in your backyard. Hopefully Sephora was mentioned in the prenup.

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Everybody Got Hacked



Some dude hacked everybody and released all their financial information. And I really do mean all of it. TMZ reports:

Twelve big celebs and political figures are the victims of a hacker who has posted detailed information about what appears to be their finances … and we’ve learned law enforcement is on the case. A website — we’re not disclosing the name — has posted social security numbers, mortgage amounts, credit card info, car loans, banking and other info of major celebs. In addition to Beyonce and Jay-Z … the site has snagged financial dossiers of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck. The site was not able to get a lot on Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton, but most of the others on the list have had their financial info compromised. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the LAPD has already launched an investigation. We’re told the FBI is looking into it.

This list now also includes Britney Spears, Hulk Hokan, Donald Trump, and Michelle Obama, so needless to say, the FBI is now apparently all over this. It just sucks that he didn’t go after Christina Aguilera. I’d really like to know how many gas station burritos she buys every week.

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Demi Moore Wants All Of Ashton Kutcher’s Money Basically



“Oh hell naw, bitch.” – Mila Kunis

It took more than a year for Ashton Kutcher to file for divorce from Demi Moore, and now three months later, Demi has filed her divorce response. It basically just asks for Ashton’s PIN. Radar Online reports:
Demi Moore has formally filed her divorce response to Ashton Kutcher’s previous filing, and her papers reveal a big cheating secret, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively. Moore cites the date of separation as November 17, 2011. That’s crucial because Ashton hooked up with Sara Leal in San Diego about a month BEFORE that — with Leal claiming that he said he was separated. But Demi’s papers show that she certainly thought they were still together while he was off with the other woman! And now she wants Ashton to pay. Demi is seeking spousal support from the super rich actor and wants Kutcher to pay her legal bills. She cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the breakup.

Ashton Kutcher is banging Mila Kunis and made $24M last year (and millions more in tech startup investments) for his role on Two and Half Men, making him the highest paid actor on television. On the other hand, Demi Moore spent 2012 having people call 911 for her and spending time in rehab. But Ashton Kutcher stuck his penis in a girl in Vegas once, so now he has to pay Demi a sum of money every month. Makes perfect sense when you think about it.

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Lindsay Always Borrows Money From Ashton Kutcher That She’ll “Pay Back In A Few Weeks”



Since Lindsay Lohan has quite figured out how to suck money directly out a penis yet, she’s now hitting up her exes for money that she totally plans to pay back as soon as they track her down and harvest her organs to sell them on the black market to recoup their money. National Enquirer reports:

DESPERATE and destitute LINDSAY LOHAN is mooching money off of “Two and a Half Men” star Ashton Kutcher – and he feels so sorry for the troubled startlet that he’s having a tough time turning her down. Sources say the two had a brief fling years ago, so Ashton feels obligated to let Lindsay treat him like her own personal cash machine! Although their brief romance was never serious, “Ashton has always had a soft spot in his heart for her, and Lindsay totally exploits it,” said a source. “She has been asking to borrow hundreds of dollars at a time with the promise to pay him back ‘in a couple of weeks.’ Ashton knows he’s never going to see the money again, but he’s very loyal,” continued the source. “Even to a train wreck like Lindsay.”

I wonder how Mila Kunis feels about this? It must be pretty convenient when Lindsay shows up at his house at 3am with a cordless drill she just found. Lindsay even lets them keep it for $20 until she gets paid! What a steal!

[h/t The Superficial]

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Here’s Ashton Kutcher As Steve Jobs In ‘jOBS’


If you want to see a hipster freak out then call their parents for an emergency constant praising and validation session, show them this clip of Ashton Kutcher as their Divine Leader in the new movie ‘jOBS’. In this clip, Steve Jobs is yelling at somebody because Jobs was an infamous douche who everybody hated. Later in the movie, he tries to sue Samsung because he thought he patented the rectangle.

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Guess Which One Is Steve Jobs




The Steve Jobs biopic, jOBS, will premiere at the Sundance Film Festival this year, and here is the first release image of Ashton Kutcher as the co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc and hipster demagogue, Steve Jobs. So, here’s two pictures. One is of an actor who played a retard in a television show once and is currently banging his co-star from that show, and the other is a egomaniacal asshole who made billions making easily breakable phones in China before dying of cancer. Leave your best guess in the comments!

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Demi Moore Wasn’t Legally Married To Ashton Kutcher



Ashton Kutcher spent part of his time with Demi Moore banging strippers in Vegas and now he’s all over town with Mila Kunis, but it’s been almost a year since they split and Demi Moore has yet to file for divorce. Man, that’s weird. I wonder why? Radar Online reports:

As we previously reported, sources close to the couple have speculated that their Kabbalah wedding was just a symbolic ceremony and not a legal marriage, and her actions now seem to back up those claims. After Ashton was caught cheating on Demi on their sixth wedding anniversary they separated, and in November 2011 she released a statement announcing the “end of their marriage” but she has never filed for divorce from him.

Is everything about Kabbalah symbolic? What is that red string bullshit about? I mean, if you’re gonna go through with a ceremony, not make it legit? Like at the end of Star Wars and everybody got a medal but Chewbacca. Did he get a symbolic medal? Seems pretty racist to me.

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