My boo likes her some coffee, so here's some pictures of Ashley Greene in Soho, well, drinking coffee. And walking! Don't forget walking. Walking in those short ass shorts. Maybe I should have opened with that. In hindsight, that's way more interesting than the coffee angle I took. I mean, I guess it all depends on what kind of coffee it is though. I'm an iced Americano guy myself. I find they are refreshing and give me a solid boost of energy in the morning. Glad we talked about this. I feel like you know more about me now. We're really opening up to each other. I like it. Text me later.
The liberal media will have you believe that you should be talking about Hilary Duff at the iHeartRadio Awards, but my unbiased approach would like you to focus on Ashley Greene. She looks like she's lost weight, and that's always a good thing. Also a good thing? Her legs over my shoulders. I just got a PR on my strict press, so she can basically just hang out as long as she wants. I have a few hours before I have to run to get some stamped fabric. Michael's is having a sale
I don't know what the hell is going on with Ashley Greene's gym, but she's there like 96 hours a week and she still doesn't have an ass. I'm not a certified trainer, but I assume having your clients just stare at the squat rack isn't an actual exercise.
Every picture you see of Ashley Greene is either of her going to the gym or leaving the gym, yet her ass is flatter than whatever you can think of that's really flat. Then think of something flatter than that. I don't know how much she's paying at this gym, but squat racks, barbells, and kettlebells aren't that expensive. And anybody can afford to do air squats, They're like the soccer of full body movements. You can do them at home, in the street, in a brand new arena that will be closed down soon because soccer is boring and stupid.
If you've read this site for a while you know that I love me some Ashley Greene. Like, "love" in the sense that I'd bang her. But there's a whole lot of cognititive dissonance going on because she has the ass of somebody who is paralyzed from the waist down. Have you ever seen The Apparation? It's basically just 90 minutes of her running around in panties and not one single person tells her to put some pants on. Or at least some shorts. Christ, cover that up. We have a ghost up in here, I don't need to be freaked out by your ass too. But, yeah, here she is in some vintage swimsuit thing. So go take a look. I'm gonna go sit by gentle brook and think about this for a while.
If we didn't have enough bad news lately, Ashley Greene is now blonde. Why? Is she trying to hurt me? What have I ever done to her? Was the letter I wrote? Not my fault she doesn't like the smell of Drakkar. Lots of women like it.
Want To Buy Walter White’s Tighty Whities? [Thrillist]
Backdoor Farrah Didn’t Get $1 Million For Doing Porn [Dlisted]
Adele Was Totally Adorable Even as a Super Young Adele [Fishwrapper]
Kourtney Kardashian's White Pantie Upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
It’s Time For Another Wonder Woman Fan-Film [The Superficial]
Paris Hilton Is Actually Looking Pretty Good! [Hollywood Tuna]
Lacey Chabert Sizzlies In Maxim… Big Time! [Popoholic]
Chrissy Teigan showing her nipple (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Arnold Schwarzenegger's love-child Joseph Baena is turning 16 today [TMZ]
Kanye West takes Kim Kardashian to dinner in Paris, but did he let her eat? [Celebitchy]
Emma Watson Stuns @ ‘Gravity’ Premiere in NYC [Moe Jackson]
If ever there was any doubt about Michelle Rodriguez’s (bi)sexuality, let it all be settled on Friday [Film Drunk]
Maria Menounos wants women to hate her [Celebslam]
Say Goodbye To Breaking Bad With A Bunch Of Random Facts About The Show [COED Magazine]
There’s a Second Trailer for ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’ [The Blemish]
Nicole Kidman’s Hairstylist Is Obsessive [Evil Beet Gossip]
Jacksonville Jaguars Can’t Raise Attendance with Free Beer [Crave Online]
The Jonas Brothers address those gay rumors [Popbytes]
Khloe Kardashian: Why She’s Allowing Lamar Odom Drama On ‘KUWTK’ [Hollywood Life]
As you already know, I post every picture of Ashley Greene that the people who pay me pay for me to download, so here we are. I could write a bunch of stuff here or I can just point out that she's in yoga pants drinking liquid from a phallic object and how that object could be my penis. The subtext of what I'd write would basically be that anyway, so I won't waste anyone's time here.
A provision of my contract with I Don't Like You In That Way says that I must post every Ashley Greene that are available through our photo agencies, and even thoughh I just made that up, it sounds better than any other reason that would justify me posting pictures of Ashley Greene getting a manicure. Look, let's just go with it. I should also mention that if we dated she would save a lot of money on Brazilians because science has proven hair can't grow if a tongue is covering the surface area. Look it up. I think Joseph Lister was the first to publish.
I thought after her apartment burned down and she broke up with her boyfriend that Ashley Greene would be in the correct emotional state for me to trick her into letting me get her pregnant, and since this is a probably a run on sentence I'll just keep it going, so color me surprised that she was on on a date with Josh Henderson in West Hollywood this weekend. That's right, Ashley. Color me surprised. Whatever. Two can play this little game. I just waved to Kelly Ripa through my televison. I think we're dating now. Sorry. You had your chance.