Ashley Benson Isn’t Rihanna

 

I was all mentally prepared this morning to spend a lot of time on Ashley Benson at some event where she's celebrating Pretty Little Liars making it to 100 episodes, because having sex with her is probably something that I would enjoy for a few minutes, but, you know, Rihanna also attended an event last night in an invisible dress so I need to get Ashley out of the way really quick. I hope you understand. Nothing personal. What? Whoa, whoa slow down. There's no need for name calling here, Ashley. I mean, you're beautiful and everything but….oh, so now I'm not beautiful? You calling my grandma a liar, bitch? Stop. Just stop. I don't want to hug you right now.

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A Moment With Ashley Benson
A Moment With Ashley Benson

 

Ashley Benson is on the cover of the June 2014 issue of Complex, which will probably eventually lead her to be on the side of a milk carton in July, because white dudes love them some kidnapping and holding against wills and such. What's up with that?

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‘Spring Breakers’ Is Getting A Sequel
‘Spring Breakers’ Is Getting A Sequel

 

YES LAWD.

Wild Bunch will also launch Spring Breakers: The Second Coming, in which the Spring Breakers do battle with an extreme militant Christian sect that attempts to convert them. Scottish writer Irvine Welsh has written the screenplay and Swedish Jonus Akerlund will direct. Wild Bunch sold his 2002 film, Spun. “It’s not a direct sequel although there are allusions to some of the characters in the original,” says Maraval, adding there will be a mix of new and old cast in the production. LA-based Muse Productions, which owns the concept to the first film, is producing alongside Wild Bunch and French distributor Mars Films. Follow us: UPROXX on Facebook.

The writer of Trainspotting and the director of Spun. Christ. My boner can only talked down because apparently none of the original cast appear to be coming back. So that means no Ashley Benson bouncing in every scene. This saddens me. To be honest, this saddens me a great deal. Hold me.

 

#neverforget:

 

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Ashley Benson Was McDonald’s Official Corporate Whore At Coachella
Ashley Benson Was McDonald’s Official Corporate Whore At Coachella

Ashly Benson Coachella

 

Seen here not even attempting to pretend that she wasn't paid by McDonald's to attend Coachella, Ashley Benson deep throated the golden arches the entire weekend. She couldn't have hooked up with Moe's? I would have respected her more.

 

source = she's lovin' it

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Ashley Benson Will Never Do A Nude Scene
Ashley Benson Will Never Do A Nude Scene

 

Ashley Benson did the March cover for Cosmopolitan, the fantastic magazine that empowers women with such articles as "Did Your Man Order Something Different At Your Favorite Restaurant? 250 Signs He's Cheating" and "75 Ways To Turn Him On!". Mostly, its overcomplicated subversion designed to turn their readers into overthinking Chanel bags of neurosis and sel-doubt. Anyway, Ashley Benson looked hot on the cover and she did a pandering interview where she claimed she'll never do a nude scene.

"I never want to do nudity that's gratuitous. Girls look so much better in lingerie or a T-shirt and leave the rest up to the imagination. I make it clear that I have a line…Everyone tries to push you, and it's easy to get talked into doing those things. I'll just walk off-set. But not everyone realizes they can do that."

As a man, I have a different undertanding of gratuitous nude scenes because the female form is the most beautiful thing the Earth has ever produced. It should be shown as much as possible without you thinking you're being marginalized and objectified. If you have other shit going for you besides a great ass, then there really shouldn't be a problem. To put it in perspective, it's like if chocolate and shoes had their own magazines and complained how you only like unwrapping them and showing them off in public. In closing, get naked. Get naked a lot. You're hot. On the other hand, Lena Dunham is praised for finding every occassion to get naked even though she looks like Grimace with some sort of pigmentation disease. I can't be the only one who sees a problem with this. Becky, I see your hand raised in the back, would you like to share your thoughts on this?

 

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Ashley Benson Is Doing Stuff, Links

If You Can Tell Me What Toni Collette Is Talking About That Would Be Great [Fishwrapper]

Pam Anderson in a Wet See Through Pink Bikini (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Kris Humphries’ Rebound Made A Sex Tape Called ‘The Anti-Kim’ [The Superficial]

Hayden Panettiere Looking All Kinds Of Busty Hot At LAX [Popoholic]

Keri Russell’s Hotness Is Underrated [Hollywood Tuna]

Anna Wintour Will Grow A Human Heart Before She Puts North West On The Cover Of Vogue [Dlisted]

Ashley Benson is in Nylon (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Jennifer Garner covers the new ALLURE [Lainey Gossip]

Gwyneth Paltrow & her bodyguards acted like jerks at the library fundraiser [Celebitchy]

Twerking Pro-Surfer Anastasia Ashley Works Her Bikini Body [Moe Jackson]

Every Alfred Hitchcock cameo [Film Drunk]

Amanda Seyfried is NSFW [Celebslam]

Claudia Romani's Sexiest Ass-ets [COED Magazine]

Bam Margera Had to Cut His Fancy Rings Off His Fat Fingers [The Blemish]

John Mayer and Katy Perry Did a Song Together [Evil Beet Gossip]

Exclusive First Look: Marvel’s ‘Infinity: Against The Tide’ [Crave Online]

Listen: Lady Gaga and Cher’s “The Greatest Thing” [Popbytes]

Get Revenge [MyEx]

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Ashley Benson Also Went To The 2013 Teen Choice Awards

Apparently you had to look at Christina Hendricks twice today for a period of time. Not sure what that was about. But the leading theory from my boss is that I'm a moron. He makes some very valid points. He's pretty smart and has great hair. He also surfs I think. Did I mention he has great hair? It's pretty great. They had to stop a meeting once because everybody was complimenting it and nobody could remember the action items from the webinar. So to make up for Double Hendricks, here's Ashley Benson at the 2013 Teen Choice Awards. She could probably also attend the Male 18-100 Choice Awards and still win something. Because people find her very attractive.

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Ashley Benson Is Weird
Ashley Benson Is Weird

Ashley Benson is ridiculously hot and has huge boobs, and I want to speak my truth to you all right now: those two things are very important to me. That you be ridculously hot and have huge boobs. Way down on that list is chicks who walk around on pavement in socks with the toes cut out. What's that about? Is she playing Britney Spears in a movie? I don't get it. I guess I have to go back to looking at her boobs again

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Ashley Benson Is Great At Hiding

Ashley Benson went walking around Robertson Boulevard in Hollywood yesterday, and much to her surprise, paparazzi were everywhere. And they even tried to take her picture!  Paparazzi! In Hollywood?! Ashley and I could barely even beleive it!

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