Ashlee Simpson Can’t Give Her Wedding Photos Away
Ashlee Simpson Can’t Give Her Wedding Photos Away

 

Hey, do you kinda, sort remember that Jessica Simpson has a younger sister who tried to be a singer that one time then went on SNL and was never heard from again? Take your time. Yeah, she had blonde hair and kind of  a weird chin then wore clothes she found at Hot Topic in the Fall Out Boy section for like two years? Remember? Good. Anyway, she got married to Diana Ross’ son this past weekend and nobody wants to buy her pictures unless Jessica is in them.

One would think the mere presence of the supreme Supreme would be enough to help Ashlee’s photos fetch big bucks, but that doesn’t appear to have been the case. “The only outlet that had expressed any real interest is People,” another insider said. “But they made it clear that a picture of the two sisters together would be better than a picture of Ashlee alone or with her groom. And (People) will not guarantee a cover.” An hour after Confidenti@l contacted Simpson’s rep Janet Ringwood for comment, wedding photos were suddenly, and not exclusively, released for sale to any magazines or papers that were interested — in the late afternoon on Labor Day! We’re also told that Ashlee had considered releasing the pictures via social media.

I don’t even know what Evan Ross looks like. I mean, Getty told me that the banner picture was of Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross, but it could also be some dude named Devin Ross. We just can’t know for sure. And I wonder if any Ashlee has thought about releasing these exclusively through iCloud?

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Ashlee Simpson Got Engaged To Diana Ross’ Son
Ashlee Simpson Got Engaged To Diana Ross’ Son

 

Ashlee Simpson, the filtered white girl above, announced her engagement to her boyfriend Evan Ross, the filtered black guy above, on Twitter. Pretend this is 2003 so you can consider this news. Are you there? Sweet!

My baby love and I are ENGAGED!!! Hallelujah Hawaii !!!!!

I guess this means they're going to Hawaii. Hawaii is pretty expensive, so I bet you can still buy her CDs at full price there.

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There’s Been An Ashlee Simpson Sighting

Ashlee Simpson has been in hiding for a while now, and I guess you can't really blame her. In the span of two years, she's been divorced, her sister had two kids and remained in the media spotlight, and her father was outed as a closet homosexual resulting in her parents' divorce. She's been going through a lot of emotional stress lately. So it's proably the best time to ask for anal.

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Hey There, Ashlee. How Have You Been?

Ashlee Simpson has had a pretty bad year. Her dad was a secret gay, her mom wrote a sucide note, a court almost said Pete Wentz was a better parent, and her sister is expecting Irish twins. But depsite all that, she manages to stay skinny and hot without trying to sing or pretend she's a pop star. I don't know what's next for her, but if she called up Farrah Abraham and asked for career advice I wouldn't be mad about it.

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Ashlee Simpson Is Single



Page Six made us all remember that Ashlee Simpson still exists today, because apparently her and her boyfriend, Lucky Luciano, broke up over Thanksgiving. Page Six reports:

Ashlee Simpson and her boyfriend, “Boardwalk Empire” star Vincent Piazza, have split after nearly 1 1/2 years of dating, Page Six has exclusively learned. The singer and Piazza broke up over the Thanksgiving holiday, sources tell us, after his burgeoning career kept them apart. One source told us, “Vincent has been working a lot, so he hasn’t been able to spend as much time with Ashlee, which has caused some problems. It was a mutual agreement to split, but things have been bumpy for a little while, so perhaps they might reconcile.

Vincent Piazza is on one of the best shows to ever air on HBO and Ashlee Simpson is on her parent’s insurance, so it’s not hard to see why they broke up. No information on why they broke up over Thanksgiving, but IDLYITW’s secret sources tell me that it was because Joe Simpson was in biker shorts and a boa pretending to give a turkey leg a blow job.

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Oh, Hey There Ashlee



Ashlee Simpson is in Mexico right now with Pedo Joe and the rest of her family, and umm, goddamn. If this bent over in front of me, just hand me a piece of chalk so I can draw an outline of where her vagina used to be (*). Also, Jessica Simpson is not pictured. I assume she’s inside waiting for the beans to refry. WHY YOU TAKE SO LONG BEANS??!!

(*) = That means I would totally have sex with her. Just wanted to make that clear to everyone.

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Jessica Simpson Is Staging An Intervention

This will end well. Star reports:

Jessica Simpson has staged an intervention for her troubled 26-year-old sister, Ashlee. Ashlee is in the middle of a painful split from Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 32, with whom she has a 2-year-old son, Bronx. And reportedly, she’s not handling it well. “Ashlee is downing eight to 10 bottled of wine a week,” a source reveals to Star. “Jessica is on a mission to save Ashlee from self-destructing, and she told her to funnel her angst into songwriting.” Knee-deep in wedding prep, Jessica has even enlisted her fiancé, Eric Johnson, who has been helping Ashlee craft songs. “Jessica has also been writing with Ashlee, but refuses to take any professional songwriting credit,” adds another insider. “The biggest reward for Jess will be seeing her baby sister bounce back.”

(more…)

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Ashlee Simpson Is A Great Ex-Wife



In the midst of their divorce, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were spotted together twice over the weekend leading many to believe a reconciliation was in the works. Nope. Ashlee Simpson just gave him one last pity fuck before she took her vagina talents to South Beach. Or wherever. TMZ reports:

Ashlee Simpson feels badly that Petz Wentz is hurting over their impending divorce, and that’s why she spent time with Pete over the weekend — she is NOT getting back together with him. Ashlee and Pete hit up In-N-Out and Taco Bell, but there is no reconciliation. Pete is leaving town today for a month-long series of concerts, and she wanted to boost his spirits before he left. Our sources say Pete never wanted the divorce and would get back with Ashlee in a second, but she definitely wants out of the marriage. They’re both trying to stay on good terms for the sake of their son, Bronx.

Ashlee tried to make it work for the kid, and now that the kid’s skull is fully formed, it’s time to move on. Why? Mostly because Pete Wentz wears skinny jeans and did a video once where he showed guys the proper way to apply eyeliner. So if you think he was breaking Ashlee off right, sorry. Ashlee could lock Pete and Christine Teigen in a closet for five hours and, at worst, come back to find them painting each others toenails and talking about Zac Efron.

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Joe Simpson Wins

Guess who’s being blamed for the Pete Wentz-Ashlee Simpson split? From Pop Eater:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had lunch together with son Bronx in Beverly Hills this week, giving some hope to shell-shocked friends that they might reconsider their divorce. Insiders tell me, however, that’s not going to happen if Ashlee’s dad, Joe Simpson, has his way.

“Just like when Jessica split from Nick, Joe is doing nothing to encourage Ashlee to give the marriage another try, if only for the sake of her son,” an insider tells me. “Joe likes being the only man in his daughters’ lives and is happy that Ashlee has moved back into his home [in Encino, Calif.], just like Jessica did after she announced she was leaving Nick.”

Whatever. Ashlee Simpson (more…)

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That Girl Wants To Party All The Time

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz announced their divorce earlier this week, and sources came out of the wood work to explain why. Us Weekly says:

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz sure wasn’t feeling down last Friday, Feb. 4. Five days before she filed for divorce from Pete Wentz after less than three years of marriage, the star, 26, was out on the town in Hollywood – hitting SHG’s Eden nightclub…

“She was drinking Grey Goose and Sugar-Free Red Bull all night,” the witness says. “She was laughing a ton,” adds the Eden observer. “She didn’t care who was around her…she was just there to have fun.

Things were less festive by Wednesday, when she and Fallout Boy rocker Wentz, 31, confirmed their decision to divorce. “We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our number one priority,” they said in a statement. (Their little boy is 2 years old.)

And although many were shocked by the divorce news, one source close to the couple tells UsMagazine.com the young pair have been headed for divorce “for quite some time.”

At issue, among other things: Ashlee’s “partying [and] being out of control,” the source says.

Indeed, way back in June 2009 — just 13 months into their marriage — Simpson-Wentz was already “reverting to drinking and going out,” another pal told Us Weekly at the time. The wild behavior was “an outlet for her unhappiness,” the pal explained.

This split is pretty shocking. A girl with low self-esteem and bizarre daddy issues being unable to maintain a stable relationship is nothing new, but Ashlee and Pete had a lot in common: shitty music, bad haircuts, irrelevance, and a love for dick. Get it together, you crazy kids. Give the rest of us some hope.

Here’s Ashlee leaving a salon. As in, this is what she paid for.

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