Ashlee Simpson has been in hiding for a while now, and I guess you can't really blame her. In the span of two years, she's been divorced, her sister had two kids and remained in the media spotlight, and her father was outed as a closet homosexual resulting in her parents' divorce. She's been going through a lot of emotional stress lately. So it's proably the best time to ask for anal.
Ashlee Simpson has had a pretty bad year. Her dad was a secret gay, her mom wrote a sucide note, a court almost said Pete Wentz was a better parent, and her sister is expecting Irish twins. But depsite all that, she manages to stay skinny and hot without trying to sing or pretend she's a pop star. I don't know what's next for her, but if she called up Farrah Abraham and asked for career advice I wouldn't be mad about it.
Page Six made us all remember that Ashlee Simpson still exists today, because apparently her and her boyfriend, Lucky Luciano, broke up over Thanksgiving. Page Six reports:
Ashlee Simpson and her boyfriend, “Boardwalk Empire” star Vincent Piazza, have split after nearly 1 1/2 years of dating, Page Six has exclusively learned. The singer and Piazza broke up over the Thanksgiving holiday, sources tell us, after his burgeoning career kept them apart. One source told us, “Vincent has been working a lot, so he hasn’t been able to spend as much time with Ashlee, which has caused some problems. It was a mutual agreement to split, but things have been bumpy for a little while, so perhaps they might reconcile.
Vincent Piazza is on one of the best shows to ever air on HBO and Ashlee Simpson is on her parent’s insurance, so it’s not hard to see why they broke up. No information on why they broke up over Thanksgiving, but IDLYITW’s secret sources tell me that it was because Joe Simpson was in biker shorts and a boa pretending to give a turkey leg a blow job.
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Ashlee Simpson is in Mexico right now with Pedo Joe and the rest of her family, and umm, goddamn. If this bent over in front of me, just hand me a piece of chalk so I can draw an outline of where her vagina used to be (*). Also, Jessica Simpson is not pictured. I assume she’s inside waiting for the beans to refry. WHY YOU TAKE SO LONG BEANS??!!
(*) = That means I would totally have sex with her. Just wanted to make that clear to everyone.
This will end well. Star reports:
Jessica Simpson has staged an intervention for her troubled 26-year-old sister, Ashlee. Ashlee is in the middle of a painful split from Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 32, with whom she has a 2-year-old son, Bronx. And reportedly, she’s not handling it well. “Ashlee is downing eight to 10 bottled of wine a week,” a source reveals to Star. “Jessica is on a mission to save Ashlee from self-destructing, and she told her to funnel her angst into songwriting.” Knee-deep in wedding prep, Jessica has even enlisted her fiancé, Eric Johnson, who has been helping Ashlee craft songs. “Jessica has also been writing with Ashlee, but refuses to take any professional songwriting credit,” adds another insider. “The biggest reward for Jess will be seeing her baby sister bounce back.”
In the midst of their divorce, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were spotted together twice over the weekend leading many to believe a reconciliation was in the works. Nope. Ashlee Simpson just gave him one last pity fuck before she took her vagina talents to South Beach. Or wherever. TMZ reports:
Ashlee Simpson feels badly that Petz Wentz is hurting over their impending divorce, and that’s why she spent time with Pete over the weekend — she is NOT getting back together with him. Ashlee and Pete hit up In-N-Out and Taco Bell, but there is no reconciliation. Pete is leaving town today for a month-long series of concerts, and she wanted to boost his spirits before he left. Our sources say Pete never wanted the divorce and would get back with Ashlee in a second, but she definitely wants out of the marriage. They’re both trying to stay on good terms for the sake of their son, Bronx.
Ashlee tried to make it work for the kid, and now that the kid’s skull is fully formed, it’s time to move on. Why? Mostly because Pete Wentz wears skinny jeans and did a video once where he showed guys the proper way to apply eyeliner. So if you think he was breaking Ashlee off right, sorry. Ashlee could lock Pete and Christine Teigen in a closet for five hours and, at worst, come back to find them painting each others toenails and talking about Zac Efron.
Guess who’s being blamed for the Pete Wentz-Ashlee Simpson split? From Pop Eater:
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had lunch together with son Bronx in Beverly Hills this week, giving some hope to shell-shocked friends that they might reconsider their divorce. Insiders tell me, however, that’s not going to happen if Ashlee’s dad, Joe Simpson, has his way.
“Just like when Jessica split from Nick, Joe is doing nothing to encourage Ashlee to give the marriage another try, if only for the sake of her son,”an insider tells me. “Joe likes being the only man in his daughters’ lives and is happy that Ashlee has moved back into his home [in Encino, Calif.], just like Jessica did after she announced she was leaving Nick.”
Whatever. Ashlee Simpson (more…)
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz announced their divorce earlier this week, and sources came out of the wood work to explain why. Us Weekly says:
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz sure wasn’t feeling down last Friday, Feb. 4. Five days before she filed for divorce from Pete Wentz after less than three years of marriage, the star, 26, was out on the town in Hollywood – hitting SHG’s Eden nightclub…
“She was drinking Grey Goose and Sugar-Free Red Bull all night,” the witness says. “She was laughing a ton,” adds the Eden observer. “She didn’t care who was around her…she was just there to have fun.”
Things were less festive by Wednesday, when she and Fallout Boy rocker Wentz, 31, confirmed their decision to divorce. “We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our number one priority,” they said in a statement. (Their little boy is 2 years old.)
And although many were shocked by the divorce news, one source close to the couple tells UsMagazine.com the young pair have been headed for divorce “for quite some time.”
At issue, among other things: Ashlee’s “partying [and] being out of control,” the source says.
Indeed, way back in June 2009 — just 13 months into their marriage — Simpson-Wentz was already “reverting to drinking and going out,” another pal told Us Weekly at the time. The wild behavior was “an outlet for her unhappiness,” the pal explained.
This split is pretty shocking. A girl with low self-esteem and bizarre daddy issues being unable to maintain a stable relationship is nothing new, but Ashlee and Pete had a lot in common: shitty music, bad haircuts, irrelevance, and a love for dick. Get it together, you crazy kids. Give the rest of us some hope.
Here’s Ashlee leaving a salon. As in, this is what she paid for.
After dating since 2006, and being married since 2008, it was reported yesterday that Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce from Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz. Why? Oh, they just differed on something. That’s all. No big deal. Daily Mail reports:
Ashlee Simpson has split from her husband of two and a half years and has filed for divorce. The singer, 26, married former Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 31, in May 2008 and have two-year-old son Bronx Mowgli together. The blonde cited ‘irreconcilable differences’ in the documents filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court on Tuesday. TMZ have reported that Ashlee is seeking joint legal custody and primary physical custody of their toddler. She has requested that Pete be granted visitation rights. She is also asking for spousal and child support. The couple reportedly did not sign a prenuptial agreement.
I tried to care about this story yesterday, but then I remembered I was writing about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz then I got up and made a sandwich. I thought there would be some idea about what the irreconcilable differences were this morning, but apparently not. So I guess I’ll speculate: eyeliner. Ashlee prefers lining upper and lower outer lids and lining the inner rim of her lower lid for a more intense look for an evening out, whereas Pete enjoys and all-out look for sultry eyes! Cover the entire lid with a dark gray, or for the newest take on the smoky eye, a deep bronze, eye shadow, and apply a lighter shade of the lid color in the crease with a fatter black pencil.
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Prissy, Disney manufactured pop star Joe Jonas was leaving Street Lounge Restaurant last night when a paparazzo straight up asked him if he was gay and if Ashley Greene’s “contract as beard partner” was gonna expire next month. What happens next is the most shocking and brutal attack on a photographer that the world has ever seen. And by “shocking and brutal attack” I mean, Joe Jonas saunters to his jeep and smiles then asks them to “show some respect”. Man, I sure am glad he told those reporters off. I was beginning to think he’d leave with us still questioning his sexuality. You go Joe!