A TV Show Host Called Ariana Grande A ‘Lazy Little F**k’

Forever bae Ariana Grande has been in London promoting her new album and fragrance where she was scheduled to appear on The Jonathan Ross Show but never showed up. He took it pretty well.

The singer, 22, was said to be en route to ITV’s London studios where she was due to perform, following a perfume photocall at a nearby Boots store and a day of radio interviews. But she failed to appear for the recording of the show, to be broadcast on Saturday. Wossy raged: “Ariana is in town. We were told she would be in the car at 6pm to be here for 7pm then it got to 7pm and she was not in the car – 7.30pm and she is still not in the motherf****** car. So I don’t think we can hold out much hope. “I don’t know what it is. We are going to give Ariana the benefit of the doubt and not say anything mean or judgmental. I apologise to anyone who might have come along hoping to see her. “She was booked but the lazy little f***** has not come. Maybe she has gone to her first Nando’s.”

Luckily, all hope wasn’t lost since Ross had a star-studded lineup to sing hits from today that the young people would enjoy.

The host was forced to close the show with his guests Joan Collins, Danny DeVito and Sheridan Smith in a karaoke rendition of Nine to Five.

Dude really wanted her in that car, huh? He should have realized that my queen only likes to be carried around like a baby. And I assume not being on shows where the host calls you names when you don’t want to be on camera when somebody reads a page of the Book of The Dead aloud and unwittingly reanimates Joan Collins and unleashes a cloud of locusts.

 

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Ariana Grande Dropped A Video
Ariana Grande Dropped A Video


Forever bae real doll  Ariana Grande dropped the single and the video for “Focus” last night. I guess the song is kinda ok until you get to the chorus. Not sure if they only had five minutes of studio time left to do the chorus or if there was a fire, but the video is basically just four minutes of Ariana Grande in a tight dresses shaking her ass. Nothing else is really supposed to matter I think.



 #fbf


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Here’s Ariana Grande’s New Album Cover
Here’s Ariana Grande’s New Album Cover


Ariana Grande has a new album coming out, and I guess it’s gonna be a lesson in capitalism, because America hates her. But America generally hates anything that’s brown that doesn’t wear a flag pin or doesn’t believe Jesus was a fan of the free market. Either way, I’m sure it will  sell more than Nick Jonas’ last album, because even though Ariana is brown, at least she’s not gay. God hated gay people so much he forgot to put it in the Ten Commandments.


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Ariana Grande Is Accidental



Ariana Grande kissed her Victorious co-star, Elizabeth Gillies (who has these), then said she posted it to Instagram by accident. I mean, that’s cool and all, but Kris Jenner could make up a better lie than this. Not that any of that matters, because it’s a video of two hot chicks who aren’t lesbians kissing each other. You normally don’t see something like that unless they’re trying to loosen up the last dude at the bar who hasn’t bought them drinks yet. These two are pretty forward thinking and feminist pioneers. Let this be a lesson to everyone.


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America Runs On Hatred Of Ariana Grande

Q Scores is a company that asks ‘Muricans what they like. Then this data is then turned over to corporation and that’s why The Bachelorette is still on the air and why you buy basically anything deep fried. THR also took that data and came up with the most disliked celebrities of the year. Ariana Grande is #2.

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Ariana Grande Is Free To Lick Anything

Last week, Ariana Grande almost made Jesus parachute back home with Chris Kyle and a centaur powered by the soul of Bristol Palin’s unborn fetus into the old U S of A to overturn some tables at Wolfee Donuts after Grande was recorded saying she hates America and Americans. She offered up an apology to people who had already been hit with 500,000 volts from the nationalism taser, so it was basically just a waste of time. SC Congressman Jeff Duncan weighed in, mostly “just curious” as to why the media was giving Donald Trump such a hard time but letting Ariana Grande off easy. Good question. My best guess would be that one is 22-year old brat and the other one is running for highest office in the country? That could be it. Anyway, Grande won’t be charged with anything. It’s a liberal conspiracy! #benghazi #jadehelm #tcot

Ariana Grande won’t have “donut-licker” on her criminal record … because TMZ has learned she will not be charged with criminal mischief.  A rep for the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department tells TMZ, the owner of Wolfee Donuts does not want to press charges, so it’s case closed. The donut shop is the loser, because the incident triggered a health investigation and the shop only scored a B.

The most disgusting part of this story is that Ariana Grande put her tongue on something that’s sold in a store with a B rating and that people on Facebook think America will be paying billions to Iran as part of the nuclear deal because they don’t know how sanctions work.

 

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Ariana Grande Is An Assault On Donut Liberty

As you already know, Ariana Grande walked into Wolfee Donuts on the night of July 4th and licked some donuts. She also screamed , “I hate Americans! I hate America!”. People got upset about that, because in America, you’re supposed to be proud of something you had nothing to do with. Namely, your parents having unprotected sex then being in the United States at the time of your birth. If you don’t take pride in that, you can just go back wherever the hell you came from, commie! Problem is, Ariana Grande came from Boca Raton, Florida, not an ISIS camp like some your Facebook friends fear. Whatever, Todd! Why do you think so many Latin Americans want to come here?! I don’t know, maybe because Mexico isn’t on the border of Norway or Finland? My guess is proximity. Anyway, while we were feigning outrage over somebody insulting America’s dick size, the true victim in this case has suffered yet another indignity.

Cops have teamed up with public health officials to investigate the incident, the Associated Press reports. Grande herself is not being investigated, but rather Wolfee Donuts, the donut shop where the incident occurred.  Health officials are looking into why the donuts were left exposed and whether the shop has a history of leaving food out. California health laws require restaurants to keep food protected from the public. Luckily for the shop, authorities found no further issues with the shop when they visited Wednesday.  “During the investigation, the manager did state they normally don’t leave donuts out like was shown in the video,” Dottie Ellis-Merki, a spokeswoman for the Riverside County Department of Environment, told the AP. “The employee went to the back to retrieve freshly made donuts by request of the customer and left the trays out while getting other trays.”

Look, if the donut was sentient, I’m sure it would have no problem with Ariana Grande licking it. Thomas Jefferson didn’t write the Bible so some activist politician could not allow you to not lick powdered donuts when you see powdered donuts prominently displayed on a counter. I’m just glad that somewhere right now that somebody in Texas is at an Army recruiter’s office because of this video.

 

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Ariana Grande Was A Planned Post

Since Bristol Palin’s new baby was a mistake and she’s disappointed but it was planned and it’s a miracle, here’s Ariana Grande performing at the The 29th Annual Dance on the Pier 26 in New York City. As you can see, she’s not dancing around logic. Oh, and she’s singing into the microphone, not telling the audience the dangers of ponytails.

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Josh Duggar’s Father-In-Law Thinks Everybody Wants To Molest Kids

Last week we learned that if a Christian molests children, it’s just a simple mistake that can be corrected by building houses and praying very much like when Bill Cosby and Roman Polanski made errors in judgment. Josh Duggar is just a poor sinner who was tempted by the devil and his sisters who are all one big succubus of Satan and harlots for Beelzebub. He really had no choice but to sneak in their bedrooms are fondle them as they slept. And according to Josh Duggar’s father-in-law, Michael Seawald, we shouldn’t judge Josh, even though Josh has no issue judging strangers who don’t fondle children and just want to get married, because after all, Josh prayed a bunch, you guys. Also, did you know that we all want to molest kids, but God is judging us so we don’t? It’s true. Michael said so.

Many times it is simply lack of opportunity or fear of consequences that keep us from falling into grievous sin even though our fallen hearts would love to indulge the flesh. We should not be shocked that this occurred in the Duggar’s home, we should rather be thankful to God if we have been spared such, and pray that he would keep us and our children from falling.”

Although I’ll give this dude a modicum of credit for being the fist person in this family that actually mentioned the victims, he can get the fuck out of here with the rest of it. I’m an atheist and I haven’t molested any kids. Why? Maybe because I wasn’t raised in a house where jacking off can send you to hell and sexual oppression is part of the curriculum that teaches homeschooled kids that Moses won WWII with just an eagle and a bible. Or maybe I’m just not a pervert in Arkansas who can’t let his underage sisters walk around in towels without trying to fuck them. Josh Duggar is a child molester. Plain and simple. No amount of praying or confessing is gonna make him less of sexual deviant. Also, what do you think of these pictures of Ariana Grande, Josh? Hahahahahaha, she’s 21!! Joke’s on you, buddy!

 

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Ariana Grande Paid For Most Of Her And Big Sean’s Dates

When I heard Ariana Grande and Big Sean broke up the skies parted and a beam of light came down from heaven. Oops. sorry. Heaven doesn’t exist. It was just noon and my windows were open. But why did they break up? Because Big Sean wrote a song about her vagina and said he spent a lot of money on her when in reality she paid for everything. Oooh, stand in line, ladies!

Sources connected with Ariana tell us … the last straw was when Sean dropped his track, “Stay Down,” in which he raps:

I ain’t even gonna lie, I got a million dollar chick
With a billion dollar p****y
Every time I c*m, I swear to God I feel like I be rich

We’re told Ariana felt humiliated because Sean was treating her like a piece of meat. Ariana’s grandmother came to her and asked about the lyrics, which was especially embarrassing. But there was plenty of tension leading up to the song. Sean claims she made him pay for all sorts of extravagances. But our Ariana sources say SHE is the one who foot most of the bills, including vacations and private flights.

Look, if your girlfriend is bringing the looks, the vagina, and the money to the relationship, it’s not gonna last very long. You have to bring something to the table other than putting a price on her vagina and going to the bathroom when the check comes. Maybe learn party magic tricks or another language. Learn to pair wines with dinner. Kill a homeless man and give her his heart in a gift bag with some diamonds to show your love. Women love grand gestures like that.

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