Bill Clinton Tried To Bang Anna Nicole Smith
Bill Clinton Tried To Bang Anna Nicole Smith


With all the sexual assault allegations being handed out recently, it’s now time to throw Bill Clinton‘s name out there again since he no longer serves any political purpose after his wife dug up his corpse for her failed 2016 run. Like this article (lol). I’ll guess we’ll have to wait until Al Franken and John Conyers retire before they can have their “reckoning”. Say what you will about the GOP and their support of Roy Moore, but at least they’re honest about it. Democrats might be wise to do the same, but of course, they won’t. Anyway, if you haven’t heard, Bill Clinton likes to stick his dick in everything that moves and he isn’t super picky. Take it away Death And Taxes:

Writer-director-producer David Zucker sat down with Gilbert Gottfried and Frank Santopadre for an episode of “Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast” that was released Monday. At the one hour and five minute mark, Zucker discusses a conversation he had with Bill Clinton, who was president at the time Zucker premiered “Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult” at the White House in 1993 because “Bill was a fan of the ‘Naked Guns.’” Zucker told Gottfried and Santopadre about the then-president’s acute interest in one of the film’s stars, the late Anna Nicole Smith.

Bill Clinton then proceeded to be super subtle and not weird at all.

Zucker then told the story about how Clinton cornered him before the screening to inquire about Smith. “She’s the Guess Jeans girl, right?” Zucker said Clinton asked. Zucker confirmed as much, and the president implied he had masturbated to her photo while aboard Air Force One after his aides placed her photo in his room. “They put her fold-out in my stateroom, inside of the door,” the “Airplane!” director said Clinton told him. “I’ve got that glued on smile…and it was years later that I realized that he wanted me to set them up,” Zucker continued. “And I’m such a dope, I could have double-dated with the president.”

I mean, if you’re the President and you can bang 1993 Anna Nicole Smith, go for it. JFK passed around Marilyn Monroe to his friends like a cum sock, but he still got us to the moon and got us out of nuclear war with Russia, so it all depends on what issues are most important to you.


1993 for reference:


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Anna Nicole Smith Was Investigated For Murder

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E. Pierce Marshall, the late son of oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall and stepson of the “Hottest Stepmom” winner, Anna Nicole Smith, was front and center in the court battle to keep Smith from getting her hands on his father’s estate estimated to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He died three years ago of natural causes. So good thing she didn’t confess the murder-for-hire plot the FBI was investigating. The AP reports:

Smith’s FBI records, obtained exclusively by The Associated Press, say the agency investigated Smith in 2000 and 2001 in a murder-for-hire plot targeting E. Pierce Marshall, who was at the center of a long legal fight to keep the starlet, model and stripper from collecting his father’s oil wealth, valued in the hundreds of millions. The younger Marshall died three years ago of natural causes. The documents released under the Freedom of Information Act depict an investigation going on as the fight raged over J. Howard Marshall II’s estate. Vast sections of the 100 pages of released materials — a fraction of Smith’s full FBI file — are whited out, and no evidence of her involvement in such a plot is detailed. There is no indication how authorities became aware of any alleged scheme, but agents interviewed Smith on July 3, 2000. Told why she was being questioned, “Smith began crying and denied ever making such plans,” a report said. Smith told agents that killing Pierce Marshall would not have made sense because her ex-husband’s money would still be tied up in a trust, and because she believed the court battle over the fortune was nearly over, the report states. She told agents she believed the story about the plot was made up by a former lover angry that she broke off their relationship, according to the files.

Please keep in mind we’re talking about Anna Nicole Smith. It’s yet to be confirmed if she could breathe and count to three at the same time, so a complicated murder-for-hire plot might have been a little out of her brain’s price range. At best she googled “meerdur” and gave up five minutes later after she couldn’t find the number of the guy with the curly mustache who ties people to railroad tracks.

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Howard K. Stern Got Arrested. Finally.

Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer and boyfriend at the time of her death in 2007, has been formally charged, along with two doctors, with eight felonies for illegally supplying Smith with prescription drugs and conspiring to “fuel an addict” with those drugs. TMZ reports:

Stern and Dr. Sandeep Kapoor (above right) and Khristine Eroshevich are being charged with a total of eight felonies. According to the L.A. County D.A., the conspiracy counts allege the three defendants conspired to furnish controlled substances to Smith between July, 2004 and January 2007. Stern and Kapoor were charged with one count of unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance. Eroshevich and Stern were charged with unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance between June 2004 and January 2007. Kapoor and Eroshevich were each charged with obtaining a prescription for opiates by “fraud, deceit or misrepresentation.” They were both also charged with one count of obtaining a prescription for opiates by giving a false name or address. Kapoor and Stern were also charged with one count of “prescribing, administering or dispensing a controlled substance to an addict.” Eroshevich was charged with the same crime for separate prescriptions. Bail is recommended at $20,000 for each defendant. We know both Stern and Kapoor bailed out Thursday night.

Let’s not kid ourselves here, Anna Nicole Smith was fuckin crazy. But you can see how she might think her car was a winged seahorse or think a mailbox was holding secrets about her when her boyfriend and a team of doctors were making her shotgun psychotropic meds to keep her under their control. Unlike chloroform, which is perfectly fine. Nobody gets hurt with that. Just ask the girls in the dorm that I break into at night. Or don’t. Because they can’t remember a thing. Hi five!

You can read all our Anna Nicole Smith coverage about this investigation and her death here.

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Anna Nicole Smith Might Get Exhumed

California Attorney General Jerry Brown issued eight search warrants today in connection with the California Department of Justice’s investigation into the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, Smith’s psychiatrist, and Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, Smith’s physician, both received warrants (and Howard K. Stern was at Eroshevich’s home at the time the warrant was issued). At the time of her death, Anna Nicole Smith prescriptions included Dilaudid, Lorazepam, Soma, Prixge, and Methadone. Brown says an exhumation of Smith’s body is a possibility as the investigation continues. New York Daily News reports:

The Medical Board of California said in April it was investigating Eroshevich, who, according to documents, authorized all 11 prescription medications found in Smith’s hotel room the day she died. The medical board also began an inquiry to determine if there was any misconduct by Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, who reportedly prescribed methadone to Smith. Methadone is a popular narcotic painkiller that is used as part of drug addiction detoxification and maintenance programs. Methadone overdoses can cause shallow breathing and dangerous changes in heartbeat. Methadone was one of the substances found in the system of Smith’s 20-year-old son, Daniel, who died in September 2006 of an apparently accidental drug overdose.”

Man, this should be fun. It will be just like Weekend at Bernie’s except with bigger tits.

Read California Attorney General Jerry Brown’s full statement here.

Images courtesy of TMZ

n00dz! (NSFW):

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Anna Nicole Smith’s “Death Photo” Stirs the Pot

She’s not dead here! Chill.

The controversy surrounding these Anna Nicole Smith photos which were released online yesterday is getting a little more … well … controversial. The Insider published a statement from someone who claims to be Howard K. Stern’s attorney which reads as follows:

Shortly after I was retained by Howard Stern, I received firsthand information that MOE BRIGHTHAUPT (“Big Moe”) had contacted tabloids offering for sale one or more photographs of Anna Nicole Smith. Yesterday, photographs of Anna Nicole and Dannielynn were posted on various Internet websites. These photographs are the property of the Estate of Anna Nicole Smith and were stolen from her camera shortly after her death. Big Moe denies selling the photographs but admits that he is distributing them. His misappropriation of Estate property is unlawful and his stated motives for doing so are not credible.

“This is another egregious example of deceit and manipulation by individuals and certain members of the media to profit from Anna Nicole’s death. Even more disturbing is the fact that selective photographs have been distributed — intentionally selected to make Anna Nicole and others appear in a false light. Fortunately, the memory card stolen from the camera had been downloaded before it was stolen and the Estate is in possession of every photograph in the series. The other photographs clearly show that Anna Nicole, as she often did, was merely playing for the camera.

However, received a statement this morning in response to Howard’s K. Stern’s alleged attorney’s statement which reads as follows:

After reading the statement of attorney L. Lin Wood we find it necessary to respond to a series of erroneous comments. Big Moe has never stolen anything, including a memory card shortly after the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith. Claims of profiting from Anna Nicole’s death are equally disturbing. Big Moe would never seek to profit from the disturbing photographs on various Internet websites.

In regard to L. Lin Wood’s comment regarding deceit and manipulation the pictures in question through focused eyes speak for themselves. If playing for the camera included Anna Nicole Smith vomiting, L. Lin Wood has taken spin to a new level.

Big Moe continues to mourn the death of his close friends, but continues to question why pictures on Anna Nicole Smith were ever taken in the first place.

Paul Porter”

I’ve been informed that this story will be all over Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, so it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out on television. I’ll be watching because Pat O’Brien is such a leathery stud. And ferrets are cute. Especially the dead one under Pat O’Brien’s nose.

Note: Anna Nicole wasn’t dead in these photos, but they’re still probably NSFW:

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Anna Nicole Wasn’t Dead, Was Damn Close Though

A person close to Anna Nicole Smith contacted us and told the story behind these photos. I don’t claim this story to be real. For all you know, I’m making all this shit up to get attention – like that punk ass kid in school who’d fart in class and and shoot spitballs at the chalkboard. Long story short, here goes it:

These photos were allegedly taken by Howard K. Stern with Anna Nicole’s camera in the Bahamas less than a month before Anna died. It appears as though Anna was pretty damn drugged up when they were taken. Our source informs us that in a brief moment of clarity, Anna saw these pictures on her digital camera and was terrified not only at her state of intoxication when the photos were shot, but more concerned with why someone would take pictures of her in this state. Anna allegedly relied on “Big Moe,” who was her bodyguard as well as her close friend. Anna reportedly gave these photos to Big Moe as a “gift” and intended them to chronicle her last days, as she feared her impending death upon realizing her advanced, addicted, intoxicated downward spiral.

Our source would also like people to know that he sent these photos to bloggers because he felt this was the best way to help Anna Nicole “speak from the grave” and tell her story, specifically that she was taken advantage of and exploited by those closest to her prior to her death while in an obvious incoherent and vulnerable state, and he also hopes bigger, more reputable media outlets will investigate his story. The source didn’t ask for any monetary compensation and assures us these photos belong to Big Moe, Anna’s bodyguard and close friend.

And here’s where I’d normally throw in a joke, but I’m having a hard time finding the humor in this one, so I’ll end with Eddie Murphy’s famous Delirious joke:

“Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” And the rabbit says, “No.” So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.”

Click the thumbnails for larger photos, they’re probably NSFW:

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This Might Be Anna Nicole Smith’s Corpse

Someone sent this photo to a bunch of us bloggers claiming this is a photo of a dead Anna Nicole Smith. I’m not sure what to think about it since CPR was allegedly immediately administered to her as soon as she was found unconscious in her Florida hotel room. Normally people aren’t propped up on a bed and posed for pictures with fresh puke pouring out of their mouths before or after emergency life saving procedures are performed, so I have no idea what’s going on here. However, judging by the contents of her vomit, Anna Nicole didn’t eat Emerald Nuts that day, so Robert Goulet messed with her stuff.

This photo is disturbing and probably NSFW, so you’ve been warned:

The pictures below are Anna Nicole the day before she died:

Update: I went through our archives and it looks like this is the same bed Anna Nicole had in the Bahamas (look at the headboard). And someone just emailed saying this may have been a photo of one of Anna’s overdoses while living in the Bahamas. So don’t be too mad at me. She’s not quite dead.

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