We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level
We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level

 

In the most epic #selfiesunday ever taken, here's Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, Ellen Degeneres, and three other people I don't know. Two of them are black. Sorry about that. Regardless, good luck on your next group selfie during your bar crawl this month. If it breaks Twitter, it's probably because Twitter was down for maintenance. It wasn't because we could see half your boob. But keep going with the half boob showing thing though. No reason to stop on their account.

 

Bradley Cooper Instagram

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Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs Attended The ‘World War Z’ Premiere

 A week after Angelina Jolie voluntarily had a double mastecomy to decrease her chances of getting breast cancer that seems to love her family, her aunt died of the same disease. But Angelina has new boobs now and her husband had a premiere, so she didn't go to her aunt's funeral. In her defense, her aunt is dead and wouldn't even know if Angelina was there or not, so you can see how this was an easy choice. And as you can see, Brad Pitt seems pretty pleased about the whole thing, because even if she had pictures of boobs as her new boobs, Brad Pitt would just point to her lips and say "I'm good." Then he'd touch them and ejaculate in his pants. Then they'd both laugh and Angelina would do that thing where you make your hand into the shape of a gun then wink.

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Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Are Getting Married Soon. Or Later.



The “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could get married at any moment” rumors have been going on for the last few months, so much so that Jennifer Aniston has finally given up and decided to marry Justin Theroux. But Pitt was in London for a screening last night and was asked about it. You can tell they smoke a lot of weed. Radar Online reports:

The rumor mill has been in overdrive that Pitt, 48, and Jolie, 37, are readying their South of France estate for an intimate ceremony, but Brad was quick to shoot down those claims. At the Mayfair Hotel screening for Killing Them Softy, he said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it,” when quizzed if a date was decided for the big day.

Later, when Jennifer Aniston was asked about her wedding, she said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it. Why? Did Brad mention me? What did he say? Not that I care or anything. Did he say I was pretty? I’m wearing a new dress. Did he say he liked it? He’s probably just too shy to tell me. But seriously, did he say anything? Do you know what hotel he’s in? Is he on the ground floor? Do you have a crowbar? What? Hahaha, oh no. I’m just asking for a friend.”

Click here to see arial shots of Brad and Angelina’s estate in the South of France. Then look around your shitty apartment. If you squint hard enough you can pretend.

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Brad Pitt Is Finally Pretty Sure Angelina Jolie Is The One

And it only took one broken marriage, seven years, and six kids.

TMZ reports:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged — this according to Brad’s rep.

Brad’s manager Cynthia Pett-Dante released a statement confirming the engagement, but says there’s no wedding date yet — as of now, the engagement is simply a “promise for the future.”

Angelina was photographed on Wednesday wearing what appears to be her engagement ring. Click here for the photo.

So why this show of commitment now? Brad and Angelina always said they wouldn’t get married until gay marriage was legal, but then their kids are too young to understand the complex realities surrounding basic civil rights. So the official word is they are doing this because the (more…)

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Maddox And Zahara Are Cooler Than Your Kids



“Ok, Jennifer. You really need to stop calling me like this. I told you, my dad’s busy. Look, I gotta go. I have Joseph Kony on the other line for my sister.”

I realize the bumper sticker on the back of your SUV says that you’re proud parent of a terrific kid, but your kid’s parents aren’t Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and they don’t get to walk a giant bulldog around New Orleans with a bodyguard so they probably want you to take that shit off. Gawd, why do you have to be so embarrassing all time? What the hell is wrong with you?!

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Blueball



Brad Pitt didn’t win Best Actor for Moneyball, but I actually feel for bad for the other guys nominated in this category who didn’t win. Mostly because they didn’t get head from Angelina Jolie on the way home.

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Angelinka Jolie



Miley Cyrus doesn’t believe in bras [Taxidriver Movie]
Rihanna is an idiot [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff has been pregnant for about four years [Popoholic]
Kim Kardashian fails at fake crying [Celebitchy]
Kevin Federline had a minor heart attack [The Blemish]
Stacey Poole will have back problems someday [Zoo Today]
Doutzen Kroes is pretty [Coed Magazine]
Kim Kardashian is plastic [Cityrag]
Aretha Franklin is single [Dlisted]
J-Woww channeling the Joker [I'm Not Obsessed]
Alessandra Ambrosio is still pregnant [Moe Jackson]
Lindsay Lohan has an assistant for some reason [Popbytes]
Rihanna is still in bikinis [Egotastic]
Ke$ha is doing drugs with the Flaming Lips [Allie Is Wired]
Freakishly tall women [The Chive]
Christina Aguilera knows how to party [Popcrush]
Katy Perry is probably a closet coke whore [Popcrush]
Megan Fox and Mike Tyson advertising a school. Don’t think they thought this one through [A Socialite's Life]
Salma Hayek in leather [Amy Grindhouse]
Michael Fassbender shirtless [Tabloid Prodigy]
Seal still wearing his ring, not wearing a paper bag [Huffington Post]
Vanessa Hudgens has a lot of time for bikinis since her movies always bomb [Hollywood Tuna]
Charlize Theron imitates Kristen Wiig [Celebuzz]
Which STD made Jude Law go bald? [Celebslam]
Lifetime is amazing [Evil Beet]

Follow us [Facebook][Twitter][Todd's Formspring] [Jess's Formspring][Todd][Jess]

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Angelina Jolie Might Be Pregnant



Oh, Brad you sly dog! Having unprotected sex with the woman you’ve been in a committed relationship with for six years! Hahaha, you’re still full of surprises, bro! OK Magazine reports:

Lately, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have dropped some none-too-subtle hints that they’d like to add to their brood of six children. The smart money seemed to be on adoption — though Angelina did say recently, “I could end up pregnant.” Turns out she wasn’t toying with us: A source close to the Oscar-winner reveals that Angelina is expecting her seventh child and telling friends she can’t wait to be a mom again. “She’s almost three months along,” the source confirms to OK!. “It’s not something she wants to officially announce but she’s at a point where she is telling a select group of people.” Adds an insider: Angelina is really savoring every moment. she’s having a tough time with morning sickness but says it’s all worth it.”

Let me preface this by saying that this is OK! reporting this, so take it however you want. They reported that Jon Benet Ramsey was pregnant with twins and I had a really big penis once, so they have a well documented history of just making shit up. That being said, if it’s true, fuck you Brad Pitt.

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The 69th Golden Globes Were Last Night










Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The “you’re getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home” look.

The Oscars’ half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you’d imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I’m pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here’s who won:

Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director – Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:

George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I’m Dating George Clooney Don’t Know If You Heard:

Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:

Gerard Butler and oh look Jess’ ovaries just dropped and she’s knitting something now:

Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:

Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I’m sleepy :

Salma Hayek and Siri what’s Spanish for “motorboat”?:

Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that’s right tits:

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