Here’s Angelina Jolie’s Wedding Dress
Here’s Angelina Jolie’s Wedding Dress

 

Sure, you can call Angelina Jolie a homewrecker if your husband or boyfriend left you for another woman and that’s how you’re able to cope and process your situation, but that won’t stop her from being the most perfect woman alive.

Even Jolie’s dress was an expression of her kids’ creativity: Luigi Massi, the master tailor at Atelier Versace, sewed dozens of designs from her children’s drawings into the dress and veil.

Between naked leaks and this picture being posted to dream wedding albums on Pintrest, the Internet might not be here tomorrow.

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Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Got Married
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Got Married

 

Hey, remember back in 2005 when you guys used to talk about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and  say, “I give it six months”? Good times, good times.  Well, 9 years (twice as long as Pitt was with Aniston) and 6 kids later, the hottest couple of our generation got married in France this weekend. In related news, Aniston did a Friends reunion on Jimmy Kimmel last night.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married Saturday in Chateau Miraval, France, says a spokesman for the couple. Jolie and Pitt wed Saturday in a small chapel in a private ceremony attended by family and friends. In advance of the nondenominational civil ceremony, Pitt and Jolie also obtained a marriage license from a local California judge. The judge also conducted the ceremony in France. The couple’s children took part in the wedding. Jolie walked the aisle with her eldest sons Maddox and Pax. Zahara and Vivienne threw petals. Shiloh and Knox served as ring bearers, the spokesman says.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about these two, and if you’re with someone for 9 years then decide to marry them, then you’ll probably die together holding hands when you’re both 90. So see ya in 40 years, Brangelina. I won’t be at this specific location obviously, but I’ll comment on a post telepathically or with whatever technology is in use at that time.

 

 

 

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Angelina Jolie Is 39

We normally don't celebrate birthdays here at IDLYITW, because birthdays were only mentioned twice in the Bible. One time a bunch of kids under 2 got murdered and the other time Jesus' cousin got decapitated, so logic would dictate that GOD HATES BIRTHDAY PARTIES. But we'll make an exception for one of the most beautiful and flawless women of all time, Angelina Jolie. If you don't agree with that statement, I'm sorry for whatever woman hurt you or that your ugly girlfriend is reading this over your shoulder. Anyway, go click through the pictures and let Angelina take you on the ride of your life. I didn't spend 15 minutes editing these for my health.

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Brad Pitt Got Punched In The Face At The ‘Maleficent’ Premiere

PRANKS!

Not the face! Brad Pitt was punched by a notorious celebrity prankster on the red carpet at the premiere of Angelina Jolie’s film Maleficent on Wednesday, May 28, a source tells Us Weekly. Pitt was at the El Capitan theatre in Hollywood for the premiere of the Disney film when a man, later identified as Vitalii Sediuk suddenly jumped the barrier and ran up to the 12 Years a Slave actor while he was walking down the carpet. Pitt, who was singing fan autographs, was surprised by the Ukrainian, who then made contact with Pitt’s face before security intervened and held the so-called prankster until police arrived on the scene. Los Angeles Police Department's Sergeant Leonard Calderon told Variety that Seduik was taken to the Hollywood police station where he was arrested and booked on suspicion of misdemeanour battery. He is being held on $20,000 bail.

Apparently the Ukaine has at least one douche, because Vitalii Sediuk is the same dude who tried to crawl under America Ferrara's skirt at Cannes. I really don't understand the whole prank thing, because they usually do stuff that would get you killed if it weren't for the societal laws that make that a bad idea or they end up being some like borderline gay shit (I'm looking at you, Rush Week). Oohh, you "pantsed" somebody?! Man, we need to hang out because I bet you're pretty popular and people love you at parties.

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BREAKING: Gwyneth Paltrow Carried Her Own Luggage

After having a conscious uncoupling from reality since birth, Gwyneth Paltrow must have finally choked on self-awareness after Angelina Jolie took a huge shade shit all up in Paltrow's gluten-free cord blood quiche, because here she is at JFK pulling her own luggage like a regular human person. I can only imagine the pain and suffering this caused her. Not in a concerned type of way.

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Angelina Jolie Does ELLE

Angelina Jolie is on the cover of Elle, and inside she did an interview where she discussed her kids, Brad Pitt, and pretty much everything about her amazing life and career. You can read the interview if you want, but holy damn, look at this photoshoot. If you don't think she's beautiful, please be real with yourself for your reason why. After that, you can Google Jennifer Aniston to find out she still "could get married any day now!". OMG, how exciting! You go, Jennifer!

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We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level
We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level

 

In the most epic #selfiesunday ever taken, here's Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, Ellen Degeneres, and three other people I don't know. Two of them are black. Sorry about that. Regardless, good luck on your next group selfie during your bar crawl this month. If it breaks Twitter, it's probably because Twitter was down for maintenance. It wasn't because we could see half your boob. But keep going with the half boob showing thing though. No reason to stop on their account.

 

Bradley Cooper Instagram

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Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs Attended The ‘World War Z’ Premiere

 A week after Angelina Jolie voluntarily had a double mastecomy to decrease her chances of getting breast cancer that seems to love her family, her aunt died of the same disease. But Angelina has new boobs now and her husband had a premiere, so she didn't go to her aunt's funeral. In her defense, her aunt is dead and wouldn't even know if Angelina was there or not, so you can see how this was an easy choice. And as you can see, Brad Pitt seems pretty pleased about the whole thing, because even if she had pictures of boobs as her new boobs, Brad Pitt would just point to her lips and say "I'm good." Then he'd touch them and ejaculate in his pants. Then they'd both laugh and Angelina would do that thing where you make your hand into the shape of a gun then wink.

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Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Are Getting Married Soon. Or Later.



The “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could get married at any moment” rumors have been going on for the last few months, so much so that Jennifer Aniston has finally given up and decided to marry Justin Theroux. But Pitt was in London for a screening last night and was asked about it. You can tell they smoke a lot of weed. Radar Online reports:

The rumor mill has been in overdrive that Pitt, 48, and Jolie, 37, are readying their South of France estate for an intimate ceremony, but Brad was quick to shoot down those claims. At the Mayfair Hotel screening for Killing Them Softy, he said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it,” when quizzed if a date was decided for the big day.

Later, when Jennifer Aniston was asked about her wedding, she said, “No plans yet. Other than, we’re gonna do it. Why? Did Brad mention me? What did he say? Not that I care or anything. Did he say I was pretty? I’m wearing a new dress. Did he say he liked it? He’s probably just too shy to tell me. But seriously, did he say anything? Do you know what hotel he’s in? Is he on the ground floor? Do you have a crowbar? What? Hahaha, oh no. I’m just asking for a friend.”

Click here to see arial shots of Brad and Angelina’s estate in the South of France. Then look around your shitty apartment. If you squint hard enough you can pretend.

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