Emma Stone Is Single

Andrew Garfield didn’t show up to the Golden Globes or the Oscars after his girlfriend of three years, Emma Stone, was nominated, so maybe that was our first clue. Apparently the two have split. According to Star (via Hollywood Life), they’ve hit a “rough patch” and are “taking some time apart to figure things out”, which basically translates to Emma Stone is 26 and hasn’t been proposed to yet after three years and she doesn’t like that, and Andrew Garfield is 31 and just realized he’s been banging the same vagina for three years and doesn’t think that’s cool either since that vagina will be 30 soon. I hope this clears it up for everyone.

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The Final ‘Amazing Spider-Man 2’ Trailer Is Here

 

People said the final trailer for Amazing Spider-Man 2 would give me chills, but I think it's all this green tea I've had this morning. Should my hand be shaking like this? Doesn't seem like it should. Anyway, here's the trailer. Not sure if it will give you chills or not, maybe, I really can't speak for you. It's just hard for me to get emotionally invested in a college bro wearing a leotard who think Emma Stone is attractive. Sources say this was going to be the in-flight movie for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, but everybody onboard decided to take the easy way out.

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Andrew Garfield Is A Dick
Andrew Garfield Is A Dick

 

Apparently starring in cinematic masterpieces such Amazing Spider-Man and Amazing Spider-Man 2, make you think you're an untouchable Hollywood star who would only condescend to honor a 5-year old with cancer at the Academy Awards only if you get to write your lines, and if you're told you can't, you throw a hissy fit and walk out. Because, I mean, fuck that Batkid guy. It's all about you, Andrew Garfield. Star of a movie where a make believe guy in a gay bodysuit fights CGI things. Page Six reports:

Not even a 5-year-old boy with cancer could persuade egotistical actor Andrew Garfield to be a presenter at the Academy Awards. The “Spider-Man” star was supposed to take the stage Sunday with Miles Scott, who has come to be known as “Batkid” after the city of San Francisco let him play superhero there. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences had arranged with the Make-A-Wish Foundation to further make Miles’ dreams come true. “The academy was going to make him an official superhero during the Oscar ceremony. Andrew Garfield was going to appoint him ‘Batkid.’ But, in the middle of the dress rehearsal, Garfield decided he didn’t like his lines,” said a well-placed source. “Garfield refused to go by the script. He came up with his own lines. The producers felt that Garfield’s [rewrites] were not appropriate. Garfield had a tantrum. He stormed off. Miles and his family, who were at the rehearsal, were devastated.” The producers decided to cut the superhero initiation, but they paid for Miles to go to Disneyland. “Garfield was such a spoiled brat that he didn’t even want to be a presenter,” said my source. The academy had to call “Captain America” star Chris Evans to sub at the last minute.

I hadn't really planned on Amazing Spider-Man 2 anyway, but I guess this makes it pretty much official. I mean, look at this freaking kid. If they asked me to dress up in a unicorn onsie and tell Ashley Greene my penis was small in an infomercial I'd do it if it meant this kid had a great day. A day he can't take for granted like most of us. I wonder if Andrew Garfield's spidey sense can tell when I'm about to punch him in throat. Let's find out.

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Emma Stone Is Weird, Possibly Single



Emma Stone tweeted this on Friday, and somebody with way too much time on their hands figured out the anagram to mean, “Andrew and Shailene sitting in a tree”. Shailene is, of course, Shailene Woodley, Andrew Garfield‘s hotter and younger co-star of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. This tweet has since been removed and Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield were seen all over each other in NYC this weekend, so some people think nothing is wrong. But Emma Stone could have just been haunting him. People seem to forget that.

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The New Spider-Man Might Be A Gay Porn

The new Spider-Man reboot starring The Social Network‘s Andrew Garfield was filming in LA yesterday, and I hate to jump to conclusions based on one set of pictures, but I don’t think I remember Spider-Man capturing criminals with the power of the Kama Sutra.

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First Look Of Andrew Garfield As Spider-Man



Hollywood is like your grandma with a new computer, constantly rebooting because it can’t possibly be her that doesn’t know what she’s doing. So, ask expected, they’re already starting a new Spider-Man franchise starring Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, and directed by a guy who shot a 3 Doors Down video. Ok, sure. Collider reports:
I don’t want to nitpick this one image to death when A) I don’t know the context of the scene; and B) it’s ultimately just a costume. It’s slightly stylized, but it still doesn’t deviate too far from the mesh-style of the costume from the first three films. I am curious to know why the Spider emblem’s leg reach all the way down to Peter Parker’s crotch, but I’m sure there’s a good reason for it. But now I’m curious to know what the mask looks like…

Man, Collider seems way too concerned about the costume. I’m more concerned about who Andrew Garfield is. Who is the dude? Were they filming and he just walked on set? Is he like that homeless dude with the golden voice? Is this the one where Spider-Man sings in front of a news reporter then gets hired by the Cavaliers then goes back to rehab because he was a lying drug addict the whole time? But not before my Facebook wall gets raped with links about Spider-Man and his “TOUCHING STORY!!” and “OMG I LOVE HIM! GOD IS GREAT!!”. I mean, if it is, I guess I can check out on Redbox or something.

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