Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood Asked To Go To Prison For Five Years



Go to drug program or get sentenced to five years in prison? Fuck it. YOLO. TMZ reported:

After several months of unsuccessful drug treatment, “Teen Mom” star Amber Portwood has completely given up on herself — and has now asked a judge to send her ass to prison … once and for all …TMZ has learned. As we reported, Amber was sentenced to 5 years in the big house back in January for drug possession — but the judge gave her a second chance, offering to vacate the sentence if she successfully completed a drug rehab program. Amber has repeatedly struggled to meet the requirements of the program, and has now given up entirely — straight up asking the judge to impose her original 5-year prison sentence. Amber fessed up today in court, telling the judge she hasn’t stayed clean since starting the program — and will always be a “bad girl.” Amber’s lawyer stood by in shock as this unfolded, shaking his head the entire hearing.

Amber Portwood is a complete fuck up in every possible way you can be, and I really have no idea why the state hasn’t poured cement into her vagina to prevent her from ever having another child, but at least she seems to be more self-aware than Lindsay has ever been. And why do I bring up Lindsay? Oh, I have her boobs coming up next. Stand by.

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Teen Mom Is A Felon

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I’ve never seen one single episode of Teen Mom, partly because I have better shit to do, but mostly because MTV should have been burnt to the ground in 1998. Anyway, some chick on the show named Amber Portwood (read everything you need to know about her here) has been charged with two felony counts of domestic battery, one felony count of neglect of a dependent, and one misdemeanor count of domestic battery because she’s apparently a violent sociopath who attacked her baby’s daddy three times in front of her newborn daughter. Awesome. I really hope whoever is running for class President at her high school is promising gift certificates to Wet Seal in exchange for full term abortions, because I’d hate to have to go around kicking teenagers in the stomach. I broke my ankle once and it gets a little stiff sometimes.

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