Elon Musk Reportedly Dumped Amber Heard Because She Lied All The Time
Elon Musk Reportedly Dumped Amber Heard Because She Lied All The Time

 

I was gonna write about how Tina Fey said we should all stress eat cake to fight white supremacy and racism, but liberal white ladies have been doing that for aw while and I don’t want to start and be accused of cultural appropriation. Besides, they’re great at. Nothing quite says neoliberalism quite like, “let them eat cake”. Anyway, here’s about Amber Heard/Elon Musk story that I know you were dying to know about. It comes from Star (via Cele|bitchy). Apparently Amber Heard lies a lot.

Elon Musk said he and Amber Heard split up because of the “distance,” but sources claim it was close encounters of the come-hither kind that sealed her fate. “Elon caught Amber in countless lies. She would tell him she was having a quiet night in when she was actually out clubbing,” says a source, adding that Amber didn’t act like she had a boyfriend while she was in Australia. “But Amber would always drop Elon’s name when she went shopping.” Friends did try to warn Musk that Johnny Depp’s ex-wife was a golddigger dressed in hand-me-downs. “Elon had to learn that the hard way,” says the pal. “He couldn’t see it at first, but Amber was just using him.”

Amber Heard likes wealthy white men and not so wealthy white women depending on the mood she’s in, so maybe she’s trying to tear down the patriarchy by making them go insane or having a judge make them donate all their money to charity? Noble, but that seem overly complicated.

 

banner pic = Instagram

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Elon Musk Dumped Amber Heard
Elon Musk Dumped Amber Heard



Amber Heard wanted $50K a month from Johnny Depp, but started dating Elon Musk who is worth $12B. That come up was short lived, because Musk dumped her last week.

Heard, 31, is ‘devastated’ after tech tycoon Elon Musk ended their year-long romance. Last night a source told The Mail on Sunday: ‘It’s all over between Amber and Elon and she’s devastated. It was his decision. ‘He ended it a week ago. He’d heard certain things about her behaviour that didn’t sit well with him.  ‘Amber can be very manipulative and selfish. Elon’s back in LA while she’s licking her wounds in Australia.’

Two thing you can believe at the same time: 1.) Johnny Depp abused Amber Heard 2.) Amber Heard is a manipulative asshole. You can believe those to things remembering how their divorce went down. And that’s ok. Maybe that’s her thing. She’s a hot blonde and I assume hot blondes think that will work for them. But for unfortunately for Amber, she has to cancel her plan to be the first person to spend money on Mars. She’ll just have to be okay with being in Justice League, which from what I’ve heard, already has a 23% on Rotten Tomatoes.



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Here’s Some Pics Of Amber Heard As Mera On The Set Of ‘Aquaman’
Here’s Some Pics Of Amber Heard As Mera On The Set Of ‘Aquaman’

 

I guess Aquaman is filming. Man, can you believe they’re filming another superhero movie? This one is about a dude who can talk to fish and stuff. Cool. Amber Heard plays his wife Poison Ivy I meant Mera. His wife’s name is Mera. Here’s some pics of her from the set.

(more…)

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Amber Heard And Elon Musk Are Official
Amber Heard And Elon Musk Are Official

 

Amber Heard is bisexual, but can’t be in relationships with women because women earn 70% of what men make, so after being rumored to be dating Mars guy, Elon Musk, they made it Instagram and paparazzi official this weekend. Elon Musk is very rich and has almost realistic hair plugs. He also has 5 kids, so Amber better figure out a plan for that before it gets too serious.

 

A post shared by Elon Musk (@elonmusk) on

 

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MY GOD IT’S OVER
MY GOD IT’S OVER

 

So far, 2017 isn’t much better than 2016, but the Dallas Cowboys took the L last night, but the greatest news of all might be that the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard divorce shit is finally fucking over.

 

Have a seat, Amber.

Amber was trying to delay the final divorce so she could take Johnny’s deposition, but the judge turned thumbs down in a hearing Friday, saying enough was enough.

Why did you stand up? Take another seat, Amber.

Johnny had agreed to pay Amber $7 million to settle the divorce, but Amber attempted to renegotiate the settlement. The judge ruled the $7 mil settlement stood, and that’s what she’ll get.

You too, Johnny. Oh, Amber please take a third one.

Johnny’s lawyers asked the judge to impose a $100k sanction on Amber for delaying the proceeding, but the judge rejected that. She wanted Johnny to pay her attorney’s fees but the judge said each should foot their own bills.

Both of these people are assholes, so I really don’t care what happens here. Actually, that’s a lie, because I’ve been posting about it since day one and haven’t let it go. What’s wrong with me? What have become? There’s no titties in this.

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Johnny Depp Says Amber Heard Wants To ‘Extend Her 15 Minutes Of Fame’
Johnny Depp Says Amber Heard Wants To ‘Extend Her 15 Minutes Of Fame’

 

To recap, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp agreed to a $7M divorce settlement that Heard went to great pains to let everyone know she was donating to charity because “money played no role for me personally“.  Then Heard had a meltdown when Depp gave the money directly to the charity instead of her. Then Heard released a statement saying she wasn’t a gold digger. Then immediately followed that up by submitting a Request for Order with the Los Angeles Superior Court ‘in hopes of imposing the settlement and expediting Johnny’s payment” even though both sides agreed the full amount would be paid over the course of 12 months. Now, you might want to sit down for this because it might be a shock hear: Amber Heard now wants more money.

Johnny filed legal docs saying a deal is a deal, and they already agreed on the $7 million settlement months ago. Amber recently filed legal docs asking for more, but Johnny says that ship has sailed. Johnny’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, says Amber’s move is “a blatant attempt to extend her fifteen minutes of fame” and “an embarrassing grab for additional and unwarranted attorney’s fees.” Amber is also asking to reopen the $7 million settlement.

It’s 2017, so I feel comfortable asking this, but can somebody womansplain this to me? I guess I’m not understanding.

 

 

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Johnny Depp Wants Amber Heard To Pay Down $100K Of His Legal Fees
Johnny Depp Wants Amber Heard To Pay Down $100K Of His Legal Fees

 

You thought we were all done with the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard drama, huh? Please remember we are living in 2016. Allow nothing to surprise you. Especially a violent, chemical dependent human scarf  and his insane, asshole ex-wife.

Just a few days before Christmas, the Pirates of the Caribbean star’s legal team has filed new court documents requesting the actress pay monetary sanctions. In documents obtained by E! News, Johnny’s team alleges that Amber “continues to needlessly litigate a case which has been settled, all while parading in front of the media in a desperate attempt to extend her fifteen minutes of fame.” In the event that Amber fails to contribute $100,000 to Johnny’s attorney’s fees and costs as sanctions, Johnny asks that he be allowed to deduct the same from his next equalization payment.

Man, I wonder why he feels the need to do this. Oh, this is why.

Just last week, however, Amber’s legal team filed a Request for Order with the Los Angeles Superior Court in hopes of imposing the settlement and expediting Johnny’s payment.

As you recall, when they reached the settlement in August, both sides agreed that the full amount would be paid over the course of 12 months. It’s barely been 4. I’m sure the ACLA and Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles could use $7M, but I’m also sure they’ll be able to use it in August of 2017 as well. Pretty sure they’ll be children in hospital in 2017. In the meantime, Depp’s legal team went Faith Spotted Eagle* on Amber’s ass last week (* = savage).

In this week’s latest court documents, however, Johnny’s team argues that Amber is pursuing “public litigation” even after signing a judgment. “(1)Amber wants to maintain the media’s attention and thereby preserve her own fleeting relevance, and (2) Amber wants to secure a more favorable deal than she previously negotiated,” the documents stated.

Well damn, legal team. But this is what Amber Heard said last week:

Last week, however, a declaration written by Amber addressed the issues of confidentiality. “He also claimed that I violated the confidentiality provisions of the [Deal Point Memorandum] by announcing that I was donating my settlement to charities,” she wrote. “In fact, I made those donations in good faith and I was responding to the leaks by Johnny’s agents bragging that I had settled for substantially less than a reported, earlier offered sum and attempting to label me a gold digger.”

Like, I understand Depp abused Heard in some way. We all understand that. But you know what makes people label a gold digger? When Depp donated directly to the charity instead of handing her a check causing her to have a public meltdown. Do you want the charity to get the money or not? If not, just say so. Do I want to eat this last cinnamon roll or not? Yes, yes I do.

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Amber Heard Did A Domestic Violence PSA
Amber Heard Did A Domestic Violence PSA

 

November 25 was International Day for the Elimination of Violence Towards Women, and I don’t know if  “celebrate” should be the right term to use here, but Amber Heard has a message for women who are victims of domestic violence, or anyone who knows a woman who is a victim of domestic violence. I have to say, this is her best performance to date.

 

 

In all seriousness, whatever your opinion of Amber Heard is, it should be blatantly obvious to everyone that some shit went down with her and Johnny Depp, and as a person who witnessed domestic violence as a child, I can assure you that all bruises and wounds don’t have to be visible. So if you have a few of your own and have nobody to talk you, go talk to The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Sometimes the reasons why you stay can be more powerful than the reasons why you should leave, and that’s not your fault. Nothing about this is your fault. Make a plan and find the strength I know you have. Wow, this got deep. Still true tho.

 

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Amber Heard Wore This Dress

Amber Heard attended the 2016 Glamour Women Of The Year event in LA last night, where Bono won “Woman Of The Year” for some reason. Drake should have won to be honest. Apparently there’s a shortage of acceptable women. This whole diversity thing is getting out of hand. Although my grandma wears the same kinda glasses as Bono. Also, Amber Heard didn’t win Best Achievement In Divorce Settlement as the polls indicated. She did look pretty tho. I guess that’s why women were invited?

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Here’s Amber Heard As Mera In ‘Justice League’
Here’s Amber Heard As Mera In ‘Justice League’




Only a year to go until Justice League is gets at 23% on Rotten Tomatoes, so in the meantime, here’s the first look at Amber Heard as Mera in said movie thanks to IGN. Cool. Did you look at the pic? Great. Let’s move on with our lives.


#tbt


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