Amanda Bynes Got Her License Back
Amanda Bynes Got Her License Back

 

I'm gonna be honest with you. This isn't the best news I've heard today.

In another sign she's on the road to recovery, Amanda Bynes is legally allowed to drive again, DMV records show. Bynes, 28, whose license was suspended after two hit-and-run charges and a DUI arrest in 2012, was spotted driving a black BMW with her father last Sunday around Los Angeles.

Amanda Bynes' mom is in denial about her mental issues and now she's free to drive around with unchecked crazy. Awesome. So if you're driving in LA and see a black BMW, just abandon your car and run. Run as fast as you can. Then maybe hide in a ditch. Or just go into a Coffee Bean. Don't let her make you live your life in fear.

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Amanda Bynes’ Mom Took Her Off Her Meds. Awesome.
Amanda Bynes’ Mom Took Her Off Her Meds. Awesome.

 

Despite being diagnosed by medical professionals as schizophrenic and bipolar, because people who wander around in wigs and soak dogs in gasoline might not have the best grip on their mental faculties, Amanda Bynes' mother has taken her completely off her medication, because she claims the only problem her daughter has is….I don't know if I can type this…she claims the only problem her daughter has is weed. Weed. Her only problem is weed. Sigh.

Amanda Bynes' mother just came out publicly and said her daughter does NOT suffer from Schizophrenia or bipolar disorder — she says the only problem Amanda had was weed – but multiple sources tell TMZ … that's just NOT true. Amanda's mom says all her her daughter's problems emanated from marijuana, and she is now weed-free, so Amanda is off ALL medications.  Lynn Bynes says, "She has no mental illness whatsoever." We made the rounds again Wednesday … and everyone we spoke with stands firm — Amanda does suffer from Schizophrenia and Bipolarity.  Beyond our sources, there's documented proof of mental illness.

– Amanda was placed on an LPS Hold last year after a judge heard evidence in the psychiatric hospital where she was being held.  According to California law, someone can be placed on an LPS Hold only when the person remains "gravely disabled as the result of a mental disorder or impairment by chronic alcoholism."  As we reported, doctors presented evidence of grave mental illness.

Amanda's mom won a temporary conservatorship after a court-appointed investigator determined Amanda was severely mentally ill.  The judge granted the conservatorship order not too long after Amanda soaked her dog in gasoline and almost lit it on fire.

Look, I've smoked a lot of weed in my life, and the only things I've wanted to do was listen to music, have sex, and order pizza then fall asleep. Not even that order. I distinctly remember not trying to Joan of Arc my neighbor's dog because of the voices in my head. I stopped making fun of Amanda Bynes a while ago because it quickly became apparent that she was suffering from a severe mental illness, so maybe we should make her marijuana mandatory. And maybe slap her mother. But not when you're high though. You might end up hugging her instead and asking her what she likes on her burrito. Trust me, it'll seem like important information to know at the time.

 

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Amanda Bynes Is Doing Great
Amanda Bynes Is Doing Great

 

Amanda Bynes' Twitter bio says she's a fashion student now, so here's her first spring break pic. Wait, didn't she have her brak a while back? Haha, I kid, I kid. You get it? Because she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital? Anyway, I've seen worse asses and she looks pretty happy. Maybe she believes Drake is in the chair beside her. Don't say anything. Let her have her moment.

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Amanda Bynes Is An Artist
Amanda Bynes Is An Artist

 

I'm not sure how I missed this, but apparently psychiatic hospitals don't have very good art departments, because Amanda Bynes drew a self-portrait and posted it on Twitter. At least I think it's a self-portrait. She doesn't really specify. It could be Lana Del Rey or Matthew McConaughey. I guess we'll never really because she can't draw for shit.

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Amanda Bynes Is Too Crazy To Appear In Court

Amanda Bynes is due on court to face charges for tossing a bong out of her window, but she's super crazy so it's gonna be a while.  Page Six reports:

A lawyer for troubled ex-child star Amanda Bynes told a judge Thursday that the pot-loving party girl would not be able to appear in court in New York for up to 18 months while she gets psychiatric treatment in California. “A year to 18 months” replied Gerald Shargel, Byne’s lawyer, when Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Diana Boyar asked when Bynes could be ready to face charges lodged after she tossed a bong out of the 36th-floor window of her West Side pad last May. “She’s in a hospital in California. It’s uncertain when she will be released. Obviously she is being treated there,” he said, adding that he hopes to settle the criminal case before then. “We are in touch with the district attorneys office and we hope to resolve this by Dec 5th,” Byne’s next court date, he said. He also asked that the court to not issue a bench warrant for Byne’s arrest for not showing up.

Now that Det. Olivia Benson is free, she needs to call Stabler so they can handle this? We have her DNA at the scene, what's the hold up? Oh, Stabler is probably has family drama and Benson heard a loud noise and her PTSD flared up.

 

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Drake Says Amanda Bynes Is “Weird And Disturbing”
Drake Says Amanda Bynes Is “Weird And Disturbing”

 

One of the first signs we had that Amanda Bynes was insane, is when she tweeted, "I want Drake would murder my vagina" a few months ago. Drake never replied or even mentioned it, until his recent interview with something called XXL:

I don’t even know who that is doing that or what that’s about. If that is her, I guess it’s a little weird and disturbing. It’s obviously a behavioral pattern that is way bigger than me. Whoever is behind it, whether it’s her or somebody else, they know people are paying attention so they keep it going.

If we can be honest here, Drake looks like he went to Usher's house as an infant and stayed at the bottom of the pool for a few minutes too long before paramedics rescued him, but what he says makes a lot of sense if you read as a person with his head up his ass. "I don’t even know who that is doing that or what that’s about"? Come again? I can't hear you over your attempt to sound intelligent.

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Amanda Bynes Says Her Meds Are Working Already
Amanda Bynes Says Her Meds Are Working Already

 

Amanda Bynes is desperately trying to get out of the psychiatric hospital, so surprise! The meds she just started taking have somehow magically cured her! Just another Jesus miracle, my friends. TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes is doing remarkably better … she's stabilized, not hearing voices and it's all because of a cocktail … TMZ has learned. Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ … doctors at the psychiatric hospital where she's being held have given her a combination of meds — referred to as a cocktail — to control what appears to be schizophrenia. Our sources say Amanda responded quickly and dramatically.  We're told in the last 3 days, Amanda has stopped talking to herself and stopped insulting people. To the contrary, we're told she's become downright polite, even saying "please" and "thank you."  She has shown no signs of violence. The progress is all the more stunning because these cocktails are notoriously difficult to gauge — getting the right combination of meds with the right doses is something of a crap shoot.  Our sources say the meds take 7 to 10 days to fully kick in, so they're not declaring victory yet, but they're optimistic. But there's an ironic twist.  Amanda is scheduled to have a court hearing today … where she's trying to get out of the psych hospital. The fact that she's doing better can actually help her case, but we're told doctors are confident the judge will not let her out for several reasons.

Based solely on all the white girls I know, psychotrpic drugs take at least two weeks to kick in, so it's pretty safe to say Amanda Bynes is lying. I mean, she once called my airbrused t-shirt of Ashley Greene riding a unicorn naked "ugly", so it's obvious she can't be trusted.

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Amanda Bynes Will Not Go Quietly Into The Crazy
Amanda Bynes Will Not Go Quietly Into The Crazy

 

A judge granted Amanda Bynes' parents' request to extended her stay under psychiatric hold so they could get a conservatorship, but apparently Amanda Bynes hasn't been drawing pentagarams on the walls or talking to roaches about drones while she's been in there. She's been talking to her lawyer.  TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes will not go down without a fight … because her lawyer just filed legal docs asking for an emergency hearing to let her loose from the psych ward … TMZ has learned. Amanda's lawyer just filed a motion asking the judge to release her from the 2-week forced hospitalization a judge approved Thursday. There will be a hearing before a judge at the psych ward today at 2PM PT, challenging yesterday's 2-week extension, and Amanda will be present.

Meanwhile Amanda's parents showed up in court this morning in their attempt to win a temporary conservatorship, but they got shut down — at least temporarily. The judge said there was no need to rush things because Amanda is already being held for 2 weeks. The judge wants certain things to happen before he rules on a conservatorship:

 – He wants a one-on-one with Amanda.

– He wants the lawyer he appointed to rep Amanda to interview her and then come up with a recommendation.

– He wants to hear from Amanda's doctors.

– He wants to see the police file on "the incident" — sources have told us the incident in question is the driveway fire.

 

Meanwhile, her parents say she's a delusional drug addict who is wasting perfectly good money they could be spending instead:

Amanda's parents filed papers in an attempt to win a temporary conservatorship.  In the docs, they say Amanda has become "extremely paranoid about being watched," and she covers smoke alarms with towels and tapes windows shut to prevent cameras from shooting her. The parents go on — Amanda has "profound issues with her body image" and is "obsessed with the fact that she (and others) are ugly." The parents say Amanda had $4 million in the bank, but is blowing a huge amount of cash — she spent $1.2 mil in a very short amount of time.  Amanda withdrew $100k on June 4 and another $100k on July 2 and the parents have no idea where the money went, but they mention they believe she spends "a substantial amount" for marijuana and other illegal substances. The parents say Amanda doesn't connect with reality, telling them she "cabbed it" from New York to L.A.  The parents believe she's homeless.

I'm not a doctor, but it should be obvious to everyone Amanda Bynes is schizophrenic with body dysmorphia. And that was obvious to me a while ago. But apparently her parents were fine with all that as long as she balanced her checkbook. I'm surprised they don't teach parenting classes. They obviously have a lot of things to share with the world.

 


 
 

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Amanda Bynes Is Staying Under Psychiatric Hold For A While
Amanda Bynes Is Staying Under Psychiatric Hold For A While

 

After starting a fire in a random driveway, Amanda Bynes was placed on a 72-hour 5150 hold on Monday night (because see post right below this), but that has been extended for two more weeks at her parents' request so they can seek a conservatorship. Looks like they got your money now, Amanda! E! reports:

A judge on Thursday granted the family's request to have the 27-year-old starlet's temporary psychiatric hold extended for up to two weeks, E! News confirms. Bynes, who was originally supposed to be released today after being placed on a 72-hour-hold Monday, was represented by a court-appointed attorney.  We're told that Rick and Lynne Bynes asked Amanda's doctors to recommend to a judge that it was in her best interest to remain in the hospital. Rick and Lynne are expected in court tomorrow morning to request a temporary conservatorship that would place them in charge of their daughter's legal and personal affairs.

I don't know what facility she's in, but I know every employee has probably went home and took a long look in the mirror. "Am I ugly?", they will say. Sometimes people just face the cold hard truth about themselves.

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Amanda Bynes Has Great Friends

Since society is jaded and desensitized to crazy, people actually believed that Amanda Bynes' bizarre behavior and rambling Twitter psychosis was some well-executed act meant to troll us all. You know, then she started setting fires. But the only thing Bynes' needs is a friend or a love one to save her from herself, but luckily for you, her friends are selling their stories to the media instead. Specifically, Ana Rivera. She doesn't talk to Bynes anymore because Bynes changed her number. So enjoy her story where she tells us Bynes "desperately needs help". I mean, just not from her of course. New York Daily News reports:

Ana Rivera, 22, told media agency Coleman-Rayner that Bynes, 27, talked to herself and watched Marilyn Monroe movies on mute while living between Manhattan hotels and a studio apartment on Wall Street. "The (Wall Street) place was a mess. She didn't even have a shower curtain in the bathroom, so there was always an inch of water on the floor," Rivera said. She said Bynes changed all her light bulbs to red, even the lights in her chandelier. "She said she liked the way it made her look," Rivera recalled. One day, Bynes purportedly decided to dye her hair purple but didn't use gloves and stained her manicured fingers. "Her nails were all purple and she kept painting them white obsessively over and over again," Rivera said. She said the actress later began wearing wigs after scorching her scalp with bleach. "I asked what happened, and she said that her hair fell out as she had left the bleach on too long and it had burnt her hair off," Rivera recalled. Rivera told the agency that the "Hairspray" actress felt lonely after moving to the Big Apple from California. "She opened up, and it was obvious she had problems. It was immediately obvious she didn't have any friends. When I asked if she'd met a lot of people since she moved to New York, she said only me and another woman in her building," Rivera told Coleman-Rayner. She said Bynes called her ugly repeatedly but never remembered it. "Everything she said out loud, she thought she was saying in her head. She never even apologized, she just carried on," Rivera claimed. “When she says in public that it wasn't her, it must be an imposter, I don't think she's even aware or remembers going out in those outfits, and so (she) genuinely believes it's not her," she said. Rivera moved out of New York in February and last communicated with Bynes in March, before the troubled starlet changed her number, she said. "She has a hard time talking to people because she's so weird," Rivera said. "She's all over the place. There's a lot of disorganization going on in her brain. She's literally only hanging out with her dog. Amanda desperately needs help."

It's becoming increasingly difficult to make fun of Amanda Bynes, because she obviously has severe mental problems, and even worse, she has people around her who would rather cash a check from a tabloid than picking up the phone and getting her help. Bynes is still crazy, but at least the time you spent with her convincing her you were here friend was a total waste, right? It's people like this that make me…BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS JOKE ABOUT MY PENIS BOOBS BOOBS. Sorry, guys. Had to reboot. I'm back to normal now.


 

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