Heidi Montag Wants Amanda Bynes To Move In

 This is basically just an excuse to post bikini pictures in October, but  Heidi Montag just told Amanda Bynes she could come live with her. I’m on board with this, because it would probably take a while for Heidi Montag to burn.

 

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Amanda Bynes Might Be Confined And Medicated For A Year Against Her Will
Amanda Bynes Might Be Confined And Medicated For A Year Against Her Will

 

Amanda Bynes‘ microchip was no match for her suddenly involved parents who “tricked” her into going to a mental hospital where she’s been hospitalized for psychiatric hold since Friday. She now might be transferred to some type of criminally insane supermax where she will match wits with Batman or something I don’t know.

Amanda Bynes is headed for another conservatorship, but we’re told it almost certainly will not be at the hands of her parents. Rather, we’ve learned Amanda’s doctors are planning to get the type of conservatorship that can keep her confined and medicated for up to 1 year. Sources familiar with Amanda’s treatment tell TMZ … the plan is to get an LPS Hold — something a judge will grant at the behest of doctors but only if the patient is “gravely disabled as a result of a mental disorder or impairment by chronic alcoholism.” The LPS Hold allows doctors to confine Amanda — at either the hospital or another secure facility — and administer meds against her will. The LPS Hold is far more stringent than what her parents could get. The parents could not legally force meds on Amanda nor could they effectively restrain her. We’re told Amanda literally hates her parents now after they tricked her into coming to the mental hospital.

You know all this stuff that’s been going on with Amanda Bynes, right? I mean, you pretty much know the gist. Crazy stuff, right? Keep in mind that she HASN’T EVEN BEEN DIAGNOSED YET. She’s just walking around in one shoe talking to herself and pouring gasoline on dogs and nobody really thought to do anything until she said, “hey, my dad used to grab my butt on the reg”. So if they need to get Ben Kingsley to walk her through everything while they force meds down her throat to get the microchip out and fix all the wiring, I say go for it. She can still shop online, and you can use Twitter from pretty much anywhere.

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Chrissy Teigen Wants To Help Amanda Bynes
Chrissy Teigen Wants To Help Amanda Bynes

 

Amanda Bynes’s check brain light has been on for a while now, and instead of going in to get it checked out, her parents and the legal system have ignored it and just hoped it would go away. In fact, not many people have offered to help, because seeing people disintegrate and implode into insanity is one of America’s favorite pastimes. However, Chrissy Teigen wishes she could help out, but Amanda Bynes thinks she’s fat and Amanda doesn’t like fat people I think. And I don’t think Chrissy has her number. We should look into that. 

“Amanda and I are the same age so I grew up watching her and really looking up to her and for me, to see this path that’s happening and to watch it, is kind of really affecting me in ways that I didn’t think it would,” she told E! News at Variety’s Power of Women event. “It’s weird to be in a situation where you can’t help.” Teigen said that she really just wants to see Bynes living a healthier and better life. “I obviously don’t know her at all but I want to bring her back and I want to make her happy and healthy for some reason and she’s not there and we can’t do anything to help so it kind of sucks,” she explained. “All we’re doing is hurting it.”

Not sure why this isn’t obvious to everyone, but Chrissy is an awesome human being, and awesome human beings try to help out when they can even when the people they want to help call them fat. E! was really on board with this plan, and have decided to use their immense power and influence in the entertainment industry to help Chrissy achieve this goal. No, I meant they brushed over the subject briefly because it’s topical then asked Chrissy what she eats before an event while Ryan Seacrest offered Kendall’s unborn baby a developmental deal.

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Well, This Has Been Fun I Guess

In what might be the most complicated setup for a microchip joke of all time, Amanda Bynes has reportedly tried to flee the country maybe after her parents we’re all like, “uhh, yeah okay, we’re coming to get your crazy ass now” after she tweeted earlier that her father sexually abused her. Because as it turns out, she’s still very much insane and in need of Arkham Asylum medical attention.

The lawyer for Bynes’ parents — Tamar Arminak — is responding to Amanda’s tweets, telling TMZ … “My clients are heartbroken by these false accusations. Their older children are also horrified at the situation.” Lynne Bynes denies her husband ever abused Amanda or any of their children, saying “Rick has been the best father and husband a family can ask for.” She adds, “These allegations stem from Amanda’s mental state at the moment. They have no basis in reality.”

Every dude likes crazy chicks, because it’s either that or being gay, but I don’t know what level crazy this is right now. Amy Elliot Dunne would even think this was a little extreme.

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Well, This Took A Turn

 

 

Again, we find ourselves with two Amanda Bynes’ posts back to back in the same week, because uhh, holy shit. In a series of tweets this morning, she basically just accused her dad of sexual abuse. So if this is true, this would really explain a lot. Like, a lot. But she also hates her parents, and knows they can kick in a conservatorship at any time, so maybe this is a reaaaaalllly fucked up way to table that discussion for a while. Or maybe it’s true. Or maybe this new shirt I bought yesterday makes me look too handsome.

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That Amanda Byne’s Shoplifting Video Tho

 

The news coming out this week about Amanda Bynes has been legit depressing and kinda funny, because crazy people are funny, and some of them have their own talk show. But here’s the video of Bynes in Pookie & Sebastian being part of a flash mob where the other members of the mob are totally imagined hallucinations.

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Amanda Bynes Attacked A Fan, Walked Around Bloomingdale’s In One Shoe
Amanda Bynes Attacked A Fan, Walked Around Bloomingdale’s In One Shoe

 

Amanda Bynes woke up like this.

Multiple sources tell TMZ … Amanda showed up by herself to an event at the Gilded Lily nightclub Monday night in Chelsea. We’re told she was dancing alone, wearing sunglasses and keeping to herself … until random people started taking photos. At first, Amanda was just yelling at the fans … but we’re told she finally snapped on one woman who claims Bynes spun toward her violently, scratching her neck and arms. Despite the alleged attack … the woman tells us she’s still a fan and doesn’t plan to press charges. Then on Tuesday morning … several Bloomingdale’s shoppers tell us Amanda was limping around the department store for hours with just one shoe while mumbling incoherently.

Not sure how we have two Amanda Bynes posts in a row, but here we are. Crazy, right? I mean, the two posts in a row thing. Also, Amanda Bynes. Like, I hate to keep asking this, but where are her parents? Stuck in traffic? Lost in an IKEA? Seriously. Where are they? I either need a butterfly net or the last scene of Shutter island to happen before I feel confident with this whole situation.

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Amanda Bynes Believes There’s A Microchip In Her Brain
Amanda Bynes Believes There’s A Microchip In Her Brain

 

Good news: Amanda Bynes isn’t a basic bitch. Bad news: She’s insane.

The new issue of In Touch Weekly gives a glimpse inside the troubled life of Amanda Bynes following her latest DUI arrest, with details of the concerning behavior Amanda displayed on Oct. 5 in NYC — her day spent with an In Touch reporter. The most disconcerting of her erratic behavior was when Amanda told In Touch’s reporter she believes she has a microchip in her head. “I want a dollar a day from every person who [is] reading my mind,” she told the reporter.

Women complain about a lot of stuff, mostly because they’re all sadistic control freaks with an innate fear that they won’t be able to plan every detail of their lives no matter how mundane. So it’s good to see a chick who has let that all go, because she has a microchip implanted in her brain who is now her master. But she’s a regular chick in the sense that she still wants to profit from it somehow.

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Amanda Bynes Might Be Engaged To Some Dude Named Caleb
Amanda Bynes Might Be Engaged To Some Dude Named Caleb

 

Sorry, fellas. Amanda Bynes is off the market. She might be still on some kind of suicide watch list though.

The 28-year-old troubled star, who was spotted wearing a diamond ring on that finger, claimed to In Touch Weekly that she was indeed engaged. His name is Caleb, reportedly 19, from Costa Mesa, Calif., and an employee at a bait shop.

Although she’s clearly insane, Amanda basically gave the best reason why all women engaged.

“I am very needy for friendship and I hate men. I want to f— them, but I can now say I’m engaged — get away from me,” she told the mag Sunday. “I want to be married and I want to be away from people.”

I say “might be engaged”, because this is Amanda Bynes, so let’s not rule out the possibility that “Caleb” might be a boy doll stuffed with straw and crumpled up magazine pictures of Drake.

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Amanda Bynes Is Still Doing Great No Worries
Amanda Bynes Is Still Doing Great No Worries

 

You need to pass a test and get a license to tie a hook to a string then drop in a lake, but Amanda Bynes is free to travel from coast to coast with a fragmented pysche and voices in her head. Fantastic.

Amanda Bynes is off to NYC … and she is not well. Amanda was at LAX Thursday night at an airport restaurant, acting bizarre, painting her face with excessive amounts of makeup.  Sources connected to Amanda tell us she was visibly high all day, talking to herself and complaining about her life. The pics below are from a Thousand Oaks, CA hair salon, where Amanda got a dye job. She was there for several hours — again acting bizarre — before heading to the airport. We believe she is now in NYC.

I really hate to sound like Fox News and appear that I’m just sticking to talking points here, but WHERE ARE HER FUCKING PARENTS?! Why is she traveling so much? Why is she dying her hair? Why is she eating in a restaurant with a brunette? Did John G. rape and murder her wife? Stick collar this bitch and get her off the street and into a hospital before she tries to set a park bench on fire because she thinks it knows secrets about her.

 

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