Adam Levine Knocked Up Behati Prinsloo
Adam Levine Knocked Up Behati Prinsloo


The singer Maroon 5 is stuck with because he started the band and human vape pen, Adam Levine, is having a kid with his African-American model wife, Behati Prinsloo. Well, technically, she’s having it. You know how biology works. 

Adam Levine will soon have another angel in his life. The Maroon 5 frontman and his wife, Victoria’s Secret Angel Behati Prinsloo, are expecting their first child, sources confirm to PEOPLE.

PEOPLE, let’s talk about that first sentence. C’mon, bruh. You’re better than that. I was gonna post this story yesterday, but it’s not like this is super important in any way. Look at Behati in the banner pic. She’s bored with this whole thing already. Let’s move on. It’s Friday. I’m sure you have better things to do with your time. 


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Adam Levine Wants To Bang His Wife Covered In Blood

 

I really have no idea what’s happening in Maroon 5‘s video for “Animals”, but here’s Adam Levine really having to earn his red wings with his wife Behati Prinsloo.

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Adam Levine Is A Douche, Gets Called Out By The Roxy



Let me preface this story by saying that a friend of mine was really good friends with Maroon 5‘s assistant touring manager. She now has left the business and lives in the middle of nowhere. Why? Because “they are the worst human beings on Earth”. Now on to our story. Huffington Post reports:

On Monday night’s episode, the Maroon 5 frontman and panel judge slammed the Sunset Strip club for slighting him and his band, back when they were still opening for Michelle Branch. “I remember we opened for her at the Roxy, and they didn’t even give us a dressing room. I hate the Roxy. I’ll never play there again,” ranted Levine. Then someone on the show tried to show the Roxy some love, but Levine wouldn’t let it go. “Oh, the Roxy is horrible. Don’t ever go there,” he said. “They screwed us over,” he continued. “And now they’re paying for it.”

Then this happened:

When Levine’s comments first came to light, the club played it polite with this tweet: “Ummm, what was that about?” Then the Roxy followed up with this sassy picture of their re-done marquee that reads, “Adam Levine Your Dressing Room Is Ready.”

Because apparently Adam Levine was off his meds, Roxy owner Nic Adler responded to Levine in this interview with Yahoo!

Maroon 5 played the Roxy at least five times,” he said. “[Adam’s previous band] Kara’s Flowers played there like every weekend. I use Maroon 5 as an example of a hard-working band that played the Sunset Strip and played the clubs and blew up. And so when he said that…you know, the Roxy has no control over dressing rooms. If Michelle Branch is playing, it’s Michelle Branch’s show. And if her management says, ‘I want Michelle in this dressing room and I want her band in this other dressing room,’ we’re at the mercy of the headliner. For a band to think dressing rooms define how we treat bands is crazy.

So long story short, Adam Levine is a petty vagina and holds a grudge like God and a gay man. Awww, you didn’t get a dressing room when you were a nobody? Call your mom about it. Those tattoos aren’t fooling anyone, you effeminate jackass.

UPDATE: Hey, everybody remember Jess? She just texted me this: “He hit on me in catering tent once years ago. Right after being rude to my best gay. So I am not a fan.”

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Adam Levine Will Kick Your Ass If You Call Christina Aguilera Fat



Adam Levine and his band sing very heterosexual and very topical songs about payphones and 69-year old bisexual British guys, so everyone should probably back off from calling Christina Aguilera fat. Because a guy who judges a karaoke competition by spinning around in a chair will totally kick your ass. E! Online reports:

“People shouldn’t say those kinds of things because, f–k you. It’s like, come on guys, grow up,” Levine, 33, told reporters at a Friday Q&A in New York City when asked about the knocks the 31-year-old songbird has taken over her curvy figure. “The one thing about the culture right now—celebrity culture particularly—that is so ugly is [that] people feel like they can just say nasty things about other people…she gets a lot of it,” Levine added. “It pisses me off. Of course I have her back, of course I defend her.”

Our celebrity culture also includes Maroon 5 and The Voice, so let’s not get too carried away with righteous indignation there, Adam. How about you get another tattoo and listen to more Jamiroquai. We’ll keep calling Christina Aguilera fat. Thanks.

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What A Sexy Photoshoot

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With his painted on beard(s) and gay ass music and skinny jeans, Adam Levine is basically the HIV-version of George Michael who doesn’t want you to know that he ripped his entire sound from this guy. Oh, but here he is with his “girlfriend”. Some model named Anne Vyalitsyna in the November 2011 issue of Russian Vogue. And they’re naked. OMG, how scandalous!! And gay. Don’t forget gay.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Isn’t Gay

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Says effeminate lead singer of Maroon 5 to a gay magazine.

Will everyone stop thinking that dude is gay? Seriously guys. How immature is it of the media to perceive this guy — it has to be because of Brokeback, right? I’ve known this dude forever. He’s one of my oldest friends, and it’s very weird that they have this — it’s very immature and infantile the way they treat his whole situation. If him hanging out with his bros means he’s gay, it’s like further perpetuating that weird homophobia that exists in our culture, which is just stupid. So, yeah, he’s my buddy. I fuckin’ love the guy.

Man, somebody sounds a little defensive. But he has a point, because what heterosexual guy turn this down? And what famous young actor with his pick of young, hot ass wouldn’t want to date a recently divorced single mom with two kids? And what heterosexual guy would hang out with his “bros” and not do this with Austin Nichols? The same Austin Nichols that Gyllenhaal “spent most of the day in Nichols’ trailer” while Nichols was filming John From Cincinnati? It can’t be the same guy who is widely known to be Toothy Tile because of this guy, can it? Probably not. It’s a good thing that Gyllenhaal has such a good friend in Levine. It’s rare that you can find a good friend who shares the same goals and dreams and interests as you. You know, interests such as cock.

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