Adam Lambert Arrested In Finland After Sissy Fight

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Karaoke contest winner Adam Lambert was arrested last night after closing his eyes and slapping at the air really fast in the vicinity of his boyfriend, reality show “star” Sauli Koskinen. THR reports:

American Idol star Adam Lambert spent several hours in a Finnish jail Thursday after being arrested outside a Helsinki gay bar following a brawl with his Finnish boyfriend, local reality star Sauli Koskinen. According to Petri Juvonen, who is heading up the police investigation into the event, Lambert and Koskinen were arrested at around 4 a.m. Thursday morning outside DTM (Don’t Tell Mama), a famous Helsinki gay club. Both men are being held for questioning as local police investigate a total of four possible assault offenses. Juvonen tells the Hollywood Reporter that the two would likely be released after being interrogated. According to media reports out of Finland, the dispute between the two men started in one of DTM’s back rooms. Lambert and Koskinen, a winner of the Finnish version of Big Brother, were apparently kicked out of the club but carried on fighting in the street outside.

You could bedazzle that blockquote then put unicorn puffy stickers on it then add fake eyelashes to the unicorn and it would only make it just slightly more comically gay.

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Adam Lambert Way Too Gay For Lady Gaga’s Party

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I meant “gay” like they meant in those movies in the 30’s. Us Magazine reports:

Adam Lambert made quite the impression at Lady Gaga’s surprise twenty-fifth birthday party Sunday night, and not in a good way. The American Idol alum, 29, wasn’t even invited to the bash at L.A.’s La Cita Mexican restaurant, but attended as a guest of the Scissor Sisters, who have been opening for the “Born this Way” singer on tour, Perez Hilton told the Morning Dish radio program Thursday. “Adam showed up beyond drunk,” said the gossip blogger. “Super sloppy embarrassingly drunk!” Lambert began some intense fist-pumping and kept beating on the walls until he’d actually punched a hole in the building’s low ceiling, Hilton said. And another eyewitness tells UsMagazine.com, “Adam acted like an animal. He kept jumping up on the tables and chairs and screaming. When they brought the cake out he tried to smear it in Gaga’s face and put a doll from the cake in her mouth!” Then the “Whataya Want from Me” singer tried to serenade the birthday girl, “like he was auditioning for Idol again!” Hilton said. Eventually Gaga asked her security to kick him out, added the witness.

I’ve never been to a party where I assume white tigers were dressed up in sequined body suits and blonde boys could be rented like Redbox, but Perez Hilton never misses an opportunity to suck Gaga’s cock like it got bit by a cobra. So he went on the air and threw another gay dude’s business out there just to prove his love for some untalented bitch who just uses him to stay relevant. Just sounds like the was dude having fun to me. Just like when I paint my Civil War miniatures. Soldiers stand or crouch on small oval bases and are engaged in various poses of battle or activity. I wonder who’ll win?! Pew! Pew! Pew!

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Adam Lambert Got 5,000 FCC Complaints



When Adam Lambert took his bathhouse review to primetime during the 2009 AMAs, a lot of people complained making him change to heavy flow tampons and cry to his Care Bear. He said he made a bad judgment call. 5,000 people agreed with him. TSG reports:
After “American Idol” runner-up Adam Lambert kissed a male bandmate/simulated oral sex with another guy on ABC’s “American Music Awards” broadcast, the Federal Communications Commission received more than 5000 complaints about the primetime homoeroticism. On the following pages you’ll find a sampling of the letters sent to the FCC by Americans who were outraged by Lambert’s raunchy November 22 performance of his song “For Your Entertainment.” The correspondence was released after TSG filed a Freedom of Information Act request with the FCC. Many correspondents believed that Lambert, 26, ruined an evening they had been sharing with their children (most of whom who love Taylor Swift). A viewer from Rainbow City, Alabama thought that Lambert, who is gay, was “shoving his homosexuality down our throats.” An Ohio resident wrote of being glad their 94-year-old grandmother had gone to bed before Lambert’s “disgusting” display. However, the viewer noted, the elderly relative did have to endure a Shakira performance during which the gyrating singer was seen “pushing her twat in my face.” Another writer wondered whether a kiss shared by two “fudge packers” fell below broadcast standards.

Look I have nothing against gay people. If I ever need a wedding planned or if I ever need to find out my color season I’ll call one, but do I really need to see them blow each other on a music award show? Seriously. The homeless guys I pay to beat each other up at least have the decency not to bleed out where I can’t see them. Quite frankly, I just find that rude.

Click the thumbnails to check out a few of the complaints. Why not all 5,000? I think you need to go sit down young lady and think about what you just asked me.

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Shut Up

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Nine days after he kissed another man, simulated oral sex, and flipped off the audience on stage at the 2009 AMA’s during primetime when children were watching, Adam Lambert is still whining and wiping his tears away with his baby doll’s hair that America didn’t bow down and worship his gayness. Maybe it’s time to change your tampon there, Nancy. Us Magazine reports:

“My dad was like, ‘Maybe you should apologize, Adam,'” he says on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Tuesday “I was like, “You know, dad, I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. It just wasn’t maybe the right judgment call. It’s a taste thing more than an obscenity thing. I think it’s just a taste level.’…He said that “people aren’t used to seeing gay man portrayed that way on TV. The gay male image in the media tends to be very cliche and safe (Ed.’s Note: HERE) … I think I got up there and put more energy … I was putting on a character, putting on a persona, being this kind of rock star, kind of dangerous kind of guy. After seeing one of my favorites Lady Gaga tear it apart on stage … I don’t know something came over me, and I got caught up in the moment and maybe went a little too far.”

Christ you homo, I’m not sure what neighborhood in Oz you grew up in, but on Earth “dangerous kind of guy” doesn’t involve wearing eyeliner and humping an effeminate keyboard player while you lip-sync a song about gay date rape. It just means 90% of America doesn’t relate to you. Get over it. You’re here and you’re queer, we get it. No need to march on Washington because they don’t want to show a guy in a ball gag and bedazzled leggings being lowered onto a horse during Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

NOTE: And no, I’m not going to be nice just because it’s AIDS Day. I don’t have AIDS, so I’m not really sure what I should be recognizing. That I don’t have AIDS? Thanks, but I knew that yesterday.

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Adam Lambert Is Still Whining

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Us Magazine reports:

Adam Lambert says he had “no clue at all” that his racy performance during Sunday’s American Music Awards would ignite such a firestorm of controversy. “I admit, I did get carried away, but I don’t see anything wrong with it,” he said on CBS’ The Early Show Wednesday. “I do see how people got offended and that was not my intention. My intention was just to interpret the lyrics to my song and have a good time up there.” He said the sexually-charged moves — which included smooching another man and simulating oral sex — were not a part of his rehearsal and were “impromptu.” “ABC was taken a little by surprise — and that wasn’t my intention,” he said. “I wasn’t being sneaky.” Being on stage, he said, “It got the most of me.” He said that he “can understand” why parents are upset. But “honestly, it didn’t cross my mind … children. It was almost 11 o’clock. It was a nighttime show. I was there in the audience full of mostly adults.” Because he has a theater background, he said he sometimes forgets that there’s “a camera on. I am programmed to kind of look at who’s in the live audience.”

I mean this in the nicest most tolerant way possible, shut up you queer. You’re not the The Little Rock Nine or Harriet Tubman. You’re some reality show runner up who tried something and it failed due to your apparent lack of impulse control. Nobody feels sorry for you and you’re not some gay hero. You’re not a star, you’re not an entertainer, you can’t sing. You’re basically George Michael for 7 year olds in 2009. They’ll think you’re cool and edgy until they get older and realize you were a poseur trying to make them gay through the screen. If I were you, instead of building that diamond-encrusted vault for the Grammys you will never win, I’d go ahead and start scouting out the best rest stop bathrooms where the guy from the cast of Rent you met on Craigslist can meet you. I’d go with some place with low humidity. Don’t want to mess up that hair girl!!

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Madam Lambert Is Butthurt, Figuratively This Time

When you have a gay date rape orgy live on stage during a family programming timeslot, people might be a little offended. Not because they refuse to recognize and bow down to the power of your comical flamboyant gayness, but because a 3rd grader doesn’t need to see your boyfriend go down on you before his bedtime. Access Hollywood reports:

“You know honestly, if I offended some people… it’s apples and oranges. I’m not an artist that does things for every single person,” Adam told Access’ Shaun backstage following his racy performance of “For Your Entertainment,” where he simulated fellatio with a male dancer and kissed male keyboardist Tommy Ratliff, who is straight. “I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song, and those lyrics aren’t really for everybody either,” he continued. And before his performance was edited, he told Access the thought of changing what happened on stage for the other half of the country would be a double standard. “If it’s edited, that’s discrimination,” Adam said. “I will be a little disappointed because there is a little bit of discrimination going in this country. There’s a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I’m a male, and I’ll be edited and discriminated against could be a problem.” The singer did admit that an edited down performance would not shock him. “I’m not going to be surprised that they edit it,” he continued. “People are scared and it’s really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up and enjoy things, it’s all for a laugh, it’s really not that big of a deal.” Adam said he’s only trying to add a little shock to his show – something many before him have done. “Shock is fun, shock rock is like something that existed, for example, like in the 70’s, Alice Cooper…David Bowie, you had artists that liked to push the envelope and that’s what made them so fresh,” he explained. “Prince for example, wore a**less chaps one year…I think that surprise is part of entertainment. I think that it keeps people watching its fun, it makes you laugh and it should be that way. And if it made you uncomfortable, maybe I’m not for you.”

Alice Cooper and David Bowie were both bisexual, and David Bowie would dress up like Jem to go drop off his laundry, but nobody ever thought of them as anything other than rockstars. Say what you want about Madonna’s “singing” and the fact she owes her entire career to talented producers, but she has never and never will give a fuck what you think. Prince is one of the most talented, prolific artists of the last hundred years, but he dresses like a gay cruise Peter Pan yet he pulls out of more hot, exotic ass than a Marine on shore leave. So maybe instead of whining and stamping your feet when people are actually shocked by what you wanted to shock them with, how about just not caring. People may respect you more. That’s why people respect me. I actually think it has more to do with my Camaro and my tribal armband tattoos, but I can’t help why people love me so much.

I couldn’t find any more pictures of Adam Lambert’s performance, so I thought I’d post some pictures that he might like:

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Madam Lambert Is Gay, Can’t Sing

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In that wannabe Freddy Mercury screeching shit he does that’s supposed to be singing, Adam Lambert performed his song about gay date rape on the American Music Awards tonight. Wow, this guy is a fag. And I don’t mean “fag” like I did in the 7th grade. I would pick Rainbow Brite and the Berries and Cream lad for my kickball team before I picked this prancing gaywad. I swear, I fully expected to see Peter Pan and He-Man show up on stage in mesh halter tops and ball gags, but maybe they got scared because his voice sounds like a bag of Christmas puppies being set on fire. It’s common knowledge that gay men prefer white tiger cubs.

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It Got Way Gayer

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Adam Lambert released the title track from his debut album, For Your Entertainment, this morning and oh holy shit this is gayest thing I’ve ever heard. I was going to say something, but it was so bad it offended even me, so I’m just gonna post some of the lyrics. Draw your conclusions as to what I was gonna say.

Let’s go
It’s my show
Baby, do what I say
Don’t trip
off the bits that I’m gonna display
I told you
I’ma hold you down until you’re amazed
Give it to you ’til you’re screaming my name

No escaping when we start
Once I’m in I hold your heart
There’s no way I’ll ring the alarm
So hold on ’til it’s over

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Yeah….



Last year’s American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert released his debut album cover yesterday and I don’t know how queer they wanted to make it, but this couldn’t get any gayer if they used puffy stickers and a winking unicorn prancing in a leotard holding a sparkler in his mouth. It’s hard to tell by Adam’s face, but he might want to see if Denzel Washington will take his case.

Madam Lambert and Katy Perry in a see through dress at the premiere of This Is It:

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Adam Lambert is Mysterious



American Idol runner-up, Adam Lambert, who many believe lost because he was gay, has never really came out and said he was gay. However, Lambert seems to think he’s a role model for people looking to “be themselves.” Um, okay. Sure. People reports:
“It’s a really, really cool thing,” the American Idol runner-up says, “to be able to show people that you can be yourself, and you should be proud of yourself, and you should own who you are and what you’re about, and never make apologies for it.” So to those who speculate about his sexuality, he has a message. “Calm down,” he says, and “keep speculating.”

Yep, I guess I’ll just have to keep speculating. Mostly about what he used to bedazzle the back pockets of his capris or how many Judy Garland songs he has on his iPod. I may be wrong on this, but take a look at that banner picture. Something tells me that sucking a clit would be his waterboarding.

GAY UPDATE: It’s official. Adam Lambert is gay.

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