Aaron Carter No Longer Wants To Make America Great Again
Aaron Carter No Longer Wants To Make America Great Again


One of the many problems with democracy is that Aaron Carter is allowed to vote, but good news everyone! He’s been bullied into realizing voting is dumb and pretty much a waste of time.


Donald Trump is a trailer park Lex Luthor who would make America more of an embarrassment than it already is, but our other choices are Hillary Clinton who would change her position on drinking blood if Aztecs were an influential voting demographic, and Bernie Sanders, who has been fighting the same fight for 50 years and has nothing to show for it except white college kids who post memes on Facebook about Sweden and superdelegate conspiracies. Ted Cruz might have a chance if he can find Noah’s Ark by October.  


Here’s Hayley Atwell. She plays Agent Carter. This post is about Aaron Carter. Agent Carter fills out a dress better. 


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Aaron Carter Wants Hilary Duff To Stop Talking About Him. Okay.

Aaron Carter‘s unquenchable thirst for Hilary Duff (damn) left him dehydrated, and no matter what he tried to do on social media to win her back just made her point at the screen and laugh. In her interview for the April issue of Cosmopolitan, she called him “ridiculous” and now he’s mad for some reason.

Some shit I just don’t get. Stop. Talking. About. It. ….I did.

Bro. Some shit you you should just get. Stop. Subtweeting. About. It. You stopped talking about it because you were talking to yourself. The only way she’d read more than one sentence about you is if you went to Syria and changed your name to Jihadi Aaron.

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Hilary Duff Should Probably Get A Bodyguard

Aaron Carter doesn’t really mind taking his creepy obsession with Hilary Duff with him to interviews and Twitter, even though Hilary has told him politely then not so politely to fuck off, but now he just posted a pic on Instagram of him watching Lizzy McGuire. I think the next pic he posts will be of him holding her severed head with a Christmas bow around it.

 

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Hilary Duff Is Still Skeeved Out By Aaron Carter

Hilary Duff used to date Aaron Carter when she was 13 (as she’ll be quick to point on in the below clip from last night’s episode of Watch What Happens Live), and Hilary must have a vagina that’s lined with honey and gold, because Aaron is still trying to get her back 14 years later even though she’s married and has a kid. And despite the fact that she seems like she’d rather have sex with a corpse in Liberia than have sex with him. People are calling her a dick for all this for some reason, but she’s talking about Aaron Carter. I’m still convinced he’s a real person.

 

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Aaron Carter Is Doing Really Great, You Guys
Aaron Carter Is Doing Really Great, You Guys

 

Wait, I take that back. TMZ reports:

Aaron Carter may want candy, but he can't afford it anymore … because TMZ has learned he's gone belly up, filing for bankruptcy … and the papers reveal sad news about his pooch. According to legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Aaron's assets total $8,232.16.  Here's the BIG problem.  His liabilities total $2,204,854, which include a $31,166 AmEx bill. Aaron — who was a huge pop star and is still on tour, even tonight — also owes $1,368,140 mil to the IRS. As for his assets, he lists a 61" flat screen worth $500.  He also lists 2 MacBooks, 2 Headset Mics, a Mini Keyboard, Portable Beats, a speaker, a guitar, $60 in cash, Louis Vuitton backpack, a duffle bag and a printer worth a total of $2,500.  And he owns a Brietling watch worth $3,750. Here's the saddest part.  He also lists a dog, with a value of ZERO. Aaron lists his average monthly income at $1,998.75.  As for his monthly expenses — $2,005, which includes $600 for food, $150 for clothes, and $65 for hygiene. He's currently living with a family member.

I assume this party is BYOB.
 
 

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Aaron Carter Didn’t Do Coke With Michael Jackson

Good to know. TMZ reports:

Aaron Carter’s rep claims the singer NEVER told an entertainment reporter Michael Jackson gave him cocaine and alcohol when he was 15 years old … and says the reporter COMPLETELY FABRICATED the story. The controversy stems from an article that ran in OK! Magazine in Australia, written by international journalist Daphne Barak. In the article, Carter was quoted as saying, “Yes, [MJ] gave me wine. I mean, I could have refused, but I was 15. As for drugs? He gave me cocaine.” But Carter’s rep tells TMZ, “Nothing was said that was reported” … and directed us toward a YouTube video of the interview with Barak … which seems to back up Aaron’s side of the story.

Of course Michael Jackson didn’t give Aaron Carter (more…)

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Lou Pearlman Got 25 Years in Prison



Ha ha ha, you creepy bastard! TMZ reports:

Boy band man Lou Pearlman — the guy who made the Backstreet Boys and ‘NSYNC famous — just got 25 years in the big house for money laundering and conspiracy, among other shady shit. Big Lou pleaded guilty back in March to a long, complicated con game that basically pumped up his net worth and cheated other people out of millions. The judge gave him the maximum sentence.”

In addition to money laundering and stealing other people’s money, Lou Pearlman’s other hobbies include child molestation and wheezing when trying to move. I’d like to congratulate Lou in advance for his prison “Most Popular” award. Good job, Lou!

Photos: Splash

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Aaron Carter Gets High, and Arrested



Aaron Carter was arrested in Kimble County, Texas yesterday after police found two ounces of marijuana in his car. TMZ reports:

TMZ has confirmed Aaron was pulled over on I-10 earlier today for speeding — and when authorities decided to search his vehicle, they found the fat stash inside! Aaron, 20, is currently in jail until tomorrow, when a judge will be present for his arraignment.”

Aaron Carter is a wigger from way back, so I’m kinda surprised this didn’t happen sooner. He also got his big break on the Disney channel, and you know how those stories usually turn out (if you don’t, see here, here, here, and here.) At this point, I’d have more respect for parents if they shot heroin into their child’s juicebox than if they took them on an audition for Hannah Montana.

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