Kirk Cameron Says The Grammys Were An “All Out Assault On The Traditional Family”
Kirk Cameron Says The Grammys Were An “All Out Assault On The Traditional Family”


If you're a godless heathen you probably enjoyed the Grammys, but don't worry, Kirk Cameron is here to save your mortal soul. You know, if you buy his new movie. And that's pretty much what modern day Christianity is all about. A false sense of moral superiority and self-importance disguised as humility so you'll buy some shit that obviously God is down with. Of course only Kirk Cameron can save family. Of course only Kirk Cameron can save marriages, because he is God's one true messenger even though the divorce rate climbed 4.9% the year after Fireproof was released. Of course you need a mansion and a megachurch and drive a Bentley because you're just "so blessed". And as far as this whole "traditional family" things goes, fuck you. I know this might be hard to understand in your bigoted, closed off mind, but what works for you might not work for other people. I know, crazy right? And if God wants to make people suffer an eternal hell for having the audacity to love someone, then your god is a douche. Sorry. But mostly. I'd like to know more about this "traditional family". Is it the one where the wife stays home and is forbidden to have any contact with the outside world and just waits or you to get home so she can make you dinner and have dead missionary sex because her only purpose in life is to be a broodmare for your homeschooled, indoctrinated, Hitler youth in short sleeve Oxford shirts who have had their ability to think for themselves prayed out of them? Cool. Give me the chick who comes home and takes her heels off, pours a glass of wine, and asks me if we have any pot brownies left before she blows me for remembering to pick up her dry cleaning.

 

Image source = Facebook (h/t = Pajiba)

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Katy Perry Wore This Dress

Katy Perry wore another dress on the red carpet to the 56th Grammy Awards, but that one didn't show her rack and my boss has a strict "only Katy Perry rack shots", so I'm just abiding by company policy. You understand. Sorry, guys. My hands are tied.

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Anna Kendrick Wore This Dress

Lots of cognitive dissonance going on right now.. In the right light, and right makeup, and right dress, Anna Kendrick is cute. Mostly, conditions have to be perfect or her to remotely look hot, but at least she made some sort of effort with the dress (i.e. boobs). Try to ignore the fact that she's all pasty and pointy and looks like how a Pixar rat's love interest would look. I mean, I'd still beat it up or a few hours. Let's not confuse that point. What kind of site do you think I'm running here? Why, you just don't know me at all.

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Taylor Swift Thought She Won, Didn’t, Nervously Clapped

 

Taylor Swift is used to winning every award she's nominated for, because we're all still paying for what Kanye did, but she lost Album of the Year last night, and was almost ready to give us her usual "OMG I TOTALLY CAN'T BELIEVE I WON U GUYS" face then she realized they said "Random Access Memories" instead o "Red". So the album about how she's not gonna bang some dude ever again, the album with the song about staying up way too damn late to get laid won. Pharrell. Bro. I you gotta stay up that late, it's just not worth it. I'm usually in bed by 3 and asleep by 5:30. Heyoo!

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Pharrell Wore This Hat

Also, Pharrell wore this hat. Not really sure what this says, but he looks like he's in a movie about a black Mountie who breakdances because all his heart wants to do is dance and all the other Mouties laugh at him until he wins the a breakdancing competition at the end then everybody realizes we're not so different. Then people hug. Don't really know about this hat, but since it's Pharrell, you'll be seeing hipsters wearing this next week. Dumbasses. *logs into American Apparel* Ooh, look! Free shipping until January 31st!

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Beyonce Slayed The Grammys

If you missed the Grammys because you're a person with a soul who had better shit to do, the only thing you need to be concerned with is Beyonce's peformance of "Drunk In Love", because well, goddamn. Unless they are emotionally stunted douches who are still trying to prove their manhood by banging everything that walks in the bar, Beyonce is the kind of woman every man wants. On the other hand, he doesn't want a woman who easily falls for that bullshit either. There's a reason she called the Queen. She shines on her own and Jay Z is perfectly happy with that. mostly because its sexy hell and he couldn't do anything about it if he tried. We're they're not together, she's running shit. he's running shit, and when they're together she's banging his brains out and making a connection that nobody else could ever touch. Except maybe cancer. Marrying Beyonce is the greatest thing Jay Z has ever done or will ever do. And keep in mind this is the same man who released Reasonable Doubt.

 

Get your Plan B ready:

 

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