I’m not going to question why the 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar is still going on in 2018, but Charli XCX was January 2, and I remember who much you freaks love this chick, so here she is. Her body is fucking ridiculous, and her face is also ridiculous but I’m using the true connotation of “ridiculous” when I said “he face is also ridiculous.” No disrespect.
Continuing this year’s theme of “Chicks Who Don’t Workout Pretending To Workout”, Kate Upton is now pretending she exercises in the 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar. In retrospect, I might have focused to much on her boobs back in the day while ignoring the rest of the weird mess. She’s 25 and looks like a 35-year-old soccer mom who was Prom Queen once. Nobody’s hit the wall this hard since since a Dreamer’s cousin.
Much like Ashley Graham, Winnie Harlow is your token “REPRESENTATION” pick for the 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar. And unlike Michael Jackson, she actually has vitiligo. She kinda looks like a cow skin rug, but it’s 2017 and we somehow need to make that sexy and tell people who don’t think it’s sexy that they’re whatever word that end in “ist” that describes people who don’t get hard from skin conditions. Pigmentist? I don’t know, check Tumblr.
The least unattractive Baldwin, Hailey Baldwin, is today’s 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar. Great. Apparently there’s some weird workout in lingerie theme this year. Do women workout in lingerie? Not sure if that’s a thing. Do they want to make men believe women workout in lingerie? I feel this is promoting unrealistic workout standards.
The only thing I really know about Barbara Palvin is that she may have banged Justin Bieber at some point. Having just admitted that, I don’t think I should continue this post.Please respect my privacy at this time.
Here’s Barbara Palvin as Day 12 of your 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar accompanied with pictures of Palvin at an event.
It’s a weekday in December, so that means another 2017 LOVE Advent calendar video until 2018 gets here. I think everyone will be happy when 2018 gets here. But we were also excited for 2017 to get here, so what the hell do we know? We’re dumb. 2018 will probably be apocalyptic hellscape or humans will just evolve by losing the ability to speak or type so we nobody offends anyone. Or even worse, Mike Pence become President. Or John Oliver is accused of sexual harassment. We just don’t know. Wow, went off on a tangent there. Here’s Sara Sampaio doing her version of karate in this video. If you don’t know who Sara Sampaio is, that’s understandable. They’ve been trying to make her happen for like 5 years now. Maybe she should give up.
Here’s a video of Slick Woods. I don’t know who that is. Based on her teeth, I assume she’s British.
Kendall Jenner is by far the most attractive and least pregnant of Kris Jenner’s kids (unless Rob figures out something quick), so there’s a reason she was chosen to be in the 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar other than the people who make this calendar wanting to leverage Kendall’s social media following. That probably didn’t factor into their decision at all. They know she’s a supermodel just like Cindy Crawford and Linda Evangelista and lol okay I’ll stop.
Hey, but at least she’s doing actual physical exercise, unlike Ashley Graham who did hers in post.
It’s the reason for the season. The 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar. Of course, Emily Ratajkowski would be one of the first, because I assume she was camping out front until they let her end. Not sure what rubbing your boobs with pasta and grease in a warehouse has to do with Christ’s return, but that’s not for us to concern ourselves with. The point is, Emily Ratajkowski rubbing her boobs with pasta and grease in a warehouse with her special needs face that we have all chosen to ignore.
Ashley Graham was also asked because they had to check off that diversity box early. Her video is pretty much what you’d expect. Lots of closeups and shots that looks like she’s about to ruin a toilet. Sexy. They also made her pretend she was running. They probably had to pay her extra for that. I guess having Ashley Graham run herself in pasta would be too on the nose.