Jennifer Lopez Wore This Dress

Hey, so remember yesterday when I said Jennifer Lopez is 45 and nobody wanted to see her in her Oscar dress? Here’s what she wore to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party. I’m pretty dumb sometimes. We can all admit that.

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Emma Stone Didn’t Want To Make It Weird

Jennifer Aniston launched a full on “I should get an Oscar for Cake” campaign, but she wasn’t nominated because the movie wasn’t that great and because Aniston can’t act. Emma Stone was nominated Best Supporting Actress for Birdman, so when they ran into each other, Emma just grabbed her really quick and fondled her because that’s better than watching Aniston slash her wrists.

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Jessica Chastain Wore This Dress

We can talk about J-Lo’s dress or whatever, but J-Lo is 45 and wears basically the same dress to every award show. But have you seen Jessica Chastain‘s face? And her giant rack? I feel like I shouldn’t have to constantly point these out.

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Patricia Arquette Went Hard In Her Acceptance Speech

You kinda always know when a movie isn’t going to win Best Picture if any of the supporting cast gets an Oscar, so Birdman’s fate was pretty much sealed when Patricia Arquette took the stage to accept the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for Boyhood. She started off thanking everyone involved then out of nowhere she roundhoused the patriarchy in the temple then kicked it in the dick.

“To every woman who gave birth to every taxpayer and citizen in this nation: We have fought for everybody else’s equal rights. It’s our time to have wage equality in the United States!”

“We have fought for everybody else’s equal rights”…uhhh, probably not the most nuanced way to get your point across, but whatever. Like, it’s 2015. Pay these bitches. It’s not that difficult.

 

 

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Here’s The 2015 Oscar Winners You Care About

Hey, the 2015 Oscars were tonight. Here’s the winners. Not listed: Best Short and Best Costume Design because who cares about that?

 

Best Picture Birdman — Alejandro G. Inarritu, John Lesher and James W. Skotchdopole

Best Director Alejandro González Iñárritu — Birdman

Best Actor Eddie Redmayne — The Theory of Everything

Best Actress Julianne Moore — Still Alice

Best Supporting Actor J.K. Simmons — Whiplash

Best Supporting Actress Patricia Arquette — Boyhood

Original Screenplay Birdman – Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. and Armando Bo

Best Adapted Screenplay The Imitation Game – Graham Moore

Best Original Song Glory — John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn

 

 

 

2015 Oscar Winners

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