The Voices In Kanye West’s Head Blamed For The “Mis-Wording”

Kanye West went on Seacreast yesterday to offer his kinda sort not really apology for “joking” around with Beck by being a crying kid in the aisle at Target because he couldn’t get the toy he wanted. Brace yourself for lots of Kane West talking about himself in the third person as sociopaths often do.

“You know, I felt like just the whole Grammys, right when that happened, everybody was looking at me, and then people started screaming, ‘Kanye! Kanye! Go do it!’ Okay, that didn’t really happen, these were voices in my head,” he quipped on Seacrest’s KIIS FM radio show. “So the voices in my head told me to go up, and then I just walked up, like, halfway up the stage.”…”You know, what I really wanted to do is just joke around with what had happened before [with Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs], but I just really didn’t want to take away from Beck’s moment or the time he’s having to talk, because, you know, the Grammys, they play music really quick no matter who you are and everything,” he added. “So I didn’t want anything to take away from his screen time. So I just walked back down because, you know, it was kind of a joke, like the Grammys themselves.”…”The weird thing is — and I don’t feel like I have the right to take away from people’s moments, but the reality of it is — it’s almost like a chiropractor,” he continued. “You know, you just get a little crook out, like, ‘Wow, this crook has been there!’ It’s just a little jolt of truth, right? And then, you know, everyone feels better after the fact, or everyone sells way more albums after the fact, and then Kanye just goes on being an a–hole to everyone.”…He admitted, however, that his comment about Beck needing to “respect artistry” may not have been the best way to get his point across. “I think it came off the wrong way, and that was a mis-wording on my part, because obviously Beck is one of the most respected artists and respects artistry,” he explained.

This story has been written about so much that there’s actual published think pieces about the backlash to the backlash. They say Kanye is “fucking real” and “speaks” his mind”. You know who else does that? Three year olds. They also say, “Kanye West doesn’t care what you think about him”. No, Kanye West cares very, very much what you think about Kanye West. Just like his wife can’t pass a bathroom mirror without taking a picture of herself, Kanye West can’t show up to an event and not think he’s the only genius in the room. And if you don’t agree, he’s gonna cry about it. He’s quick to point out the Grammys are a joke when he or his friends don’t win, and in the same breath, he’s quicker to tell you he has 21. Kanye is that dude who comments, “who cares?”, on a Facebook post. If Kanye wasn’t famous, he’d be in Bed, Bath & Beyond asking to speak to a manager then going home to write a six paragraph Yelp review because Kanye West truly believes Kanye West’s  opinion is that important. Please keep in mind that he inserted himself into Taylor Swift and Beck’s acceptance speeches, but wants to lecture us all on disrespect. On his next album, I hope Kanye samples some self-awareness. That’d be a pretty dope track.

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Here’s Some More People At The Grammys

Hey, look! Here’s some people who also attended the Grammys last night. You might know some of these people, or you might now. My only real criteria for choosing these pictures was “titties”. I know 2014 was about the ass and all that, but I’m in Atlanta so I see enough of that.

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Taylor Swift Wore This Last Night

Ok, enough about Kanye. And I just ate, so I can’t post about Madonna, so here’s Taylor Swift looking hot as hell at the Grammys last night. Yes, her music is annoying and she smiles like a sociopath , and she kinda looks like what an alien representative sent to Earth would look like if they attempted to appear human, but you know what? It all works. I mean, look at her legs. I’d spread them more than almond butter. And I’m a really big fan of almond butter.

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Iggy Azalea Didn’t Win Shit

Iggy Azalea is a white girl from Australia who magically has a blaccent when she “raps”, and claims she is universally hated because she has a vagina. But remember in her last interview when she said “awards season” helps her deal with her “haters”? Well, she didn’t win shit last night at the Grammys, where she was up for Best Rap Album of the Year. This is probably the best thing happen to civil rights in this country since Air Jordans. And we’re not even going to talk about her hair today. Last time I saw something like that, it was glazed and came with a free coffee.

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BREAKING: Kanye West Is Still A Dick

Kanye West performed twice at the 2015 Grammys last night. The first time, he told a ghost story in a velvet track assistant basketball coach suit. The second time, he performed a song where Sir Paul McCartney, one of the biggest influences in the history of pop music, had to sing the word “wildin'” on national television. You’d think that would have been enough Snickers for Kanye’s ego, but then Beck‘s Morning Phase won AOTY. When Beck went on stage to accept his award (also, Beck was surprised he won, but for the exact opposite reason everybody else did), Kanye walked on stage, but was unable to say anything, because Prince is magical and created a force field around Beck forcing Kanye to sit his dumb ass down. The came the E! aftershow:

“I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain’t gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should’ve given his award to Beyoncé. Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you’re disrespectful to inspiration. And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place. Then they do this whole promotional event, they’ll run the music over somebody’s speech, the artist, because they want commercial advertising. Like, no, we not playing with them no more. By the way, I got my wife, my daughter and my clothing line, so I’m not going to do nothing to put my daughter at risk but I am here to fight for creativity. That’s the reason why I didn’t say anything tonight. But you all know what it meant when ‘Ye walks on the stage.

Okay, let’s not pretend here. Kanye will be sitting at the Grammys when his 80, because his entire existence is entirely based on the amount of gold trophies his gets. If he doesn’t win a Grammy for tying his shoes, mankind has failed in Kanye’s mind. Second, ever single track on Morning Phase is great. Hate to break it to you. So if you want to protect artistry, then you clap when Beck wins his award. Beck isn’t Mackelmore. If you don’t know who Beck is, that says more about you than it does it about him, so I’m sorry your music choices are limited to what radio stations tell you. And if we can really sit here and call “7/11”  a “monumental feat of music”, the alien invasion can’t come soon enough. Beyonce wasn’t robbed, she just lost. If you want to feel bad for somebody for being robbed, Ledisi was suppose to perform ““Precious Lord, Take My Hand” (the gospel track she performed for Selma) and got bumped because Beyonce said, “nah bitch”. Beck sings and performs his own songs. Just wanted to throw that out there. In closing, I honestly hope Kanye keeps walking on stage when he’s throwing a tantrum, because one day he’s gonna walk up on the wrong person and get his jaw wired shut again. Fuck Kanye is really all I’m trying to say here.

 

 

 

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