Kendall Jenner Did CannesBy toddMay 14, 2018
Kendall Jenner Did Cannes

 

I don’t understand why Kendall Jenner was invited to Cannes, but she’s the only Kardashian/Jenner that isn’t completely annoying and she can fit in actual dresses the way designers intended them without having to use Vibranium stitches. And she’s very attractive. Also, she didn’t wear a bra with this dress, and that’s always a plus. If any of her sisters wore this same dress, they’d look ratchet as hell and probably be asked to leave. So, enjoy these pictures in whatever way you deem necessary.

 

  I don’t understand why Kendall Jenner was invited to Cannes, but she’s the only Kardashian/Jenner that isn’t completely annoying and she can fit in actual dresses the way designers…

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Ariana Grande Is Single NowBy toddMay 10, 2018
Ariana Grande Is Single Now

 

After two and a half years of dating, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller (Googles what Mac Miller does) have broken up.

Ariana Grande and Mac Miller have called it quits on dating … but sources close to the 2 tell TMZ they remain the closest of friends. We’re told Ariana and Mac quietly cut off their romantic relationship after their work schedules became too busy, but they’ve remained best friends since then … as always. Our sources say the ex-couple love each other dearly and that will continue to be the case but, again … just as close friends.

Look, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller went public with their relationship in September 2016 – three months after the Manchester bombing. Do we really need to figure out what happened here? He was there for her at her lowest point and since UNPROCESSED EMOTIONS, it was read as “hey, this means we’re in love and should be together” instead of  “hey, thanks for being a friend.” Now it’s almost three years laters and Ariana is now able to contextualize her feelings about Mac Miller and was like “nah.” Thanks for reading my totally uninformed psychoanalysis of their relationship! Hope you’re having a great day!

 

  After two and a half years of dating, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller (Googles what Mac Miller does) have broken up. Ariana Grande and Mac Miller have called it quits on dating…

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The 2018 Met Gala Was Last NightBy toddMay 08, 2018
The 2018 Met Gala Was Last Night

 

So, the 2018 Met Gala was last night. The night where celebrities get dressed up in utterly ridiculous shit and get their pictures taken under the pretense that they’re raising money for something. The theme this year was “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination,” so they all wore stuff with religious stuff on it or whatever. No think pieces about cultural appropriation yet from the Catholic Church. Anyway, they all looked dumb. Rihanna was the black Pope. Jared Leto offered a reward for Robin Hood. Lena Waithe wanted everyone to know she was gay if they didn’t already. Katy Perry wore wings. Tom Brady looked like he colonized Wakanda. Cardi B was Cardi B at an event. She looks like she has no idea where she it or why she’s there, but is just happy to be there (she won’t be invited back). Sarah Jessica Parker is 53 but looks 83. Kim Kardashian wore what she always wears. She has nothing else to offer. Every other dude there wore just a suit, and every other chick there wore something that would show off their boobs. But fashion’s big night or whatever.

 

  So, the 2018 Met Gala was last night. The night where celebrities get dressed up in utterly ridiculous shit and get their pictures taken under the pretense that they’re…

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Alice Eve Is A ThrowbackBy toddMay 03, 2018
Alice Eve Is A Throwback

 

Hey, remember Alice Eve? It seems like only 2013 when she was Hollywood’s go to for “blonde with huge breasts.” I wonder what happened? *Googles her age* Ah. I see. Well, she’s in a new movie called The Con Is On with Uma Thurman and Sofia Vergara, and here’s what she wore to the premiere. Vergara didn’t attend the premiere because either the movie is terrible or Alice Eve’s cleavage didn’t want to feel inadequate. Hey, don’t be like that, Alice Eve’s cleavage. I think you’re pretty special. Are you also in the movie? Is that so? Nice, nice.

 

  Hey, remember Alice Eve? It seems like only 2013 when she was Hollywood’s go to for “blonde with huge breasts.” I wonder what happened? *Googles her age* Ah. I…

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Anna Kendrick Did CinemaConBy toddMay 02, 2018
Anna Kendrick Did CinemaCon

 

I woke up mad planning to write about Kanye’s 400 years of “slavery was a choice thing, but then I realized I’m Native American and there’s a reason why you don’t see a whole group of us out literally anywhere. Y’all should helped us out, yo. I guess Buffalo Soldiers had an easier choice, but they killed us anyway. Thanks, guys. Glad we had that talk. So anyway, here’s Anna Kendrick at 2018 CinemaCon. Anna Kendrick who probably wouldn’t have existed if we had teamed up. I really like her dress.

 

  I woke up mad planning to write about Kanye’s 400 years of “slavery was a choice“ thing, but then I realized I’m Native American and there’s a reason why…

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Emily Ratajkowski Had A Different Contract For The ‘I Feel Pretty’ PremiereBy toddApril 18, 2018
Emily Ratajkowski Had A Different Contract For The ‘I Feel Pretty’ Premiere

 

Emily Ratajkowski is also in the Amy Schumer movie, I Feel Pretty (which opens in two days and the critics embargo hasn’t been lifted yet), and Schumer is doing all she can to shit on anybody who has the audacity to believe that a movie about a woman getting self-esteem because of brain damage is “projecting.” You can always count on Amy! But enough of that. Like I was saying, Emily Ratajkowski attended the premiere, and as you can see, she wasn’t the “Emily Ratajkowski showing up at an event” like we’re all used to seeing (lawd). Let’s see if we can spot the difference. Not sure what Amy Schumer demanded to be in Ratajkowski’s promotional contract, but Ratajkowski even had to publicly whip herself for being hot. We won’t do that here.

 

  Emily Ratajkowski is also in the Amy Schumer movie, I Feel Pretty (which opens in two days and the critics embargo hasn’t been lifted yet), and Schumer is doing…
Carrie Underwood Lied To UsBy toddApril 16, 2018

 

Barely two months after Carrie Underwood said her face was disfigured because she might have got drunk and decided to argue with her husband and fell down before she made her point, she showed up to the 53rd Academy of Country Music Awards this weekend looking like this. Apparently she heals like Wolverine when it’s time for an awards show.  Is this the next stage of human evolution? Does the government know about this? What are they hiding from us? Mutant rights now. Also, her legs tho. Good lawd.

 

Had a great rehearsal for the @acmawards ! Can’t wait until tomorrow night! #CryPretty #ACMAwards A post shared by Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) on Apr 14, 2018 at 6:23pm PDT  …

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Britney Spears Won A GLAAD AwardBy toddApril 13, 2018
Britney Spears Won A GLAAD Award

 

I’ve been writing this site for so long, I remember when we all thought Britney Spears was gonna die from a combination of laxatives and Mt. Dew while on a ATV, and when Perez Hilton used to roast her pretty much daily. Now she’s a gay icon, because washed up pop stars usually end up one. She won the Vanguard Award last night at the GLAAD Media Awards and was presented by kind of gay icon, Ricky Martin. So come back in 20 years when somebody else will write a post about Cardi B winning the Vanguard Award.

 

  I’ve been writing this site for so long, I remember when we all thought Britney Spears was gonna die from a combination of laxatives and Mt. Dew while on…

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Emily Ratajkowski Is Playing A “Girl Next Door Type” In A New NBC ShowBy toddApril 06, 2018
Emily Ratajkowski Is Playing A “Girl Next Door Type” In A New NBC Show

 

NBC has a new show coming out called Bright Futures. Here’s how Variety describes it:

“….a group of friends all stumbling through the transition from the clueless, immature twentysomethings they are now to the successful professionals they’re destined to be. In addition, Lisa Kudrow will serve as the show’s narrator.”

So basically Friends. It’s gonna star Emily Ratajkowski, Lilly Singh, Shameik Moore, Jimmy Tatro, and Calum Worthy. Pretty diverse cast! But it’s “Hollywood diverse” in the sense they cast a bunch of black and brown people but three white guys will write the show. BUT HERE’S HOW EMILY RATAJKOWSKI‘S CHARACTER IS DESCRIBED:

Ratajkowski will play Sarah, described as a girl-next-door type but also with a behind-the-ear tattoo. She can just as easily bro out with the guys as she can be the girliest girl.

lol what. Now, I’m not sure what types of women the casting director lives next door to, but if Emily Ratajkowski is what Hollywood thinks is a “girl next door”, I don’t know what they’d cast you as girl reading this. A white walker? Something haunting a house? I think this show might be perpetuating damaging girl next door beauty standards. MY COLUMN:

 

 

banner pic = Instagram

  NBC has a new show coming out called Bright Futures. Here’s how Variety describes it: “….a group of friends all stumbling through the transition from the clueless, immature twentysomethings…

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The Rock Is Really Running For PresidentBy toddApril 05, 2018
The Rock Is Really Running For President

 

When Republicans throw up a candidate who has no business of winning, Democrats pretty much abandon their base and attempt to copy that model in order to get a win since they don’t know how to do that. Like Conor Lamb, the former Marine, pro-gun, anti-abortion, “Democrat.” As long as a candidate had a (D) in front of their name, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter if they vote with Republicans most of the time or not. Like Doug Jones, the dude who barely won against a child molester. Then when people thought Oprah was going to run, it was met with, “YASSS QUEEN,” even though the same people had spent two years saying a television personality with no political experience was unfit for office. Anyway, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is on the latest cover of Rolling Stone, so that means he was interviewed. They asked him about the rumor that he plans to run for President. He made a good point.

“I think in a lot of people’s minds, what Trump has proved is that anybody can run for president,” Johnson says. “And in a lot of people’s minds, what he’s also proved is that not everybody should run for president. What I’m sensing now is that we have to pivot back to people who have a deep-rooted knowledge of American history and politics and experience in policy and how laws get made. I think that pivot has to happen.”

Pretty much. The problem with America’s belief that anybody has the chance to be President means that anybody has the chance to be President. That sounds great and all until a corporate spokesman or board member of Goldman Sachs running. Or, you know, Trump. The Rock then basically said he plans to Run for President at some point.

“Republicans, Democrats, independents, mayors, strategists, you name it. Just soaking in and listening. Trying to learn as much as I possibly can. I entertain the thought, and thank you, I’m so flattered by it. But I feel like the best thing I can do now is, give me years. Let me go to work and learn.”

Great. Obviously I wouldn’t tell The Rock why him running would be a horrible idea because I prefer my spine inside my body, so if you’re reading this, Dwayne, may I call you Dwayne? Please don’t do it. I mean, I guess do it if you make Air Force One a helicopter to stay more on brand. But, if he decides to run, he might hit a snag.

“At the time, I just felt like it was either vote for the [candidate] I thought would make a better president than the other, even though I would rather have someone else, or not vote at all. I wrestled back and forth with it. We were on the set of Jumanji in Hawaii, and it really was like calling on the gods. Give me the answer. Ultimately, it was [to not vote].”

He didn’t vote for Hillary? Well, shit. Apparently he’s a sexist. And obviously he’s racist despite being black and Samoan, according to what white woman blue checkmark and Hillary stans tell us because they refuse to believe she generally sucks. So, good luck to you, The Rock. I hope you win, because nothing really matters anyway.

 

 

  When Republicans throw up a candidate who has no business of winning, Democrats pretty much abandon their base and attempt to copy that model in order to get a…

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