KONG MATE CHEAT ALSO HAVE SEX TAPEBy toddApril 11, 2018
KONG MATE CHEAT ALSO HAVE SEX TAPE

 

Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian posted this sweet and not staged at all pic of herself with Tristan Thompson (Black? Check. Average NBA player that her family fetishizes? Check.) on Instagram to celebrate the birth of their daughter who could pop out any time now. That’s wonderful. But what you might not know is that Khloe Kardashian is pregnant by Tristan Thompson because in 2016 Tristan Thompson cheated on his then pregnant girlfriend, Jordan Craig, with Khloe Kardashian then left Jordan Craig to be with Khloe Kardashian before his baby with Jordan Craig was born. Khloe Kardashian was quoted at that time saying that she was just “having fun” and didn’t “want any drama.” This concludes my dramatic irony part of the post, because guess what? You’re really not gonna believe this. Khloe Kardashian is pregnant and Tristan Thompson is cheating on her with multiple women. If only she had some sort of sign before she got pregnant.

 

Apparently Tristan Thompson was banging an IG model (isn’t it always IG models?) all last weekend in NYC, and now she really wants you to know it was her.

A woman claiming she spent the night with Tristan Thompson in NYC this weekend posted and quickly deleted a sex tape and a number of raunchy text messages allegedly with the NBA All-Star. The woman — who goes by @ms.stephaniee_ on Instagram — claims she’s the one who was seen in a video Saturday night walking into the Manhattan Four Seasons with Tristan. Tuesday night she filled her IG story alleged texts from Tristan and a video of a couple having sex … which she claims is her and Tristan. Neither of their faces is visible in the short clip. One of the alleged texts from Tristan read, “If I was there I would grab u while u try to walk away from me than I would pull ya hair and kiss you than rip ya clothes off and lay u down while I suck ya p**** and say sorry.”

The chick is supposedly Lani Blair. I guess you could rightfully stick with the “all men are trash” thing, and nobody would argue, but America really does have an epidemic of whores trying to cash out with famous, rich dudes. Can’t really blame them. What’s the point of having a vagina if it can’t be monetized? You should have to find the algorithm that works best for you and for your vagina. Sometimes that means banging a dude with a pregnant girlfriend at home.

 

TMZ also has a surveillance video footage of Tristan Thompson at a hookah lounge in Washington, D.C. hooking up with two chicks at once. This is obviously wrong, but let’s not pretend these chicks don’t watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. They have kept up and now who Tristan Thompson is. Also, I assume that any of the three women we’ve mentioned her are hotter, younger, and less pregnant than Khloe, so we really don’t need senate committee hearings to find out why he cheated. I really don’t feel bad or sorry for anyone in this story, so I’ll just end this post now. Drink one for Lamar Odom later today.

 

  Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian posted this sweet and not staged at all pic of herself with Tristan Thompson (Black? Check. Average NBA player that her family fetishizes? Check.) on Instagram…

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Cardi B Is PregnantBy toddApril 09, 2018
Cardi B Is Pregnant

 

Hey, that one dude from Migos got Cardi B pregnant, and for some reason they both seem excited about it. Apparently there’s been rumors for a while, but she decided to confirm those rumors on the most recent SNL. Why did she keep it a secret? If you can decipher this, you’ll have your answer.

 

I guess I’m not one of those people who is supposed to understand why Cardi B is famous. She’s basically Woah Vicky and Bhad Bhabie, but she’s not white so people think this is great. Unlike Bruno Mars, who is somehow being accused of cultural appropriation. Must be his male privilege. This is basically her target audience:

 

 

So congrats to Cardi B and her pregnancy. Oh, and congrats on her new album which will give white girls, who don’t understand irony, Instagram captions for the duration of the summer.

 

  Hey, that one dude from Migos got Cardi B pregnant, and for some reason they both seem excited about it. Apparently there’s been rumors for a while, but she decided…

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Emily Ratajkowski Is Playing A “Girl Next Door Type” In A New NBC ShowBy toddApril 06, 2018
Emily Ratajkowski Is Playing A “Girl Next Door Type” In A New NBC Show

 

NBC has a new show coming out called Bright Futures. Here’s how Variety describes it:

“….a group of friends all stumbling through the transition from the clueless, immature twentysomethings they are now to the successful professionals they’re destined to be. In addition, Lisa Kudrow will serve as the show’s narrator.”

So basically Friends. It’s gonna star Emily Ratajkowski, Lilly Singh, Shameik Moore, Jimmy Tatro, and Calum Worthy. Pretty diverse cast! But it’s “Hollywood diverse” in the sense they cast a bunch of black and brown people but three white guys will write the show. BUT HERE’S HOW EMILY RATAJKOWSKI‘S CHARACTER IS DESCRIBED:

Ratajkowski will play Sarah, described as a girl-next-door type but also with a behind-the-ear tattoo. She can just as easily bro out with the guys as she can be the girliest girl.

lol what. Now, I’m not sure what types of women the casting director lives next door to, but if Emily Ratajkowski is what Hollywood thinks is a “girl next door”, I don’t know what they’d cast you as girl reading this. A white walker? Something haunting a house? I think this show might be perpetuating damaging girl next door beauty standards. MY COLUMN:

 

 

banner pic = Instagram

  NBC has a new show coming out called Bright Futures. Here’s how Variety describes it: “….a group of friends all stumbling through the transition from the clueless, immature twentysomethings…

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Lorde Had To Apologize To Whitney Houston’s Ghost On InstagramBy toddApril 06, 2018
Lorde Had To Apologize To Whitney Houston’s Ghost On Instagram

 

We all miss Whitney Houston. Not only did we lose a legendary singer and icon, we also lost our best defense against a huge rock hurtling towards Earth. We wouldn’t even ask for the receipts. Just go handle it, Whitney. You’re our only hope. But as you recall, she overdosed in a bathtub in 2012 with like 87 things in her systems, and her biggest hit was, “I Will Always Love You.” Lorde posted this pic on Instagram yesterday.

 

Lorde

 

Okay, granted, maybe not the best caption. But obviously, a second of critical thinking could make you understand what she meant, but you also have to remember she posted this on the Internet. Critical thinking doesn’t exist there. So, naturally, people who haven’t thought about Whitney Houston since she died went apeshit and Lorde had to publicly flog herself because she posted that she loved her bathtub.

“Extremely extremely poorly chosen quote,” she wrote. “I’m so sorry for offending anyone — I hadn’t even put this together I was just excited to take a bath. I’m an idiot. Love Whitney forever and ever. Sorry again.”

That’s right, Lorde. Fall on your damn knees and beg for forgiveness from people who will have moved on to the next thing they’re clutching their pearls over before you even finish writing your apology. Sorry your nice bath was interrupted.

  We all miss Whitney Houston. Not only did we lose a legendary singer and icon, we also lost our best defense against a huge rock hurtling towards Earth. We…

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The Rock Is Really Running For PresidentBy toddApril 05, 2018
The Rock Is Really Running For President

 

When Republicans throw up a candidate who has no business of winning, Democrats pretty much abandon their base and attempt to copy that model in order to get a win since they don’t know how to do that. Like Conor Lamb, the former Marine, pro-gun, anti-abortion, “Democrat.” As long as a candidate had a (D) in front of their name, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter if they vote with Republicans most of the time or not. Like Doug Jones, the dude who barely won against a child molester. Then when people thought Oprah was going to run, it was met with, “YASSS QUEEN,” even though the same people had spent two years saying a television personality with no political experience was unfit for office. Anyway, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is on the latest cover of Rolling Stone, so that means he was interviewed. They asked him about the rumor that he plans to run for President. He made a good point.

“I think in a lot of people’s minds, what Trump has proved is that anybody can run for president,” Johnson says. “And in a lot of people’s minds, what he’s also proved is that not everybody should run for president. What I’m sensing now is that we have to pivot back to people who have a deep-rooted knowledge of American history and politics and experience in policy and how laws get made. I think that pivot has to happen.”

Pretty much. The problem with America’s belief that anybody has the chance to be President means that anybody has the chance to be President. That sounds great and all until a corporate spokesman or board member of Goldman Sachs running. Or, you know, Trump. The Rock then basically said he plans to Run for President at some point.

“Republicans, Democrats, independents, mayors, strategists, you name it. Just soaking in and listening. Trying to learn as much as I possibly can. I entertain the thought, and thank you, I’m so flattered by it. But I feel like the best thing I can do now is, give me years. Let me go to work and learn.”

Great. Obviously I wouldn’t tell The Rock why him running would be a horrible idea because I prefer my spine inside my body, so if you’re reading this, Dwayne, may I call you Dwayne? Please don’t do it. I mean, I guess do it if you make Air Force One a helicopter to stay more on brand. But, if he decides to run, he might hit a snag.

“At the time, I just felt like it was either vote for the [candidate] I thought would make a better president than the other, even though I would rather have someone else, or not vote at all. I wrestled back and forth with it. We were on the set of Jumanji in Hawaii, and it really was like calling on the gods. Give me the answer. Ultimately, it was [to not vote].”

He didn’t vote for Hillary? Well, shit. Apparently he’s a sexist. And obviously he’s racist despite being black and Samoan, according to what white woman blue checkmark and Hillary stans tell us because they refuse to believe she generally sucks. So, good luck to you, The Rock. I hope you win, because nothing really matters anyway.

 

 

  When Republicans throw up a candidate who has no business of winning, Democrats pretty much abandon their base and attempt to copy that model in order to get a…

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Emily Ratajkowski Loves Bikinis, WeedBy toddApril 04, 2018
Emily Ratajkowski Loves Bikinis, Weed

 

Emily Ratajkowski is always in bikini, and I didn’t think it would be easy to improve on that, but then she posted this picture on Instagram. She might be the perfect woman. I really don’t think it’s up for debate at this point.  The only thing that could change my mind is if she’s vegan and starts saying YouTube is demonetizing her videos. That would tell me instantly that she’s a member of the NRA.

 

(more…)

  Emily Ratajkowski is always in bikini, and I didn’t think it would be easy to improve on that, but then she posted this picture on Instagram. She might be…

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Channing Tatum And Jenna Dewan Are Getting A Divorce Now, I GuessBy toddApril 03, 2018
Channing Tatum And Jenna Dewan Are Getting A Divorce Now, I Guess

 

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan have been married so long I forgot they were married, but it looks like they aren’t gonna be married anymore. People tells me they met in 2006 and Jenna hyphenated her name in 2009. Anyway, they’re separating/divorcing as told by this weird Instagram post they put up last night.

 

 

Lots of things going on in that post. A super happy greeting, a Trump dig, what looks to be quadruple spacing, and the fact that Channing refers to himself as “Chan.” Look, they’ve been together for eleven years and married for nine, and this isn’t like 1950 where you have to marry someone when you’re 20 then die with them. I’m sure they love each other and whatever, but nobody is the same person eleven years later. Shit changes. You change. Be happy apart instead of miserable together. I am now a marriage counselor. Please contact me for all your marriage counseling needs.

 

  Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan have been married so long I forgot they were married, but it looks like they aren’t gonna be married anymore. People tells me they…

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Demi Rose Turned 23 And That Doesn’t Sound RightBy toddMarch 29, 2018
Demi Rose Turned 23 And That Doesn’t Sound Right

 

Hey, remember Demi Rose? I used to post about her a lot, because damn. During our journey we found out that she might be an escort. That’s fine, whatever she wants to do. The economy is pretty bad. Hopefully she doesn’t also have to drive Uber part-time. So, her 23rd birthday was a few days ago and here are some pics from that night. I feel Demi Rose is what Ariel Winter thinks she looks like, but nobody has the heart to tell her she doesn’t. I’ll stop typing now. I hope this photo gallery finds you well.

 

  Hey, remember Demi Rose? I used to post about her a lot, because damn. During our journey we found out that she might be an escort. That’s fine, whatever…

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Christina Aguilera Did Paper MagazineBy toddMarch 27, 2018
Christina Aguilera Did Paper Magazine

 

Not gonna lie, I thought this was Kesha at first, but then I realized I’ve seen Kesha without makeup before and this picture was more attractive than that, so I thought it was Kesha without makeup that they somehow photoshopped. Then I clicked on the post and found out it was Christina Aguilera without makeup for Paper Magazine. Then I got kind of interested because Paper usually puts up women who are naked then I realized it was just Kim Kardashian because she won’t approve of any picture unless she’s naked. By the time I downloaded these pictures I was already bored, so now you can we can all be bored together.

 

  Not gonna lie, I thought this was Kesha at first, but then I realized I’ve seen Kesha without makeup before and this picture was more attractive than that, so…

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