The premiere of Zoolander No. 2 was last night. Apparently the movie sucks ass. But this is what Penelope Cruz wore to the premiere, so I choose to focus on that instead. I hope you understand.
Kaley Cuoco abs is a thing that’s happening this week, but I’m not really sure we’re all not saying “abs”. Anyway, doesn’t matter. Here she is running to a car after a yoga class. No word if that car took her to a much needed psychiatrist appointment. All we can do is hope the best, friends.
Yeah, so here’s Tom Hardy‘s “penis” ( NSFW ) [ The Superficial ]
Matt Damon threw some shade at Leonardo DiCaprio [ Dlisted ]
Apparently lyme disease is sexually transmitted [ Reality Tea ]
These won’t make Nick Jonas jealous, Lily Collins [ Popoholic ]
Nicole Kidman topless in her new movie ( NSFW ) [ The Nip Slip ]
Selena Gomez in lingerie [ DrunkenStepfather ]
Brie Larson hit up Jimmy Kimmel [ Moe Jackson ]
Meet your new 2016 SI Swimsuit rookie [ Hollywood Tuna ]
Kris Jenner just called America a hater [ Cele|bitchy ]
That one time Alison Brie did GQ Mexico #neverforget
I made you read a lot today about stuff you can challenge with a meme on Facebook later and I also made you look at Khloe Kardashian. My apologies. So here’s some of your favorite Instagram chicks and their Instagram goings on. Well, that’s not true exactly. They’re actually my favorites and I post them. See how that works on here? Not gonna lie, it’s pretty great.
Katie May wasn’t included because, well, she died.
Emma Watson is dating a guy named Mack Knight who works in Silicon Valley. If you want to know what a guy named Mack Knight who works in Silicon Valley looks like, either close your eyes or click on the link in the below blockquote thingy. Your guess will probably be accurate if you do the first option then the second option last.
Emma Watson enjoyed a night with her new boyfriend at Broadway’s hottest show while their romance was in its earliest stages, it emerged today. The Harry Potter actress and her tech guru boyfriend went to Hamilton in October with William ‘Mack’ Knight, before their romance went public. Knight, 35, escorted her from the Richard Rodgers Theatre on Broadway to a waiting car after their date. The show, a hip-hop musical about the Founding Fathers, is New York’s biggest hit. This weekend it emerged the couple had been spending time together on vacation in California, where Knight works for a Silicon Valley company.
“This weekend it emerged the couple had been spending time together on vacation in California”. People at the Daily Mail doing anything to show their parents that English degree was worth the money, huh? At least say “emerged from her vagina” or something like that because hopefully that’s what happened. If not, that’s understandable. Refer to his picture for further insight.
What’s the process for making fake nails for Khloe Kardashian‘s big ass hand? What’s the lead time? Where do they mine the materials? How many Vietnamese children have died? So many unanswered questions. But we’re not here to talk about that right now. Then why’d you ask me? You knew by the title that I was gonna talk about her breakup with James Harden, don’t play dumb. You gonna let me talk about it or not? Thank you. So tired of your shit.
Khloé Kardashian and James Harden have called it quits, PEOPLE has confirmed. “It hasn’t been easy. James obviously has wanted to see her more and be with her more, but she’s felt like she needed to stay in L.A. to be with her family and to deal with Lamar stuff,” a source close to the family previously PEOPLE. “That has put some strain on things.”
They didn’t go into detail, but I think “be with her family and deal with Lamar stuff” means that’s where the reality show is filmed and she needs to keep massaging Lamar’s hand and teaching him “blink once for yes” so he can sign off on power of attorney and that sex tape.
Here’s Kendall Jenner pics from last night because one Khloe Kardashian pic was enough:
ATTENTION CHRISTIANS AND MIDDLE AMERICA: If you’ve noticed your child has been acting weird lately, its because you allowed him to watch the Super Bowl 50 halftime show and now they’re gay and want to kill police officers or something.
The first gay hot take was by, of course, Matt Walsh. If you don’t know who that is, he’s the “cool Christian” who smokes and has tattoos and hates gross gay stuff almost as much as he hates women’s rights and minorities. Almost. It’s hard to tell, really.
Is it at all fathomable that the halftime producers decided to make “love,” rainbows and flowers into the theme for a football halftime show but it never occurred to them that the whole thing would seem pretty gay? How did that conversation go? “Hey, let’s turn the stadium into a rainbow flag with a slogan about love in the middle!” “Why?” “Because it will be pretty!” And that was it? A few silly Christians were the first ones to connect the gay dots? Come on.
Oh, damn. Sorry your narrow world view was slightly inconvenienced for 15 minutes because you couldn’t find the remote to change the channel. That must have been pretty difficult. The good news for people who read Matt Walsh is that if your child is gay, they probably won’t tell you, because 1.) you think that the “gay agenda” includes more than Googling Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl eye makeup and calling in sick to work to watch Grease: Live., and 2.) your child is statistically more likely to commit suicide after you kick them out of the house since God’s grace apparently only extends to those who extend their dicks to procreate instead of love. Whew. Then you won’t have to be embarrassed at the next worship service since this is what all your concern is about anyway. Also, it couldn’t be a Matt Walsh article without a hyperbolic scenario where Christians are chased and persecuted to the ends of the Earth for believing in Jesus. Take it away, Matt!
The halftime show was a black liberation-gay rights sermon set to music, nothing more. And those who say “big deal” probably wouldn’t be that dismissive if the stadium was adorned in crosses and crucifixes while a gospel choir sang about Jesus and the audience held up placards reading “One Man One Woman.” If the NFL did something like that, the outrage would be deafening. There would be boycotts and probably acts of terrorism at NFL headquarters in New York. Millions of progressives would file lawsuits claiming emotional trauma. Roger Goodell would be brought up on hate crime charges. The NFL would cease to exist. And we’d never hear the end of it. Seriously, never.
Although I can appreciate the power he thinks some pieces of wood nailed together wields on society, but if the NFL decided to air games at 9am, there’s a 95% chance churches would cease to exist. Maybe preachers could start panhandling outside NFL stadiums instead of their own? Just spitballing here.
But probably the most Satanic ritual was Beyonce’s blatant disregard for the police. Keep in mind, this is somehow different than the blatant disregard that police show for minority lives. This did not sit well with Rudy Giuliani.
“This is football, not Hollywood, and I thought it was really outrageous that she used it as a platform to attack police officers who are the people who protect her and protect us, and keep us alive,” Giuliani told Fox News. “And what we should be doing in the African-American community, and all communities, is build up respect for police officers, and focus on the fact that when something does go wrong, okay, we’ll work on that. Giuliani added that Beyonce is “probably going to take advantage of” this political position. “You’re talking to middle America when you have the Super Bowl. So if you’re going to have entertainment, have decent, wholesome entertainment and not use it as a platform to attack people,” he told Fox News. Giuliani called the entire halftime show “ridiculous.” “I don’t know what the heck it was. A bunch of people bouncing around and all strange things. It was terrible,” he said. “Actually don’t even know why we have this. I mean, this is football.”
At first, it was hard for me to believe this was a Giuliani quote because it doesn’t include something about 9/11, but I think probably the best way for your child to become anti-cop is to make him off-white then encounter one. Or be in the vicinity of one. Or don’t obey every explicit command with exacting detail because, well, they’ll shoot you after they forget to turn on their body camera. Not surprisingly, Republican Rep. Peter King is so scared of a strong black woman that he wrote a 5-page letter. I guess the Republican “overreaching, oppressive government” and “corrupt union” narratives somehow stop at police. Probably because the video evidence was destroyed, who knows? Fortunately, the old white man who played in the Super Bowl gets to go out a hero and a winner (despite 1 interception, 5 sacks, and a lost fumble) because all the black guys around him made sure he gets the credit. I’m not sure what you’d call that. What is that called again? Gimme a minute, it’s coming to me.
Laughter is the best medicine: Deadpool review [ Crave ]
Danica Dillon got paid off to drop her Josh Duggar lawsuit [ The Superficial ]
Bai Ling honoring Chinese New Year in the most Bai Ling way [ Dlisted ]
Edita Vilkeviciute has some topless outtakes ( NSFW ) [ The Nip Slip ]
I’d quit Dance Moms if I got a real job too [ Reality Tea ]
Some Miley Cyrus naked outtakes, anyone? ( NSFW ) [ DrunkenStepfather ]
Natasha Oakley and Devin Brugman in bikinis. Lawd. [ Moe Jackson ]
Candice Swanepoel in a bikini and sucking on a popsicle [ Hollywood Tuna ]
These jeans are struggling to maintain Hilary Duff‘s thighs [ Popoholic ]
Jessie J smokes crack probably [ Cele|bitchy ]
Amy Schumer‘s boyfriend is probably using her for fame [ The Blemish ]
Three days before Super Bowl 50, it was reported that Nick Jonas was dating Lily Collins. Kate Hudson probably read that then texted him a pic of her ass again. Turns out Lily Collins wasn’t the only one with a bad offensive game plan heading into the Super Bowl.
The pair were spotted canoodling in the VIP section of DirecTV’s Super Bowl event at Pier 70 in San Francisco Saturday. “They were whispering in one another’s ear[s] the whole time,” says a spy, who adds that they left together.
I wish there was a way we could all agree to stop using the word “canoodling”. Especially with Kate Hudson. You really need a word a bit more violent when somebody has an ass like this since I assume your penis would like that bear in The Revenant.
First, let me congratulate the Denver Broncos on their win and all the racists on social media who are sharing in that win today. Good stuff. Second, Emily Ratajkowski wore this dress to the 13th annual “Leather & Laces” party at Super Bowl 50 last night. Third, you can see here naked here if you want or you can see her in a bikini and a better dress here. Fourth, I have a really bad headache. Modelo has now become my sworn enemy.