I’ve already said everything I needed to say about the cinema hate crime that is Batman v Superman in my review here, but goddamn, the Batman v Superman honest trailer. I’m pretty sure this is movie that ruined your childhood. But I forgot it has grown men in tights, and remembered that doesn’t scare you as much as vagina. You should probably talk that out with someone.
News broke yesterday that Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney split, and according to the Internet, this seemed pretty sudden since Kinney was so in love that he proposed in 2015. I guess this news wouldn’t be “pretty sudden” when we all find out she was banging a dude on American Horror Story: Hotel.
“You see, Kahn love Taylor long time.”
So, Joseph Kahn and Abigail Anderson really went there, huh? Let’s break this all the way fuck down. Join me, won’t you?
Man, yesterday was fun, huh? Good times, good times. The emails have been great. They included such hot takes as “do people really care about this?” and such scathing commentary as “kill yourself”. I even received a request to post a mixtape, but it was not fire as the subject line led me to believe. But that was yesterday, so today, while Taylor Swift’s PR team is trying to find a lost village of child burn victims that Taylor can serenade and pose with on Instagram, Calvin Harris has been quietly banging Tinashe. I mean, for her sake he’s not banging her quietly. You know what I meant. Don’t be that guy.
A source tells Page Six exclusively that the DJ is “casually” seeing “Superlove” singer Tinashe. “They have been seeing each other on the DL. It’s only been weeks, so it’s still pretty casual right now. They’ve been on a few dates,” the source told us. Tinashe and Harris met in the studio in 2014 when they collaborated on the song “Dollar Signs.” They were rumored to be writing songs for Rihanna at the time. “They stayed in touch and recently started hanging out again,” the source said. The duo was spotted on a date at Nobu in Malibu on Saturday. “It was clearly a date. They were super close,” a spy said.
“Pretty casual” = “texting when it’s convenient when for both parties, and making plans to eat and fuck when schedules allow”. I guess that’s what most people do after a breakup instead of an elaborate YA novel press release on some rocks. Get yours, Calvin.
I had this all ready for yesterday, but Kim Kardashian provided more proof than two years of Benghazi hearings, so it had to wait. Whatever. You understand. Anyway, glad we moved past this. But yeah, for some reason Marie Claire put Amy Schumer on the cover and interviewed her, where she discussed the only penis that’s been inside her that she hasn’t told us about yet. This is how the article starts, so off top you know the Marie Claire staff and her PR team had been hashing this out for like three months prior. This opening probably went through 240 drafts before Amy thought it adequately reflected what she always wanted in a Tinder message.
Amy Schumer has killed her way to the top with an unapologetic and unabashed brand of humor. Virtually no topic is off-limits in her comedy—nor, as it turns out, in her real life.
Awesome. Except none of that first sentence is true. And nothing is “off-limits” unless it’s specifically directed at her, then shit goes “unapologetic” to “problematic” real damn quick. But we’re here for her to talk about the sex thing.
“My first sexual experience was not a good one. I didn’t think about it until I started reading my journal again. When it happened, I wrote about it almost like a throwaway. It was like, And then I looked down and realized he was inside of me. He was saying, ‘I’m so sorry’ and ‘I can’t believe I did this.'”
This is rape, right? I’m gonna say this is rape. The whole journal and apologizing thing is maybe meant to throw us off. Not sure if he was apologizing for being in, or apologizing for blowing as soon as he got in. Neither of those is good. I did the last one in 7th grade. So, Lisa, if you’re reading this, just wanna say I’m sorry again. The many other after you appreciated your sacrifice. It won’t soon be forgotten.
Christina Milan might need a bigger bikini (NSFW) [ Taxi Driver Movie ]
Kim K ruined Courtney Stodden‘s “miscarriage” shine [ The Superficial ]
Kyra Santoro wears a bikini pretty well [ Popoholic ]
Ariel Winter‘s ass got into a car [ DrunkenStepfather ]
I think Stacey Dash is gonna be pissed [ Dlisted ]
A moment with Carmella Rose [ Hollywood Tuna ]
Miranda Kerr did a bikini photoshoot [ Moe Jackson ]
Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger split after 10 years [ The Blemish ]
Rita Ora walks around like this in NYC (NSFW site) [ The Nip Slip ]
“That moment when Kanye West records your phone call that you you knew was being recorded, but you thought you’d use this as a narrative to get back at Kanye so you threatened a lawsuit like you always do thinking that would shut it down and force his silence to allow you to publicly drag him at the Grammys without recourse, then Kim said she had the tapes, so you started Hiddleswift to divert attention, then Kim posts it on the Internet.”
Taylor Swift threatened Kanye West with criminal prosecution months ago for secretly recording her phone conversation with him … TMZ has learned. TMZ has a copy of a letter Taylor’s lawyer sent to Kanye’s attorney back in February. The lawyer made it clear, under California law, anyone who secretly records a telephone conversation with someone in the state commits a criminal offense … and it’s a felony. A source connected with Kanye told TMZ the conversation was recorded in an L.A.-area studio. The letter threatens … “Demand is hereby made that you immediately destroy all such recordings, provide us of assurance that this has been done, and also assurance that these recordings have not been previously disseminated.”
If you think Kris Jenner didn’t have a team of lawyers sign off on this prior to its release, then I don’t know what to tell you. There’s a reason why this was this was dropped on Snapchat instead of TMZ or E! News. If Swift sues, Kanye and Kim will countersue for defamation. If Swift sues, she runs the risk of even more coming out. If Swift sues, it proves this was a calculated attempt to strong arm the recording out of existence. If Swift sues, she will, once again, prove to be a bitter and petty asshole who wants to take everyone down with her. If Swift sues, this will give me more posts to write, so either way I’m cool.
Hey, look! It’s these pictures again. I like these because Taylor Swift doesn’t give you many opportunities to spot the fake.
Woo boy. Pour yourself some tea, and PLEASE JOIN ME BELOW AS WE WATCH THE CARNAGE BURN TO THE GROUND.
We can’t seem to go a weekend now without realizing the world is probably on it’s final season before it gets cancelled, but here’s your Weekend Dump anyway. It includes a lot of the things that make the world great. Those things are mostly boobs. There’s also a pic of Jake Gyllenhaal, but I have no idea what he’s doing. I assume it’s drugs.
Blake Lively, seen here at the premiere of Cafe Society – the movie she was so grateful to book that she got mad at people for molester shaming its director Woody Allen – still looks hotter than 99% of women who aren’t pregnant. Like, if you were also pregnant and decided to show up to this premiere, a percentage of the proceeds would go to hire Pennywise to haunt your unborn child because that’s what you’d deserve. Don’t come up in here like anybody wants to look at you. Go away.