Jessica Lowndes Is Before We Get Started By todd August 25, 2014

 

A lot of impressively dumb shit happened pre, during, and post-MTV VMAs, but Jessica Lowndes did the Ice Bucket challenge in a white bikini, so I wanted to get her out of the way first this morning. Which, coincidentally, would be what I would do if we lived together.  Now prepare your anus for MTV VMA Day here at IDLYITW. It’s coming hard and dry.

  A lot of impressively dumb shit happened pre, during, and post-MTV VMAs, but Jessica Lowndes did the Ice Bucket challenge in a white bikini, so I wanted to get…
Here’s A Video Of Floyd Mayweather Trying To Read By todd August 22, 2014
Here’s A Video Of Floyd Mayweather Trying To Read

 

As you may have already heard, instead of doing the ice bucket challenge, 50 Cent he would donate $750,000 to the charity of Floyd Mayweather‘s choice if Mayweather could read one single page of a Harry Potter book “out loud without starting and stopping or fucking up. lmao” That should be the easiest money any charity has ever made, but damn son.

So it looks like 50 Cent may have had good reason to challenge Floyd Mayweather to read a single page from one of the Harry Potter books. Above is a clip from this morning’s edition of The Breakfast Club on Power 105, in which co-host Charlamagne Tha God plays an unedited version of a drop Mayweather recorded for the show when he was a guest. It is not good. If watching or listening to other people embarrass themselves in public makes you cringe, you might want to skip this one. But if you do listen and you start to feel bad for Floyd, just remember that he is a misogynist and a serial batterer of women

 

I don’t know if this is edited or not, and I don’t know why it would be, but it’s safe to say that James Foley could read this faster than Floyd Mayweather.

 

 

  As you may have already heard, instead of doing the ice bucket challenge, 50 Cent he would donate $750,000 to the charity of Floyd Mayweather‘s choice if Mayweather could…
Donald Sterling’s Side Chick Says He’s Gay And She Was His “Beard Mistress” By todd August 22, 2014
Donald Sterling’s Side Chick Says He’s Gay And She Was His “Beard Mistress”

 

Much like when a man smells a new and willing vagina, when a woman smells money, there are literally no depths to what she will say or do to get her hands on all of it. These are just fact, people. So, knowing that, Donald Sterling‘s former mistress, V Stiviano, is now saying that Sterling is not only a racist, but a closet homosexual who used her as a “beard mistress”. Let that sink it for a minute.

Donald Sterling’s former assistant claims she never had sex with the billionaire bigot because he’s homosexual — and she was his beard. V. Stiviano made the bombshell allegation in court paperwork filed Thursday as an answer to a prior lawsuit filed by Sterling’s wife, Shelly Sterling, a source told the Daily News. Shelly Sterling’s original lawsuit depicted Stiviano as a money-grubbing femme fatale who duped the former Clippers owner into giving her a Ferrari, $240,000 in cash and a $1.8 million house on the outskirts of Beverly Hills. “We deny all the allegations,” Stiviano said in her answer to the original allegations. She maintains she was Sterling’s opposite-sex escort, who he paraded in public to conceal a truth he wanted to keep private. “V.S. was D.T.S’s beard for three years prior to the filing of suit,” the answer claimed. “V.S. is informed and believes that (Sterling) is a homosexual and enjoys sexual acts and or sexual congress with males.” The answer said that Shelly Sterling was “acutely aware of his orientation and condoned” his behavior, including his decision to give “gifts, money and other properties” to Stiviano for her public companionship. “Such gifts” were lavished “in the capacity” of Stiviano being “D.T.S. and Shelly’s beard,” the answer said.

So, let me get this straight. Donald Sterling is a closet homosexual. A closet homosexual who has managed to keep this a secret while having a beard wife for decades. But, wait, he didn’t stop there. He also hired a beard mistress, so people would think he was just a cheating prick instead of gay. Does this sound way too complicated to anyone? John Travolta and Kelly Preston are happily married and he’s never cheated on her. Just saying. I realize her contersuit doesn’t make sense, but please realize, it’s either this or finding a job.

  Much like when a man smells a new and willing vagina, when a woman smells money, there are literally no depths to what she will say or do to…
Ferguson Would Be Fine If Taylor Swift Didn’t Make A Music Video By todd August 22, 2014
Ferguson Would Be Fine If Taylor Swift Didn’t Make A Music Video

 

Taylor Swift released her video for “Shake It Off” earlier this week, and since it dropped during the Ferguson riots, and since  it contains :45 of people twerking and Taylor dressed as a breakdancer, obviously you can tell by not watching it that it’s “inherently offensive and ultimately harmful” and it is ripping the bandage off our nation’s collective healing process by being yet another example of a white artist appropriating “black culture”. I mean, obviously.  Speaking of stereotypes, the “feminist” blog  Jezebel jumped in, and they weren’t satisfied to just fire off a tweet, they systematically ripped the pretty girl to shreds. Yay for girl power and all that. Anyway, director Mark Romanek (the guy who directed all your favorite video from the 90s  that weren’t directed by Spike Jonze or Michel Gondry) sat down with Vulture to address the controversy.

We simply choose styles of dance that we thought would be popular and amusing and cast the best dancers that were presented to us without much regard to race or ethnicity. If you look at it carefully, it’s a massively inclusive piece. It’s very, very innocently and positively intentioned. And — let’s remember — it’s a satirical piece. It’s playing with a whole range of music-video tropes and clichés and stereotypes.

I don’t know about you, but what’s more “inherently offensive and ultimately harmful”? A dorky white girl with no real perspective on herself or love life trying to be funny and endearing, or a black artist in a thong rapping about giving up the ass to a coke dealer? I wonder which one young, impressionable black girl will pay more attention to? But if we want to argue this while martial law and racial tensions that have nothing to do with a skinny white girl in a ballerina outfit burn Ferguson to the ground, I guess we can. Let me go grab another coffee right quick. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.

 

 

  Taylor Swift released her video for “Shake It Off” earlier this week, and since it dropped during the Ferguson riots, and since  it contains :45 of people twerking and…

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Pamela Anderson Has No Time For Your Ice Bucket Challenge By todd August 21, 2014
Pamela Anderson Has No Time For Your Ice Bucket Challenge

 

Pamela Anderson got tagged (is it tagged?) to do the ice bucket challenge, but declined, because animals. She posted this statement on Facebook today.

Sorry – I can’t bring myself to do your Ice bucket challenge. I enjoy a good dare- It’s always good to bring awareness – in fun, creative ways / I don’t want to take away from that. but it had me thinking. Digging a bit deeper. I found that we may not be aligned – in our messages. So…- I thought Instead / I’d challenge ALS to stop Animal testing /– Recent experiments funded by the ALS Association, mice had holes drilled into their skulls, were inflicted with crippling illnesses, and were forced to run on an inclined treadmill until they collapsed from exhaustion. Monkeys had chemicals injected into their brains and backs and were later killed and dissected. What is the result of these experiments (other than a lot of suffering)? In the past decade, only about a dozen experimental ALS treatments have moved on to human trials after being shown to alleviate the disease in animals. All but one of these treatments failed in humans—and the one that “passed” offers only marginal benefits to humans who suffer from ALS. This massive failure rate is typical for animal experiments, because even though animals feel pain and suffer like we do, their bodies often react completely differently to drugs and diseases. According to the FDA, 92 out of every 100 drugs that pass animal trials fail during the human clinical trial phase.

She goes on a long ramble and makes some very valid points backed by actual facts and easily verifiable statistics, but animals aren’t the only ones suffering from ALS research. You know how many ice bucket challenge videos I’ve had to scroll past? My finger really hurts.

  Pamela Anderson got tagged (is it tagged?) to do the ice bucket challenge, but declined, because animals. She posted this statement on Facebook today. Sorry – I can’t bring…

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Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer Again By todd August 21, 2014
Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer Again

 

Since Taylor Swift has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder,  she writes songs calling out all her ex-boyfriends where nothing is ever her fault even though she’s always the common denominator. Usually she’s cool with being passive aggressive, but she specifically wrote a song called “Dear John”. A song that was clearly about John Mayer. People say “Shake It Off” is about John Mayer, but I don’t know, I’ve never heard it. However, John Mayer likes vagina, so none of this really matters either way.  Anyway, they hung out last night and Taylor had her blowjob lipstick on.

OMG! Taylor Swift was spotted leaving Chateau Marmont on Aug. 20 — at the same time as her ex, John Mayer! This is the same ex that Taylor dissed in not one, but two songs, including her latest hit, ‘Shake It Off!’ Are they back together? This is a little too much to be coincidental! John Mayer, 36, and Taylor Swift were both dining at LA hotspot, Chateau Marmont. New photos have surfaced of them leaving and the 24-year-old singer looks happy, regardless of the fact that she was just at the same spot as the ex who really hurt her! Did they eat dinner together? Taylor Swift & John Mayer Back Together In the pics, John is dressed in a bright blue suit and is sporting very Johnny Depp-like glasses, while Taylor looks cute in black and her signature red lips — perfect for a date!

Are Taylor Swift and John Mayer secretly having sex? ISIS should hold Justin Bieber captive until we as Americans have some answers. I’m not really sure what this will accomplishment exactly, but if nothing else, Bieber gets his head cut off.

  Since Taylor Swift has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder,  she writes songs calling out all her ex-boyfriends where nothing is ever her fault even though she’s always the common denominator….

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Chris Pratt Went To A Children’s Hospital Dressed As Star-Lord By todd August 21, 2014
Chris Pratt Went To A Children’s Hospital Dressed As Star-Lord

 

The world is a pretty fucked up place right now, and instead of realizing that we’re all human beings, we’re all content to just sit back and let apathy, political affiliation,  religion, lack of/too much skin pigment, and Facebook memes continue to divide and distract us from why we’re all here in the first place.  Despite what the news and your mind might tell you, humanity is an infinite resource. Chris Pratt seems to understand that.

The actor worked with Marvel and Children’s Miracle Network Hospital to arrange a special screening of Guardians of the Galaxy for patients, families and staff at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles Wednesday. While the movie played, Pratt snuck out and dressed up as his character, Star-Lord. The 35-year-old actor spent more than three hours in full costume and handed out movie-themed toys. Pratt also visited patients in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, the Children’s Center for Cancer and Blood Diseases and the Pediatric ICU, as they were too sick to join the movie screening that afternoon. Pratt spent extra time with one patient, Dylan Prunty, who is a longtime Lego fan and recognized the actor’s voice from The Lego Movie. They spent about 10 minutes reciting different scenes from the film. When the Guardians of the Galaxy screening ended, a costumed Pratt casually re-entered the room. The actor took hundreds of photos, handed out even more movie swag, let several children try on his gear and signed autographs for everyone. The organization later tweeted, “Thanks for making them smile!”

There’s really nothing I can add to this, so I’ll just use this as a reason to post my favorite David Bowie song which happens to be on the Guardians of The Galaxy soundtrack. Be sure to watch this video with your mom, so she’ll remember the time she got fucked up at a concert and wanted the D of a bisexual British guy in a silk dress.

 

  The world is a pretty fucked up place right now, and instead of realizing that we’re all human beings, we’re all content to just sit back and let apathy,…
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Lindsay’s Credit Card Got Declined In A Club By todd August 21, 2014
Lindsay’s Credit Card Got Declined In A Club

 

BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan attempted to pay for something.

The starlet, who is soon about to work again in a London production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow,” was dismayed when her credit card was declined at 1Oak in Southampton on Saturday night. In a rare move, Lohan was attempting to pay the $2,500 bill for her table and bottles of vodka, when her card was rejected. A source said, “Lindsay freaked out when her card was declined. Her friends and others in her group had to chip in to cover the bill.” Bartenders and servers take note, Lohan makes her London West End debut on Sept. 24.

Either Lindsay didn’t know how much available credit she had, or she did the updated version of, “I forgot my wallet at home”. Both scenarios seem plausible. Also plausible? Weredinosaurs. Think about it.

 

  BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan attempted to pay for something. The starlet, who is soon about to work again in a London production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow,” was dismayed when her…

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Katy Perry Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini And In Slo-Mo By todd August 21, 2014

 

Not entirely sure what this has to do with ALS research, but Katy Perry did the ice bucket challenge on a pirate ship in a bikini. And in slow motion, because why not make a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord sexy? There’s simply no reason why you shouldn’t.

  Not entirely sure what this has to do with ALS research, but Katy Perry did the ice bucket challenge on a pirate ship in a bikini. And in slow…

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