Ashley Greene Did Women’s Health By todd October 17, 2014
Ashley Greene Did Women’s Health

 

 Ashley Greene hasn’t been on here in a while, so we need to changer all that, because she’s hot and Charlie Sheen and Joan Rivers are not hot. She is in next month’s Women’s Health where she’s talking about her exercise routine that still obviously take into account she has a butt. Ashley, I love you, I do, but please do some squats. Pretty please.

 

 

   Ashley Greene hasn’t been on here in a while, so we need to changer all that, because she’s hot and Charlie Sheen and Joan Rivers are not hot. She…

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Charlie Sheen Is SIngle By todd October 17, 2014
Charlie Sheen Is SIngle

 

Charlie Sheen was about to make a porn star his fourth wife, because “fourth wife” and “porn star” are solid foundations and what the founders of marriage had in mind when they promised their daughter’s virginity in exchange for lands and/or goats. And if she was virgin and hot, sometimes they got both. Land and goats! What a great deal! Also, he’s not getting married anymore!

Charlie Sheen started off the year by tweeting that he had married Brett Rossi, otherwise known as his girlfriend Scotty, in Iceland. He was just kidding. But he has been engaged to her and the two were planning to tie the knot before the end of the year.Not anymore. The engagement is off. “Scotty and I had a great year together as we traveled the world and crossed a lot of things off our bucket list,” he says in a statement to Gossip Cop. “She’s a terrific gal — but we’ve mutually decided to go our separate ways and not spend the rest of our lives together.”

The “rest of our lives together” sounds great, but Charlie Sheen is 49, so he’ll be dead pretty soon, so why not just bang other porn stars instead without having to support them financially? I feel this is a better business practice than the goats thing.

 

  Charlie Sheen was about to make a porn star his fourth wife, because “fourth wife” and “porn star” are solid foundations and what the founders of marriage had in…

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Joan Rivers Died From A Lot Of Big Words By todd October 17, 2014
Joan Rivers Died From A Lot Of Big Words

 

Hey, remember when Joan Rivers died? People were sad. Kids who get words from autopsy results at a Spelling Bee will also be sad because wtf.

“OCME [Office of the Chief Medical Examiner] has completed its investigation,” reads the statement from spokeswoman Julie Bolcer. “The cause of Ms. Rivers’ death is anoxic encephalopathy due to hypoxic arrest during laryngoscopy and upper gastrointestinal endoscopy with propofol sedation for evaluation of voice changes and gastroesophageal reflux disease. The manner of death is therapeutic complication. The classification of a death as a therapeutic complication means that the death resulted from a predictable complication of medical therapy.”

Long story short, her brain ran out of oxygen. WebMD says that’s bad. Since her heard was mostly Play-Doh and calk, the doctor performing the procedure was unprepared, so she died. But she was 81 so whatever. What? You wanna live forever, bitch?

 

  Hey, remember when Joan Rivers died? People were sad. Kids who get words from autopsy results at a Spelling Bee will also be sad because wtf. “OCME [Office of…

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Amy Jane Brand Says Good Morning, Links By todd October 17, 2014
Amy Jane Brand Says Good Morning, Links

 

Jude Law has five kids now [Dlisted]

Lorde took a selfie. Doesn’t look 45. [Fishwrapper]

Ashley Greene is really cold in her new movie (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Robin Thicke is rebounding with Leo DiCaprio  [The Superficial]

Kelly Brook still has giant boobs [Hollywood Tuna]

Gigi Hadid is all kinds of hot [Popoholic]

Jason Biggs pissed in Chelsea Handler’s face [Drunken Stepfather]

This really sucked  [Hollywood Life]

Dane Cook is still a douche [Celebitchy]

Selena Gomez should always wear this   [Moe Jackson]

Chanelle Hayes has the hugest of racks [Celebslam]

  Jude Law has five kids now [Dlisted] Lorde took a selfie. Doesn’t look 45. [Fishwrapper] Ashley Greene is really cold in her new movie (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]…

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Adrianne Curry Got Naked On Instagram Finally By todd October 16, 2014
Adrianne Curry Got Naked On Instagram Finally

 

We all knew it was only a matter of time before Adrianne Curry took all her clothes then took a picture then posted it somewhere, so I’m happy she did it today, because as we’ve all seen, today has been missionary sex while there’s a load of laundry in the dryer. Anyway, you can see the NSFW pic here. Not sure what’s up with her spine, though. I hope she gets that checked out.

  We all knew it was only a matter of time before Adrianne Curry took all her clothes then took a picture then posted it somewhere, so I’m happy she…

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Ben Affleck Will Be Batman Again In “Justice League Part One” By todd October 16, 2014
Ben Affleck Will Be Batman Again In “Justice League Part One”

 

Warner Bros. released their strategic content plans at an investor conference yesterday, and it was basically just a shitload of superhero movies. Specifically, two Justice League movies starring Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill who will be reprising their roles as rich sociopath with mommy and daddy issues and Boy Scout alien from another planet respectively.

Batman flies again! Before he even hits the big screen in his first turn, Ben Affleck has already agreed to reprise the role of Batman in a second film. The actor, 42, will appear as Bruce Wayne/Batman in the upcoming Justice League Part One movie, Warner Bros. announced on Wednesday, Oct. 15. Affleck will star as the superhero after debuting in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, due out in March 2016. His Batman v. Superman costars Amy Adams and Henry Cavill will also reprise their roles of Lois Lane and Clark Kent/Superman, respectively, in the Justice League film, set to premiere in 2017, according to Warner Bros.

It seems weird that they intentionally left out Gal Gadot’s name in the Justice League Part One mention even though she’s getting her own Wonder Woman movie in 2017. Is it because…wait, what am I talking about who gives a shit.

  Warner Bros. released their strategic content plans at an investor conference yesterday, and it was basically just a shitload of superhero movies. Specifically, two Justice League movies starring Ben…

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Marvel & D.C. Have Boners For Ryan Gosling By todd October 16, 2014
Marvel & D.C. Have Boners For Ryan Gosling

 

Ryan Gosling really doesn’t do big studio flicks, but he has a baby and eventual alimony and child support payments now, so he’s been reportedly fielding offers from both Marvel and D.C. to be a A-list tentpole for what will eventually be a dumb film adaption of a colored pencil drawing.

In recent weeks, the 33-year-old actor has met with Marvel Studios to discuss starring in the title role in Doctor Strange, and he is fielding an offer to topline Summit’s adaptation of The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America’s First Superhero. Sources also say he is being courted to star in Suicide Squad, David Ayer’s take on the DC Comics supervillain team at Warner Bros. Marvel has been casting a wide net for Strange ever since talks with Joaquin Phoenix broke down. Sources say that Jared Leto and Justin Theroux have been chasing the role, while Ethan Hawke’s name also has surfaced as has Keanu Reeves. It is unclear when the movie would go into production but Marvel has staked out a July 8, 2016 release dates. Houdini, with Dean Parisot attached to direct, was to have starred Johnny Depp but the actor will be sailing with a new installment of Pirates of the Caribbean for almost half of 2015. Summit ideally would like to get going before that. Ayer’s Suicide Squad is still in early development and the script is being worked on. But that is not stopping the filmmaker and the studio from making overtures for what is to be an A-list ensemble piece filled with colorful anti-heroes. Sources say that Will Smith, Margot Robbie and Tom Hardy also are fielding offers. Warners had no comment.

Let’s me honest here. I’ve sex with women who were less attractive than Ryan Gosling. He’s handsome. We all get that. But I hope he’s in a mask the entire time, because if he has to emote any kind of human feelings or be in a scene where the direction doesn’t include “stare at this longingly”, I’m afraid they might want to recast because every character he plays has autism. I think in Only God Forgives he got paid $4M or $1M a word.

  Ryan Gosling really doesn’t do big studio flicks, but he has a baby and eventual alimony and child support payments now, so he’s been reportedly fielding offers from both…

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Jennifer Lopez Banged A High School Kid By todd October 16, 2014
Jennifer Lopez Banged A High School Kid

 

In what appears to be a remake of the 90s flick, The Crush, Jennifer Lopez is starring in a movie where she bangs a high school student who looks 29 then he becomes obsessed or something because it’s obvious in the trailer that he killed his parents and will do anything to keep hittin’ that 45-year old soccer mom ass because this movie has no basis in reality. Not sure why she doesn’t seem happier, because her last boyfriend cheated on her with a tranny. This guy only wants to kill her whole family. So romantic!

 

  In what appears to be a remake of the 90s flick, The Crush, Jennifer Lopez is starring in a movie where she bangs a high school student who looks…

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Miranda Kerr Is Signing Autographs In Korea For Wonderbra By todd October 15, 2014

I’m almost positive that there’s a Korean mafia in Atlanta, because they are legit everywhere and own everything, so I see a bunch of Koreans pretty much everyday. I assume they are all from South Korea, because if they were from North Korea, I’m not sure if they would know that Atlanta existed. Anyway, there’s a lot of Korean chicks here, and none of them need/wear bras, so I don’t know why Miranda Kerr is in South Korea signing autographs for Wonderbra. Is there a big market for that on Korean eBay? Somebody let me know because I could use another revenue stream.

I’m almost positive that there’s a Korean mafia in Atlanta, because they are legit everywhere and own everything, so I see a bunch of Koreans pretty much everyday. I assume…

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