Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Split UpBy toddFebruary 16, 2018
Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Split Up

 

Still don’t understand why somebody would want to marry Jennifer Aniston, but Justin Theroux did in 2015 and I guess almost three years was enough.

“In an effort to reduce any further speculation, we have decided to announce our separation. This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year. We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship,” the couple said in a joint statement to E! News. “Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly. Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else’s fictional narrative. Above all, we are determined to maintain the deep respect and love that we have for one another.”

I mean, it’s not like Jennifer Aniston’s career was prolonged ten years longer than it should have because of the gossip industry, but that’s not here nor there. But, of course,  now people are saying Brad Pitt and Aniston should get back together, but remember that Pitt is (reportedly) a violent alcoholic and Aniston is a narcissist who is a raging coke head (allegedly) according to everybody I know in LA. Brad would probably leave her ass on read anyway. Who knew Angelina Jolie would be the one with her shit together? Hit her up, Justin. Chelsea Handler is gonna blame you anyway, so might as well.

 

  Still don’t understand why somebody would want to marry Jennifer Aniston, but Justin Theroux did in 2015 and I guess almost three years was enough. “In an effort to…

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Amy Schumer Married A ChefBy toddFebruary 15, 2018
Amy Schumer Married A Chef

 

Amy Schumer broke up with the dude who makes furniture back in May, but quickly decided to get married when she found a dude who makes food.

Surprise! Amy Schumer married chef Chris Fischer in Malibu on Tuesday, February 13, multiple sources confirm to Us Weekly exclusively. Us exclusively revealed in November that the stand-up comedian, 36, was dating the Beetlebung Farm Cookbook author, 37, after they were spotted looking cozy during a romantic dinner at Café Altro Paradiso in New York City.

Man, what a lucky guy. He gets to hear how bad her vagina smells when he’s cooking, so that has to be a real treat. A real treat.

  Amy Schumer broke up with the dude who makes furniture back in May, but quickly decided to get married when she found a dude who makes food. Surprise! Amy Schumer married…

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Katy Perry & Orlando Bloom Are Probably Back Together AgainBy toddFebruary 15, 2018
Katy Perry & Orlando Bloom Are Probably Back Together Again

 

Eleven months after breaking up, apparently Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are more than likely banging again.

“They’re back on,” a source tells The Sun Online. “Katy wants to make things work this time around. She tried, but she couldn’t cut him off. She cares too much about him. This time, they’re keeping things low key – but they’re back together.”

I assume this source isn’t their friend, but shoutout to them for accepting money from a media outlet to out famous people they know. We’ve already seen Orlando Bloom’s penis, so we know that’s not the reason she took him back. Maybe she really loves him. That’s sweet.

 

  Eleven months after breaking up, apparently Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are more than likely banging again. “They’re back on,” a source tells The Sun Online. “Katy wants to make…

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Here’s The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch EventBy toddFebruary 15, 2018
Here’s The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event

 

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event was in New York City last night, and everyone was there. Like the five people you might recognize. Just realized Alexi Ren was asked to be in the issue, and think it probably has to do with her classic model face and not her 12M Instagram followers. Her 12M Instagram followers wasn’t even a factor in her being chosen by something that requires to be shared on social media. Good for the SI Swimsuit Issue team.

 

  The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event was in New York City last night, and everyone was there. Like the five people you might recognize. Just realized Alexi Ren was…

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Bristol Palin’s Husband Filed For DivorceBy toddFebruary 14, 2018

A post shared by Bristol Meyer (@bsmp2) on

 

Two kids and not even two years later, Dakota Meyer has filed for divorce from Bristol Palin. Hopefully he’ll get another medal for this.

A source knowledgeable of the situation tells PEOPLE Meyer moved out of their home in Austin, Texas, around Christmas and filed for divorce two weeks ago. Meyer has also blocked Palin on social media.

Bristol Palin, a Christian and paid advocate of abstinence, is now 27 with three kids from two baby daddies and on her first divorce. Man, I wonder what would make a dude move out of the house and file for divorce a month later. My guess? She’ll announce on her blog that she’s pregnant and say she doesn’t know how it happened in like four months then ask everybody not to judge her. You know how she does.

A post shared by Bristol Meyer (@bsmp2) on Dec 25, 2017 at 6:16am PST   Two kids and not even two years later, Dakota Meyer has filed for divorce from…

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Selena Gomez Is Doing GreatBy toddFebruary 14, 2018
Selena Gomez Is Doing Great

 

Selena Gomez left a mental health facility last month and came out with bangs, so things might be a little touch and go now. But she did attend New York Fashion Week and had looks from happy to somewhat happy. She also wore a black leather jacket over a dress. That’s a pretty hot look. Or it might not me. Not really sure. I shop at Kohl’s.

 

  Selena Gomez left a mental health facility last month and came out with bangs, so things might be a little touch and go now. But she did attend New…

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Aly Raisman Got Naked For ‘SI Swimsuit’ Because She Was MolestedBy toddFebruary 14, 2018
Aly Raisman Got Naked For ‘SI Swimsuit’ Because She Was Molested

 

Somebody will have to explain to me why every time a woman survives something she then gets naked. Not that I’m complaining, but it seems weird. Aly Raisman survived a whole lot, so she can get naked as much as she wants if that helps.

“I would like to remind everyone that being a survivor is nothing to be ashamed of, and going through a hard time does not define you,” Raisman told SI Swim (per People). “I hope that we can one day get to a point where everyone realizes that women do not have to be modest to be respected. We are free to draw confidence and happiness in our own way, and it is never for someone else to choose for us or to even judge us for that matter.”

Basically, “get naked.” Which is fine. I think all zombie movies should end with all the survivors getting naked. It might restart the genre.

 

  Somebody will have to explain to me why every time a woman survives something she then gets naked. Not that I’m complaining, but it seems weird. Aly Raisman survived…
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Ariel Winter & Sarah Hyland Want A Reality Show Because They Are “Hilarious”By toddFebruary 13, 2018
Ariel Winter & Sarah Hyland Want A Reality Show Because They Are “Hilarious”

 

So Modern Family is about to end, and Ariel Winter and Sarah Hyland think people love them so much they’d want to see a reality show starring them. Per Celebitchy.

The pair are panicking over the rumored end of their ABC series next year and are hoping a reality show capturing their “hilarious” – their word, not ours – dynamic will keep their careers afloat. “The movies roles are not exactly pouring in,” snickers an insider…“Ariel and Sarah are convinced their lives are so funny, but producers don’t agree; no one is biting on giving them a show just because they’re on a hit show.

 

Ariel Winter

 

I’m fine with them just in picture form.

 

  So Modern Family is about to end, and Ariel Winter and Sarah Hyland think people love them so much they’d want to see a reality show starring them. Per…

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Good Morning, Elizabeth HurleyBy toddFebruary 13, 2018
Good Morning, Elizabeth Hurley

 

Yesterday, a 17-year-old American girl won an Olympic gold medal and a 52-year-old British chick took a topless bathroom selfie. Good day for both countries. The British chick is Elizabeth Hurley if you’re not following along. Her name is in the headline, don’t be glib.

 

Bathroom selfie in my new Lizzie Robe in soft crochet @elizabethhurleybeach

A post shared by Elizabeth Hurley (@elizabethhurley1) on

  Yesterday, a 17-year-old American girl won an Olympic gold medal and a 52-year-old British chick took a topless bathroom selfie. Good day for both countries. The British chick is…

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Kim Cattrall Really Hates Sara Jessica ParkerBy toddFebruary 12, 2018
Kim Cattrall Really Hates Sara Jessica Parker

 

I’ve never seen an episode of Sex and the City, but Wikipedia says it, “follows the lives of a group of four women—three in their mid-thirties and one in her forties—who, despite their different natures and ever-changing sex lives, remain inseparable and confide in each other.” BREAKING: That’s not true. Like that’s not true at all.

 

Basically Kim Cattrall’s brother died last week and Sarah Jessica Parker tried to comment it on it. Kim Cattrall then nuked her from orbit.

 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like she’s been cursed by an evil witch while simultaneously being an evil witch in real life apparently. Not sure if seeing Sarah Jessica Parker being dragged to the end of space and time was something you wanted to see today, but here it is, I guess.

 

  I’ve never seen an episode of Sex and the City, but Wikipedia says it, “follows the lives of a group of four women—three in their mid-thirties and one in…

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