Kat Dennings Is SingleBy toddAugust 01, 2016
Kat Dennings Is Single


I still can’t bring myself to admit the were dating in this first place, but apparently Kat Dennings and Josh Groban have split after two years. 

It was a mutual breakup,” a source shared with E! News. “They are still friends and care about each other, but it’s not the right time for them now as a couple.”

“Mutual breakup” probably means she was like “wha no I’m dating Josh Groban this can’t be right” then he was like “yeah sorry about that I’ll leave now” or something like that. No disrespect to Josh Groban and his one song that people know, but he kinda looks like he’d vote Jill Stein then tweet about how racism is bad from his condo as he watches the Trump Nationalist Army round up immigrants and hang BLM protestors. I feel that’s accurate. Anyway, this article included a quote from Josh Groban talking about their relationship in 2015.

“Humor is such a huge thing for me, so the fact that we could talk about Monty Python and all sorts of weird other things, I was like, ‘OK, yeah, we’re on the same page.'”

Ooh, Monty Python. Kat Dennings’s vagina was probably overflowing with happiness every time they discussed 70s British comedies and whatever this nerd wanted to talk about instead of handling them titties. Speaking of titties…


I still can’t bring myself to admit the were dating in this first place, but apparently Kat Dennings and Josh Groban have split after two years.  “It was a mutual…

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Katy Perry Did The DNCBy toddJuly 29, 2016
Katy Perry Did The DNC


While Trump stans were busy shitting on the Muslim parents of a Purple Heart recipient while complaining that the American flags on stage weren’t big enough then celebrated when their candidate got baited into an unhinged Twitter rant, they probably missed the part where world has passed the scared white man by. RIP. They also probably missed Katy Perry, who looked hot as hell. Look, whatever your thoughts on Hillary Clinton, at least she didn’t invite Taylor Swift. I feel that we should take a moment to acknowledge that fact. 


And if I pissed off Trump stans, my apologies. I hope this makes you feel better and gives you good vibes while you punch an immigrant to get an erection.



While Trump stans were busy shitting on the Muslim parents of a Purple Heart recipient while complaining that the American flags on stage weren’t big enough then celebrated when their candidate…

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Not So Fast, McKayla MaroneyBy toddJuly 29, 2016

Ok, so TigerBeat is still a thing, and McKayla Maroney attended their teen choice awards thing or whatever. So obviously she doesn’t look the same as she does on her Instagram as she does in harsh lighting and several purchased filters, but…




….but…



…harsh lighting can be easily turned off.

Ok, so TigerBeat is still a thing, and McKayla Maroney attended their teen choice awards thing or whatever. So obviously she doesn’t look the same as she does on her Instagram…

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A Drunk Dude Bro “Slapped” Justin Timberlake On A Golf CourseBy toddJuly 29, 2016
A Drunk Dude Bro “Slapped” Justin Timberlake On A Golf Course


I woke up this morning and read “Justin Timberlake slapped in the face by fan!“, then I watched the video. “Justin Timberlake lightly touched on his neck then reacting like he was just infected by Zika”, probably wouldn’t have gotten that many clicks. Anyway, Timberlake was at the American Century Celebrity Pro-Am in Lake Tahoe when some drunk asshole touched his neck. This might also be the whitest story you’ll read today.

TMZ obtained the Douglas County Sheriff’s report which says Keith Weglin’s BAC was 0.18% when he got to jail … more than twice the legal limit…He could have gotten off scot-free, but cops say he refused to leave the course … so, they arrested him for disorderly conduct. One law enforcement source said Weglin talked himself right into jail. We’ve reached out to him, but no word back yet.

It’s probably pretty quiet in the Weglin household today. Let’s all respect their requests for privacy as they take turns stomping the shit out of Keith while his mouth is taped shut. 


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Christine Teigen Is Good At TwitterBy toddApril 20, 2011

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I’m gonna lie for a second and say Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are really great friends of mine (remember that table I got you at Tobacco Road? BFFs do that). Now that’s out of the way, besides her mutant power to accurately predict earthquakes before they happen and being a total sweetheart who emailed me asking how I was after SIXTY-TWO tornadoes hit NC this weekend, Chrissy Teigen is by far the funniest person I follow on Twitter. I mean, like it’s not even close. So for her 10,000 tweet, she celebrated by posting the banner pic. I don’t know. Maybe I should have paid more attention to my piano teacher as a kid. But damn, bitch! How many times do I have to play “Chopsticks”?! Seriously, am I playing piano or typing?! I hate you!!

I’m gonna lie for a second and say Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are really great friends of mine (remember that table I got you at Tobacco Road? BFFs do…

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Jennifer Love Hewitt Has Basically Just Given UpBy toddApril 20, 2011

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It’s going to take an elderly Mexican dragon to unlock a great, leather bound book and read a passage from the chapter “1998” for anybody under 20 to believe the myth that Jennifer Love Hewitt was once a hot piece of ass. She was. Now either she thinks it’s Christmas or L.A. is under a sever winter weather advisory, because she’s wearing about twenty layers of clothes. Maybe she wants people to think it’s Christmas, because that when people bring over pies. Who knows why she’s getting so fat. Maybe she wants to be one of People’s 2012 Most Beautiful People.

It’s going to take an elderly Mexican dragon to unlock a great, leather bound book and read a passage from the chapter “1998” for anybody under 20 to believe the…

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People Magazine Is SarcasticBy toddApril 19, 2011

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Is “Bombshell” some new kind of burrito? No, then why is Jessica Simpson in People magazine telling me she’s a sex symbol? Because the banner pic and the video below look like a before and after picture in a commercial where a guy tells me that I’ll burn fat and lose inches from my waist or I can return the bottle for a full refund! Real people! Real results! (*)

Double chins and Big Mama’s nightgown are hot:

(*) = These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. The pretend product Todd is rambling about instead of making an actual joke is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any diseases. Especially whatever your sister has. I mean, what is that? Look at that dude. Christ, what is that?!

Is “Bombshell” some new kind of burrito? No, then why is Jessica Simpson in People magazine telling me she’s a sex symbol? Because the banner pic and the video below…

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Miley Cyrus Has A New Tattoo. Yep, Its A Dream CatcherBy toddApril 18, 2011

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Since I generally like to make every post about me, whenever I meet someone, first they ask me if I speak Spanish. When I tell them no, they seem confused then awkwardly ask what the hell I am, basically. When I answer, 9 times out of 10 they follow with, “Oh, really?! My great-grandmother was 1/16 Cherokee!”. I’m not sure if they expect a hug or want me to trade with them or what, but this is really my long-winded segue into saying that a chick who was probably conceived on a flatbed truck with a bottle with Xs on it nearby has a tattoo of a dream catcher. Then posed with it in pigtails. Okay, you’ve seen Pocahontas. We get it. But I’m pretty sure Pocahontas has better weed.

Since I generally like to make every post about me, whenever I meet someone, first they ask me if I speak Spanish. When I tell them no, they seem confused…

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Vanessa Hudgens Looks Happy At Coachella, Probably Didn’t Just EatBy toddApril 18, 2011

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Vanessa Hudgens attended Coachella this weekend where a lot of people think she was doing blow in broad daylight. Who knows? Maybe she was. She cashes checks from Disney and agreed to star in Beastly, so there’s a pretty good chance. I’m just more concerned with all the hipster chicks who are there. They’ll probably think I’m deep because I have “BE” tattooed on my penis. That’s before they see it actually says “BEAST MODE”. They’re still right about the deep part of course, but not for the reasons they initially thought.

Vanessa Hudgens attended Coachella this weekend where a lot of people think she was doing blow in broad daylight. Who knows? Maybe she was. She cashes checks from Disney and…

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Kim Kardashian Waxes Her ForeheadBy toddApril 18, 2011

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Ooh, I’m so turned on right now.Daily Mail reports:

The 30-year-old reality star has spoken out about her obsession with hair removal – and even admitted that she used to wax her forehead. Kim said that up until two years ago she had baby hairs around her hairline that she used to have removed before opting for a more permanent method of laser surgery. ‘If you look at pictures of me from even three years ago, I had like two inches of baby hairs on my forehead. ‘But they weren’t thick enough to slick back, so they were permanently down and I would wax them all the time and now I lasered them and now they don’t come back,’ Kim tells Us Magazine.

But why stop at the forehead? Oh, that’s right. She doesn’t.

She also gets laser hair removal on her legs, arms, underarms and neck. Kim admits she’s been obsessed with having a hair free physique since before she was even a teenager. ‘Literally, at twelve years old I had a bikini wax. I had an appointment once a month on a specific day, like every Friday we’d go and and get the inside of our brows waxed and a bikini wax. Kim, who is a spokesperson for the TRIA Laser Hair Removal System, added: ‘I used to have my own wax kit at home and I used to just wax all the time. She admits can’t stand having hair on her body: ‘I’m, like, obsessed with hair removal.’ But when it comes to her men, she prefers that they go natural, especially in the region below the belt. Kim, who is currently dating NBA player Kris Humphries, said about her men: ‘I definitely don’t like it if there’s, like, nothing there, it’s weird, but I like it to be well groomed.’

I like how she talks about laser hair removal like it’s just a personal choice. You know, nothing that she really has do to, but something she enjoys because it makes her feel beautiful. But, to reiterate, she’s Armenian. She schedules laser treatments once a month and hoardes wax kits like Bigfoot with an identity crisis because if she didn’t, you’d need sandpaper to see this bitch’s face and people would chase her down the street trying to find anything silver to pick up to stab this chick with because obviously she’s a werewolf.

Ooh, I’m so turned on right now.Daily Mail reports: The 30-year-old reality star has spoken out about her obsession with hair removal – and even admitted that she used to…

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