Afternoon Dump – ThursdayBy toddAugust 13, 2015

Ben Affleck is giving The Nanny $10K a month for rent because it’s cheaper to keep her

Jezebel’s idea of great standup comedy is about what you’d expect

Somebody you know possessed? Pour Bill Cosby’s semen on them

Sesame Street is coming to HBO

Obama’s summer reading list doesn’t include the Bible” – Ted Cruz probably

Trump was officially fired from The Apprentice, Amal Clooney might take over

Fuck this shark

Will Smith is rebooting The Fresh Prince

 

 

 

Ben Affleck is giving The Nanny $10K a month for rent because it’s cheaper to keep her Jezebel’s idea of great standup comedy is about what you’d expect Somebody you…

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Gavin Rossdale Banged A Playboy Playmate In 2002By toddAugust 13, 2015

This gallery is of Sara Underwood, a former Playboy playmate. I’m not saying this is the Playmate that Gavin Rossdale had sex with while married, I’m saying Sara Underwood is the former Playboy playmate who I would have sex with while married and my wife watched. So, did Gavin Rossdale and Sara Underwood have sex? What I’m saying is that I don’t know. Maybe? I’d like to think so. Anyway, Gavin Rossale apparently banged a Playboy Playmate while he was dating Gwen Stefani.

Now, a mistress has spoken out regarding an alleged 2002 sexual encounter with Rossdale. “He was beautiful and charming,” the woman told In Touch. “He was with Gwen, but that didn’t stop him from hooking up with me.” Citing an “instant attraction,” the woman recalls that she was wearing nothing but lingerie and body glitter when she was introduced to Rossdale by mutual friends. The woman, a Hollywood insider, says that they “spent a lot of time flirting,” and that Rossdale had said that he and Stefani were having relationship problems. “I thought they were breaking up and that I had a chance,” she admitted. The pair then headed to a room with padded floors inside the mansion. “We started fooling around,” she revealed, claiming that the two had oral sex. “Gavin was so gentle and kind.” After the alleged sexcapade, the woman says that she and Rossdale exchanged regular text messages. “I was head over heels in love with him,” she said, adding that she was shocked when he married Stefani a year later – but that he continued to text her for a month after that. “I do feel bad for Gwen,” she said. “He’s just a cheater.”

Here’s a list of every Playboy Playmate of 2002, so feel free to pick your favorite. Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani were married in 2002, and this allegedly happened in 2002. Nickelback also had the #1 song of 2002, so you can’t really blame anyone for what they did during 2002. It was a dark time.

 

 

This gallery is of Sara Underwood, a former Playboy playmate. I’m not saying this is the Playmate that Gavin Rossdale had sex with while married, I’m saying Sara Underwood is…

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#TBT: Rosie JonesBy toddAugust 13, 2015

Hey, remember Rosie Jones? My penis does. Quite fondly. She was the last in my run of “posting every picture of every Page 3 girl I could find” phase. Too bad Page 3 ended. Mostly because some dude’s named Kevin an Mike invented Instagram. Page 3 girls don’t even have to leave the house now. I think the technological advancements we’ve made as a society are pretty great. Shout out to technology.

Hey, remember Rosie Jones? My penis does. Quite fondly. She was the last in my run of “posting every picture of every Page 3 girl I could find” phase. Too…

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Ariel Winter Got A Breast ReductionBy toddAugust 13, 2015

The only things I really know about Ariel Winter is that she is/was in Modern Family and had some weird shit going on with her family for a while that I skimmed over when it was happening. Sorry, Ariel. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time that I didn’t read about. But today I learned she’s 5’1″ and had size 32F boobs. Keyword being “had”.

On the morning of June 4—a little more than two months ago—Winter woke up ready to put the physical and emotional pain behind her. Having only told a select few family and friends, the Modern Family star underwent breast reduction surgery to reduce the size of her chest from a 32 F to a 34 D. The result for Winter was noticeable right away. Throughout the course of our exclusive sit-down interview, she mentions frequently that she “feels like a new person.” Winter knows the physical difference is what everyone will be talking about, but it’s the emotional change that’s most evident.

A 32F to a 32D. *pours out entire 40, throws bottle against wall, grabs another one, pours out half* Why have you forsaken me?

The only things I really know about Ariel Winter is that she is/was in Modern Family and had some weird shit going on with her family for a while that…

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Ryan Gosling Is A Dad NowBy toddSeptember 16, 2014
Ryan Gosling Is A Dad Now

 

I forgot Eva Mendes was pregnant. Luckily, the baby did not.

Hey girl, indeed! Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling welcomed a baby girl on Friday, Sept. 12, multiple sources confirm exclusively to Us Weekly.

So there’s a four day old human alive right now because Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling had unprotected sex. At what point does this baby just stare at herself in a mirror all day? Six months old?

 

  I forgot Eva Mendes was pregnant. Luckily, the baby did not. Hey girl, indeed! Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling welcomed a baby girl on Friday, Sept. 12, multiple sources…

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Lindsay Lohan Makes Great Life DecisionsBy toddApril 20, 2012



Hey, remember when Lindsay allegedly got into a fight at the Standard Hotel less than two weeks after her probation ended and her rep immediately said she wasn’t there and it was just some scheme looking to cash in because Lindsay is so insanely rich because she does commercials for Beezid.com? Yeah, I guess that’s her ghost on the surveillance video and the fight didn’t happen because she’s not an entitled bitch. Easy misunderstanding. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan was the instigator, aggressor and drink-tosser in the fight at The Standard Hotel Wednesday night … this according to a witness who was with the other girl involved in the altercation. The witness tells us … the incident began after a major misunderstanding between the two sides while they were partying at the Smoke and Mirrors nightclub inside the hotel. We’re told the girl was hanging out at the booth next to Lindsay’s … when Lohan tapped her on the shoulder aggressively and asked, “Did you bump into me?” The girl denied the bump … and suggested the real culprit could have been one of the guys in Lindsay’s group. She then pointed to one of the men. Lindsay replied, “That’s my dad … why would he bump me?” The girl shot back, “You go clubbing with your dad?” That’s when Lindsay snapped … so says the witness … who claims Lindsay began cussing at the girl and then threw a drink at her face.

If the five years of Lindsay posts haven’t tipped you off by now, Lindsay is physically incapable of not going to bar and doing something completely retarded. She can’t help herself. Instead of doing quality work and living a somewhat sane life to get the respect and admiration she desperately craves, she chooses to live in the world of her own mind where it’s 2003 and she’s a huge Hollywood star where everybody doesn’t know that she’ll drop to her knees if you’re holding a gram. She’s an idiot with no perspective on herself who’ll probably be found dead in a ditch with her panties stuffed in her mouth and tire iron stuck up her ass. Btw, Investigative Discovery shows some weird shit sometimes.

Hey, remember when Lindsay allegedly got into a fight at the Standard Hotel less than two weeks after her probation ended and her rep immediately said she wasn’t there and…

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Keira Knightley Was RobbedBy toddNovember 03, 2010

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The flat of actress Keira Knightley was burglarized last week when thieves apparently late for a LAN party saw an opportunity. Mirror UK reports:

The thieves made off with two laptop computers after entering the Pirates Of The Caribbean star’s flat in central London. Knightley, 25, is thought to share the flat with her brother. She was not inside the property at the time. The burglary took place on October 26. It is believed that two other properties in the block of flats where she lives have also been targeted. A Metropolitan Police spokesman said: “Officers from Westminster are investigating a residential burglary at a flat. “It is believed to have occurred between 09:00 and 21:00 on 26 October 2010.”

It is also believed that I saw a spider last night then screamed and jumped on the couch, but that’s just mudslinging on the part of my opponent. The spider and I were playing hide and seek, you see.

The flat of actress Keira Knightley was burglarized last week when thieves apparently late for a LAN party saw an opportunity. Mirror UK reports: The thieves made off with two…

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Demi Lovato Was BulliedBy toddNovember 02, 2010

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Much like AIDS, the disease of bullying is not just isolated to gay people. That’s because Demi Lovato‘s need to cut and starve herself stem from the bad meanie words kids said to her in 7th grade. TMZ reports:

The issues that Disney superstar Demi Lovato is hoping to tackle in her treatment center all stem from a painful history of being bullied … sources extremely close to the singer tell TMZ. We’re told Demi’s issues with bullies go all the way back to middle school — where she felt her acting career made her a target. Our sources say Demi subsequently engaged in self-destructive behavior that is a manifestation of being bullied. In fact — back in 2008, Demi told Ellen DeGeneres that she was bullied so badly in 7th grade, she pulled out of her middle school and switched to a home school program.

If more kids would learn to cut the bullies instead of cutting themselves, then maybe we wouldn’t have to feign sympathy for a 18-year old millionaire who will never have to work another day in her life. I once fractured a kid’s nose with a bicycle lock because he asked if my mom had me on a buffalo. That was a little extreme of course, but then again, the topic of buffalo never came up again.

Much like AIDS, the disease of bullying is not just isolated to gay people. That’s because Demi Lovato‘s need to cut and starve herself stem from the bad meanie words…

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is A Serial KillerBy toddNovember 02, 2010

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Because no matter what he does will stop him from getting Grade A vagina, Leonardo DiCaprio is set to play America’s first documented serial killer, Dr. Henry Howard Holmes. In Chicago during the 1893 World’s Fair, he was the leading cause of death. But at least he didn’t kill babies. Whew! E! Online reports:

The actor is set to star as a serial killer in a big-screen adaptation of Erik Larson’s bestselling nonfiction book The Devil in the White City. DiCaprio will portray H.H. Holmes, who is believed to have killed as many as 200 people in Chicago during the 1893 World’s Fair. The sociopath did his deadly deeds in a hotel that he himself built that later became known as the “murder castle.” It was equipped with such devices as a gas chamber, dissecting table and crematorium. Holmes would place ads in local newspapers to lure unsuspecting female newcomers to the Windy City to his deathtrap.

Since I just did a post about dead babies, I thought I’d lighten the mood with a post about a serial killer. Of adults. I don’t know about you, but I feel a lot better now. Thanks for asking.

Because no matter what he does will stop him from getting Grade A vagina, Leonardo DiCaprio is set to play America’s first documented serial killer, Dr. Henry Howard Holmes. In…

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Okay, It All Makes Sense NowBy toddFebruary 18, 2009
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In case you don’t remember, actor Terrence Howard was one of the few celebrities to come out in the defense of Chris Brown (“it’s just life, man“) after her beat Rihanna so bad that she allegedly now needs plastic surgery. I wonder what would make somebody defend a woman beater. Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! The Smoking Gun says:

Police and court records reveal that Howard, 39, was once arrested for a similar crime, the details of which have not been previously reported. The actor, who co-starred in “Iron Man” and was nominated in 2006 for an Academy Award for his role in “Hustle & Flow,” was arrested by Pennsylvania cops in September 2001 for assaulting his estranged wife. According to a Whitemarsh Police Department report, after Howard and Lori McCommas argued on the phone, the actor warned, “Don’t disrespect me by hanging up on me or I’ll come over and hurt you.” McCommas then “hung up and contacted 911 fearing Howard was serious.” While McCommas was speaking with a police dispatcher, Howard “showed up at the victim’s residence and began breaking the door down.” McCommas ran to the rear of the house and into the backyard. Howard then “broke the front door down and ran through the screen door in the kitchen. Howard then grabbed the victim’s left arm and punched her twice with a closed fist in the left side of the face.” The attack was broken up by Howard’s brother, who responded to McCommas’s house after he “saw Howard storm out of their house to go to the victim’s house.”

Wow. It takes a special kind of asshole to tell a woman you’re going to beat her ass then get in your car and drive to her house to beat her ass while the woman is on the phone with the police. Because everybody knows you’re only supposed to hit a woman if she forgets the safe word. Look, I’m sorry, sweetie. I’ll drive you to the hospital and all, but I finding this whole situation to be very unprofessional quite frankly.

Looking for pictures of Terrence Howard isn’t in my contract, so here’s Rihanna and her rack again. How fascinating!

In case you don’t remember, actor Terrence Howard was one of the few celebrities to come out in the defense of Chris Brown (“it’s just life, man“) after her beat…

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