Joslyn James Is SubtleBy toddMay 10, 2010

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When your vagina is #14 on a married man’s rotation and your 1040EZ form says “double penetration anal” under occupation, you really have to up your attention whore game if you want to top yourself. I hate to make this post about me, but looks like somebody needs to by my new book, “How To Up Your Attention Whore Game”. Not available where actual real books are sold!

When your vagina is #14 on a married man’s rotation and your 1040EZ form says “double penetration anal” under occupation, you really have to up your attention whore game if…

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Lindsay And Dina Really Believe ThisBy toddMay 08, 2010

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Lindsay Lohan lives in a world of delusion and fantasy where she’s a big movie star who is just misunderstood by the cruel, lying media. Dina Lohan is a enabling fame whore who would sell her daughter’s ass to an oil sheik if OK! Magazine promised to bump Angelina Jolie from the cover. Man, guess what they say in an interview when asked if Lindsay is a drunk, drug-addicted mess. I bet you’ll never guess! E.T reports:

Asked if she has any problems with drugs, alcohol or prescription medication, Lindsay replies, “No, I don’t. I work. And if I go out with my friends, I’m 23 and I’m allowed to do that. I don’t go out when I’m working.” Addressing recent tabloid photos of her falling in the street, Lindsay says, “I’m the most clumsy person in the world. I do trip a lot. I fall. I walk into walls sometimes.” “When did I stop being okay?” asks the star. “I am fine. I am happy and I am working. And I’m good. And I’m surrounded by great friends now. You know, I have weeded out a lot of people in my life.” “But everyone does that,” chimes in Dina. “That is like normal growth; she’s 23.” “We have a good relationship,” says Lindsay about her mom. “We fight like friends do. She is a very strong woman. I’ve learned a lot. Not every mother has to read false stories about their daughter. It’s nice to know she has sat by me through all of that. She knows what is really happening in my life.” “We are just very misunderstood,” adds Dina. “And, when I read it, it breaks my heart because it is not true. I am going to cry. I’m really going to cry. … She has the biggest heart of anyone on the planet.” Of the bad press, Lindsay adds, “I don’t pay attention to it. … The only problem is that it distracts from me getting jobs, and that is when it hurts me. Especially when it is not true. … Everyone goes through ups and downs. I am not one to hide anything. I am an honest person. I take it for what it is. I am me.”

Yep, that’s it. The media is planting false stories. Complete with pictures and sworn testimony. Chateau Marmont must be some kind of library or dog shelter, because it’s obvious Lindsay spends her spare time reading to blind kids and giving handicapped dogs baths. You know, except with way more semen and drink specials.

Lindsay Lohan lives in a world of delusion and fantasy where she’s a big movie star who is just misunderstood by the cruel, lying media. Dina Lohan is a enabling…

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God Should Autograph ThatBy toddMay 07, 2010

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Science apparently discovered how to fuse denim to your body, because Jessica Biel walked around in New York yesterday with her perfect ass squeezed into the tightest jeans I have ever seen. I’m thinking about buying my penis a miner’s hat, because I’m not even halfway joking when I say I would dig between those back pockets like her held precious diamonds. Then I would cum really fast, you see.

Science apparently discovered how to fuse denim to your body, because Jessica Biel walked around in New York yesterday with her perfect ass squeezed into the tightest jeans I have…

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Bristol Palin Is A Good Role ModelBy toddMay 07, 2010

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Bristol Palin was in New York City to promote National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, but that was before she found out underage chicks could get into 1Oak. Gatecrasher reports:

Miss Palin may have spent Wednesday morning celebrating the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy — but she spent Wednesday evening fretting that her cover would be blown at NYC hot spot 1Oak. “Bristol was there around 1 a.m. with friends,” a partygoer says. “She was trying to have fun, but she looked like she was terrified that people would recognize her and start gawking. It seems like she couldn’t even relax.” A second denizen of the club backed up the sighting. We can’t blame Bristol for being nervous: After spending all day at events like “The Harsh Truth: Teen Moms Tell All” — and tirelessly promoting her new good-girl image — showing up at a 21-and-over venue may not have been the best idea. “For me personally, [abstinence] is the answer,” she smiled sweetly at the daytime event. “And for teens out there, yeah, having sex has consequences, no matter how safe you are.”

I don’t know what underage girls partying in NYC club at 1am in the morning means, but I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with teen pregnancy.

Bristol Palin was in New York City to promote National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, but that was before she found out underage chicks could get into 1Oak. Gatecrasher reports:…

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Eva Wyrwal Says Good MorningBy toddMay 07, 2010

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I breastfed until I was 4, so hopefully that explains this post. And you know, everything else that’s wrong with me. Thanks, mom!

I breastfed until I was 4, so hopefully that explains this post. And you know, everything else that’s wrong with me. Thanks, mom!

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Happy Nurse Day LinksBy toddMay 06, 2010

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Heidi Montag is mentally unstable [Popeater]
Scientology has nice boobs [Popoholic]
Jessica Jane Clement is hot [Egotasatic]
Jennifer Aniston‘s nipples are better actors [TaxiDriver Movie]
36 Hot Nurses for Nurses Day [COED Magazine]
Katharine McPhee is tired of old man balls [Celebslam]
Mischa Barton is an excellent driver [Cityrag]
Photo caption of the year [The Chive]
Britney needs help finding a boyfriend [Cele|bitchy]
Gay people sing acapella Lady Gaga [College Humor]
MADONNA! [Heyman Hustle]

Happy Nurse Day, Michelle!!

Heidi Montag is mentally unstable [Popeater] Scientology has nice boobs [Popoholic] Jessica Jane Clement is hot [Egotasatic] Jennifer Aniston‘s nipples are better actors [TaxiDriver Movie] 36 Hot Nurses for Nurses…

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Jessica Lowndes Is AttractiveBy toddMay 06, 2010

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In case you’re wondering, Jessica Lowndes is my new imaginary girlfriend. Mostly because she’s a skinny brunette with a sick body. Or it might be that she’s on a show with AnnaLynne McCord and that makes her look hotter than she actually is. I don’t know. To be honest, if I had a choice of banging AnnaLynne McCord or a dead Korean girl, I’d at least check to see if the Korean girl was still warm.

In case you’re wondering, Jessica Lowndes is my new imaginary girlfriend. Mostly because she’s a skinny brunette with a sick body. Or it might be that she’s on a show…

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Kendra Wilkinson Is A Porn StarBy toddMay 06, 2010

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Vivid Entertainment is set to release Kendra Exposed, a sex tape Kendra Wilkinson made when she was 18.

The 24-year-old pin-up’s lawyer Yael E. Holtkamp – from powerhouse firm Lavely and Singer in Los Angeles – has asked porn giants Vivid Entertainment to ‘cease and desist’ with releasing the video which could highly embarrass the married reality TV star. Their scathing letter to Vivid reads: “The video is private and highly confidential taken for private use and not for public disclosure. “Any exploitation of the video would be a gross violation of Miss Wilkinson’s constitutional and common law rights of privacy.” Sources have revealed that Wilkinson knew about the video but that she made it with a man she trusted and never thought that it would be released to the public. She is unsure who sold the steamy footage to Vivid, which is the same company that released the Kim Kardashian sex tape too. And CEO of Vivid Steve Hirsch does not look like he’s backing-down in the aftermath of receiving the legal warning from Wilkinson’s lawyers. He said: “After reviewing our legal position we remain confident of our right to distribute the video. Thus Vivid.Com plans to release Kendra Exposed within the next several weeks.” As Wilkinson braces herself from the fall-out from the video her representative said: “During this difficult time, Kendra and her family would greatly appreciate the respect of their privacy.”

She apparently tried to sell this tape a year ago, so don’t feel too bad for her. She’s dumb and has huge tits, how else is she gonna make money? It’s not like she comes home and puts on a lab coat and enters a secret door to her underground research facility. “You fools!” Kendra Wilkinson will never say, “This creature is materials. Nothing more. He has no soul but we shall give him LIFE!”

Vivid Entertainment is set to release Kendra Exposed, a sex tape Kendra Wilkinson made when she was 18. The 24-year-old pin-up’s lawyer Yael E. Holtkamp – from powerhouse firm Lavely…

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Ummm….Uhhh…By toddMay 05, 2010
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Miley Cyrus is a 17 year old Disney star who just released a video called Can’t Be Tamed (you and Polanski can watch it here). I really hope she’s talking about a pony, because in my experience, 20-year old vaginas are pretty easy to tame. I’m almost positive a 17-year old one could be tamed with a rated R movie ticket and a bottle of Boone’s Farm.

Miley Cyrus is a 17 year old Disney star who just released a video called Can’t Be Tamed (you and Polanski can watch it here). I really hope she’s talking…

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