Links That Won’t Gross You Out Like Sting And Paul McCartney Almost KissingBy daveMay 07, 2009

I don’t know what circumstances this occurred under, and I don’t care to know [BWE]

Are LiLo and SamRo going to give it another go? [FatBackMedia]

Taylor Swift took some photos with fans outside her London hotel. If I had been there, I would have gone for an ass grab. Yeah, you ruin it for everyone else when she slaps you and runs inside, but you’d have touched hallowed ground. [LaineyGossip]

Chyler Leigh from Grey’s Anatomy farted a smaller human out of her vagina. [ImNotObsessed]

Paula Abdul says we’re all mean and she’s never been addicted to anything ever. [ICYDK]

Hilary Duff is smokin’ hot from the neck down. Though it’s her smokey eyes that contribute to the neck up losing points. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

I can’t help (more…)

I don’t know what circumstances this occurred under, and I don’t care to know [BWE] Are LiLo and SamRo going to give it another go? [FatBackMedia] Taylor Swift took some…

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Jessica Biel Has a Little ProblemBy toddMay 06, 2009

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For all intents and purposes, my tongue would squegee Jessica Biel’s ass like a damn windshield, but did I miss something? When did she become Puerto Rican? Does she have a pager and go to parades now, because she’s like a 1,000 times darker compared to this time last month. I don’t know what kind of industrial strength tanning solution she’s using but it’s pretty clear that after applying it, Step #2 involves laying under a space shuttle while it’s launching or Superman flying you to the sun.

Note: Speaking of Superman, I thought I’d seen Smallville enough to know that Clark Kent didn’t have an effeminate cousin who was apparently the president of the AV Club. Turns out I was wrong:

For all intents and purposes, my tongue would squegee Jessica Biel’s ass like a damn windshield, but did I miss something? When did she become Puerto Rican? Does she have…

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Kiefer Sutherland is a Happy DrunkBy toddMay 06, 2009

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It what may be the weirdest thing you read all day, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted and broke the nose of a fashion designer at the Metropolitan Museum gala after-party last night after the designer allegedly…wait for it…knocked Brooke Shields down. TMZ reports:

It happened at an after-party for the Met costume gala last night. We’re told witnesses say the alleged victim — Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough — allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt. A police report was taken and the incident is under investigation.

However, Brooke Shields has another recollection of the incident. It didn’t happen.

Shields’ reps tell TMZ the man Kiefer headbutted last night in no way did anything to Brooke that would have warranted the alleged attack…Brooke’s rep say “nothing happened to her,” adding “Jack did nothing inappropriate. It’s not clear what caused Keifer to do what he did.”…Brooke’s reps tell us Jack, who designs clothes for Brooke, “did absolutely nothing to her.” But here’s where the plot thickens. We asked the rep, “Did Jack touch her?” Their response — “We don’t know.”

Kiefer Sutherland is a legendary drunk lunatic (he is currently on probation for DUI), so there’s no way he was sober for this. Especially since it seems like he went through a lot of work to make a gay dude cry. He didn’t need to resort to violence. If Kiefer wanted to make this designer cry, all he had to do was tell him that somebody in ABBA died.

It what may be the weirdest thing you read all day, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted and broke the nose of a fashion designer at the Metropolitan Museum gala after-party last night…

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Kelly Brook is BackBy toddMay 05, 2009

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I wondered why a beam of God’s love shot out of my laptop this morning, but then I realized pictures of Page 3 legend Kelly Brook squeezing her massive 32E tits into some lingerie for this month’s appropriately titled, NUTS magazine hit online today. Goddamn, her body is perfect (32E-24-35). Those measurements are like penis powerball numbers. Jesus, I don’t even know what I would do if I saw this naked standing in front of me. Besides a handwritten letter of apology and a visit to my attorney, there’s a pretty realistic chance I’d blow so hard I’d look like I just picked up a downed power line.

I wondered why a beam of God’s love shot out of my laptop this morning, but then I realized pictures of Page 3 legend Kelly Brook squeezing her massive 32E…

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Fashion IconBy toddMay 05, 2009

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I assume there was a preteen Cambodian boy prancing around his house in pink panties and setting off firecrackers, but I have no idea what queer French dude dressed in a bedazzled Peter Pan costume designed this mess. Madonna looks like Mumra if Mumra was nominated for What Not To Wear. Seriously, zombies could have just eaten my parents and my neighborhood could be under nuclear attack and I could design a dress better than this.

I assume there was a preteen Cambodian boy prancing around his house in pink panties and setting off firecrackers, but I have no idea what queer French dude dressed in…

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Disgust and Excitement Over Links And PlayboyBy daveMay 05, 2009

Heidi Montag will be in Playboy. Which means the only moment of my whole life I won’t hate her will be the 20 seconds after I finish wanking it. [Hollyscoop]

Blake Lively is perky. And that’s why tall blondes in their late teens get on television. [Egotastic]

Heather Graham looks hot these days, which is better than what I was thinking about Heather Graham previously, which was that she was dead. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Must be a chilly day wherever Sharon Stone is wearing that tank top. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Christina Aguilera is going to be in a burlesque movie, which might be okay because she won’t have to act that much. [ImNotObsessed]

Is Hayden Panettiere involved with her married co-star? [ICYDK]

David Hasselhoff (more…)

Heidi Montag will be in Playboy. Which means the only moment of my whole life I won’t hate her will be the 20 seconds after I finish wanking it. [Hollyscoop]…

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