Matt Lauer Is A Sexual Deviant, Really SorryBy toddNovember 30, 2017
Matt Lauer Is A Sexual Deviant, Really Sorry

 

When we woke up yesterday, we found out that Matt Lauer had been fired by NBC for “inappropriate sexual behavior“. That was definitely one way to say it. Another way to say it, was what we found out when a Variety article dropped yesterday afternoon. We learned that Lauer liked to pull his dick out. We learned that Lauer liked sending random staffers dildos and telling them how he’d like to use it on them. We learned that Lauer had a button in his office that locked women inside. We learned that NBC was cool for it for a while because Today had great ratings. This morning, Matt Lauer is really sorry.

 

 

Here’s the full transcript if you haven’t pivoted to video yet:

“There are no words to express my sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused others by words and actions. To the people I have hurt, I am truly sorry. As I am writing this I realize the depth of the damage and disappoint I have left behind at home and at NBC. Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish deeply,” the former Today anchor wrote. “Repairing the damage will take a lot of time and soul searching and I am committed to beginning that effort. It is now my full-time job.” Lauer, who was fired from NBC News after a swift internal investigation, added, “The last two days have forced me to take very hard look at my own troubling flaws. It’s been humbling. I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love. I thank them for their patience and grace.”

Basically, as it always goes with these apologies, he’s just sorry he got caught and is said he can’t hit his rape button and show young woman trying to do her job a dildo. But like, imagine having a rape button and thinking you’re cool and everyone in the office loves you. Wild.

  When we woke up yesterday, we found out that Matt Lauer had been fired by NBC for “inappropriate sexual behavior“. That was definitely one way to say it. Another…

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Here’s The Dude Who Deactivated Donald Trump’s Twitter For 11 MinutesBy toddNovember 30, 2017
Here’s The Dude Who Deactivated Donald Trump’s Twitter For 11 Minutes

 

Earlier this month, Donald Trump’s Twitter account was deactivated for 11 minutes and Twitter rejoiced. Like, people were legit happy about it. Not me, because Trump’s tweets are hilarious because I enjoy laughing into the void, and I don’t think I follow anybody on Twitter who constantly self-owns themselves daily. Anyway, it was learned his account was deactivated by a contractor on his last day on the job. His name is Bahtiyar Duysak and this is him (via TechCrunch):

Duysak, a twenty-something with Turkish roots who was born and raised in Germany, was working as a contractor for a fixed term for the last part of his stay in the U.S. under a work and study visa. In addition to his role at Twitter with Pro Unlimited, other assignments had included stints in monetization at Google and YouTube via another contractor, Vaco.

Duysak is back in Germany now, but after deactivated the most precious thing in the President of the United States’ life, he now just wants everybody to leave him alone and not kill him and his family.

“I want to continue an ordinary life. I don’t want to flee from the media,” he said. “I want to speak to my neighbors and friends. I had to delete hundreds of friends, so many pictures, because reporters are stalking me. I just want to continue an ordinary life.” “I didn’t do any crime or anything evil, but I feel like Pablo Escobar,” he said, “and slowly it’s getting really annoying.”

I’m really surprised “I didn’t do any crime or anything evil” isn’t Trump’s Twitter bio by now, because it sounds like something he’d say. But as far as Duysak goes, I’d probably stay in Germany for the rest of my life in a drone-free zone.

 

  Earlier this month, Donald Trump’s Twitter account was deactivated for 11 minutes and Twitter rejoiced. Like, people were legit happy about it. Not me, because Trump’s tweets are hilarious…

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