Yep. This Is Totally Believable.By toddDecember 15, 2010

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Since Lindsay Lohan is in Betty Ford and has spent more than two consecutive days in a row completely sober, she has realized her mother is an enabling monster who exploits Lindsay’s coke and cock problem for her own gain. Lindsay has reportedly cut her mom completely off, but will that stop Dina Lohan from living in complete denial? Um, no. No it won’t. RadarOnline reports:

The real reason Lindsay Lohan is no longer slated to play porn star Linda Lovelace in a feature film is because she didn’t want to play a drug addict after what she’s been through, her mother Dina told RadarOnline.com exclusively. The Mean Girls star, 24, has had many other offers and is looking at scripts now, and has found two that she particularly likes, Dina added. Contradicting reports that Lindsay was replaced on Inferno, the story about Lovelace, Dina said: “She turned Inferno down.” Dina Lohan told RadarOnline.com that Lindsay simply didn’t want to come out of rehab and play a drug addict. The recovering actress is scheduled to be released from the Betty Ford Center on January 3. “The movie is about a drug addict and a porn star… it is hard when you are a serious actor with what she has been through, we don’t need that,” Dina told RadarOnline.com. “Lindsay was disappointed because she really wanted to do it, but she felt that it would not be good for her after what she has experienced.” “It was hard for her to turn it down, because it was an amazing role.”

Just so we’re clear, there were no conflicting reports. Lindsay was fired. The producers put the movie on hold so Lindsay could get her shit together, and when she didn’t, they found somebody who already has. Jesus, is it really this possible to live in a make believe fantasy world of delusion where you actually believe that Lindsay Lohan is turning down roles because she’s a “serious actress”? Please. Lindsay would play Nicole Brown Simpson and do her own stunts if somebody agreed to raise this bitch’s FICO score fifty points.

Since Lindsay Lohan is in Betty Ford and has spent more than two consecutive days in a row completely sober, she has realized her mother is an enabling monster who…

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Scarlett Johansson Is SingleBy toddDecember 14, 2010

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I wondered why the clouds parted and the sun winked at me this morning. Good lookin’ out, sun. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have separated. We’re told Ryan and Scarlett are living apart. And we’re told it’s amicable. The couple was married in September, 2008.

Besides that time Dennis Hopper was in a coma, Ryan Reynolds is quite possibly the worst actor alive today. In contrast, Scarlett Johansson has a massive rack. I really don’t know how those two things relate, but again, massive rack. Thanks. Have a good day.

I wondered why the clouds parted and the sun winked at me this morning. Good lookin’ out, sun. TMZ reports: TMZ has learned Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have separated….

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Hugh Jackman Is A Brilliant StuntmanBy toddDecember 14, 2010

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Thanks to a Gchat this morning from this guy that simply said “HA Hugh Jackman”, I learned that Hugh Jackman almost zip-lined to his death in Sydney this morning while attempting to make a grand entrance on Oprah. Yes, I realize Hugh Jackman is Wolverine and has arms as big as my thighs, but he also dances with a cane and sings show tunes. I’m all about safety, so maybe next time they should use an estrogen level meter to ensure a crowd of idol worshiping white women get their money’s worth.

Thanks to a Gchat this morning from this guy that simply said “HA Hugh Jackman”, I learned that Hugh Jackman almost zip-lined to his death in Sydney this morning while…

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The 2011 Golden Globes Nominations Were AnnouncedBy toddDecember 14, 2010

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This year’s Golden Globes nominations were announced about an hour ago, and as usual, it’s mostly filled with movies that haven’t even came out yet. And as usual-er, my predictions are in italics. You might want to print this off, because I’m pretty good at this. I accurately predicted that Heath Ledger would win Best Supporting Actor that one year. Haha, I bet nobody saw that coming! I’m like some kind of oracle!

Best Picture
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The King’s Speech
The Social Network

Best Picture (Comedy)
Alice in Wonderland
Burlesque
The Kids Are All Right
Red
The Tourist

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky, ‘Black Swan’
David Fincher, ‘The Social Network’
Tom Hooper, ‘The King’s Speech’
Christopher Nolan, ‘Inception’
David O. Russell, ‘The Fighter’

Best Actress (Drama)
Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine
Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Best Actor (Drama)
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
James Franco, 127 Hours
Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine
Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter

Best Actress (Comedy)
Annete Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs
Angelina Jolie, The Tourist
Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right
Emma Stone, Easy A

Best Actor (Comedy)
Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland
Johnny Depp, The Tourist
Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version
Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs
Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)
Christian Bale, The Fighter
Michael Douglas, Wall Street 2
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech

Best Supporting Actress (Drama)
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
Mila Kunis, Black Swan
Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Jackie Weaver, animal kingdom

This year’s Golden Globes nominations were announced about an hour ago, and as usual, it’s mostly filled with movies that haven’t even came out yet. And as usual-er, my predictions…

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Miley Cyrus Is A Wonderful Human BeingBy toddDecember 13, 2010

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In her memoir, Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go, Miley Cyrus says that she was “scrawny and short” and the victim of endless bullying in middle school and high school. Yes, because rich, spoiled white girls on the cheerleading squad are often victims of incessant and unnecessary violence. Radar Online reports:

But in an exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com, Miley’s best childhood friend Nicole Mullen-Holm remembers a completely different scenario. “Miley is a liar who bullied girls and was a real b*tch to everyone,” Nicole says. “I’m so in shock that Destiny, oh, I mean Miley, wrote a book about being the victim of middle school bullying when she was the mean girl of our school,” Mullen-Holm says. “Even though we were friends, she was still a brat. I knew her from the first grade and when she and I got to middle school, she just did a 180-degree turn in the wrong direction.” “Miley became so mean, I remember her shouting at an overweight girl calling her ‘lesbian’ and ‘dyke,'” Mullen-Holm, 18, recalls. “Miley was a cheerleader and was with the ‘in’ crowd. She was never bullied in elementary or middle school. If anyone even touched her it would have been the end of the world. Her dad would own the school!”

If you honestly believe that Miley Cyrus has spent one day of her life questioning whether or not the world revolves around her, then I really don’t know what to tell you. She was the star of her own show at 14 and got dropped off at school in a limousine, yet remembers it like she had to drop off a ring at Mordor. Clark Kent was bullied more in high school than this bitch.

In her memoir, Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go, Miley Cyrus says that she was “scrawny and short” and the victim of endless bullying in middle school and high school. Yes,…

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Candice Swanepoel Has Love On HerBy toddDecember 13, 2010

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When Cameron Diaz wakes up in the morning and looks into her magic mirror, this is what she thinks she sees. When in reality, Cameron Diaz looks like Candice Swanepoel if Candice Swanepoel was the mortal enemy of the Thundercats.

When Cameron Diaz wakes up in the morning and looks into her magic mirror, this is what she thinks she sees. When in reality, Cameron Diaz looks like Candice Swanepoel…

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Amber Heard Is A LesbianBy toddDecember 06, 2010

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I had to read Jess’ post three time to finally realize that Amber Heard that just came out as a lesbian (this is her girlfriend, btw) This is a lesbian (NSFW). I really don’t know what else to say except God is dead to me.

I had to read Jess’ post three time to finally realize that Amber Heard that just came out as a lesbian (this is her girlfriend, btw) This is a lesbian…

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Marisa Miller Salutes YouBy jessDecember 05, 2010
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You know it’s a slow news day when the top story is about Amber Heard, so here’s Marisa Miller at the VH1 Divas Salute The Troops show. She may be wearing too much clothing to ensure your penises are standing at attention, but it was between her and some broad from Sugarland. That’s what I thought.

You know it’s a slow news day when the top story is about Amber Heard, so here’s Marisa Miller at the VH1 Divas Salute The Troops show. She may be…

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People Like AIDS Better Than Kim KardashianBy jessDecember 05, 2010
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No shit. From Gawker:

Kim Kardashian and other celebrities pledged to stay “digitally dead”—off Twitter and Facebook—until the Keep a Child Alive foundation raised a million dollars. But after two days, the foundation is still nowhere near that.

Keep a Child Alive’s organizers figured that as soon as the anointed celebrities’ millions of Twitter followers ponied up, the digitally addicted stars would be “back online and tweeting in no time.” But they forgot that, with all the spokespeople banned from using social media, there was no way to remind their followers to donate money, and now two Kardashians, Lenny Kravitz, Alicia Keys, Justin Timberlake, and others are stuck in silent limbo. After an uneventful first day, Digital Death’s coffers are stuck at $200,000 today, the end of day two.

When you’re famous for having a surgically implanted donk, having your dad defend a guy who beheaded his wife, and letting black dudes pee on you on camera, I can see why the world wouldn’t mind the fact that you stopped posting pictures of yourself on the Internet. Keep A Child Alive would make more money if they just took a dollar from every three-piece meal Kim Kardashian buys in a week. If that fails, they can always find a dwarf who can spin straw into gold, because that’s more likely than anyone crying over her lack of @replies.

No shit. From Gawker: Kim Kardashian and other celebrities pledged to stay “digitally dead”—off Twitter and Facebook—until the Keep a Child Alive foundation raised a million dollars. But after two…

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Ashley Greene Doesn’t Need A RingBy jessDecember 04, 2010
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Joe Jonas’ beard doesn’t care about marriage. Us Weekly says:

Don’t expect to see Ashley Greene walking down the aisle with beau Joe Jonas anytime soon. “I’m indifferent about marriage. I think sometimes people get married so they can say they have that person forever, but a ring doesn’t ensure that you’ll stay together,” the Twilight actress, 23, tells Cosmopolitan. “Watch, now that I’ve said that I will be the first of my friends to get married!”

She’ll definitely get married before her boyfriend, if only because Proposition 8 seems to be messing that up for him. Good to know she’s a cheap date though. Now Todd can save his money for something else. Like hormone therapy. I can’t cuddle every ten minutes, man. What am I, a machine?

Joe Jonas’ beard doesn’t care about marriage. Us Weekly says: Don’t expect to see Ashley Greene walking down the aisle with beau Joe Jonas anytime soon. “I’m indifferent about marriage….

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